The miles rack up.
Plenty of time to think.
To analyze.
To try to lay blame.
To punish myself.
To promise to do better.
Plenty of time
to feel embarrassment
and not want to tell anyone
I have had a relapse
And that I just wasn’t good enough
to beat this disease.
A failure.
I feel like a complete failure.
What did I do to allow this
opportunistic infection to
invade my body again?
To take over my body again?
Blessitude
Lorrie <3
2/12/17
I won’t lie. My first thought was that I would not tell anyone because I was so embarrassed. I am so grateful that I did not follow that route because I am no longer ashamed and realize there should be no blame. And I should not beat myself up. 😉 And we are much better off when we are in a place where we can ask for help. Thank you my friends, for helping <3
You’re an inspiration, Lorrie.
Richard! Thank you for such kind words, they touch my heart ♡
😊
This image is compelling, Lorrie. Hugs 🙂
Thanks, Ka!! Hugs are really good things 🙂 Hope you have a brilliant day ♡
I’m sorry you feel ashamed and that you failed Lorrie. I’ve felt similar with some of my circumstances, but am starting to soften and believe that we don’t control as much of our lives as new age empowerment (create your own reality) would have us believe. I like Matt Kahn’s perspective that each new feeling or circumstance is simply an opportunity to accept what is and love ourselves. When we feel mad, sad, ashamed, hurt, etc.- we need more love, not less. You are worthy of much love my friend. Sending love and hugs, Brad
Thank you, Brad! Just super wonderful advice…I don’t know anything that ‘more love’ won’t heal!! I am beyond the self-recrimination (at least at the moment…it is a full-time job 😉 ) I hope to always dwell in LOVE energy, Brad. We have to keep reminding each other <3
I’m glad you’re remembering to love yourself more. Yes life gives us many opportunities to remember. 🙂
Yes, Brad…it is a very wonderful thing…can’t suffer from too much love 😉
🙂 <3
There is no blame. What a tough journey and life lesson this is turning out to be for you Lorrie! Thank you for finding the courage to share and face the reality of such a challenging and disabilitating disease to the mind, body and spirit. 🙏
Gentle hugs your way 💕
Thank you, Val 🙂 It is a lesson, there is no doubt. I think a very valuable one at that. I am grateful to be received with such beautiful energy from you and from the others here. And I wish that my words and talking about it some how helps someone who is going through something of their own. I grew up in a family that was very secretive about what was happening in the home…you were not allowed to tell anyone ANYTHING! (for good reason, unfortunately.) It created a lot of shame and the thought that I had to hide what was going on. I am happy to say that it feels really good to share here…and I am so grateful!!
Have a blessed day, Val…hope it’s not too cold up there! 😉
Letting go of judgment and shame is so freeing Lorrie. Congratulations to you on your inspiring journey of gratitude and freedom ❤️
We are lucky – just rain today. The snow is further north!
Thanks, Val ♡
Glad the snow went north 😉
Lorrie, adding you to my prayer list. You are so courageous, and have given so much. May God lift you and comfort you, and bring you peace and rest. <3
Hi Susan! Thank you, dear heart! I am so blessed and I know your prayers will help. I hope you are well! Have a beautiful day <3
Don’t ever feel that you’re to blame! You’re a strong woman and you’ll get through this.
Oh…Thank you!! I really appreciate your kind words. You know how sometimes something just touches you…? You just touched me and I am thankful <3 I'm doing pretty well staying out of that bad energy 🙂
You made my day!
♡ Blessitude ♡
You did beat this disease. And you will beat it again!
YES!!! I will!! I AM!! 🙂 ♡♡
🙂 <3
Lorrie
You are brave and beautiful
Always
john
Thank you…thank you, John!
♡
I’m glad you’ve reached the conclusion to be “real.” My husband’s scary breathing issue is reoccurring as well. We stay intentionally “real” and humble as well. When we know what to do, we do it. When we don’t, we remain teachable.
Sharing how you are suffering, and being so candid about your fragility, affirms our shared humanity. I think that’s awesome.
I think it’s awesome too! And I have learned a great deal through sharing this…wow…what a wonderful gift!
Thank you for being here and I send you comfort for the hard times you both are going through! Here’s to keeping it real ♡
I would just like to give you a huge hug right now. You are a wonderful soul and your body will be yours again. Much love 💝
Aww…Thank you, Helen!!! I can feel your compassion…and your hug!!! 🙂 I so appreciate you 🙂 Have a blessed weekend ♡
Dear Lorrie, I hope for you that this writing process is therapeutic, I know it can be a great way to push things out that are sometimes hard to let go. I feel blessed that I can share a slice of your experience, in it I find something relateable and something truly elegantly authentic. With you, as I can be, every step of the way, Harlon
Thank you my dear friend, Harlon 🙂 I have found that sharing here has been incredibly uplifting! I am grateful for the connection and the true compassion that I feel. I know you have gone through so much of your own…I believe that we all prosper when we share our difficulties, as well as our triumphs! Sending you lots of good thoughts and feelings ♡♡
Hi Lorrie your not a failure and nothing to be ashamed of either for having a relapse. This was due to something which was missed in the last healing. You are more connected than you were last time. Some of your heightened sensory experiences now are what I call normal feeling, seeing, hearing what others cannot it is my soul expand and increasing my perception. I would not have included it as part of an illness but doctors would because they do not understand this part of life. Blessing as always to you.
Wow!!! You know that is exactly the message I felt from my doctor …that something was missed…and his wheels were turning I could see them! And I think I need to embrace this heightened sensory experience…as you stated. I have the feeling it is important in the times to come!!! Thank you, friend…beautiful blessings to you ♡
The heightened sensory is very important in the forthcoming times. It is nothing to do with your illness.
Wow…I didn’t think of it that way. It is difficult sometimes to ‘live’ with. I have been very ‘aware’ in my sleep as well…and I used to sleep like a rock…a bomb could go off and I would have stayed sleeping.
You seem to understand this…is there anything I should do with this…or anyway to chill sometimes??