I had to pivot
had to duck
and dodge
deflect
I had to react
had to acknowledge
and proceed
respond
I had to adapt
had to pull back
and modify
transform
I had to let go
had to relinquish
and release
surrender
I HAD TO CHANGE!
Blessitude!
Lorrie <3
1/31/2021
If 2020 taught us anything, it’s that in the blink of an eye everything we thought to be true could be so drastically twisted that when it is done changing we are left with a pile of “stuff” we don’t recognize.
What I have learned is that change happens whether we want it or not; and change that we do want is hard to achieve. The psychology of dealing with change is to recognize where you have power. It is about control, and it is about letting go.
CHANGE WE DON’T WANT
We want to control our life and when outside experiences happen that are beyond our control, we need to lean into the changes and let go. We need to pivot. We need to react and adapt. We need to let go of our death grip to keep things the same and soften our minds as we make a new way, because some changes will happen no matter how hard we try to fight them.
We can fight change if we want…
but it is going to happen anyway!
The key we need to adjust to the new normal is to let go of what was, and to find a way to live with what is. It is imperative to deal with the changes in the moment that is NOW. If you hold on to what was, you live your life in the past and you have no present. When you live life in the past, you give up all of your control. So the act of holding on so tightly actually has the opposite effect; we lose what we so covet.
Life is no fun
without presence.
CHANGE WE DO WANT
The other change, is change we do want. It is the things we don’t like about ourselves or our circumstances and would like to change. It’s about losing weight, or becoming more fit. It’s changing our diets, or changing our jobs. It’s wanting to say “no” when we always say “yes.” And it is every bit as hard to make these changes as it is to accept the ones we don’t want!
This is the time of year many people think about change and make resolutions on January 1st. Research indicates that very few are successful just a mere few weeks down the road. We slip back into old habits that are ingrained in our being and then we berate ourselves when we notice it.
The next step is to give up because that is easier than to start again. But how long can we continue to give up before we completely trash our self-esteem?
We don’t get an infinite amount of time here. We can continue to put off until tomorrow what we want to change now, and we can fight the outside world changes and never accept them. Both scenarios leave us in a place that we don’t want to be. We control our own lives and we can accept what we can’t change by changing our minds, and we can also make the changes we do want by changing our minds!
Change is hard. But we are strong, and we are worth it! Take back your power and know when it is time to let go, and when it is time to dig in.
We are in the middle of incredible changes worldwide that will require us to make great personal changes. Don’t run and hide. Take back your personal power! I offer you all a vibration of love and strength…perseverence…to weather the storm of change and to become your own storm to accomplish the changes you want to make.
Sweet Blessings!
I love the power and beauty in your message Lorrie! And your reminder that we all have the power to be the change we want to see in the world, in our own lives, in our own way. And, when we focus on ‘the better’, better happens.
thanks for the blessing of your words, art and beauty!
Ah! Love it, Louise! Thanks so much for adding your beautiful energy here. Change has been on my mind so much. In fact I was just on the phone with my son and the topic soon turned to change…to which I shamelessly plugged this post to him 😉
Thanks for the nod on my art…I am playing with adding color to my black and white drawings. It always amazed me that I was drawn to B&W when I LOVE color so much!
Hope all is super in your world…sending lots of love and light! <3
Thanks for the empowering reminders Lorrie. I need to practice leaning into the changes more. My favorite line is “life is no fun without presence!” Hugs and blessings…
I love presence (presents…hehe) Brad! Thanks for your hugs (I miss them so much!) I had to really think about why we fight change…and why we find it so hard to make the changes we want. Seems like such a contradiction to do both…and yet most do.
Sending lots of good energy and grace for you to lean into those changes 🙂
Presents and hugs are the best! Thanks for the good energy. Big hugs, smiles, and gratitude on the rebound. 😍
Wow, Lorrie, your post really resonated with me. I often appreciate the pull between “Letting Go” and “Holding On.”
