I Can’t Admit It.
I have red flags popping up everywhere I turn.
And I just Can’t Admit It!
No.
I already fought this war
AND I WON!
I won, I tell you.
Do you not hear my words?
Can you not hear me cry in despair?
I already fought this war.
I already felt this pain.
I already lived in a vessel that feels foreign…
feels like it belongs to someone else.
And yet, it feels suspiciously familiar.
Not the kind of nice familiar
like arriving home after a long trip,
but the kind that creeps up on you
and touches nerves
and leaves a scent
that reminds you of a time
that you would never want to go back to
not in a million years
not ever…
Because I already fought this war.
Blessitude
Lorrie <3
2/2/17
Thank you beautiful souls!! I feel so overwhelmed with love and compassion by the incredible support you all freely extended.
This series depicts the journey through acceptance of the relapse. I just want you to know that I have accepted it and I am working diligently on healing <3
The links below are listed in order. Thanks for taking the ride 🙂 Lorrie
I’m so sorry for you, that you need to go through all this again, Lorrie. I came to think, have you tried any alternative ways to better your health through this, than the usual way?
Thanks, dear Irene! I won’t say that I tried “EVERYTHING,” but I can tell you that I tried MANY, MANY, MANY different treatments…conventional and alternative…when I was active last time. When afflicted with something so terrible you go to great lengths looking to heal. I look back on some of the things I did, and even I am shocked at some of them!
Thank you for your beautiful concern, I know that prayers and good energy can only help me!! Have a beautiful day!!
I will continue to send you healing thoughts and enjoy your day too 🙂
Thank you, Irene!
Lorrie, I love this sequence. You always give us a gift of taking us on a journey (even if it is a difficult journey). Thank you.
Thanks, Kim! I’m so happy that you like the journey aspect…they just sort of come out and belong together. 🙂
Lorrie, my prayers are with you! I don’t even begin to understand nor do I wish to, what you are now going through, yet this I do know. Suffering is suffering. I carry you with me as of now in my Heart and in my prayers. Get well, dear friend!!! <3 <3 <3 (((HUGS))) <3 <3 <3
Ah! AmyRose…thank you beautiful soul! Being carried in your heart feels like a really good place to be! It is a terrible disease…in many ways…but I will walk through this, Amy! And the walk is so much easier with beautiful prayers and we’ll wishes! Much love to you…I hope all is light in your world ♡♡
I choose light, Lorrie. Stay strong, follow your heart as to how your body needs healing. 💖💖💖
Absolutely, Amy! I have made it a point to let my body dictate…instead of my (ego) mind 😉
Blessings dear friend ♡
I don’t know why Lorrie, but my immediate response to this was “you’re darn tooting”. I certainly don’t mean to trivialize what you are experiencing, I can relate to the frustration and angst and sometimes my best response to “not again” is something silly – it’s a way of giving me power and I know that you have the power to persevere and I love that you have the courage to explore and share that process. Hugs, Harlon
I LOVE IT, Harlon!! Thanks for the brilliant smile of yours that I cannsee…and for the one you created on my face!!!
I’m happy you know I will persevere…because I WILL…I AM!! And as far as sharing, I had to get over my own embarrassment and realize that maybe I could help someone…then it was easy. Love to you my dear friend ♡
For such a horrible disease, your painting is incredibly beautiful Lorrie. I am so sorry it has reared its ugly head — perhaps by painting it so beautifully, it will recognize itself in your beauty and transform!
Wow, Louise!! What a beautiful thing to say!!! I mean it…it took my breath away!
One day, I may revisit these photos and paint them by hand….that would be fun! The “art” that accompanies this series all came from one photograph! And it amazes me how they can be manipulated to be so different…Artandsand@aol.com they all seemed to find the post they belong to. I KNOW…You KNOW what I’m talking about!! 😉
Love and hugs ♡
prayers for you Lorrie … I wonder if nitric oxide might help? Check out Dr. Janet Zand’s info/product online.
I so appreciate your prayers!! Thank you ♡ I do not know of nitric oxide…but rest assured I will check it out! Thanks for the info…you just never know…it may be powerful!
