I was asked if this was a seminal moment. Asked if I was truly over it, once and for all. And I felt a tug at my heart. Am I really ready to be done with the hurt? Is my constant companion, my partner in pain, the legacy that I have built over all these years REALLY ready to be buried…?
For what will I be without this pain?
What would my life look like?
What would it feel like?
Has it become a security blanket, an excuse for not facing reality? For running in the lane of all that HAPPENS to me versus all that I have created? All that I have allowed to be?
There is a feeling of nakedness…of standing in the middle with nothing to hide behind…
Is my pain my cloak that has provided me a safe, albeit painful existence in this journey of a thousand miles?
What if I am truly able to bury the pain of feeling excluded in the family I was born into? What if I realize that I was born into that family to learn the lesson that there is no such thing as exclusion. It is made up by me and my mind. The pain I have created is what causes the distance and every step I take back keeps the pain further ensconced in my mind, in my heart, in my cells memory.
Am I truly done? Can I have a sweet burial of this illusion, of this pain? Can I see that standing naked in the middle, with no false protection not only allows the illusion of pain to melt and drip to puddles on the ground, but opens my heart, opens my soul to the wondrous beauty of the love from creation?
The light enters my heart and it expands out until my naked soul is exposed and my being is caressed by the most authentic love. A love so brilliant it heals all the wounds and it leaves a beautiful energy behind and changes the cells perception of pain into love.
Yes, dear Hariod, I AM!
Blessitude
Lorrie <3
8/28/15
Very brilliant. Some years back I almost clung to my hurts as a way of gaining sympathy; it had become my identity and I just loved the self-pity that went with it.
But one day I discovered how childish and retarding that could be.
I began to fell ridiculous and I decided to grow up.
Yes!! It is time to ‘grow up’ and stand in my power. I’ve a feeling that it will be so much more beautiful and feel a whole lot better!!! Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
Wow. YES!
Hi John!! How are you? Hope everything is SUPER in your world!! I’m really happy you agree!! 🙂
So wonderful!!! Transparency is a beautiful thing, dear Lorrie!!
Yes!! It is, Julie! Thank you, friend! <3
I found this poignant and inspiring, Lorrie
Thank you so much for telling me 😉 I’m happy you enjoyed it! ♡
Kudos to you Lorrie for reclaiming your truth and love. I’m wondering if my confusion might be a similar blanket, yet I don’t seem to know how to let it go and find clarity to make decisions and move forward. I’m so happy for you to embrace your loving self and let the pain go. BIG HUGS!!! 🙂
I always pray that something I write can help someone else, Brad…I pray that it washes you with understanding and that your soul can find the release it so desires!! Thank you my friend…I am grateful for you ♡
Thanks my dear friend. 🙂
Very poignant…..very insightful…..here’s to your choice…..blessings to you!
Yes!! Thank you Kirt 🙂 It feels very powerful and right! 🙂
So much growth but there will always be a need to let go anew—the pain, the desire to control, the wanting to hold on to the fleeting. And so we must remind ourselves of the gloriousness of each taste of freedom we have known. Peace, love and freedom.
Ah! Yes! Dennis…Thank you! Your words are so true…and I understand that it is a journey. This one is a biggie though…and I will pray to keep this understanding in my heart! And I will also pray for the new lessons also 😉 Blessings ♡
Hi Lorrie! It has to feel good to reach this point…a point when you say “no more!” That point when it’s time to power past the things which have held you back from growth, both as a person and a Christian. I wish you both hope and success in this new endeavor…
Steve 🙂
Thank you, Steve! It does feel good and I do have hope! Wishing you a blessed weekend 🙂
And you enjoy your weekend as well Lorrie!
🙂
Bless you Lorrie. Past hurts and pains leave deep impressions that oftentimes are so difficult to let go of. Many never do. So glad to see that you are not letting your past define your future.
And that is an amazing photo, my friend. Did you take that? It’s so pretty.