You and I have many things thing in common. I smiled broadly to see that you love tennis, too. Tennis is really helping me through this very isolated existence I’ve been living. I love it.
Here’s to more change ahead in the coming year!
Hi Judy 🙂 There is so much change going on EVERYWHERE! I, too, struggle…but I don’t want to anymore. I am a work in progress!
I do love tennis, Judy, though I have not played in a while. Tennis helped me in so many ways, not to mention I got to meet some pretty neat people!
Sending lots of good thoughts for a brilliant week ahead…and yes… I am certain there will be more changes! May we be able to roll gently with them!
I’m so sorry you haven’t played in awhile, Lorrie. I held off for 6 months with the pandemic, but now I am playing with my mask on. Supposedly, tennis is a low risk activity. I am thankful for the doubles friends I see – they are a lifeline!
May you keep rolling gently. Love that!
I watched friends in a match today…it was soooo windy! I played competitively for 30 years (wow…can’t believe it was that long!) I had to stop when I became my Mom’s full-time caregiver. And prior to that I sustained a pretty severe knee injury where they wanted to saw off my bones and put them back together at a different angle…I opted not to do that and played with a giant brace for 2 years. It was okay…but it wasn’t the same and it was very painful. I may try again one day…you never know. But right now I am able to do a lot of other things without too much pain. The Australian Open starts soon 😊 That means a lot of sleep deprivation for 2 weeks!! 😉 I’m happy you have been able to start playing again…it is a great game 🎾 Stay well, Judy.
Wow, I didn’t know you played competitively for 30 years, Lorrie. That’s incredible! Oh, yes, wind is awful to play in. We have so much in common because I was a caregiver to my mother also.
I am so sorry about your injury. It isn’t fun when it’s painful. I broke my ankle in 2019 and last summer had the hardware removed. I am so grateful that I am still able to play. Actually, I’m not playing this week because I’ve had some pain. I miss it!
I hear the next fun racquet game progression is to pickle ball. Maybe I’ll try it someday. For now, my tennis doubles games are truly my therapy.
Thanks for sharing about yourself, Lorrie.
You too, Judy 😊 and Amen to being a part of the caregivers club!! If you are a member…you understand…and if you aren’t…you don’t!
Yes…I tried pickle a couple times. I also saw the national championships a couple years ago and it was INCREDIBLE!! It’s obviously similar…but not for me. You would think it would be easier on the body…less court to cover, etc. But my orthopedic doctor friend said when pickle hit down here the number of knee surgeries increased dramatically!
I’m sorry you have some pain this week…wow…that must have been a pretty severe injury! Make sure you listen to your body…I did not always and pushed through it. In hindsight, I would change that.
Hang in there…and feel better. You will be back on the court in no time! 😊🧡
Thanks, Lorrie! It was actually my mother who encouraged me to start playing tennis again when I was in my late 20s. So I think of her whenever I play. 😊💕
Thank you for enlightening me about pickle ball because I know nothing about it and thought exactly what you said, originally. Now I will be more aware of the physicality of it.
I am taking it easy and listening to my body. My broken ankle taught me patience and I’m sure I’ll be OK if I don’t push myself. We are very much alike!
I dream that one day you’ll be able to play in a gentle doubles game again that won’t hurt your knees. I’m in Los Angeles and I’m guessing you’re not near where I live. But if you were, I jump on it!
I’d love to share a video that I made for my mother as a tribute to being her caregiver and daughter.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YAVYPyw_zFo
(There’s a picture there where she went with me to a USTA sectionals match.)
Oh Judy! 🙏 You are such a blessing…thank you for sharing this with me. I can hardly read through my tears. What a beautiful tribute to the completely apparent love you shared. And my goodness…you were your Mom’s mini me!!
