Blood that hurts
and a mind
that floats off
into 71 directions at the same time
with an inability to find
even the simplest of words.
Watching from a distance
afraid to get too close for fear
of a backlash of anger
self driven
drug motivated
dead bacteria invading
every
cell
a mind that notices
but has no authority
to step in
and try
to calm the action
of
13,000,000
spiked pinballs
bouncing off of
bones
muscles
tendons
ligaments
organs
burrowing into matter
all that matters
AH!
The tears start to flow
well-meaning people
try to help
and I can’t stand to tell them
that there’s nothing they can do
so
I just say
THANK YOU!
Blessitude
Lorrie <3
2/22/17
I thought about changing the end of this poem because it was written weeks ago…before I realized that there is A WHOLE LOT THAT OTHERS CAN DO!!! Your prayers and well wishes have been an incredible source of love and strength for me. Sometimes I am at a loss for how to properly convey how I have been touched by you.
From the deepest part of my soul, I thank you with love that connects each and every one of us! I am Blessitude and I wish you all the beautiful light of LOVE <3
THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED. ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
- And I Thought I Was Done With That!
- I Already Fought This War
- Like a Ton of Bricks
- I Was Positive It Would Never Return
- You Can’t Control Everything
- Failure
- The List
- The Treatment
- I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
- She Asked Me What It Feels Like
- Game On!
- A Pep Talk From An Angel
Lorrie,
This depiction really puts a face on Lyme disease and what it is to experience it. I may share some of this with my class.
Oh, Kim…wow! Please do share with your class. The worst part of this disease is that a person with Lyme doesn’t LOOK sick…and yet the symptoms can be so debilitating. Thanks so much for your support!
🙏
♡!
I agree with Kim. You are helping me understand Lyme disease much better. My heart goes out to you Lorrie. I will gladly add my prayers to you and hope the treatments begin to help. hugs, Brad
Thanks, Brad. I am so happy that my words seem to be conveying, at least a little bit, what this disease feels like. It touches my heart every time you respond with your loving energy. Thank you for the well wishes…today is a day I can barely get off the couch…but tomorrow will be different. Love and hugs ♡
I hope you have local support. You certainly have lots of online support. <3
Thank you, Brad! I really do…I am so lucky to have loved ones and friends (they are loved ones too 🙂 ) who support me. This is kind of new for them too, as I tried to bull through other episodes without talking about it much. I am grateful for everything & everyone!! Sending you lots of happy thoughts <3
Wonderful Lorrie. I’m glad you have people to love and support you. Hugs!
Thanks, Brad! It is so important to have loved ones. I am grateful for my life every single day!! Wishing you a wonderful evening <3
Thanks Lorrie!
Highly evocative, dear Lorrie, and in ways that communicate the condition viscerally, palpably. Sometimes when we give names to what is a lived experience it somehow renders it as a dead, or static thing, residing over there, the inanimate and mentally containable otherness, the noun-like object apart from us. And yet of course, that is far from being so with a condition such as yours. May you be well and happy dear friend; with Mettā, Hariod. <3
Ah! Yes, Hariod. Yes to Mettā and to the inanimate object ‘over there!’ It’s funny the way you explained that because it very often is the way I dissociate myself from the pain. I have had a love/(not quite) hate relationship with my doctor and one of the reasons being that in the very beginning of my diagnosis when I asked for pain killers, he said he would never prescribe them. I thought it heartless at the time but in hindsight realize I would have gone down that rabbit hole and been addicted to pain medication! It’s all good, Hariod. I am working through this relapse and all the other things that scream ‘life’ right now. I am in loving energy, and I am Blessitude to have the incredibly beautiful support I have found here in this forum. I hope that you are also in love energy…and I thank you ♡
That sounds like a horrible, painful disease sweet Lorrie. You are always in my prayers and I think of you so much. I do hope that the Lyme disease is letting up on the hold it has on you and you are doing better. Love, hugs and blessings sweet friend.
Hi beautiful Maggie! I am so grateful for your beautiful support! Today is a bit rough and I’m certain that is in direct proportion to the very long day I had yesterday meeting obligations. I don’t feel like much more than lying on the couch, and in the past I would have pushed myself hard to get up and get going, but today, I am going to listen to my body (mainly because it is DEMANDING to be heard!) Much love to you…I am so blessed by beautiful souls like you ♡♡
Ohhhhh Lorrie. The pain I suffer in my feet and upper body sounds so piddly compared to what you must feel. I guess we all have our ailments, but I’m sorry that yours must be this Lyme’s disease. I am glad that you have been able to glean strength and encouragement here on the blogosphere. Virtual relationships are a very special thing indeed.
Please take good care of yourself, my friend. I will pray for you.
Love and blessings.
