A fear unlike any other
Like raining backwards
Drops rising from my heart
Reaching to the sky
As winds of emotion
Started rotation
Time
In slow motion
Stretching days into eons
Until I heard the words
“It’s not cancer!”
And then a symphony of colors
Swirled around the room
And I couldn’t catch my breath
As the mask felt like it was sucked into my lungs
And my stomach traded places with my throat
And the room turned on its end
Like a carnival ride
As the shiny metal object
Caught the overhead light
And blinded my sight
As it shot a lightning bolt
To my soul
My skin type does not place me in a high risk category for cancer. I tan easily, have few moles, no family history…etc. But, I have spent a great deal of time in the sun all the years I played tennis.
I noticed a mole on my left leg, if I am honest more than a year ago, and it looked different enough for me to show it to a friend. I don’t remember the conversation but it obviously was not serious enough for me to decide to take action.
Fast forward a year and a very dear friend loses her sister to melanoma. She pleads with the people she cares about to go get checked by a dermatologist. So mid-summer I make an appointment for a body map at their earliest convenience and I was not worried.
It is not the most comfortable feeling in the world to be stark naked and have a stranger inspect your entire body with a magnifying glass. But it became even more uncomfortable when the doctor stopped suddenly at that long forgotten mole and said, “What do we have here?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot all about that mole. When I first noticed it I wondered if it was something – I even asked a friend to look at it.”
She raised her eyebrows and asked, “How long ago was that?”
My mind hit rewind as I tried to recall when it could have been. The only reference that made any sense was that it was before I moved into my new home…and that was more than a year ago!
I felt like an idiot as I told her. She tried her best to not add to my self-judgment and reproach as she said, “That will come off today and we need a biopsy.”
I know the “B” word is intimately associated with the “C” word, but the mind is a funny thing. I was able to ignore it. Therefore, I did not worry about it for the next 12 days. (Well…mostly.)
Then the doctor’s office called and the girl started to explain the results. I didn’t hear anything until she got to the part where she explained the levels of severity; mild, moderate, or severe. And then she said, “Your mole is classified as severe which means it is one step away from melanoma. You also have a marker that says it is progressing aggressively so you have to make an appointment for an excision as soon as possible. Do you have any questions?”
For the very first time in my life I heard myself say, “No.”
But who was I kidding? I had a million questions!
So what did I do? Of course, I went to my trusted buddy, “Google,” and proceeded to go down that rabbit hole until I was absolutely certain that I was the biggest idiot on the planet!
I felt so bad that I didn’t take action when I first noticed the mole that looked “different.” I tried really hard to forget about what had (or had not) been done because there was nothing I could do to change it. I was not very successful.
I lived in fear and regret, and beat myself up from Monday morning at 8:43am until Wednesday afternoon at 12:15pm when the doctor walked in the room and blurted, “IT’S NOT CANCER!”
Looking back I can’t understand why the first lady on the phone didn’t lead with that simple, yet powerful, sentence. And then I remembered that I always believe everything happens for a reason and also happens in perfect timing. I certainly learned a powerful lesson the way it went down.
I owe my dear friend a huge hug of gratitude! I can tell you that getting a body map was not on my radar…I only went because she was so insistent. This is where I would normally tell you all to make sure you make an appointment to get checked, but I hope that the story above already made you think that! 😉
Blessitude!
Lorrie <3
10/03/2021
I’m glad to hear it’s not cancer Lorrie. I imagine that would be hard to not know, allowing fear to fester. Thankfully, I haven’t had that challenge, but aging seems to bring many other challenges. Hugs…
Thanks, Brad!! I know!! I turned 60 and all kinds of things are happening 😉 I appreciate your support…it was kind of rough. But I added to that by doing the whole Google thing. That internet…a blessing and a curse!!
Hope you are well…and have a great week!
Yes, it’s easy to overwhelmed with information and fear. take care,
Scary, but I am glad you are okay!
Hi Cindy 😊 Thank you so much. I really never felt anything like that before. Funny how our own mortality can be so powerful. Hope you are well 💜
A frightening time you’ve had, Lorrie. Glad you are okay. God’s Blessings upon you always. Take care, Carol 🙂🌻
Thanks, Carol 💜 I won’t lie…I really was afraid. Now I am feeling very grateful and healing. I appreciate your kind words…hope you are well and have a great week ahead!
God’s blessings upon you always. I am well, thank you, Lorrie. You too have a great week ahead.🌺
😊💜🙏
So glad to hear you’re ok Lorrie. Going to the doctor has always been a scary thought to me. I can understand why you put it off. And I can also relate to beating yourself up. But thankfully, you can stop doing that now!
I can tell you really get it, Linda! All of it…the ignoring something that gave me pause and then bashing myself when it looked like I made a huge mistake. Can’t say I understand WHY a lot of people do this other than fear. But isn’t it better to meet it head on early when you’ve got a chance…? Hmmm…
I hope you are well💜
Much love sent your way Lorrie. So glad you’re ok.
