Maybe it’s selfish
I don’t think so
I think more likely it is self-care
But I have to say “NO.”
And that’s a full sentence
That’s a full essay
And I am sorry if that doesn’t help you
But I also have to tell you
That it doesn’t make the things you said true
It’s just me taking care of me
(If that doesn’t take care of you…I’m sorry)
It’s me making a decision that is best for me
(If that isn’t your ideal plan…I’m sorry)
It’s me choosing me
(And because that differs from the way it has always been…I’m sorry)
It’s me BEING ME!
And I won’t apologize for looking out for my best interest…FIRST
And I certainly won’t apologize for making conditions optimal for my healing and growth
When I say the words “I’m sorry”
It’s not that I am apologizing for something I did or did not do
I’m simply saying that I am sorry that when I take care of myself
It doesn’t seem to work for you!
I’m sorry you feel that way.
When you’ve spent a lifetime trying to make things okay for everyone in your orbit (CO-DEPENDENCY) because you are really trying to make everything okay for yourself, it is a HUGE AHA MOMENT when you simply decide to take care of yourself!
When you couple co-dependency with a highly sensitive being, what you get is a person who is a slave to other people’s wants and needs and who finds it excruciating to let other people down because she can FEEL their pain and disappointment.
I’m starting to get clear on this; what I realize is that everyone experiences emotional pain differently. When I feel their pain and disappointment I do so from MY experience. What I feel is the level of MY pain which is probably not even close to what they actually feel, and this discovery has very profound effects for breaking the co-dependent chain.
I am not sorry that I am taking steps – monster – giant steps, to rectify my ability to determine whose pain it is, why I feel it, and then to deal with it. I am sorry that there are people in my life who don’t like the change because things (my behaviors) are not the same as they always were. I am sorry that they feel the need to lash out and hurt me. But I have to say that I am getting better at not taking that too.
The bottom line is, it is not selfish to take care of yourself. It is okay to say “No” when saying yes is not what is best for you. And most importantly, it is imperative that we stand up and take care of our own needs first or we will not be well equipped to help anyone else.
If you have spent a lifetime saying yes to everyone but yourself, it can be scary to make the change. People who have become very comfortable that you always put THEM first will present with the hardest challenge. I promise you that the hardest step is the first step, and just like every other aspect of life it gets easier with practice.
Just imagine the day that taking care of yourself becomes second nature and you don’t even have to think about it, you just do it! The saying that we teach people how to treat us is truth. Eventually they, too, will get used to the new dynamics. You just have to be steadfast until they accept the change. And if they don’t accept the change, then maybe you don’t need them in your life (and that’s a whole other post!)
I send you all lots of positive energy. I know each and every one of you is facing unique challenges at this time. I believe with all my heart that the key to navigating these difficult times is to pay extra special attention to our self-care. If we do, we will have the strength and fortitude to not only make it through – but to help others make it through these most difficult times.