“TRUSTING EVERYTHING”

2016-05-22 13.47.35 (1)

First, I’d like to say that it feels so good to be back amongst the loving energy you all bring here!

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. I wanted to take my little doggie on a beach walk…he loves to run in the waves and he is a very good swimmer.  My partner said, “No way!  It’s the weekend and the beach will be full of dogs.”

I was disappointed (so was he) but reluctantly agreed, mainly because even though he is the friendliest little guy other dogs love to bite him!

As soon as we walked out of the path onto the beach, two pit bulls were running wildly towards us, and everybody and their brother was there…with a giant dog!

We made our way south, navigating surf, ledges, and huge dogs.  One beautiful, well-behaved yellow lab decided we would be friends as he rubbed himself on our legs.  He never took his eyes off his Momma as she took his waste bag up to the garbage can (one of the few who cleaned up after their dog!)

A few minutes later I saw a woman with three giant German Shepards.   Only one dog was on a leash.  One was standing guard while the other was retrieving a ball.  Immediately, my preservation instincts warned me that there was danger ahead.  I even said, “This is not good.”

Amazingly, we kept walking.  Our friend, the yellow lab, nudged us again as he walked on ahead of us.  In a matter of seconds the dog who had been chasing the ball turned and charged our friend!

It was swift…it was ballistic…and it was frightening!!  Our poor friend didn’t stand a chance, and the owner was too busy trying to keep the other two dogs from joining in.

I started screaming, “NOOOOO!” at the top of my lungs…it’s supposed to work if you are being attacked by a bear.  Suddenly our friend’s Momma flew into the middle of the dogs…everything happened so fast.  I started to run in after her (not sure what I was thinking…actually I wasn’t “thinking.”)  Thankfully, the dogs stopped!

There were so many things that were disturbing about the whole event. Take your pick: the nicest dog being mauled, the woman having three dogs she couldn’t handle…off leashes, her cavalier attitude after the event and protesting that yellow was not hurt, his Momma running into the melee, my instinct to run in!

Perhaps the most disturbing thing is that I sensed a very clear and present danger, and I walked into it anyway.  And that made me think about life.  And it made me think about how I was involved in something with people who I never thought would hurt me.  And they did…

So my brain inescapably goes to the fact that, “You just never know.”  And while my first instinct is to not trust anything…I talk myself into “TRUSTING EVERYTHING!” And believing that every single event that takes place in our lives, is exactly as it should be.  It is up to us how we handle the pain and disappointment.

Poor Yellow did, in fact, get hurt.  He was limping off his left front leg.  I also got hurt…and I am nursing a broken heart. 

Deep in my broken heart I am TRUSTING EVERYTHING… and I know we will both be fine.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

5/23/16

 

 

 

Who Am I?

20160209_070802

I have been many things,

held many jobs,

answered many questions,

and asked a million or two.

I have felt many feelings,

and tried not to feel,

made myself numb in ways I care to forget!

But through it all,

every step of the journey,

there has been a constant thread,

one discerning element that defines me…

I am an artist!

There…I said it…

and I mean it.

I am an artist!

I am a creator!!

As I contemplate the full power of this statement, I can feel a blossoming of beauty surge from the core of my being.  The years I spent wondering what I was supposed to be doing, I now realize I have been doing all along.

I have always been happiest when I am making things.  I scoffed at calling myself an artist, thinking that term was reserved for those who specialized in a medium.

I am attending a couple of glass art classes and they ask you introduce yourself in the beginning.  This introduction has been hard for me as my background has been a smorgasbord of artistic expression.

I don’t know if my reluctance to call myself an artist was a self-esteem issue or rather a lack of commitment on my part.  Possibly it was both.  Or maybe there were so many things I tried not to see, not to remember, that I lost my ability to see myself!

Either way, as I lift the veils that shroud my eyes I feel a certain power emanating, flowing, rising to the surface of my world.  I embrace it with open arms and welcome a lost lamb home.

Two very dear friends gave me the gift of their words recently.  One, an incredible artist, said, “You need to know your talent.”  And Dennis, from Merging Traffic, wrote, “Peace, graced artist/storyteller.”

And I said, “Ahhhhh!”  I took her advice and I slipped on his words like a new pair of shoes, dispelling any fear, and understanding there can be humility in the proclamation.  And I do feel “GRACED!’  And to be graced and not honor the gift would be a shame, indeed.

So many of you left me such heart warming comments on my last post where I displayed my first hand cut fused decorative glass plate.  I thank you all, for each and every comment washed over me and gave me understanding, and confidence to be able to say,

I am an Artist

I am a Creator

I am BLESSITUDE!

Lorrie ❤

2/10/16

The Magnificence of Creation

20151009_082200

My pity party is over

And I am washed in the love of

The Magnificence of Creation

This, my new word for God

Feels right to my soul

And I honor the love

That is felt here

I believe no matter how bad times may feel,

There is a set amount of time that you can sit down

And feel sorry for yourself

But then you need to pick yourself up

And take the first step

In a forward direction

You have to believe with all your heart

That your struggle is there

For you to learn something

And then you have to believe

In Divine Timing

That what is on its way

Is so much better than

What you had planned

The Magnificence of Creation

Is all-knowing

And it works for you

And through you

Rise up

To your own Magnificence

And believe that the things you desire

Are on the way

Don’t hold tight to the belief

That they must appear exactly as you envisioned

Because you will be disappointed

And that will change your energy

No!

