Self…Less

Abstract-reaching-flower

Self, less a piece of my heart

I felt it leave as I looked

And couldn’t believe it left with you

But it was always with you

Self, less the people who came together

to give me life

Through trials and tribulations

The constant was always there

But now it’s gone and there is 

Less of the self

That was governed by tradition

Inhibited by subordination

Seen through the eyes of judgment

Turned on myself

Self, less direction

With time opened like a present

But unaware of the realms

Into which I can explore

Possibilities

That touch my soul with sweetness

And determination

To allow the full expression

To live through me

Self, less so much

So many places to fill.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

2/03/2019

A friend told me the other day that I was selfless these past two years. People who had one perception of me have gone out of their way to tell me they look at me differently. It makes me uncomfortable because there was never a time in my life that I thought I wouldn’t do this.

In many ways I am self LESS something through this caretaking process. And as there are “less” things clouding the environment it makes room for “more.” I feel like a butterfly breaking out of the chrysalis. Pushing, stretching, struggling to release the pain of grief and turn it into something beautiful.

Healing is hard. Recognizing that the past was important to shape you but has no place to give you pain in your present is paramount to letting go.

Doing something of great importance for someone you love can change you. Well, maybe you’re not changed at all but rather you can look at yourself through different lenses. Or possibly you are seeing through the eyes that couldn’t see, but see everything now! And there is great love.

I am Blessitude that I was able to take care of my Mom at the end of her life. Do I wish I could have done some things differently? YOU BET! But I don’t think I was selfless, because I gained so much more through this experience than it feels I have time left to process.

May you all see yourselves through the eyes of love and walk sure steps with direction from your soul!

My-Beautiful-Momma-and-me

 

This year is brimming with possibilities and I have exciting projects in the works. If you are not already on my email list, you can sign up HERE! I will share news and special offers before they are released…and I won’t bombard your inbox!

Lorrie

Posted by

My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

33 thoughts on “Self…Less

  1. Oh Lorrie, no doubt you gained A LOT from your experiences the last couple of years, and your authentic way of moving about your life with your mom. Grieving is such an important part of the process as you move ahead and explore your life very differently. I still feel a “Thank you” coming from her, and something deeper that She got to see of you. Aloha dear friend, Ka

    May you have so much enjoyment in your projects and in all your expressions as you move through your days 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Ka. ❤ It was complicated. Your words mean a lot to me…as I feel it too!
      I appreciate you sending this information because it confirms the feelings I have been experiencing.
      Thank you…truly! Your beautiful soul shines around the world! It is not empty words when I tell you how grateful I am for our connection.
      Many sweet blessings, my friend. I hope your days are filled with awareness and focus…and LOVE ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Powerful powerful post, Lorrie!! I am so proud of you as you bear witness to your SELF while on this healing journey you are on. No it is not easy yet it is SO worth it. I so agree. The LESS brings MORE. Direct contradiction but yet true. I give you (((HUGS))) and tell you I am so darn proud of you!! 💞💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Giant smiles, dear Amy! It is a contradiction…yes? But so amazingly true.
      Thank you, friend, for being there and I know you know exactly what I am feeling…each day…the good…the bad…the ugly!! I no longer have the condo…which is probably a good thing because I would go over there and sit in her chair and just cry! I know it is okay to cry…but I also know I have to move forward. I’ve got burning desire to create so many things!! 🙂
      Much love to you, I hope you are staying warm!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lorrie, after my Mom died I was paralyzed with grief. Even with that however I began to notice a huge upward curve in my photography. Then when the acute pain passed, I shot forward so fast and beautifully and began to create in so many different ways. You wait! You will not believe the incredible changes you are about to embrace in your life. And wait until you see what you and your “little girl” create. My Mom’s passing was one of the Greatest Gifts of my life!! Much Love to you! I’m staying warm! It’s almost 60 here today! We went from -numbers to in a few days, 60? Nuts!!! LOL 💞💞💞

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh wow this is beautiful. I think being Self less is true of someone that is a caretaker. I feel I am like this with my daughter but I’m also seeing that I need to make sure I don’t wear myself out! I love that Blessitude is a beautiful word. Blessings to you Lorrie! Beautiful post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Michelle Marie! 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind words and sentiment. It’s so true…it is like taking care of your daughter. So many days I would think about the circle of life and remember that my Mom did everything for me when I was a baby. Funny how it comes full circle.
      It is also true that you need to take care of yourself during the process…not always easy to do.

