I wrote this very early in my healing.  I can remember the peace I felt when I realized I was truly loved and that it was safe to go through the darkness because there is always light on the other side.  My wish is that you all may one day feel this peace.  Lorrie  4/04/14

Driving into the dark with no awareness of what’s inside.

Foot on the pedal – no hesitation.  Eerie purple gray in front – a surreal light from behind – the sides a strange mixture fading into eternity.

The road is straight with minor bends – no questions – true clarity – until there is a fork – a decision to be made.  Is it really possible that I have a choice?  It doesn’t seem so because with no hesitation I am inexplicably drawn to the darkness – no fear – it seems the most natural thing to do.

Looking back I see when I left the light.  It wasn’t always that clear.  Maybe because it felt like the darkness was always there.

But I saw it today.  I saw the light behind me so bright.  And the dark in front so stark.  The difference this time is I realize I have a choice – I did have one.  I continue to drive.   It gets darker but I’m not afraid.  Giant drops smatter the windshield – it’s barely possible to see what is right in front of me.  I look in the rear view mirror – it is bright and clear and I can see everything.  This time my foot is on the pedal – no fear – no hesitation.

The storm is from the west she says, and we’ll be going south.  We just have to get through this dark cloud.  I know she speaks the truth.  I peek a look behind and keep driving forward into the storm knowing the light will be fine in the south.

It is so comforting to have my passenger with me – she is so confident that we will get through the darkness, possibly even unscathed.  Maybe she not only eases the fear of the ride we share, but somehow she eases the one I took alone.

I am not fearful this time because I have my passenger…and besides I’ve been here before.

Blessitude

8/18/11