🙂 <3
Yes! I did take it the other day…it is right next door to my house!! It may be one of my absolute favorites, Staci! And I thank you for your beautiful words and support. I have been thinking of trying to paint…maybe I will attempt this beautiful photo as it is attached to such significant healing for me 🙂 I appreciate you so much my friend…have a beautiful weekend ♡♡♡
Oh yes, please do paint this flower. I’m sure it would be amazing. I watch a video on Youtube where the woman did a watercolour painting to a flower photo. it was pretty cool.
I appreciate you too Lorrie. You are a blessing and such an encourager.
🙂 <3
Oh yes, and I had a great weekend, thank you. I hope you did too. <3
This particular photo…and flower really has a lot of meaning for me, Staci. I have so many projects floating around…all screaming for attention. It will be a while before I tackle a painting…but I do think this will be the ONE! Love to you <3
Great. Sooner or later I’m sure you will get around to it. I know how it is to have a ton a projects screaming for attention and not having the time. Once you do paint it, I’d love to see it on your blog. And I’m positive you would share it with us.
Love to you Lorrie.
🙂 <3
Thank you dear Staci!! I really hope that I can do it justice! I probably won’t even think about getting to it until late Fall…but it will stay…waiting to reproduce its beauty!!! 🙂 Have a super weekend! <3
Wonderful. I know how that is. Having to wait to get to something. So many things vie for our time. You have a great weekend too Lorrie.
🙂
The release springing from vulnerability and acceptance. A powerful piece, Lorrie.
Yes, Julia…it feels like a beautiful release! And when old stuck energy is released I think it makes more room for love and kindness to take up the space 🙂 Thank you so much! <3
I love the image of releasing old, stuck energy to make room for love and kindness. Beautiful! Blessings, Lorrie!
There was a day my “torment” was “covered over.” Not hidden, but Jesus, in mystery, brought me back to quiet. That was the end of my 40 years in the wilderness. I’ve counted my years, since then, as years of my new beginning. I am “eight” today.
Wisdom encourages us to replace a habit that has turned into a stronghold with something that captures our imagination and draws us (from our deepest places) into life.
Perhaps you need to see and experience yourself as a new-born and as a growing child, filled with mystery and potential (even as we’re aging!), so that your spirit will have the will it needs to live.
Hi Faith! Wow! I am mesmerized by your energy and the words you have chosen to write here. Happy eighth birthday! I love that you see yourself as a child with the imaginative beauty that exists only in a child’s mind/heart. This is very powerful and I can say that you have touched on something beautiful. I can remember being a child and the sheer wonder I had of the world…and then it felt like the lights were on a dimmer and they slowly…systematically got lower and lower until I felt surrounded by darkness and I could not see with my eyes or my heart!
It is true that as the light has returned to my world I feel I can see with my whole being and ‘Faith’ has been restored! Thank you for your beautiful words and I will continue to put the emphasis on childlike wonder! Many blessings to you on this beautiful Sunday…I am Blessitude! <3
This is a beautiful and powerful post, Lorrie… loved it… <3
Have a great weekend ahead… 🙂
Hi Maniparna!! Thank you so much, my friend. I am so happy that it resonated with you. I have had the time to sit with it over the past few days that I could not be here, and I understand that it is indeed very powerful. Much love to you <3
Standing in your power. Naked. Vulnerable. Magnificent.
You are so much more than the pain.
You are beautiful, tender and courageous Lorrie.
((Hugs))
xo
Hi Val!! Thank you my friend <3 Your words are beautiful and they truly describe the feelings that I have been going through. It is an amazing thing when we can throw fear and pain off our bodies and what is left is the most magnificent kind of love! I wish this feeling for every human being!
I was in the 'Oxford Valley' region of PA yesterday 🙂 It was a beautiful day…and I wondered how close you were! Hope your Sunday is full of love and light, Val! <3
Brilliant!!