      Sending you sweet blessings!

      Like

  4. Beautiful post sweet Lorrie. You are so right that healing is hard. Now that I am no longer responsible to take care of anyone but myself and my fur babies sometimes I feel guilty. But most of the time it feels good to be able to just do what I want, when I want and know it is okay after providing care for others for most of my adult life. Being a caregiver does teach us a lot…I know it has me over the years that I cared for others. That is a great picture of you and your mom…what beautiful smiles and you both are very pretty. Hugs and blessing to you sweet Lorrie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Maggie! Yes…I did think of you when I posted this ❤ ❤
      It is a strange feeling, isn't it? To be so involved in the daily day to day care and then suddenly it stops! I am so grateful that I could be there for my Mom. The end was so sad and I fight grief every day…the kind that takes your breath away at times. But I know she is with me and I know she supported my work, so I had to kick myself in the butt and continue writing!
      Thank you for the wonderful compliment. That photo is a couple years old, but one of my favorites of the two of us together…the only thing is THAT I HAVE MORE WRINKLES THAN MOMMY DID!!!! Just shows you what the sun does to our skin…Mommy was allergic and could not be in the sun…I, on the other hand am a worshipper 😉
      Much love, friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I will be holding you close in my heart sweet Lorrie and keeping you in prayer. You are going to be a lot of help to others through your experiences. Keep on keeping on sweet friend. Love, hugs and blessings

        Like

  5. What a beautiful message and , yes, so much to process… It’s okay and natural that we process grief and the awakenings in our own way as the time is right. Thank you for reminding me they live through us – the parts that mesh with out selves. They gave us a foundation from which to fly. I’m excited with you about the possibilities! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah…bless your beautiful soul, Joanna. They did give us a foundation from which to fly and I know we both are doing doing that comes from our souls! Here’s to possibilities…yaaayyyy!!! 😁
      Have a great week! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  6. What a lovely poem, a lovely tribute, and beautiful image of you both Lorrie. I know this year is going to be full of end-LESS possibilities my friend
    “Healing is hard. Recognizing that the past was important to shape you but has no place to give you pain in your present is paramount to letting go.”
    So true Lorrie… Know its our past that creates us in the present.. And NOW is the gift we all need to cherish.. ❤
    Much love and well wishes ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Sue 💜 NOW is a gift…it feels like a beautiful one. I am on “holiday” and it is so peaceful and it feels really great to get away from “home” and all the memories of the last two years. I am grateful…so Blessitude that I was able to do what I did…but it has taken a toll and i am in the place of rebuilding…but with more of my self!!…Self…MORE 😉
      I hope you are well, Sue. I hope you are busy creating😁💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. SOooo good to hear you are on Holiday.. Just what is needed relaxing and rebuilding your Spirit after such a long time taking care of someone else, its now time to look after you.
        And no one can understand how draining it can be looking after someone.. I know how my sister and I felt when we both moved in with our Dad to help him in his last few months on Earth. But as you say, We too were grateful for being able to do what we did for him.. His wish of passing in his home was what he wanted and I am pleased the Hospital were able to help put all the equipment in place for us to give him 24 hour care. We would take it in turns on night shifts. As we moved out of our homes to take care of him..
        The toll it takes I so understand…
        SO.. LOOK AFTER YOU now dear Lorrie.. Remember YOU are Worth It.. So Pamper yourself and nurture yourself..
        Much Love dear Lorrie.. ENJOY ❤ ❤

        Like

        1. Ah! Sue 💜 I am so happy you were able to experience this kind of giving. And I am sorry for your loss. The end of a life is a sacred time…I know that I didn’t fully realize that until I was with my Dad in hospital when he passed a year and a half ago…and then fully involved with Mom’s end for the past 2 years. But honestly, I am tired. I am depleted. This couldn’t be a more perfect time to get away and the amazing thing is my brother arranged it! During this process we have bridged a gap that was very wide!! Healing. Healing all around.
          Thank you for the good advice. I want you to know there has been a huge shift in the way I see myself…HEALING💜💜
          Many sweet blessings to you, my friend! Maybe one day we will get to meet in person…I already feel as though I KNOW you!! 💞

          Liked by 1 person

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