Like shattered glass
The pieces tumble to the ground
Leaving scars as they cut places they’ve been before
*
If a scar is a scar
Why does it feel brand new?
*
The pain which is all to easy to forget
because it is better than feeling it
grows exponentially
each time the hammer comes down on the heart
it begs the brain to remember
because at least then it would have a fighting chance
at least then I could be ready
and I could take my heart and put it in a place that is safe
because I don’t know how many more times
it can be shattered
and survive intact
Blessitude!
Lorrie <3
07/29/2018
It’s confession time.
They say confession is good for the soul. My soul is crying out, begging for relief. I feel so torn.
On one hand I am healing and I want my blog to be uplifting and inspirational. But the truth of the matter is that I have filled books with writings that I have not been able to share here.
I talk about authenticity and all I can say is I feel like an imposter. I have been going through one of the (if not the) hardest years of my life and I have not been honest here.
This inner turmoil has caused me to not be fully present. I have thought at times that I would end my blog, but that makes my heart cry as this blog and all of you have been a steadfast support in my journey.
Somewhere along the line I started to believe that I had to be an expert on healing and only share positivity. I stuffed the pain of life down into the well and only shared the times when I was able to offer something positive. While I don’t view that as a bad thing I do view it as not fully authentic.
Life can get messy. My life is an alphabet soup of mess right now. The struggle is real but I promise you that I believe every step I take is a step in healing. I don’t feel ready to share exactly what this year has been about, but I will be more honest sharing how it affects me.
I have so many projects in my head, many of them starting to take shape in reality. My goal is, and has always been, to heal and to shine a light on the possibility of healing so that others can believe and have faith that they, too, can heal.
I am beginning to understand that healing is a journey filled with twists and turns and hills and valleys, and that we may never fully reach our destination. Conversely, maybe the key is to realize the destination IS THE JOURNEY and that to be aware in every step and to honor the process is a life well lived.
Wishing you more peace for however you experience yourself to be as you transit through the evolving versions of who you are. You aren’t how you feel, think, etc. – you are the wondrous light and experience the gamut as all of us humans do live! Will be spending the day at the monastery with day of mindfullness. Bright blessings at every turn, no matter the struggle or wherever the focus happens to be. Much love Ka 💗🌸
Thank you, beautiful soul, my wonderful friend who bestows so much wisdom and light! I know it’s all good…it all is. Sometimes life has a way of ripping open our souls, but once the soul is opened, beautiful things come out…and more important…beautiful go in.
I hear what you say from your soul, and I am Blessitude!
Much love to you, Ka. I hope your day offers you perfect little gems! <3
Much wisdom from you, Lorrie 🙂🌸💗
Thank you for the soul-connection,
and reminding me of the beauty of breaking open, and letting it all in! 🌟
Hi Lorrie. I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard year and glad to hear that you are embracing all of it. I went through a similar time in my life and blog about wanting to be uplifting yet not feeling or living those ideals. Gradually my focus shifted to acceptance; of myself and messy life. Love and compassion gradually grew. My life is still far from what I had hoped and wanted, but I feel more OK about myself. And less concerned about living up to anyone’s expectations, including my own! And I haven’t figured out how to balance the acceptance with still working to improve myself and life. Mostly I’ve stopped trying to improve.
I pray and trust that you find the best way forward for you. Big hugs! <3
Ah! Brad.
I hear acceptance in your response and in the end I think that is a most powerful tool. And maybe…just maybe…there is a moment, no matter how brief where acceptance turns into resignation. But the good news about that is RENEWAL…when we get to that place that is in the bottom of the well…the only place to go is to RISE!!