I have to ask…but I’m pretty sure you wrote the song…and sang the song…yes? Beautiful!! Wow! I tried to press like…but I don’t have an account. It has been on my to do list…but heck! That list is 10 miles long 😉
How great your Mom went to a Sectional match with you. I was lucky enough to qualify for USTA Nationals 3 times at the 4.5 level. We had strange things happen…the first time was 2001…and they postponed Nationals because of 911. Then when 4 of us from our team were driving to Arizona (from New Jersey) there was that plane crash in Rockaway NY. The plane crashed on my partner’s family’s home! Only one other person from the team decided to fly out…everyone else bagged on flying…I don’t blame them! The USTA didn’t know what to do with us because with only 5 players we could only field 3 courts…which technically we could have won matches but it could throw off the counts for other sections in the draw if it came down to matches won. At first they said we couldn’t compete…which was a HEARTBREAKER! But then, thankfully, they did allow us to play. The 2nd time we went we had a new captain and her style was to divide the team…which she was successful at 😔 And the third time…a different captain found out she wouldn’t have her preferred partner…and then systematically sabotaged the rest of the players and one by one they dropped out and we didn’t go. I have to say that I have experienced the best and THE WORST in competitive tennis. After taking care of my Mom I just didn’t have it in me to deal with the pettiness. We watched a match the other day and at the end of a 10 pt tiebreaker a woman called a ball that was 1 FOOT IN…OUT!!!
Anyway…I hope you never have negative experiences and play well into your 80’s…I have many friends in that category.
Sorry for the LONG reply 😉
Oh, Lorrie, what a tennis saga you’ve gone through. I am certain you could write a book about all those experiences – unbelievable!!!
Yes, that is my original song and my voice. And thank you for appreciating. I am chuckling about the “mini-me.” That is funny, but yes, as I’ve gotten older I feel more and more like I resemble her.
My goodness, you have experienced such ugliness in tennis. I think that I finally ended playing USTA because of things like that. And also because they would schedule summer matches mid-day when the heat was unbearable.
I have lovely social games in beautiful backyards. It’s relaxing and I do hope to play into my 80’s!
I’m glad you can still enjoy watching matches. Seeing a bad call like that last one would definitely be a spoiler, though!
Have a great day, my new friend. 🙂
I’m happy you have wonderful social games 😊 I have super friendships I’ve made through tennis and I am grateful for all of it. Competition does not always bring out the best in people 😉
I will be over to your blog to see what you’ve been up to. Have a super day!!
I have three blogs. My heartfelt one is the one you found, about my rediscovery discovery of music. I have one that is just for my art, and one that is for music. I did just update my art blog to share more about the last painting I did with the leaves. Thank you, Lorrie. And yes, it’s nice to hear you’ve kept up with all those friendships from tennis in the past. When I first began writing I shared a lot about that, too.
https://foodartist.wordpress.com/2021/02/01/60-autumn-leaf-medley/?fbclid=IwAR3PlajRh_LdXjtn7W1gsepjM2jf5UFA0ctavZK26cVl6QFbRj-zs9fUrVw
Wow…Judy! I love your creativity and I will have to visit all three!! Thanks so much for sharing…and thanks for your support of my thoughts and words 😊 Sweet Blessings 🧡
And I will always look forward to your inspirational posts!
😊🧡🙏
Wonderful post Lorrie and a big Amen to all you wrote. I purposefully haven’t made any new year resolutions for the past couple of years, preferring instead to simply live with the intention of making the most of every moment. Yes it’s great to have goals but maybe the best is simply to, as you said, “accept what is”, lean into change and move forward with faith, love and intention. I hope that 2021 will bring all of that to you, and much more too, my friend. Big hugs xx
I gave up on the resolutions as well, Miriam. For quite a few years now I have what I call “concentrations” and/or just a word. It works better for me. I think the key is that as we age and get to know ourselves better we can see things we would like to keep and things we might like to get rid of….I’ve got a few of those…hehe…they are called POUNDS!