🙂 <3
Hi Staci! Thank you! Really…your words touched my heart and I can feel your loving energy cross the many miles that separate us!! I am sorry that you have pain…and all pain is relevant…it does not matter the degree. And you know what…pain is so individual and people have different thresholds. I send you lots of love to caress that pain right out of your body!!! I’ve missed you and it is so nice to see you back again. I keep your loving energy close to my heart, friend ♡♡
Lorrie, you are so sweet. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and love. It is great to be back and in touch with you and all of my lovely friends here on WordPress. It’s been tough getting back into the ‘creative’ swing of things, but it’s slowly coming along. Hopefully I’ll be able to create something every week. Something personal and intentional.
Love and blessings Lorrie.
🙂 <3
I am so pleased that you can see how others can help and support you now, Lorrie. You are not alone in this painful and awful place. You are loved. Your wellbeing matters 💕
Sometimes when there is nothing to be done, yet being in community and knowing that there is love for you can bring about relief.. and hopefully accelerate the healing 🙏
It is the truth, Val. It is liberating to drop all pretense and admit that I need help right now. And the best part is that people have been so kind and so generous with their love and spirit! I thank you so much for all the sage advise you impart and for the incredible support! I am in the thick of it…and I am ok! 🙂 Much love to you!! <3 I hope that you and yours are in a place of great love!
The word I use a lot in describing what Bells Palsy did to me is also “Debilitating”. You look normal and well enough but everything you do costs you in energy. I am fortunate that I don’t have the kind of pain that comes with Lyme. Chronic pain is EXHAUSTING! You can’t find words because you brain is trying to deal with the pain. I get it. You have to speak out about it. People need to know that just because you do not appear hurt doesn’t mean you are well enough to do so much. You have my support and my ear. I hear you. Giant squishy hugs. M
Aw, Marlene, thank you. I think that is also a strange part of chronic illness… that others can’t “SEE” it. I can’t tell you how many times people say, “but you look fine…you don’t look sick.” And believe me it is not that I want to ‘Look’ sick, but it almost comes across as a judgment that you must not be that sick then. So, I think that was part of my crazy mixed up mind when I thought I had to pretend that I was ‘fine’ and do as much as I could do. In the long run it only made EVERYTHING worse.
I get your words…and that it is EXHAUSTING! Some days (yesterday) I can’t get off the couch (and probably slept about 16 hours!)
I hear you too! And I am here for you ALWAYS! I don’t know why I didn’t know sooner in my life…but it helps so much to share and it helps so much to know other people who are going through similar struggles. I wish you weren’t…but I am so happy to have your support and love and I am so grateful to be able to return that to you as well!!
Much love my friend. I hope that you are maneuvering through the troubled (painful) times! <3 <3
That’s why I started writing my blog, Lorrie. When I got sick, I was isolated and alone. My friends disappeared, uncomfortable with my illness. Most were snow birds and were not around anyway. My husband had no plans to care for me. It was my JOB to care for him. So I quit my job and trusted the Universe, (God) to survive. The blogging community has carried me through the last 5 years on this adventure. You are my new community and my friends and I will try to lift you when you can’t. I look quite well too. 🙂
You look MAHVELOUS DAHLING (but I can see your pain)! Thank you for sharing your heart here and for telling your story. People do tend to get uncomfortable when they don’t understand an illness. I’m sorry that you lost some of those friends, I have to believe it isn’t mean-spirited but rather they don’t know what to do so they do NOTHING. But how simply wonderful, and amazing that blogging has been so special for you. I would never have thought, in a million years, that I would have liked blogging! I came to it, kicking and screaming, because of a writer’s conference I had attended. They said you had to have a ‘tribe.’ I just knew I would hate it!! Haha. That’s me laughing so hard because I can’t imagine my life without it now!!!
Thank you, beautiful soul. I hope that the journey you are traveling is offering much in the way of enlightenment! Many blessings…and how cool is to trust the Universe (God!)?
<3 <3
The intricate detail really does show what you’re going through on a cellular level. I’ve read some healing imagery by Belleruth Naparstek where she imagines the antibodies as soldiers fighting off the invading bacteria or virus. I don’t recall the science, but you get the idea. I know you’re good at imagery, and you’re already healing. Glad you are listening to your body by resting as you heal. Hope and prayers continue for your wellness.
Thank you so much, JoAnna! Yes, imagery is important to me, as much of my processing is done by sight. I can visualize my internal body…the first time I ever noticed it was during a massage. Lying on the table, I could visualize every fiber of muscle that was being massaged…I could see the bones…ligaments…organs…etc…from the inside.
I do meditate and visualize, although I went away from the term ‘fighting’ because it then felt like a ‘fight.’ I now try to visualize the meds as something that helps my body with its normal processes…aids it in producing optimal health.
I wrote (and recorded) a guided healing mediation (it is a page on my blog)…but you just made me think of it and I think I will visit the recorded version…It couldn’t hurt!
Thanks for your kind caring heart. I hope that all is super in your world! <3
I’m looking forward to checking out that recording! Peace and blessings sweet Lorrie.
Oops…sorry! It is a transcript of the healing…I did not put a “recording” of the healing on the website…it is quite long…and like you, I had trouble the one time I tried to put a recording on my blog. Sorry!
♡
And to you Lorrie, I say THANK YOU.
xo Harlon
Much love back to you my dear friend ♡♡