LONELY CHAIRS

2016-07-27 11.19.49

LONELY CHAIRS

backdrop of summer

days gone by

the lonely heart grieves

days gone by

a man in a tie

we point and laugh

I gasp in disbelief

swim to the last barrel

a member of the club

fear the size of the surf

7th avenue

it WAS heaven

a slice of my life

times that were free

talked about everything

that ever meant anything

dry my eyes

the pain taken away

never looked back

saw you swimming

in a hurricane

destructive storm

tore the landscape of our past

destructive life

ripped the heart out of your chest

never been more sorry

than the pain I felt from you…

I did not know

too much to

bare your soul

drowning in the loss

swimming out to sea

wishing the current

would just take you

away

my heart

and soul

have never left you

endless hours crying

and wishing I could hold you

My Dear friend

 

Oh, how we could sit for hours, baking in the sun. Talking never got old.

Do you know that you were my best friend?

You helped me through such a dark time in my life. It was like you knew that if you didn’t make me talk, every single day, that I just might have left…gone on to different pastures.

And I don’t even know if I ever thanked you.

And then there was a time when I could have done the same for you…and I didn’t.

I have forgiven myself for a lot of things, but no…not that one.

And it seems to just say I’m sorry to you wouldn’t be enough.

But I am.

 

Our chairs are now empty, as are parts of our hearts.

But know that in the landscape of my life you have always been right up there at the top!

The one with no secrets…

The one with so many answers…

The one who tried to talk sense into me…

But I never listened!

I wonder now if you caught on and started to tell me what you thought I SHOULDN’T do…?

Yeah.

I have always loved you.

And I have always known that you love me.

I miss you ❤

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

8/5/16

 

Be Not the Darkness

20150721_183519

Lonely Souls

I sit not in judgment

of the wounded heart that bled its pain

in the destruction of others

for many times

this is how humans behave

*

But there is another way

a way that serves humanity

in the light of which we were created

in the light of all true meaning

and that light is

LOVE ❤

*

Nothing is gained

when we retaliate

with our own pain and destruction

delivered by fear that we too,

are capable of such atrocities

All that is gained

is more of the same energy

and it proves that we are indeed capable

*

But we are capable of many things

and I beg you to replace your fear

before it is too late!

*

Be Not the Darkness

of the Wounded Soul

rather

Rise up to the

Brilliant Light that

Created Us All

The Brilliant Light

that Shines a Path

Rise Up

to

LOVE!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

11/15/15

I feel such sadness in my soul in light of the recent terror attacks in Paris.  It doesn’t make sense to me that people think these kinds of acts are holy.  But I will try not to judge their pain and add more negativity to the world.

Instead, I will think more clearly the next time I have a perceived hurt by someone.  I will try to work it out WITH them, and if that is not possible, then I will just send them love.  Nothing is gained when we add negativity…EVERYTHING IS GAINED WHEN WE ADD LOVE!  ❤

Freak Accident ~ Broken

 20141116_132748

I didn”t mean to hurt you…

Oh, but you did.

In fact, I didn’t know that I did.

I wondered about that as I cried through my pain.

I heard something but I didn’t think it was my place to reach out to you.  I don’t know you.

I knew you heard me cry…and I ask you…do you need to know someone to comfort them?

Well, it would have been uncomfortable.

I’m terribly sorry that offering a fellow being comfort would cause you discomfort…I am truly sorry about that.

And I am sorry that I hurt you.

Thank you.

I had a very freak accident yesterday.  I was in a public restroom and as I was closing my door with my hand around the edge of it, a woman pushed her door open harder than you could ever imagine.  The two doors were traveling towards each other…with my hand right smack in the middle of the explosive crash!

I think I made it worse because I yanked my hand back at the impact.  I know I screamed…and then I cried.  And the woman went about her business washing and drying her hands and promptly left.  She never said a word.

My hand immediately swelled and the restaurant staff got me ice.  They wanted me to see the lifeguards and make an incident report.  The lifeguards strongly suggested I get an x-ray.

I took the ice off after 20 minutes, and my hand was so grotesquely swollen I couldn’t look at it!  I did go to get an x-ray and I could not be more grateful that nothing was broken 🙂

It is very painful and very swollen.  I can’t use it so the reality of what our dominant hand does for us is very real to me.  I have thought a lot about the things I do with my hands and I am so blessed.  First I thought about the tennis match this morning that I would not be able to play for our team…then I thought about my latest art project that I was so excited to finish…then, in horror, I thought I couldn’t write!!!

It made me realize how much I take my body for granted.  It made me realize that life has the possibility of changing drastically in a millisecond.   It made me wonder how many times people hurt other people and have no idea that they did.  Worse than that, it made me wonder how many people know that they have hurt someone and are able to just walk away.

My words above were an imaginary conversation I had with the woman who must have “kicked” her stall door open.  I will always wonder who she was, what she thought, and what she might have been going through in her life.  It made me feel a little better to write about it.