I can feel the power in your words, Linda 🙂
I hope things are going well for you! Thank you!! <3
Oof, what a stressful event. So glad you heard those powerful words!! Phew!
They were music to my ears, Kristen! 🙂 I am so full of Blessitude. I never really thought so intently on my mortality before…it was sobering.
Hope things are going well for you and your family, Kristen <3 Thanks for your support and care!
Good heavens, I was genuinely worried when I saw this title. Please stay well, because I need you in my life – and if you need me, I would hop down their without a moment’s notice, to take care of you to help. That is an unconditional offer that will always stand. I love you so much! Harlon
Tears are falling, Harlon <3 Thank you so much. It feels amazing to receive such love. I love you too, and I am so grateful for our connection. Your offer is pretty amazing, my friend! I think about you often and you are always in my prayers…we may need to think about a collaboration soon!
I was scared…and I was angry with myself…mainly because my biggest change in life was when I decided to REALLY listen to my intuition, and I have been pretty successful at that. That is until I completely ignored a mole THAT I KNEW looked suspicious!! Can't explain it…but I am Blessitude that it was caught in time.
Sending you lots of love and a giant hug <3 <3
🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏾
Prayers received and full on gratitude sent back!! Thank you! <3
I am so glad you don’t have cancer! <3
Thank you, Theresa! It was a little hairy for those 2 days…I definitely got to be on the edge of my own mortality. I am so very grateful.
Sending you lots of good energy and love <3
Glad you are past that. Oi, what a scare!
Hi Michael 😊 Thank you…I am very happy to have it in the rear view mirror. Hope you are well!
Good! We are doing well.
Happy to hear that 🙂
I could feel your fear, Lorrie! Just think, you’ve already made a difference because your post is a reminder about the importance of getting routine cancer screenings!
I celebrate with you – you are okay!! You have so much to offer the world and I’m grateful you are healthy and healing!
Thanks for your beautiful words and support, Judy 💜 You will never know how much your contact helped me. I wasn’t going to post about it, but then I heard your words that it would help people!
I hope all is well with you dear friend! Make it a great week! 😊💜
All is well, Lorrie, and I’m so glad you posted about your experience. I am continuing to celebrate your good news – so much love to you!
And right back to you, Judy! Thanks for suggesting it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but when I read your words I really thought that I should. And like always…if it touches only one person…it is totally worth it!!
Sending love and light to you dear friend <3
I’m so very glad it’s not cancer! But please don’t beat yourself up…to this day, I can’t tell the difference between a normal mole or sunspot and a cancerous one. That’s where the dermatologists come in, but during the past year it was actually rather difficult to get an appointment with one. And it’s hard to get everything that’s a bit “off” about our bodies checked right away.
As for Google, looking up illnesses and procedures on it always turns up the very worst case scenario! I stopped doing that because it caused far too much unnecessary panic. Take care, and enjoy your good news!
Thanks, Ann 😉 It did take me a while to get the appointment!! It seems all industry is a bit out of whack since this pandemic.
Thanks for your support and good advice. I’m doing well and really feel gratitude more than anything else.
Hope things are going well by you 😊💜
What a relief Lorrie! So glad you caught it in time. What a lesson for us all 💖🙏
Thanks, Val 🙏 I was quite worried for those 2 days…that’s for sure. Now I’m humming with gratitude. And I was not going to share this story but a dear friend said it was important…so I hope that it helps someone.
Hope you are well! 😊💜
I’m so glad you finally went in. I’ve had some skin stuff over the years and have been doing frequent check ups with dermatologists since my 30’s!! Can we say long ago!! 🙂 I have been fortunate that I’ve only had basil cell cancer and actually just had one surgically removed from my nose (long line of stitches from bottom of my nose to top). I’m so glad that it turned out well for you!! I know the unknown and wondering is the most painful!! Blessings!! Have a great week!
Oh…healing energy to you Kirt! And I’m happy that you know the importance of check ups…and have for a FEW years 😉😉 Waiting felt like an eternity. I do have to wait again, but I am hopeful they got clear margins and this episode is done. Thanks for the good wishes…sending it all back with interest!
My prayers are with you!!! Blessings!!
Thank you, Kirt. I really appreciate your prayers and I know they work! All my best to you <3
Wonderful news, Lorrie, and as we move forward in life there are so many things we need to begin paying attention and taking care of ~ and this post is an inspiration to be proactive 🙂 Wishing you well and continue to take care!
Hi Randall 🙂 Thanks for your kind words and for adding your thoughts here. I don’t know where time goes, but I do know it seems to be going much faster. And yes, I presume that there will be many changes in which to pay attention.
Hope you are well and that you stay aware!
