Self, less a piece of my heart
I felt it leave as I looked
And couldn’t believe it left with you
But it was always with you
Self, less the people who came together
to give me life
Through trials and tribulations
The constant was always there
But now it’s gone and there is
Less of the self
That was governed by tradition
Inhibited by subordination
Seen through the eyes of judgment
Turned on myself
Self, less direction
With time opened like a present
But unaware of the realms
Into which I can explore
Possibilities
That touch my soul with sweetness
And determination
To allow the full expression
To live through me
Self, less so much
So many places to fill.
Blessitude!
Lorrie <3
2/03/2019
A friend told me the other day that I was selfless these past two years. People who had one perception of me have gone out of their way to tell me they look at me differently. It makes me uncomfortable because there was never a time in my life that I thought I wouldn’t do this.
In many ways I am self LESS something through this caretaking process. And as there are “less” things clouding the environment it makes room for “more.” I feel like a butterfly breaking out of the chrysalis. Pushing, stretching, struggling to release the pain of grief and turn it into something beautiful.
Healing is hard. Recognizing that the past was important to shape you but has no place to give you pain in your present is paramount to letting go.
Doing something of great importance for someone you love can change you. Well, maybe you’re not changed at all but rather you can look at yourself through different lenses. Or possibly you are seeing through the eyes that couldn’t see, but see everything now! And there is great love.
I am Blessitude that I was able to take care of my Mom at the end of her life. Do I wish I could have done some things differently? YOU BET! But I don’t think I was selfless, because I gained so much more through this experience than it feels I have time left to process.
<3
May you all see yourselves through the eyes of love and walk sure steps with direction from your soul!
This year is brimming with possibilities and I have exciting projects in the works. If you are not already on my email list, you can sign up HERE! I will share news and special offers before they are released…and I won’t bombard your inbox!
Lorrie
Great post 😁
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting 🙂 Happy travels!
Oh Lorrie, no doubt you gained A LOT from your experiences the last couple of years, and your authentic way of moving about your life with your mom. Grieving is such an important part of the process as you move ahead and explore your life very differently. I still feel a “Thank you” coming from her, and something deeper that She got to see of you. Aloha dear friend, Ka
May you have so much enjoyment in your projects and in all your expressions as you move through your days 💜
Thanks, Ka. <3 It was complicated. Your words mean a lot to me…as I feel it too!
I appreciate you sending this information because it confirms the feelings I have been experiencing.
Thank you…truly! Your beautiful soul shines around the world! It is not empty words when I tell you how grateful I am for our connection.
Many sweet blessings, my friend. I hope your days are filled with awareness and focus…and LOVE <3
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Thank you. I do understand complicated 🙂
Also, your wishes for me are perfect. I so appreciate our connection as well! Hugs xx
<3
Powerful powerful post, Lorrie!! I am so proud of you as you bear witness to your SELF while on this healing journey you are on. No it is not easy yet it is SO worth it. I so agree. The LESS brings MORE. Direct contradiction but yet true. I give you (((HUGS))) and tell you I am so darn proud of you!! 💞💞💞
Giant smiles, dear Amy! It is a contradiction…yes? But so amazingly true.
Thank you, friend, for being there and I know you know exactly what I am feeling…each day…the good…the bad…the ugly!! I no longer have the condo…which is probably a good thing because I would go over there and sit in her chair and just cry! I know it is okay to cry…but I also know I have to move forward. I’ve got burning desire to create so many things!! 🙂
Much love to you, I hope you are staying warm!! <3
Lorrie, after my Mom died I was paralyzed with grief. Even with that however I began to notice a huge upward curve in my photography. Then when the acute pain passed, I shot forward so fast and beautifully and began to create in so many different ways. You wait! You will not believe the incredible changes you are about to embrace in your life. And wait until you see what you and your “little girl” create. My Mom’s passing was one of the Greatest Gifts of my life!! Much Love to you! I’m staying warm! It’s almost 60 here today! We went from -numbers to in a few days, 60? Nuts!!! LOL 💞💞💞
I do feel the creativity trying to bust out! And I wasn’t aware of the weather getting that warm!! Yaayyyy!! 😁💜
Oh wow this is beautiful. I think being Self less is true of someone that is a caretaker. I feel I am like this with my daughter but I’m also seeing that I need to make sure I don’t wear myself out! I love that Blessitude is a beautiful word. Blessings to you Lorrie! Beautiful post!
Hi Michelle Marie! 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind words and sentiment. It’s so true…it is like taking care of your daughter. So many days I would think about the circle of life and remember that my Mom did everything for me when I was a baby. Funny how it comes full circle.
It is also true that you need to take care of yourself during the process…not always easy to do.
Sending you sweet blessings!
Gosh I know what you mean about the circle of life it seems to huge doesn’t it when compared to a lifetime of love. And so very rich. I love this share! Blessings right back to you! I love this share a lot! xo
Thanks doe the huge smile!
