I can look at it all
turn it sideways
upside down
Examine this
Remember that
Feel things that are long gone
or anticipate what’s yet to come
Am I the same person the terrible things happened to?
Do I have to feel now
the way I probably felt then…
Or has time created a space
in which those feelings don’t matter?
It really seems hard to believe that as I near my 60th birthday (egads!) I can still be bombarded with memories from a highly dysfunctional up-bringing.
I have to admit that when it first happens I feel broken…flawed. I retreat into a place of silence where I try to gather the fragments of self to put them back into an order that seems acceptable.
It always has the undertone that something is wrong with me…that I am a flawed individual who needs to get rid of the things that not only cause so much pain, but that make me less than in the first place.
Right thinking would say that I did nothing to deserve the hideous events in my childhood. Right thinking would plant the blame squarely on the adults in the picture who obviously were pained by their own existence.
But real-life doesn’t always follow the dictates of right thinking. Real-life takes into account that there can be wrong thinking caused by years of neglect and abuse. Real-life encompasses everything I am, everything I think, and unfortunately everything that has happened.
The answer to this business of healing may just lie in the ability to be able to accept IT ALL; to be able to view where you have been…where you are…and where you are heading as if it was a movie about someone else’s story.
If we can sit with all of that and view it in its honest truth without judgment as to whether it is good, bad, relevant, or indifferent, we can make a conscious decision to accept it. Once we stop fighting and allow the truth to live without judgment, we can walk through the gate and enter the place where we can begin to love ourselves unconditionally.
If we can walk on this journey to self-love in the exact state that we are in, with total acceptance of everything, we can begin to discard the pieces that do not resonate as being our truth. And the beautiful thing about discarding what is not us, is that what is uncovered – all that is left, IS US!
Here’s to accepting everything so that we can walk through the gateway to self-love!
Heal and Free Your Soul!
Blessitude!
Lorrie <3
08/15/2021
Kudos Lorrie. I’m glad you’re accepting yourself and life as you are. Accepting myself was the best decision I made on my journey. I decided to stop trying to improve myself, and instead focus on loving and accepting myself. May this bring you much peace and love. 🙏
Love your response, Brad! 🙂 I am so happy that you found this little treasure and have adapted it in your life. It feels so peaceful already to be able to just sit with it all. But sitting with it and accepting it doesn’t mean we have to be defined by it.
What a journey…this life!! Glad to be on it at the same time with you. Have a super week, Brad!
Thanks Lorrie. Yes, we can still choose how we want to steer and respond to life. Hugs,
Life is full of choices, that’s for sure!! Have a great week, Brad!
🙂
Radical acceptance is something I’ve been working on too the last couple of years. It seems we humans are predisposed to resisting, but that rarely seems the right path. Hugs to you!
“Radical”…yes!! Kristen…Radical Acceptance. It HAS to be radical because it doesn’t really work if it is half baked. Thanks for adding your energy here. I hope all is well. I am certain you must be so busy! Stay well…safe. Things here are getting really bad…they just shut down our hospital to anything except emergencies. UGH!
Oh dear, stay safe and healthy!
<3 <3
Brilliant and so well said!!! This message speaks right to my heart.
Happy Birthday to you! I am blessed to know you! 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈
You are such a beautiful soul! I love you! 💖
Hi Ka!! Thank you!! How are you? I hope all is super wonderful 😊 I am so grateful for our connection 🙏 Thanks for BD wishes…it is later this week…but nothing wrong with celebrating a BD week!! 😉
Acceptance…such a key…yet something u realize I need much work on!
Have a beautiful day 💜
In my opinion, acceptance is not something that we ever just achieve, because life keeps moving through us. What happened to us, whether we like it or not, lives inside of us and our current circumstances can bring up all the old traumas. I guess for me, I accept that this process is gonna keep happening, and it’s okay for me to feel whatever I feel when it happens. It’s okay for me to just be me and not have to ‘achieve’ full healing. These days I take the smallest moments of peace and I surrender to them, when I can. If I can’t, I don’t fault myself or blame myself for my lack of acceptance. That is, to me, the only way I can cope. Loving thyself is a practice that is never quite achieved and done, because we are still alive. So much love your way! Ka 💗💗💗
This is truly beautiful and so full of wisdom, Ka! And you are right…the first tenet of acceptance is that we will always have to accept. There is no magic pill that we can take where we are fully healed with no need for more healing in the future. I think, deep down, this may be one of the hardest “pills” to swallow. Every time I feel I have gained so much understanding and feel blessed by light, something seems to come up…bubbling out of a cauldron…and it takes me back to places that I would rather not visit. I think my big breakthrough has been that I accept this…I accept all of my life experiences even though I have fought the memories. The fear that surrounds going back there…making myself vulnerable again to the abuse and trauma…has kept me locked in a prison. If I can view it non-judgmentally I can place the fear “over there” and that enables me to deal with it…with love.