Dear Lorrie, I’m so glad to hear that it wasn’t cancer. And I can imagine the angst and worry you must have felt while waiting. We’re our worst enemies aren’t we, the way we beat ourselves up, then worry ourselves incessantly and then using Dr Google, not good! I’d have been the same. But I’m so very pleased everything turned out well. How is life there? Are you opened up or are there still heavy restrictions? Thinking of you and sending you much love from down under. xx
Hi Miriam 🙂 I don’t know how I missed this comment…so sorry I responded so late! Thanks so much for adding your thoughts here. I find it amazing how I was so ready to go “there!” I was scared…huge fear…unlike any I ever felt before. I am so happy to be healing and really feel so much gratitude.
Things here are amazingly open…and to be honest they have been throughout most of this pandemic! I think Florida decided not to “lock down” and I also think we have had some of the highest hospitalizations and deaths! There is such division on these issues and it is unfortunate that it has become a political issue.
I hope that you are well…and I will be over to continue following your trip! Are you home yet? I can only imagine how this trip has changed you…it had to have changed you a bit…yes?
Sending all good things your way…lots of love and light <3
Hi Lorrie, so nice to hear from you and no apologies needed. I know how easily comments can be missed. I’m so glad you’re healing as I can imagine how scared you must have been. I would have felt the same way.
Also glad and surprised to hear about your lack of lockdown. Here it’s the opposite. Melbourne was officially the most locked down city in the world. It went into lockdown with just 15 cases and came out just recently with over a thousand a day. All in time for the Melbourne Cup and the profiteers. It boggles and saddens my mind to hear of the division and segregation this is causing. ALL of our workers are mandated to have the jab now, it will soon be illegal to shop, work and be educated without a double jab. And yet there are so many contradictions and inconsistencies. How is this not about control? How have we allowed this to happen where our rights have gone? Still, people are rising up and waking to the tyranny and mind control.
Fortunately we’re still away. Here in the west it’s free, at least for now, so we’ve decided to stay longer, live and work over here for awhile. It’s a huge decision for us but one I feel is right in my heart and soul. You’re the first person I’ve told, apart from my family. So in answer to your question, yes, this trip has changed me, on a deep and profound level.
Sending you lots of love and light my friend ❤️
Oh wow, Miriam! I never thought when I asked you how it changed you that it would elicit this response!! That is amazing. And yes…a huge decision…but one I can feel you are completely at ease with. I can only imagine the logistics involved for you to accomplish this. But that’s okay because if we want something badly enough we move heaven and earth to do it.
Yes…I think the difference between how Melbourne and Florida handled this pandemic puts them at almost polar opposite ends of the continuum. There are so many contradictions and inconsistencies that it is hard to make educated decisions. It also seems that with the internet and immediate access to information you can find “news” to back up whatever your views are.
I have pulled back from much of the news and prefer instead to live in peace in my little part of the world (and of course I know that is easier for me as there are less restrictions.)
I hope that you will be blessed beyond measure in your new living quarters and that life offers you all your heart desires.
And thanks again for your well wishes…all is going really well 😊💜
Thank you so much for your heartfelt response Lorrie. I think that pulling back from the news and internet sources is the best thing for all of us to do these days, living from our centre and knowing and finding that peace within. I truly believe that I am right where I’m meant to be and for that I’m so grateful. Thank you again Lorrie for your warm wishes and blessings. I truly felt them. Much love xxx ❤️
Giant hugs, Miriam 😊💜🙏 I know that you will create amazing things …and yes…I believe you are exactly where you are meant to be!
Thanks Lorrie 🙏 big hugs back to you my friend. xx 💜
I hope you’re addressing this issue with the needed attention.
I also hope everything is good enough and will be fine after the remove that silly thing.
Happens to many people.
Stay well, stay calm and feel good!
Hi Inese 😊 Thank you, friend. I had the whole thing taken out and everything is good. I am now recovering from the cut and starting to do my normal activities. It does happen to a lot of people…and I have been outdoors in the sun for most of my life. I will follow up and be more aware of things in the future…not to mention…hooefully…I won’t put off something that my intuition is telling me!!!
Sending all good energy and thoughts to you!
Wonderful post…fantastic it is not cancer…..I’m going to restart my Blog to talk about the journey I am on….have a wonderful and blessed day.
Thank you…and I’m guessing due to this post you are on a cancer journey…? Sorry to hear that…but sending you beautiful white healing energy and prayers for a full recovery! Thanks for stopping by and leaving your footprint here. 🙏
Thank you so much for your note and don’t be sorry… God will win…and it will be an amazing testimony…..appreciate your prayers.
Amen!! I will keep sending them! I like your style 😉
Lorries, FYI. I have shared 2 posts in the last 2 weeks about the journey. Have a wonderful day
Thank you for sharing…I will be over to read. Sending beautiful white healing light <3
I’m so glad it’s not cancer. Thank you for sharing this experience. I’m at risk due to my light skin and history of serious burns, so probably due for a check.
YES…PLEASE DO!! My skin tans so easily and I never even contemplated that they would find anything! It is so good to go and get a body map and then they have a baseline to compare your yearly exams. You can bet that I will be in the dermatologists office yearly from now on. That experience was pretty darn powerful!!!
Thanks for the encouragement. 🙂 <3