The seemingly impossible task of clearing out the Momma’s home and getting her settled in her new space, all by the end of 2014…December 31, 2014 by the stroke of midnight…was accomplished! At 10:00pm my SUV, jam-packed with the things I couldn’t fit into her new space but couldn’t possibly get rid of, pulled out of her driveway.
I actually saw the ball drop at Midnight because it is an hour drive home and then I had to unload the truck into a giant pile in my living room. Yes, some things will leave and make the trip up north…the baby grandfather wall clock that was promised to my son…the flat screen TV that will replace an old tube TV. The rest I’m not sure where it will all fit in my tiny condo that is already bursting at the seams.
This is creating a “forced purge” of my things to make room for her things. And I stop to ponder things, and our attachment to them. Do we keep them because we fear we will forget our life at that time? After all, why do I need a frilly glass cake dish? I don’t eat cake! But when I came across it, I couldn’t put it in the “donate” pile.
I don’t know…it, along with many other things remind me of The Momma. The young Momma…full of life. Always working hard trying to make ends meet. She didn’t have an easy life. In fact, it was at most times very difficult. But she never complained. She just kept putting one foot in front of the other and she ALWAYS made sure we were taken care of. She couldn’t always protect us, heck, she couldn’t protect herself. But we always had a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs.
Now she is nearing the end stage of her life here on earth. She is scared. I want to help her, but the ways that she needs help now are very personal and between her and God. One thing I can say for sure is she continues to put one foot in front of the other. She may not like that she has basically lost all of her independence, but she has accepted that “this is her life now.”
I am so grateful that we were able to get everything done. I was so busy I barely had time to think, let alone write. Now comes the emotional part. The time that the energy that lives in all the mementos I kept, release their hold on the psyche of my past.
Renewal.
Isn’t that what a New Year is for?
One thing I know for sure is that life does change. And in the process, so do we. This is when I need to take a page out of The Momma’s book and accept that “this is my life now.”
I wish you all Grace in the changes you face in your life…acceptance.
Blessitude
Lorrie
1/4/15
Wow.. no wonder your life was busy up to and through Christmas to new year.. I hope your mom settles in her new space with less ‘things’s..
I know we do have the habit of becoming attached to ‘Things’.. But I think If I had been you I would have saved the Cake plate too… And I do bake and eat it.. 😉
Happy New Year… xx Sue
Hi Sue! It is a beautiful piece 🙂 It sits on my counter right now beckoning a baked good….but that would be contradictory to a new year’s “soft” resolution to eat healthier foods!!
It has been a time of huge transformation. I just read a bit of what I did write over the past 2 months and the one thing that stands out is that I was fighting these changes tooth and nail. I pray for my heart to reach into the acceptance phase…which I feel is happening. No matter what…I have faith that everything will be fine! Happy New Year friend! <3
Once we learn not to fight the flow.. Then all flows that much easier Lorrie.. I hope as the year unfolds you can find your flow as you let go and let life take you in its current, rather than you swim against the tide..
Blessings your way xx
Beautiful analogy, Sue. Yes…I have been swimming against the tide. And as I just learned to swim this past year, I see how much better it would feel to go with the current!! 🙂
Beautiful Sunday!
🙂 <3 <3 <3
A Beautiful contemplative post Lorrie.
You did good 🙂
Restoration comes before renewal. Let your energy restore itself and find yourself on steady ground once more. There is no rush now.
Val x
Thank you dear Val! I am so grateful for this piece of advice from you. It is sometimes hard to see the next step when your heart radiates pain and is resistant to the change. I am walking lightly through this season, but it is different from struggles of the past. I understand deep down that everything is as it should be. And I am full of faith that I will not only adjust to this new “normal,” but that I will flourish!
Thank you for your beautiful peace…it can be felt in your words! <3
I believe so too! Hugs to you 💛
I know how difficult helping that transition is. We did that with my mom in September, and we are working on that with my mother in law now. A life’s accumulation to our parents generation was important to them. I kept a few of my mom’s chickens. She had chicken and rooster everything! But it helps me remember good things about her when i look at the silly rooster salt and pepper shakers, and the big fat chicken ceramic on my kitchen counter. Going through all of the things after she passed, all I want to do now is clean out my closets! Blessings to you, and prayers for your mom. My husband’s uncles love their assisted living facilities, and are more social and happy now than ever. I hope your mom finds the same enjoyment.