I am dealing with what life is offering, I know you are too. When I am in the well I know that it is okay to stay there…for a little while. But I am sensing an urge to climb up the ladder, wrung by wrung. And I pray that you will climb up also…one step at a time. I think we share a common thought that we have to ‘be doing something.’ What I realized recently is that WE ARE ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING 😉
Sending sweet blessings your way, and I am full of gratitude for your kind heart that reached out to me <3
I’m glad my words are of value to you Lorrie. And I’m grateful to know and connect with you. >3 I love your attitude, spirit, and analogy of being in the well and now ready to climb back up. I reached that point a couple of years ago, but still fall, get up more quickly, and thankfully don’t spend as much time in resignation, overwhelm, depression, etc. I do wonder if I’ll ever dream again and work to make them happen. And I’m OK if not, I’m really feeling that acceptance and contentment are the keys for me.
Those are biggies Brad! They are good keys to use.
But your words about wondering if you will ever dream again…uh!…broke my heart! We all need to dream, Brad. I honestly believe that we are meant to create…and by create I mean that we have a dream…a feeling…an idea…and then we work to realize it. I’m not sure you know just how talented you are! And I am willing to make a guess that there is SOMETHING that lives inside you…a dream about something…and your mind talks you out of it…gives you all the reasons why it can’t happen…or all the reasons why YOU can’t do it. It may not even be on your radar consciously…but it is there waiting for you!!!
Thanks for your friendship, Brad. I send you all good thoughts!
💜
Thanks Lorrie. 🙂
“Not knowing” will always seemingly play a huge part in the whole of life’s journey. Accepting that is perhaps the first and most difficult challenge. Peace, Lorrie.
Dennis. Thank you. If this year has taught me anything it is that there is a plethora of things I don’t know! I have struggled greatly with some of things and have found it difficult to walk in grace. But I know…really KNOW that it is all okay.
Thanks for your blessing of Peace…I send the same back to you…wrapped in perfect love!
Thanks you! 🙏
A powerful reflection, Lorrie, with such a crucial insight – “maybe the key is to realize the destination IS THE JOURNEY and that to be aware in every step and to honor the process is a life well lived.” <3
Thank you Carol! I find it so funny sometimes when I read words I have written that someone writes back to me as I think, “did I write that?”
Thanks for sharing a piece of this Sunday morning with me. Many sweet blessings <3
Lorrie…thank you for sharing. I can feel your pain and struggle. I can also feel your faith and determination. As we all know “crap happens”…some of it self induced, most of it not. It’s how we respond by keep moving forward… sometimes that is with great insight, other times it’s in a fog, but moving forward is the important part. The reality of life is that there is a lot of pain, a whole lot of pain during some periods of our lives. I hang onto my faith to keep me moving forward and try and stay focused on love….love of our Father, love for each other and love for oneself. Easy? Heck no, but it keeps me moving forward even when I don’t think I can take the next step. On this journey none of us are ever alone….keep the faith…keep moving forward…blessings and joy to you!!
Ah! Kirt…
Thank you!! I hope I can express to you just how powerful your message is to me! I know there are no accidents and that everything happens in the most perfect time. Your words have touched me deeply…in that place that knows truth…in that place where we are all connected and I want you to know that sometimes we are learning and sometimes we are imparting that wisdom so as to help a fellow passenger. Your words have inspired my heart which right this minute is in the process of waking up my soul and saying, “Okay…let’s go…you’ve got work to do!” 😉
Yes…the focus on love feels like the way to go, Kirt. Thank you…and blessings to you for reaching out to me and touching me in my time of need. <3
I wish I could take credit Lorrie, but it came from a higher place than me…..have a great weekend and my best to you!!
But it came THROUGH you at a time I really needed it! Sweet blessings for a wonderful weekend, Kirt! <3
May the revealing and the healing continue. Find courage in your heart dear Lorrie 💕
Thanks so much, Val 🌼 Your kind energy shows through and I am grateful for your words of advice! Onward!! 😉
There is no other way 💕
You aren’t alone. I’m having a doozey of a year too. It is definitely a struggle but I personally don’t think either of us should feel less authentic for not sharing those things on our blogs b/c I know that for me, the one place I AM happy and in flow is my blog and other projects. No need to change that energy :0).