I am so grateful for our connection…you speak to my soul and my soul knows you. Sweetest blessings, dear Ka 💜💜
Every one of your posts becomes my favorite, Lorrie! It’s funny, but I could hardly believe it when I turned 60 in 2019. I anticipated that birthday with dread for months, and was so relieved when it was over. It wasn’t that bad. I am so content to be where I am, and that’s what I loved about your post. It kind of reminds me of the lyrics to my song, “Somewhere I Can’t See.” Here’s the first verse:
Everything that I have gone through led me to this place,
Even though my heart’s been broken, with all I’ve had to face
I will shine through my pain – even in darkness
I refuse to give in to bitterness
To me, that is what you have written. You and I – we are not bitter. We are blessed!!
Much love to you, Lorrie.
Ah…Judy!! Thank you so much 😊 I love your lyrics as I loved every single song you sang last Saturday on your Timer event! You are amazing and I love how you found the message behind the words and stated it so succinctly! 👏 👏 We are all connected and go through so many of the same things as we travel this earth. To be able to see other’s pain and triumphs is a gift indeed…to be able to express your own in words and song is BEAUTIFUL!!
We are not bitter…you are correct! We are Blessitude!!
Have a great week, Judy. Thanks for lighting up my world 💜
And thank you for lighting up mine, Lorrie. I loved playing for you and maybe one day I will get to do that in person. It’s fun to dream!
You never know, Judy! 💜 It’s always great to keep dreams alive! Much love and many blessings.
Very wise advice, Lorrie! I think the hardest thing for adults who were abused in any way as a child is to stop feeling as if they are somehow flawed. Your idea to simply accept what happened and then “go from there” makes a lot of sense. Have you ever read Amy Tan’s book, “The Opposite of Fate?” I think you might find it very helpful!
Hi Ann…thanks so much for adding your thoughts here. And thanks for the book suggestion…I have not read it but will definitely put it on my to get list 😊
It is a strange feeling, and it doesn’t matter how old I get I still sometimes fall back in to that well of darkness. The really good thing is that I don’t stay there long and it seems every time I go in there I come back with some useful morsels 😉 I know that this kind of healing is not an all or nothing kind of thing…there seems to be ebbs and flows…and honestly I sometimes wish it had an ending! But it’s all good and I am feeling strong. It certainly helps to have beautiful souls such as yourself be so kind and loving!
I hope things are going well and that your husband is feeling much better. Have a great rest of the week 💜
Interesting, I’m older than you, ha, ha!
60 isn’t much yet, I look at it as some new episode.
However, it is crazy you’re still reflecting on some not that good memories from many years ago.
Well, I don’t even try to recall some moments of middle age and youth years, but my childhood and upbringing were the best there can be. It was also such very different time and country.
I think we often have to cure sensitivity and grow thicker skin. It’s easier to live if you can just focus on what you want. Nothing is perfect, but we can have the illusion of it.
Stay safe, be well!
I agree 100 percent, Inese! I marvel that I can still be stuck in that past…but it has been a journey that has not always been easy…and yet has been so rewarding. I know I have healed so much. I think the things about past trauma that is so devastating is that our psyche works to protect us by burying the memories deep. When that happens it causes all kinds of problems in the body (which I have for sure suffered.) Then as memories start to resurface you go through the events as if it is happening in the present! I know I sometimes judge myself and think that it should be done by now…but I try really hard not to do that any longer. I am happy and I have worked through so much. And to have the love and support of friends like you has helped immensely. We all have our own journey but it nice that we can help and impact others along the way.
Much love and all good energy to you <3
Love your words here Lorrie. Accepting all of ourselves and our truths is key to moving forward. And you’re right, life is like a movie but we’re the star and we always have the option of changing the script and giving ourselves the happy ending we deserve. Sending you lots of love my friend. xx 💜
Thanks, Miriam 😊 It’s a huge lesson…one that I continue to know…and then forget a little as I fall back into old habits! This journey is dynamic…never static…and the best we can do is the best we can do in each moment! Wow…feels like there might be a song in there 😉 Have a super wonderful weekend Miriam 💜