Hi Wendy…thank you so much for your comfort, especially when I know that you are going through your own pain. I love the story about the chickens and roosters…I can see them sitting on your counter. And it is true that that generation placed great importance on their “things!” Which is evidenced by the closets that are PACKED with THINGS that The Momma could not part with!! The employees and other residents were amazed at how many trips we made across the parking lot….and what we were able to “fit” into her little space. It is all in boxes that she will probably never open…but they are there!
I send much love and comfort to you during this time of major transition. I am shocked at how resistant I have been…and as the word “grace” keeps coming up for me…I honor YOU and the GRACE that you exude…and I will try to get there!! <3
Grace is my word for 2015. You display grace wonderfully. God bless you and your mom, my friend.
I think it is my word as well…it is following me! 🙂 Thank you for your prayers…and your word suits you!
Hi Lorrie,
I know what an emotional time this is for you. I had to watch and assist my husband in letting go of a 90+ years of accumulation by his parents. They NEVER got rid of anything. I am opposite. Minimalist…hate clutter…don’t want any more “things” to take care of. So….I had to gently remind my sweet sentimental husband that those “things” were not his parents. They live on, in his memories and stories…and just a few precious choices we brought home. The rest of the items were sold in an estate sale, and now many people all over the San Joaquin Valley are enjoying their lifetime collections. Take care of yourself my dear. It is physically and emotionally draining to deal with this big life change. Bend our ears anytime…with dear stories of your mom, life frustrations, and triumphs. I count myself fortunate to know such a dear person as you through this blogging adventure.
Thank you for your loving kindness…my dear friend! I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes….maybe it is time to let them fly. It is a kind of mourning…The Momma is still with us…but she is not the same. My fear has made me try to hold on so hard to what was, even though I know that is futile. It has changed and I have not…and I know I have to get my head and heart in the game on the same page…because right now I feel like a small tree in a giant wind storm.
I’m so grateful to you…to our little WP family for sharing your stories, heartaches, and encouragement!! I don’t think I’d be half way there without the special bonds I have here. Words are not enough to say what it means to me. I wish you much love in your life…always. <3
This type of transition is quite difficult but you did it nicely.. 🙂 <3
Thank you so much for your kind words Maniparna. No…it is not easy and I feel for every person who will eventually go through this. Many blessings to you in this new year…I hope all is super in your world <3
That is a lot Lorrie! congrats on moving your Mom. I agree with Val to take a breath and relax. Grace and acceptance sound like great ways to move into the new year. Things do remind us of our loved ones and experiences, and we can always carry them in our hearts. Love will find a way.
Wishing you a year full of grace, beauty and love.
Hi Brad!!! Glad to see you back…hope your time off was awesome!! Thank you so much for your kind words…I appreciate your support, Brad. I am adjusting 🙂
Hope you will also have a beautiful year. I don’t love resolutions…but I do like to “concentrate” on a thing or two. I wish you all good things <3
By all means then concentrate! 🙂 I use focus and intentions the same way. 🙂
The heavy lifting is done, yet that is just the externalities of course. This process is yet another right of passage it seems to me Lorrie, based on how these same transitions impacted upon myself some years ago. The whole signifies our own movement to another place, a new psychical and emotional environment, an ascendant release from a former paradigm that held to us, and we to it, for many decades. Authority shifts, roles are passed down to us, new mantles must be assumed. It is the way of things for most of us I think. All good wishes and love to you and your mother.
Hariod. <3
Thank you Hariod. I believe you are correct about the right of passage. I already feel a shift and I know that while things will never return to the way they were, I will also never be the same. And that is okay. There have been only a handful of times that I have known immediately how much an event would impact my life. This time I could not be more sure. Thank you so much for commenting here, and for your beautiful support, Hariod. I appreciate you so much. Many blessings to you in this new year dear friend <3
What beautiful thoughts… praying for you and your Momma as you both go through changes and enter new seasons. His mercies are new each day 🙂
Thank you Julie…your words are beautiful. ..and so comforting. I hope you and your family had a wonderful, peaceful holiday season! Much love <3
I’ve been where you are so I am sending hugs from my heart to yours. Give yourself a LOT of time to process and keep what you need for the moments. You’ll know when or if you are ready to let go. I kept specific things from mom and MIL. I might let them go before my children need to purge for my sake. I’m looking at it all now.