Hello my friend!! 😉 Thank you! It feels very bright and shiny…! <3
Reading this, I felt like I was right there with you on this journey. It felt scary to come out from under the covers and take those steps into the light, but it was oh, so wonderful! I cheered for you, for us, as we opened to the most authentic love! Big hugs! 🙂
Hi JoAnne…thank you for your most beautiful addition here. The thing that struck me most while reading your words is ‘the fear.’ Isn’t it amazing how silly it is to fear something that will be so beautiful…so transcending?? I have a bit of a psychology background…and I am more than aware of the ego which tells many lies to keep a stronghold. And yet it is false…so false. I wish for you this beautiful kind of love that envelopes your whole being. Have a beautiful Sunday <3
<3
You have expressed your beautiful heart here dear ( deer ) Lorrie …your glorious naked soul , shining with love and compassion …I remain so grateful , love and hugs , megxxx
Thank you beautiful soul!! I am so happy that you saw this one…it filled me with such ‘love and compassion’ as you stated above. Stripped naked…dropping all of the illusion and lies…what is left is all there really is! Many blessings dear Meg!! <3
“Standing in your power. Naked. Vulnerable. Magnificent.
You are so much more than the pain.
You are beautiful, tender and courageous Lorrie”
I must copy & paste Val’s comment because she has found the very perfect words to comment that beautiful and very profound post my dear friend… much love to you! ♥
Ah! My dearest Fre’de’ric! Thank you my beautiful friend! I am so grateful for the understanding of how powerful this healing is for me…and I wish that it extends out and offers healing to all who need it! Much love back to you…I hope that your Sunday is full of love…and full of beauty. Perhaps a fondue tonight?? I send you all good energy my friend <3 <3
I have returned to this post now for the third time Lorrie. What to say? Firstly, that this is a tremendously brave offering; that is, to go public with something so intensely personal and of such profound significance. It evokes an emotional response within me, and has upon all three readings.
It seems to me that to realise our greatest potential in life, we must be prepared to die to our past selves, to face the unknown, to relinquish our familiar, reliable props and allow ourselves to become vulnerable in new ways, in new lives. Yet to die to a cherished identity demands great courage.
Your exquisite and very touching penultimate paragraph reminds me so much of those wonderful words of Kahlil Gibran, which I know you are familiar with dear Lorrie, as will be your readers here too of course: “For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?”
Hariod <3
Hariod… I too, have read your response three times and been moved with every reading!!! Wow…to be, in any way, associated with Kahlil Gibran is most humbling, as you know how much I resonate with his words!!
When you responded to my previous post, I looked for contact information on your site to respond to you personally. When I did not find an email, this post became my response to you. I thank you, dear Hariod, as you took my words and therefore my feelings, and you shone a spotlight on the level of healing that I was willing to take this.
It is one thing to write from my soul, words, that in the moment mean everything. Your questions, which I read obviously after the moment, begged me to dig deeper and answer questions that I did not know existed. I have felt much pain in this lifetime…emotional and physical. There comes a time when everything needs to be examined and you then decide what is working for you and what is not. I have known for some time that there are many things that require deep reflection, and I have also been willing to ALLOW this happen exactly how it is meant to happen.
I am forever grateful to you for you always make me think! I know that when we are not living purposefully we hide from truth because we are not equipped to deal with all it may entail. I had fear initially when I read your questions but intuitively I knew that your wonder somehow reflected my own, and presented by someone who has always been supportive and kind I felt the courage to explore this deeply.
Your words, “Yet to die to a cherished identity demands great courage,” were particularly powerful and I surmise that they create a need of further exploration as to why this identity would be one that is cherished.
Thank you, Hariod! <3 <3 I am Blessitude!
Thank you so much Lorrie, for your generous and fulsome response. I truly am very happy for you, as well as being full of admiration for your courage and integrity – these attributes are indeed rare in the world. H <3
P.S. Just so as you know, my email address can be found in your dashboard beside any comments I make here on your site.
Lorrie, I imagine most of us would like to stand naked, to trust others enough to bare all. So difficult to do!
But so rewarding, Michael! Here’s to softening this kind of fear…I think the world would become a kinder place! Thank you!
Dear Lorrie,
What a magical photo you have taken to accompany this piece! Truly, a stunning image of vibrancy and freedom…
I was touched by how you took Hariod’s question and ran with it so to speak, to the point of discovering the extent to which our identification with certain aspects of our experience– even to pain– is a device that at least keeps us in the protective custody of the familiar. I do hope sustained peace and well-being arise from this inner movement…
It is always miraculous to me when a person looks back on the past that shackled them, and finds it to have been precisely the sort of past that could set them free from what they have been stuck upon…! This sort of flips the world over, rightside up, and we realize our past has become our reason for the present– a present that need not be… Our reactions pin us to it, but in the moment of finding peace from it, I am amazed at how this turning always includes a gratitude for what has been.