Thanks for your loving presence here. And I wish you all the same in this new year (that the first month is already over for you!!! I have a few more hours left in January) Sending lots of love and light <3
Change is difficult but it’s inevitable and changes for good 🙂
Love your response!
I just used a John Maxwell quote on Twitter:
“Change is inevitable.
Growth is optional.”
It sums it up quite succinctly!”
Hope you have a great week!
Sweet Blessings 😊🧡
Change is challenging, no matter if it is self-imposed or outer generated. Yet, we do hold the power to change ourselves.
I know from my psychological work with others, it is very difficult to change now because change takes mental work. Many of us don’t have the energy to spare due to helping others through this pandemic. Self compassion and support is important when undergoing any kind of change in today’s world.
Thanks for your words of wisdom, Lori.
Many Blessings
Lisa xoxo
Hi Lisa!
Thanks so much for adding your thoughts and your expertise here. I know how challenging these times are for so many. And change is one of those things that historically seem so hard in general. Add the new year stress when people think they “should” make changes…and are often unsuccessful…and it feels like a recipe for a lot of bad feelings! I’m not sure how we all get through these times, but I do think that the people who can’t roll WITH it, will struggle more than they have to.
I hope all is going well in your 🌎…and that this new week…new month!…is filled with love and kindness!
😊🧡
You are welcome Lorrie! I have faith, those who want to grow, will get through this time well. It may take a bit of time and energy to heal, we can do it <3 Yes, there are also those people who are resistant to change no matter what is going on. They create suffering for themselves. Thank you. All is well in my world. I hope you and your family are well. Take care and sending you many blessings of love and light. Lisa xoxo
Thank you for sharing such profound insights that are especially valuable for navigating these tumultuous times, Lorrie. 💜
Hi Carol. Tumultuous times indeed! Thank you. I hope you are well 🧡
💜
Like the Serenity Prayer says, we need to accept the things we cannot change and focus with courage on the possibilities we can change. just thought of that song by David Bowie: Changes…. “Turn and face the strange….” HOW we face change makes a big difference. https://youtu.be/gw4tcCbf2TE
Love that song…and yes! Of course the Serenity Prayer…it’s perfect for what I was trying to convey 😊 Thanks for the link, JoAnna. Hope you are well 🧡
Lorri, what a powerful message!!! And one that so many need to pay attention to. Change is a catalyst to bring new and good and better into our lives IF we allow it to. 2020 was perhaps the most difficult of my life and it really did bring every fear of mine to the surface. Anger. Hatred. Terror. Horror. Fast forward today and I feel peace, calm, LOVE. The world may be in a turmoil but my heart and my home are founded in peace. I don’t know about you but I am a completely different person then I was last year. My face shows it. LOVED this post and I thank you!!! God bless you!! xo
Hi Amy! For sure I am different! It was a year unlike any other and I think I am still sifting through the changes and “unpacking!” Fear was a huge part of the year for everyone and there was a collective energy that seemed to expand it. I work every day to feel the peace that exists inside…I know it is there… I know it is our natural state…and we seem to work hard not to feel it…crazy!!
I’m happy you feel so good…and I know you had many challenges. I know your heart was broken and I think of you often and send loving energy. May we all heal and move forward…and may we all know peace…and love!! 🧡
As usual, we have been thinking along similar lines :0). I have been thinking about change from the perspective of how hard it is to change even when you really want to, so changing someone else is impossible. Thank you for sharing your positivity, light, and strength!
Hi Kristen 😊 I love that we think on the same lines at the same times 😉 It is hard…and it seems to get harder the more we are unsuccessful. It wasn’t that long ago that I realized how much I tried to control (change) other people. I believe I tried that instead of changing myself. Now, I am so much better!! Hehe…I only try to change people once in a while 😉 It sure helps to realize that other people are on their own journey…just as we are on ours.
Hope you are well…some winter weather…?
It is hard indeed! 😊So far our winter weather has been grey and rainy, which is the norm here but apparently we are headed for a record year for rainfall. How about you?