Hope you are well and that life if offering gifts.
Thinking of you, dear Lorrie, and sending blessings of peace to your heart. ♥♥♥
Hi Isabella Rose! Thank you, my beautiful friend. Peace is something I need right now. I will meditate to your blessing. Hope that everything in your world is true! ♡
Hugs and prayers Lorrie. I admire your courage and willingness to share your challenges and victories. May you grow new capacities for love and wisdom.
Ah…Brad…thanks so much! I’m so grateful to share in the hopes that my journey somehow affects another in a good way. I know that you have affected me…in a HUGE way! Keep the light of love burning and embrace it ALL!! ♡♡
Thank you Lorrie. I’m having my own challenges and you inspire me to be better.
Yes, you already fought it off. And your body remembers how. Love your body and take good care. My prayers are with you for healing and strength. <3 You will prevail. Thank you for sharing the journey.
Hi JoAnna!! How are you my friend? Thank you! And yes…you bring up a valid point…that my body KNOWS how to fight this…and I do too 😉 I can use all the good thoughts you send, though 😉
I hope that things are going really well for you ♡
<3
Thank you for sharing this journey Lorrie. Suffering comes we can’t accept what is real. My heart goes out to you for those days in the past. 💕🙏
Thanks, Val. Yes…it sure helps EVERYTHING when you can get to a place of acceptance. Blessings, friend ♡
I remember when I got sick with Bells Palsy, I would tell people I would try anything to get well including going to a witch doctor. I think, like you, I have tried everything. But I am not in pain and I know how Lyme ravages the body. My friend in Australia could not even get treated for it for many years because they did not recognize it as an illness. She is also struggling with a relapse right now. She’s tried it all too and continues, like you to persevere. I love the artwork you are doing with this. I will continue to keep you in my prayers as you focus on your wellness. Giant hugs. M
Ah…Marlene…I am so sorry to hear about your friend! It is such a strange disease in that people really suffer…and for so long doctors/the medical world DID NOT/some still WILL NOT recognize it. And when that bacteria has free reign to borrow into tissues/organs/bones…THE BRAIN…!!! AH!!! I am lucky I was diagnosed when I was and I found an incredible doctor who uses many modalities for healing…and he UNDERSTANDS the disease (as much as it can be understood.)
I’m so grateful for your loving soul, Marlene!! And I am working on all aspects of healing 😉
(Thanks for the kudos on the art!) ♡♡
You know my heart is with you Lorrie.. And I know you will also WIN this War.. in fact my friend.. turn your thoughts to, You have already Won!…
I know it is easy for us who are not experiencing relapses like this.. for us to say… But it is the only way I know how to fight this fight as I know how at times my FMS rears its head.. and could not manage without my own regular acupuncture treatments and Qigong exercises.. And like your illness Drs take a while to recognise it..
Love and Hugs my friend.. My healing thoughts and energy is always being sent your way..
Love and Blessings
Sue <3 xxx
For sure I have already won, Sue! I have connected with beautiful souls who radiate love and compassion…souls who see the light and work towards good and help others when they need help…Beautiful souls like YOU!!! I am Blessitude…so blessed and full of gratitude!! Thank you for the beauty you bring to my world…to many worlds.
I can feel your energy and I know that you know that that helps!! I send you lots of love back…and so much gratitude!! <3 <3
We are both Blessed Lorrie.. in that our paths have crossed.. Wishing you a wonderful relaxing weekend my friend.. Sending Lots of Healing Love xxx <3
I agree…so much, Sue! I also wish you a beautiful weekend filled with light, love, and truth! ♡♡
Such a powerful post Lorrie. Our prayers are focused on you.
Thank you so much! I am so grateful ♡
More prayers and love from the other side of our beautiful state <3
♡♡
Hope this beautiful day surrounds you in love!
Awwwww Lorrie dear ….sending love to you always 💜
I can feel it, Meg♡ Thank you for your beautiful soul. Much love and light…hope you are well!
🙏🏽❤🙏🏽
The poem was a beautiful expression of what you’re going through. I wish you the best in recovering as soon as possible 🙂
Thank you so much for your kind wishes!! I am grateful 🙂