Hi Kristen! Thanks so much for sharing this perspective! And I send good energy to you to help navigate this year. I’ve a feeling we have much company in the twisted year!
I’m pretty much a follow my intuition kind of girl and I know that I have NOT posted at times because I don’t want to be inauthentic, and yet I don’t want to bring my blog down. So it’s been a fine line and I felt the need to share that. But I have so many projects that are burning to be created and so it’s important to note that even though the year has been hard, I have continued to move forward and the riches from this creativity will hopefully be shared.
Thanks for reaching out 💜
To authenticity! All the best to you, Lorrie.
JWH
Thanks John!! 😁 Big smiles!
Be well
Dear Lorrie
and stay strong
Always with love
john
Thank you, John! I AM!! 😉 Sweet blessings for a wonderful week!
💜
Love, hugs and blessings sweet Lorrie….you are going to get there just keep strong and keep on keeping on. <3
Hi dear Maggie! Yes! Thanks so much…just keep swimming…I mean walking 😉
I hope that you are well and that summer is offering lots of opportunities for you. Thank you for cheering me up…seeing you here always brings a smile to my face!! <3
What is in the way IS the way. All will be fine. Best wishes.
Wow!
I don’t think I ever heard that or thought of things like that before, Tom! Thank you!! You just reminded me of someone I love dearly…no matter how bad things are she always says, “You’ll be fine.”
Have a great week…I have really been enjoying your work!
I just have learned to see problems in that light. It works! Take care!
Tom, I have to be honest, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your words since I read them! I took a screen shot of them. To say I am grateful is an understatement…thank you for a potential life changing philosophy. 🌞
Cool, Lorrie! I know. The philosophy changed me too! I almost look forward to problems so that I can see how they will become transformed. I learned from Zen and other mystic traditions. The Book of Job is an example…Blessings!
Thanks, Tom. I’m working on one right now 😉
Have a great day!
You will probably enjoy this!
I did!! Thanks, Tom😁
We tend to withdraw and hide inside when we struggle, and I think that is completely fine. We don’t have to share what we are not ready to share. And you have been blogging when you have been ready share of the positive energy you have experienced, or wanted to experience. That is completely fine too. Stay strong, my friend. Sending you much love from the other side of our state <3
Ah! Tiny…thank you so much 💜 It’s all good. I feel major shifts from inside. Some things needed to be shifted…the others, hmmmm…maybe there’s just a little fear standing in front of me. I am grateful for your perspective. Mostly, I believe that all is exactly as it should be 😁
I hope you are well. I have spent most of the summer here…that’s a first. I love it here…I love the heat…and the humidity. I love all the different birds…and turtles…and I even got a teeny bit of footage of an otter that makes infrequent appearances in our pond😊 I love the palm trees and the ocean…I could go on and on!!!
I hope you are well and enjoying the incredible beauty that is you and that surrounds you 💜💜
Thank you, Lorrie, for your greetings! I am now back at home after spending the month of July in Sweden with family and friends – it was hot there too 🙂
Welcome home Helen 😊💛🌞
I am so glad I read this post. I am praying for your healing. I understand your conflict about what to share. You have friends out here in the blog world who respect your journey.
Love,
Theresa
Thanks for your kind words and heart connection, Theresa😁 I am grateful for all that I found here…
Sending you lots of light…and live. Hope that life is teaching you gently 💜
It is.
We just took in a little stray cat. She has long orange fur and golden eyes. Her tale is shaped like the letter “J”, because it has been broken at some point in her life. She is such a well mannered little kitty. We already love he….haven’t had a pet in years. We named he Jeannie.
I had a little orange kitty once…and I loved her…until I realized she was a he!! And then I loves him 😁 And Jeannie is a beautiful name…I have an angel named Jeannie in my life right now.
Enjoy getting to know your new baby!!