Oh…I so appreciate you taking the time to offer me comfort…and I understand what you are saying about the time. Yesterday I tried to “force” the process in my heart/mind, and it did not create peace! I know that my posts at this time could stir feelings for souls, like you, who have suffered this loss. I want you to know how grateful I am that you unselfishly take the time to support me, especially when I have made you think of your own pain…Thank You! I send you back much love and comfort <3
I was just thinking, does your momma pray? My paternal grandmother found lot of comfort in praying after she lost her husband. She wasn’t into religion before that, but she became so sad after my grandfather died. Thank God praying completely changed her, she accepted her life as it was and started thinking what she could do to make it meaningful instead of focusing on what she couldn’t do or didn’t have. Praying is something we all can do, right? And sometimes it is like opening the door a little, to let God enter, and as we seek communion with him more and more often and with all our heart and soul I think soon he will start living in us all the time, and I think that is the greatest gift there is, and the best remedy against fear. Are there any spiritual books she could read? Does she like reading?
Hi beautiful Trini. Yes…the only thing that truly brought joy to The Momma was reading. She had a voracious appetite and would read 5 or 6 books at a time. Then, in 2000, she had a procedure for macular degeneration and was rendered blind immediately. It was so sad…still very hard for me to talk about. But she has learned to “listen” to books on tape (even though she has a very difficult time hearing…even w/hearing aids!) She has adapted to all of her struggles with amazing grace…yet her “faith” is kept personal. I have tried very hard to “help” in this area…but I have been more of a nuisance to her. I like to “fix” things, and this has been a true eye opener for me. Maybe what “I” think needs to be “fixed” in/for another….IS NOT UP TO ME!!
I have tried to change my ways and “I pray for her” but I no longer try to force my beliefs on her. Maybe I am growing up. 🙂
But as I write this I can’t help but think of all the lessons I am learning about me through this process. ..and I am so thankful…and so grateful. Full of Blessitude! And that goes double for how I feel to have you in my life, dearest Trini!! I hope all is beautiful in your world…Thank you! <3 <3 <3
It is good that she can listen to books a little 🙂 There are really good radio theatres as well 🙂 Of course we cannot force our beliefs or advice or anything really on others, we can only inspire and be a postive force in other people’s lives, the rest is up to them 🙂 <3 <3 You are brave and strong Lorrie, and your beautiful soul will carry you through this as well <3 <3 <3 Lots of Love to you dearest sister <3 <3 <3
Thank you sweet soul sister!! I can feel your love and support across the miles…for there is no distance when Angels connect us!!! Much love…and wishes for a beautiful week!! <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 <3
Wow, I’m so glad you got it all done by the deadline date and time. I know this is and will continue to be a difficult passage for both you and your momma. It always is. But be good to and gentle with yourself about EVERYTHING. You both must continue along the path that lies before you, Lorrie’s and she hers. Grieve when you have to and need to and then move on. Each of us has our own destiny and purpose to fulfill and though we are connected and support each other in numerous ways, the only one to has to answer to Jesus is each one of us individually. I’m proud of you and think you’ve done a great job in handling this. Just know, and I speak as one who is facing this, no one wants to lose their dignity or right to make their own choices. It sounds like this is what your momma wanted to do and the choice is hers to live with. And Scripture tells us we must honor our mother and father, and that means we must honor their choices and ways they choose to live. I pray the days ahead provide opportunities for you to get some much needed rest and peace. Hugs and love, N <3
You are an amazing woman Natalie…and such a dear friend…Thank you!! I hear what you have said…and I get it. I get it all…so clear is my vision. I am so thankful. All of it…honoring your mother & father…does not have to mean we agree with all of their choices (I don’t mean this one…this I agree with) it just means to extend the respect that they are responsible for their lives and to honor that they are doing what is right for them…or at least what THEY think is right. And it might also tie into what you have said about losing their dignity or their right to make their own choices…yes…Thank you. This will be a most important time for me to honor her…her wishes…her dignity. And in writing this isn’t this what we should extend to EVERY FELLOW BEING???
You see, I have tried to control so many things in my life because my childhood was so out of control. I don’t even realize I am doing it half the time. I thank you for nudging this realization for me…and I promise to try really hard to offer her this respect. Thank you my friend…much love <3
This is a very powerful and very sobering piece Lorrie. I also am packing up for a big move and getting rid of stuff. It seems so hard to let go of some stuff at times, mostly because of sentimental value I think. Sometimes we think, “Oh but maybe some day…”
You sound like you’ve really had your hands full. My life has turned into a whirlwind of events, which won’t slow down until mid-March. Lots of changes. Lots of adjustments. Hoping for smooth transitions and grace along the way.
Lorrie, you have an amazing 2015, my friend. I wish you all the grace and strength needed for both you and your mom as you accept the new ‘normal’.