😁💜
Beautiful post sweet Lorrie. You are so right that healing is hard. Now that I am no longer responsible to take care of anyone but myself and my fur babies sometimes I feel guilty. But most of the time it feels good to be able to just do what I want, when I want and know it is okay after providing care for others for most of my adult life. Being a caregiver does teach us a lot…I know it has me over the years that I cared for others. That is a great picture of you and your mom…what beautiful smiles and you both are very pretty. Hugs and blessing to you sweet Lorrie
Hi Maggie! Yes…I did think of you when I posted this <3 <3
It is a strange feeling, isn't it? To be so involved in the daily day to day care and then suddenly it stops! I am so grateful that I could be there for my Mom. The end was so sad and I fight grief every day…the kind that takes your breath away at times. But I know she is with me and I know she supported my work, so I had to kick myself in the butt and continue writing!
Thank you for the wonderful compliment. That photo is a couple years old, but one of my favorites of the two of us together…the only thing is THAT I HAVE MORE WRINKLES THAN MOMMY DID!!!! Just shows you what the sun does to our skin…Mommy was allergic and could not be in the sun…I, on the other hand am a worshipper 😉
Much love, friend <3
I will be holding you close in my heart sweet Lorrie and keeping you in prayer. You are going to be a lot of help to others through your experiences. Keep on keeping on sweet friend. Love, hugs and blessings
Thank you, Maggie 😁 That makes me feel good!
Sweet blessings to you, always💜
What a beautiful message and , yes, so much to process… It’s okay and natural that we process grief and the awakenings in our own way as the time is right. Thank you for reminding me they live through us – the parts that mesh with out selves. They gave us a foundation from which to fly. I’m excited with you about the possibilities! <3
Ah…bless your beautiful soul, Joanna. They did give us a foundation from which to fly and I know we both are doing doing that comes from our souls! Here’s to possibilities…yaaayyyy!!! 😁
Have a great week! 💜
You, too! 🙂 <3
You were there … and that is the greatest gift of all. 💛Moving forward is what we do… and being open to what comes up … in our own time and in our own way 💕
It was such a gift, Val. Thanks for your healing words and truth. I hope you are doing super on your own journey! 😁💜
Beautiful post, Lorrie. May your year be filled with many blessings <3
Hi Helen! Thank you so much 💜 Sending loving thoughts to you!
Wonderful post, Lorrie! Beautiful tribute to your mom!!
Hi Kirt…thanks so much 😁 I really miss her…but I feel her with me 💜
Hope you are well!
What a lovely poem, a lovely tribute, and beautiful image of you both Lorrie. I know this year is going to be full of end-LESS possibilities my friend
“Healing is hard. Recognizing that the past was important to shape you but has no place to give you pain in your present is paramount to letting go.”
So true Lorrie… Know its our past that creates us in the present.. And NOW is the gift we all need to cherish.. <3
Much love and well wishes <3
Thank you so much, Sue 💜 NOW is a gift…it feels like a beautiful one. I am on “holiday” and it is so peaceful and it feels really great to get away from “home” and all the memories of the last two years. I am grateful…so Blessitude that I was able to do what I did…but it has taken a toll and i am in the place of rebuilding…but with more of my self!!…Self…MORE 😉
I hope you are well, Sue. I hope you are busy creating😁💜
SOooo good to hear you are on Holiday.. Just what is needed relaxing and rebuilding your Spirit after such a long time taking care of someone else, its now time to look after you.
And no one can understand how draining it can be looking after someone.. I know how my sister and I felt when we both moved in with our Dad to help him in his last few months on Earth. But as you say, We too were grateful for being able to do what we did for him.. His wish of passing in his home was what he wanted and I am pleased the Hospital were able to help put all the equipment in place for us to give him 24 hour care. We would take it in turns on night shifts. As we moved out of our homes to take care of him..
The toll it takes I so understand…
SO.. LOOK AFTER YOU now dear Lorrie.. Remember YOU are Worth It.. So Pamper yourself and nurture yourself..
Much Love dear Lorrie.. ENJOY <3 <3
Ah! Sue 💜 I am so happy you were able to experience this kind of giving. And I am sorry for your loss. The end of a life is a sacred time…I know that I didn’t fully realize that until I was with my Dad in hospital when he passed a year and a half ago…and then fully involved with Mom’s end for the past 2 years. But honestly, I am tired. I am depleted. This couldn’t be a more perfect time to get away and the amazing thing is my brother arranged it! During this process we have bridged a gap that was very wide!! Healing. Healing all around.
Thank you for the good advice. I want you to know there has been a huge shift in the way I see myself…HEALING💜💜
Many sweet blessings to you, my friend! Maybe one day we will get to meet in person…I already feel as though I KNOW you!! 💞
That is wonderful, the shift within, and the healing with your brother too.. Double bonus. <3 <3
Thanks, Sue 💗💗