Much love 💜
This is the second blog post I’ve read in two days written by a healer who struggles with their own mess. You are not alone! I was a professional therapist for many years when I found myself in a very unhealthy rebound relationship and stayed in it for a year. My children struggle with mental health issues. Just the other day, I worried about not being honest with a friend. I sometimes catch myself imagining ridiculous conversations and worst case scenarios. We can be healers and still struggle with our own issues – that’s what I’m realizing more and more. You are amazing, Lorrie. Thank you for being real and helping us all be more authentic. Sending love, hugs, and prayers for peace to you. <3
Ah! Joanna. Just thank you! I can only be authentic now…not that I was consciously inauthentic in the past…just unaware, I suppose. We are all here together, trying to heal, trying to walk forward in our journey, and if we can offer any tidbit on the way to maybe help someone else along the way…well, that’s just awesome!!
I am grateful to be here, more than happy to share, and Blessitude for souls like you!! Thank you for supporting the truth and for giving me courage to continue to share it!
Many Sweet Blessings to you. 💜
Blessings all around. <3
Hi Lorrie,
Hope this finds you well, knowing it has been a few weeks since you posted this. This post reminds me a lot of what it feels like to actually heal, and to shift our experience into new patterns. It’s one thing to have roots in our past and day dream about the new, and another to actually leave the roots behind, or cut the stem and let the wind carry us. At times healing can feel the closest thing to annihilation–as if we’re doing everything incredibly wrong somehow. I think that impostor feeling can be the disorientation of realizing that we’ve got to shift the whole of our being, top to bottom, back to front, inner to outer, into the new space we desire, and that does require a certain sort of confession. At least to ourselves. All the places where it’s difficult for us cry out! Oh, it’s so, so challenging. To feel unmoored, unrooted, uncertain, incapable… But as has been said here already, you are so much more than these feelings. And you certainly are not to blame. I also think the impostor feeling comes from setting some ideal for ourselves, which is often quite unobtainable. It’s like a cycle of entrapment. We set ourselves up. It’s not that the beauty and light you see are beyond you. It is just the terms on which you’ve assumed they would express I think. I’ve done this all too often, too… In the end, all of this is leading you home, my friend.
Wishing you the peace and beauty and love that you already are…!
Blessings
Michael
Ah! Michael, thank you so much. The first time I read your response it was hard to see through the tears. When truth is spoken it sends energy directly to the heart, and even if one wanted to run and hide from it, you can not. The second time the massage resonated with my intellect and I want you to know that no matter how hard this year has been I KNOW that it has been a transformative year and that I am changed.
I think sometimes there are growing pains as we become aware of the changes and we find a way, a bridge, to cross over from who we thought we were and the true essence of our soul. Which one is the imposter? Maybe I used the word in error, and your sentiment about ‘all of this is leading you home’ is the real truth.
I am so grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for your beautiful expression of life that always motivates me to be more aware.
I send you heartfelt love and a bubble of my newfound light!
💜🌞
Oh no you are not an imposter. You are sincere & very lucid my dear Friend. I’ve found that quote on Goodreads, I think it echoes your post “You cannot defeat darkness by running from it, nor can you conquer your inner demons by hiding them from the world. In order to defeat the darkness, you must bring it into the light.” (Seth Adam Smith)
Dreams precede Reality, our thoughts and our dreams create our lives! And finally, no matter whether our dreams come true or do not: as you say, “the journey is the destination”… much Love to you ♥♥♥
Thank you my dearest, Frédéric! Your words always touch me…because you understand me. I am so happy to feel your energy here as it is always beautiful!!
We reached our destination and it is just lovely. Even SD is quite happy😉
Hope you are enjoying the rest of summer and that things are loving and peaceful in your world.
Sweet blessings 💜
Hm, if it’s a scar, why does it feel brand new. So true
Hi Mark 🙂 I think it has something to do with allowing the same pain to take up residence. Here’s to letting go of all things that have no value in love.
Wishing you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Amen to that, Lorrie. Have a peaceful holiday. 🙏🏻
You, as well, Mark. Sweet Blessings.