Love and blessings
Staci 🙂 <3
Oh, My dear friend Staci!! I was just over by you and I was going to write…but I didn’t want to add to everything you have to do. I’m so happy to see you here!! I have missed you! And yes….it has been very busy…and emotional. But things are good. I will go spend the day with The Momma tomorrow. It is a new normal that’s for sure!
I wish you the best of luck with all that you have to do. I can tell you your presence here will be missed. I know how hard it is to move…and I wish you smooth transitions for all that is about to happen in your life. Just remember to live in the moment. Don’t jump ahead in your mind of things that you “need” to do. Be present in the task at hand….and the rest will take care of itself in the time that it is supposed to!!
Many wishes of love and peace and fulfillment in this new year!! <3 <3
Awww, you’re so considerate Lorrie. I have to confess, my days have been crazy. Buuttttt, I love hearing from you and other bloggers as well. It’s become a part of me, these interactions and relationships established here on WordPress. I think you’d agree, right?
I’m glad to read that things are good, and I hope both you and ‘The Momma’ settle into this new ‘normal’ with ease and tranquility.
Thank you for the kind wishes, my friend, and for the encouragement.
Love and hugs.
🙂 <3
Love and peace to you dear Staci…and best of luck with the move…and yes…I know EXACTLY what you mean!! <3
I am going through the same thing. The difference is that my Mother died suddenly so my Dad had to move and I had to clear out their home of 50 years. It’s a big, emotional process..as you well know! I too am trying to ‘let go’ and praying for the grace to handle and learn and grow from all this. Blessings to you<3
Oh, Cynthia…I am so sorry. I wish I had words to make you feel better. I still have my Mom, although she is not the same…it is a kind of death. But I know how fortunate I am. My heart goes out to you…I am sending a huge hug…and I wish for you to find the peace. I think the first hurdle is acceptance of what is…and I’m a bit stuck there. But I know this is the circle of life…and it is teaching me and I know it is teaching you as well. If there is anything I can do to help you feel better…I am there! <3
Hugs and peace to you too Lorrie!! I’m a little…okay a lot stuck in the acceptance place too. It is a process and part of life, I’m trusting in knowing that what I need to handle all this and what is coming will be there! Funny, I was drawn to your comment on Natalie’s blog and turns out we’re in similar places…<3
Yes…funny… when things seem like a coincidence I have learned to trust that there are no coincidences!! 😉
We have to keep our faith in times like this…we have to trust that we will be provided everything we need to get through it. Therefore, I see you as the comfort I needed today…and future days I hope!! Thank you, Cynthia <3
Dearest Laurie, just coming back to my home in Maui, Wanting to send you love and light. May your challenges and changes become the opportunities of tomorrow, and the connection you have to your mother in the non physical becomes the light that brings you together forever. When my mother passed 9 years ago I was attached to her physical presence, and I grieved for days, after my inner work and stillness inside, I realized she was always with me, and that peace and balance was always there, regardless of her physical presence, I was able to find my connection to “me” which in turn connected me to her. It is our illusions of separation that cause us pain, until one day we wake up from the “dream”, knowing we are one, connecting in the heart where eternal life lives. Much love to you Laurie ” heart to heart Robyn
You are an amazing soul and I am so grateful to have connected with you here!! Thank you for the incredible advice. We are in the process of settling into the new normal. Things have changed…that is for sure. The harder I fought it the worse I felt. I know that the answer is to embrace it….and your words have helped me to realize the work I still need to do. Thank you my friend! Many blessings to you as this new year starts…and always!! <3
You are an incredible being Lorrie, as we connect in love, we can be more unconditional with ourselves, forever going deeper, as we show each other our reflections! Much love Lorrie!
It is great to have these moments to process your changes, as she gets closer to going “home” much love Robyn
Thank you dear Heart to Heart Robyn!! <3 <3
Wow…I had a couple of these moments as we were clearing out my mom’s belongings. When you said…
“I am so grateful that we were able to get everything done. I was so busy I barely had time to think, let alone write. Now comes the emotional part. The time that the energy that lives in all the mementos I kept, release their hold on the psyche of my past.” I could really relate to that.
You must have been full of mixed emotions as you were doing all this on New Years Eve…a time for new beginnings. Glad “Da Momma” is all taken care of.
Steve
Yes…things change and sometimes we have to adapt quickly or we can be swept away, so to speak. I never realized how strongly an inanimate object could vibrate energy from years of life around it! Have a wonderful weekend 🙂
Funny how things happen with us. We see a stranger who looks like someone we know and it triggers memories.
Or some scents or smells which make us think of something. Memories dance all round us, unseen until they are called forward by some event in life…
You enjoy your weekend too, Lorrie!
Steve 🙂