It is FREEZING today…well…ok…but it was in the 40’s when I woke 😉 My new perfect temp is 85°!!
Stay well 🧡
At first, I really resented the changes that came with 2020, and not just the pandemic. But you’re right, change can be a catalyst for good things too, and I do feel that I’ve grown in so many ways in the past several months. So many of the things I used to worry about seem trivial now, and I now know that I’m strong enough to handle a lot of adversity too. Still, I’ll admit to hoping for a much easier 2021!
Got it, Ann…loud and clear! Feeling empowered is definitely something to take away from 2020…that is if we were able to roll with the changes. We find a lot of strength when we deal with adversity because most times we don’t think we are capable of handling tough stuff. When the dust settles and we look back we think, “Wow! I am stronger than I thought!” And I would say that is always true…we don’t give ourselves enough credit and yet we somehow always manage to “make it through.”
Sending good energy!
We definitely have to stop regretting what it was and hoe it was.
Even when it seems there is going to be some chance to restore the past, it will never be exactly as it was. It’s not necessarily that we’re losing some part of life (although people have lost many of their dear friends and closest relatives), it will be just something else.
I suppose also people who live to make themselves better and fulfil their inner goals don’t take the situation as bad as people who love showing off, being at the center of attention and displaying their wealth.
Hi Inese 😊 Thanks so much for adding here. You have some insight I did not think about! It still sometimes feels like it has all been a dream. It’s almost a year now…hard to believe.
I hope that you are well…I am certain that you have adjusted to the new “normal” or whatever that means. I will be over to see what you have been up to 😉
Be safe…stay well. Hope you have a great rest of the week!
This is a well-thought and encouraging message. I really enjoyed your poem and lyricism of it. You point to the fact that yes, there are changes we want, and changes we don’t want. Very inspiring my sweet soul sister! We are strong and we can do it!
Thanks, Ka 😃 Change is so hard…either way! I wonder if I am more willing to receive the changes because for much of my life I experienced conditions that I wanted to change. I look at friends who didn’t live that way and they seem to hate change…they want to hold on to what they have…what they like. I guess it is a matter of perspective.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend, Ka!!! 😊🧡
Could be, Lorrie. Changes can be scary for many of us, even if change is what we often advocate for. You are right that perspective and place in life has a lot to do with how we might experience or adapt or be reluctant about change. May you also have a wonderful weekend 💖
Thanks, Ka! It is all part of our journey, I suppose. And things change from day to day. All good wishes to you! 🧡
I loved this post, thank you for sharing this! Very true, insightful and inspirational! I really liked the line about letting go of what was and looking at what is. It’s hard to do, but what needs to happen in order to move forward.
I know, Tiffany! Thanks for adding your energy here😃 Thinking good thoughts for you. Stay well!
Thank you Lorrie! Have a blessed week!
Such a powerful message and wonderful observation of behaviour, Lorrie. Last year was definitely unpredictable and so many of our lives changed overnight. Agree when you say change is hard but to move forward, we have to accept change and go along with it. At the start of the pandemic I resisted things like work from home and even told myself it will all be back to normal in a couple of months. I was so wrong and decided to embrace all the changes. That lead to a happier lifestyle that I never thought was possible. We all have a power within us – the choice within us to accept what is and move forward with hope.
Amen to that, Mabel! When we fight so hard…we actually create more chaos! I, too, have embraced the changes and in the long run that is what made it easier. I watch others people struggle so hard, and I want to tell them the key is acceptance…but just like so many other things that we fund out and try to pass on…they are not accepted until the person is “ready!”