Be willing to release your expectations

But keep your belief

That the right people, things, and ideas

Will manifest in exactly

The perfect timing

Divine Timing!

So get busy looking for them!

I know they are there ❤

20151008_190545

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

11/1/15

Haiku 4/26/15 & Dragonfly

20150424_191324-2

Mister wonderful

Has a secret to tell me

In all his glory!

I saw you looking at me

Dancing in the air

Prancing

Showing off your iridescent beauty

So I followed you

You didn’t have a finger to beckon

But your heart was screaming

“Come here…come see me!”

“I have a message for you.”

I walked slowly because I didn’t want to scare you away

But you were never scared

You teased me and flew away

I gasped!  So sad!

But you came right back

You left…you reappeared

and you did it again!

I understood

You were trying to tell me to forget about fear

You were trying to tell me that I could make you stay

If I believed you would stay

So I believed

And you stayed

And you let me move my phone

So close to you to take your photo

That it wouldn’t focus

I swear I could see you wink at me

And nod your head in appreciation

And then I heard you

I heard you say that you had a secret message for me

And that it would be revealed over the next couple days!

And I believe you, Mr. Wonderful

And I am so grateful to have met you!!

I wait with bated breath, my friend

I wait with bated breath ❤

20150424_191448

I adore this man!!  Mr. Wonderful was so very insistent that I dance with him.  I didn’t have my phone with me, but he danced with me while my friend went to get it.  He always left and came back and landed on the tip of the same leaf on this plant.  My eyes, ears, and heart are open wide.  And I am so grateful for my time with Him!!  I am Blessitude ❤

Blessitude

Lorrie

4/26/15

Cavern of Yesterday

20150206_184457

When the light fades

and the day falls into the cavern of yesterday

may your dreams be refueled

as the night stars take the sky

and lighten the way for dreamers to see

what was written in the days of creation

*

May you follow the lead of your heart

that plays beautiful music on the harp of time

etched from a fine staccato

with a flowing melody of faith and hope

*

Reach for those stars

the same ones that come out to view every night

against the backdrop of an azure sky

endless, timeless

etched in the memory of love

*

Yes, as the day falls into night

and your eyes are filled with dreamy wonder

may you always believe

and achieve

your hearts wildest desire.

20150206_184838

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/15/15

Reverie

2015-02-07 09.02.47

In that space

all by yourself

I try to reach your hand

Left alone to ponder life

Locked away

Isolation

In a small room

With a small doorway

You cry

And your tears hit the ground

One by one

They splash into the pond

Created by the depths of your despair

I call out your name

And try to break the reverie

Of your mind playing tricks

Telling you secrets you thought were yours

But in fact they belonged to someone else

I tell you

You are not alone

I jump

And I shake

I create a nuisance

In my attempt to get you to see me

To recognize me

To pay attention to the words

That I string together

That I paint on a canvas

That I lay down on a page

A page that is white and crisp

Clean

Ready to accept the truth

You are not alone

You were never alone

Not one single moment of your life…

Of any life

Remember

Remember the feeling of love

Of connectedness

Of protection

Of life

Reach for my hand

I will take you

I’ve been here before

And I know the way

I won’t leave you alone

We shall walk through the small door

Out of the small room

Hand in hand

And the journey we take

Will be guided by love

The most awe-inspiring love

The kind of love

That will take you

Home

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/11/15

Written 10/17/14

The photograph was taken in the Lobby of the Ritz Carlton, Marana Az.  I don’t know the artist to give credit…it was 3D…made out of silk fabric…almost quilt-like….Absolutely Stunning!!

Powerful Understanding

2015-01-30 18.27.30

And sometimes

understanding comes in an instant

a flash of light upon the heart

that opens every cell

to the remembrance of love

I am in the middle of a very disturbing event in my life.  It has resurrected every insecurity I have ever felt.  I am being terrorized by a BULLY…someone I am related to.  He is a frightening personality and I am in a position where I have to stand up to him in order to protect someone I promised to take care of.

I tried to ignore him at first…but the fear of what he was up to was more than I could handle so I spoke to him.  The visceral reaction from his threats and ranting and raving rocks the very foundation of my soul!

My Lyme’s disease is an opportunistic invader…I can feel the spirochetes jumping for joy that my defenses are down.  They are having a party inside with swords and knives.

And in a moment I realized that staying away from my beautiful friends and their incredible support was exactly what the bully wanted…needed in fact!

I felt all the old patterns of abuse…the soul and the body remember.  I realized that allowing him to beat me down with his verbal insults and the sheer terror of his antics pushed me further away from the power of love and left me in the bowels of fear.

And, mistakenly, I thought I couldn’t bring that energy here to my blog.  No, I reacted the same way I always did growing up in my family.  Pretend.  Pretend everything is fine.  And, if I can’t pretend (because that is very hard for me) then withdraw.  Don’t let anyone see the pain.

Is it embarrassment?  I don’t know.  Is it I think I deserve to be abused? I don’t know.  Maybe the child who cowered in fear learned that…but the woman who has worked so hard to climb out of the dungeons does not!  No…I believe in the power of love and I know where there is love there can not be fear.

So here I am my friends.  Yes…a bully is trying to steal my power.  I pray for him (I always have.)  And I pray for myself to stay in love surrounded by my friends who offer such incredible support…Thank you all!!!  I am Blessitude!!

Lorrie ❤

2/1/15