What has there ever been, for which we will not one day be grateful…?
Blessings and joy shared,
Michael
Wow…Michael…’the protective custody of the familiar!’ I am blown away by your choice of words here. Are we not all imprisoned by this falsehood? I don’t know…it has been a tough week. My heart was broken when Dr. Wayne Dyer passed. I was to meet him in person in two weeks time…a dream that I have had and it was so close to coming true. Then the next day I had confirmation that the blood clot in my leg was gone and I could go off the terrible medication…I was elated! I am struggling in this moment, but I also know that it is a time of great learning. And as you said, “What has there ever been, for which we will not one day be grateful…?” and I am very aware that this week, with all of its very low lows, and very high highs, will be looked back on with gratitude. And this, Michael, is a very important shift for me, and I thank you for your gentle soul that seems to intuitively know where I am heading and you get there first and offer your hand and you wrap a lesson in the light of love and you give me courage to feel it all! And by feeling it all in this moment I can not see through the tears that are welled in my eyes…that come from my heart and my soul. I did not know that this kind of growth could be so painful and yet so beautiful and rewarding…this is life…and it is miraculous <3
In happiness, in sadness, in love…
Lorrie
You are so brave, Lorrie, a true inspiration. Peace and Love always from my heart to yours ♥
Ah! Thank you my friend for your kind words…I think that the deepest kind of love supersedes all fear…and that is the kind of love I wish for you <3
This such a thought provoking and moving post. Thank you for sharing it.
Blessings,
Theresa
Hi Theresa…thank you so much. I appreciate you so much…you are always a source of beautiful support. Hope all is super well with you <3
Things are starting to pick up for me. Through my new job I have had the opportunity to connect with some people who are enriching my life. Plus as I learn this job it is giving me much needed confidence. 🙂
Theresa that is such great news!! The longer I walk this earth, the more I see the gifts in all situations…and that is a very powerful thing. Much love to you…I hope you have a super weekend!! <3
Wow… dear Lorrie… bearing our soul often leaves us feeling naked… But then sometimes is it not the masks we hide behind which often clothe us.. A smile to disguise the hurtful wound, a laugh to hold back our inner tears..
Your post spoke deep to my core dear Lorrie.. And shedding our comfort blanket is often the hardest thing we do… I still need to shed many layers, but with each shedding comes a new revelation as I reveal a new skin.. And I see myself anew … And learn to love the REAL ME inside..
And with each layer I come to knowing that little girl who got so lost way back when.. <3 Amazing post dear friend.. Love to you
Sue <3
Ah! Sue! I think that our ‘little girls’ must have been best friends back then! Yes…we clothe ourselves in ways that, to me, are sometimes nonsensical. I thought that it was so scary to peel those layers back…but its almost like once you get to a certain level the fear subsides and we can see the love that is waiting for us…and we just want to be in THAT energy!! Thank you my friend, for being a huge part of my journey…across the miles…no time and no space…we are all connected…and I am beginning to feel that so deeply!! Many, many blessings to you dear heart!! <3
Likewise Lorrie… Love and Blessings for being You as we reach out to each others hearts 🙂 <3
<3 <3!!
I think we can choose to let go of holding on, not just to the past, but to the pain its memory causes us in the present. What a beautiful gift you’ve given yourself in standing naked, and what a wonderful gift to read your words and stand in the light of your beauty. <3
You are a gift to me, Louise! I know you speak from a soul that has experienced much pain, and I know that you also stand naked…and take in the sights from there…it is very empowering. Much love to you dear heart!! <3
The pain from having been a victim of (fill in the blank) often becomes part of our identity. I believe Caroline Myss has written extensively about that victim identity and how people bond through this identity with each other. Good for you for shaking yourself free. It takes courage to be free!
Yes…courage…but once you get there it is Sooooooo Worth it!!! Thanks for the nod on Caroline Myss…I have heard of her…will check out more now. Thanks for your thoughtfulness!! ♡
Splendid
😉