Sweet Blessings, dear Mabel 😊 I am so happy you are flourishing!! 🧡
It is sad to see people struggle so hard. Sometimes they can’t help it and it’s not their fault. Change is often a time leading towards better times and always best to embrace it for a better tomorrow. Stay safe, Lorrie 😊
Thanks dear Mabel! You are spot on in your thoughts. Stay well…be safe <3
You hit on the paradox of change here very well, Lori! JoAnna beat me to it but I was thinking your post reminded me of the Serenity Prayer. There’s things we can’t really control, and then there’s a few things we can. But one thing we can always control if our response right? And to your point, when we stay present we stay able to respond… Then we’re moving with it, and I think when we cease resisting what happens is almost surreal. It allows for a softening of the experience. We find we are capable. I don’t know what it is. A situation that at first seems overwhelming can simply become the setting for our being here. Breathing. Allowing. And then, out of the blue, we know what to do!
A challenge on all those resolutions I think is that we aim for an image, and don’t aim to enjoy the process. And the image is just telling us what we’re not, and so it’s hard to proceed when it’s clear we’re not that image! Success comes from doing little things well for a long period of time typically, and having patience! We don’t build Rome in a day… 🙂 But that truth is in us, and it will emerge when we work with it I think.
Peace
Michael
I love your soft explanation of what happens when we consciously decide to let go of the struggle, Michael. I was such a “fighter” most of my life. I grew up in an environment where it was necessary to survive, and those habits are hard ones to break. But what I have learned is WE have the ability to CONTROL our responses, by controlling our thoughts. And maybe “control” is not the best word here because it implies a struggle…I am talking about the kind of control where we get real with our thoughts and if they are not working for us then we CHANGE them…AHA…there’s the word!!
And I love your ideas on resolutions:
“Success comes from doing little things well for a long period of time typically, and having patience!”
Here’s to all good things in time! Sending warmth and hugs…hope you all are well!
My dearest Lorrie, you will be hearing a lot more from me shortly, but for now, let’s talk about change.
It’s something that has always been a challenge for me, often when I felt I was struggling or out of sorts.
I realized it was change – change can be uncomfortable. Over the last year, I have been exploring a lot of
therapy such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and everything I learned made sense, then the test became
can I change the way I think. It’s been a fair bit of work, and a bit of a struggle, but recently I found myself in
a place where I was really struggling and felt like I was going to spiral, and then I was able to access the
skills I learned and to challenge the distortion of my thoughts. I actively changed the way my brain worked
and rather than thinking of the past and the mistakes I made and the shame that it triggered, change came in the form of I don’t deserve to feel this way. So as I ruminated, instead of thinking of the negatives, I thought of the wonderful and amazing things I have accomplished and the phenomenal people I have in my life (i.e. you!).
It was an amazing transformation, it actually happened, so I moved from change which for me is often a state of limbo and I moved towards self-compassion. I know you can do it too! I miss you and love you, Harlon
Ah! Harlon <3 I miss and love you too!! I just love everything you have written here. It is an amazing feeling, to take control of your life and get rid of the old habits that keep us paddling just to keep our heads above water!
I am so happy for you, Harlon. It is a major break through when we realize our worth…and by worth I don't mean that we are 'higher than'…just that we are all children of a Higher Power and each and every one of us belongs here. I truly believe that our purpose is to walk in this energy that you are in RIGHT NOW…and to remember…the key is to remember…because it is all too easy to forget some things. So we carry on with forward movement…and if we perhaps take a step or two back we have to remember our worth and be kind and loving as we pick ourselves up and REMEMBER!!
I am grateful for our connection, Harlon. And I also know that sometimes we have to get to these places on our own…but once we are there we shout from the rooftops because we want everyone to feel this good!! Keep rocking it, my brother. Keep feeling it and honoring it. You are an amazing soul…I knew it the first moment we met and it has been my great pleasure to be a part of your life!
The Sweetest of Blessings to you <3 <3
Harlon…I am having trouble with my replies…so this is a test. If it goes through sending you all beautiful wishes for a magnificent Sunday! <3
Original message received. I don’t know why but I find COVID and the lockdowns have really effected my ability to focus. I’ll write more to you soon 🙂
I understand!! Me too!! 😉🧡
Thanks for letting me know!!