I wrote the above yesterday.  Today my hand feels much better…in fact I am using it to type …not without pain…but at least it moves and the swelling has gone done some.  The photograph was taken at the beach restaurant a few months ago…I didn’t know what photo to include.  I thought about posting a photo of my hand…but it was so icky!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

1/21/15

The Hard Way

1455

I have had a very trying week

I don’t understand what possible good all of this chaos could possibly serve

But I am trying really hard to remain strong in my faith

In the faith that I may not always see the good reasons behind the bad experiences

But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt

That You are orchestrating these events for a reason

Or maybe many reasons

*

I believe this with all my heart

But sometimes I find it hard to handle the assault of people being mean

Going out of their way to hurt me

And choosing to do the wrong things

So I pray that I will be enlightened

And I pray that I do not back slide into

Thinking that people treat me this way

Because that is how I deserve to be treated

*

I worked so hard to learn to love myself

And I know that pleases You tremendously

So I will continue on my path

With self love and respect

And I will be thankful for

All my lessons that I learn

Even the ones I learn the hard way

And perhaps the most important piece of this crazy puzzle

I will offer the people who tried to steal my joy

LOVE AND FORGIVENESS

Because I think these people really need help

And therefore I will say a prayer for them

Yes

A prayer for healing

Amen

 

Blessitude

Lorrie

10/26/14

The Screeching Wheel

images-3

If you give me what I want because you couldn’t stand listening to me spurt my words about why I need it, should I be happy?

Happy that I eventually got what I wanted, but you only gave it to me to stop the noise – stop the confusion

Shut Up!  You got what you wanted!

*

But I feel like I need you to see and to honor the reason I needed it – am I wrong?

*

The squeaky wheel gets the grease – my Momma always said that – and it was funny because she was not one to let her wheels be not well oiled – her wheels very rarely squeaked – and therefore – she didn’t get what she wanted!  But that was her expectation, so one might argue she got exactly what she expected – it just might not have been what she wanted.

So I say – we should be darn sure of what we want – very clear of what our intentions are and not let our wants be confused with our expectations.

*

Eventually after squeaking became screeching – I indeed got what I wanted – I think – and if that is the case then why do I feel so bad?

Oh, because what I really wanted was for you to see things my way and do things my way – to understand WHY I wanted it done that way – because of course my way is the right way….RIGHT?

Is what I really wanted was to be right?  To be acknowledged for being right?

*

Confirmation came that proved my way was “right.”

But it feels a little bad.  I don’t want to be the screeching wheel – I don’t want to have to be right – and I certainly don’t want to have to be acknowledged for being right! This feels a lot like energy I grew up in – energy that I have spent so much time changing.

I think there may be some more work I need to do here!!!

images-2

Blessitude

Lorrie

8/12/14

So, I’m a little “crunchy,” as my sister likes to say…it’s a perfect description!

And apparently, I’m a little spoiled too!  We have been without hot water for a week and 4 days.  Due to many mishandled situations from our service company this process has been prolonged, beyond my toleration point.

In the beginning it was, “Oh no! No hot water?”  Then I thought, “Come on, it’s not so bad.  You can do this for a few days.”

Then we got a call asking us to rate our experience with the service company on day 7.  My answer was, “It may be to your benefit to call back when we actually HAVE hot water…I’m sure my answers will be very different!”  The lady couldn’t get off the phone faster and it was a bit of a giggle for me – I thought I was so funny!

So after 11 days of heating water on the stove for a “bath” and 11 days of washing my hair outside…if the hose is full and you leave it in the sun you can have running water for maybe a minute…possibly a few seconds more…I am a little crunchy.  Okay, A LOT crunchy! (Not to mention what my neighbors think about my new hair care regimen!)

Well, the difference of opinion was how to handle the call to the service company today.  My way is finally what got their attention and, “Oh yes…the part just came in at 9:06 am and we will have some one out there today!”

THANK YOU!!!

❤ Lorrie

*images from free google images

*** A little update….service man is here right now…and the parts he got ARE NOT FIXING THE PROBLEM! UGH!!!

 

 

Whose Pain is This?

837

I didn’t know whose pain this was

It felt like mine

It hurt like mine

It made me hardly able to move

How could it not be mine?

So I claimed it

And I berated myself

I put myself down

I got angry

And I haven’t been angry in a very long time

*

I thought I fixed the broken parts of me

I thought my life was so beautiful

So how could I allow the pain to return to my vessel

To the body I learned to love and honor

Something dark must be lurking

I must still have negative thoughts

Why else would I allow myself to hurt so bad?

Suddenly all my old demons have pointed a finger

And it looks like mine

Pointing back at me

*

But then there’s a call

And then there’s another

And then there’s an argument

And then there’s more anger

And then a neon sign with two fingers full of energy

And they don’t point at me

And then there is realization

I am fine and I have been for quite some time

But the voices on the other end of the phone

They are not!

And it becomes crystal clear that I have picked up their energy from a collective 2500 miles

Proving that distance – space – is all an illusion

That energy is all there is and it lives inside of us

*

So I apologize to myself

For doubting the good I have gained

And I recognized that I could return the pain to the right owner

For there is no way that I can fix them

I can only be a source of support

I can’t make anyone face their truth

Just like no one could make me face mine

*

It saddens me a little that I had so little faith

That I turned on myself like old habits dictate

But I am ever so grateful for this understanding

And maybe next time I will recognize that my body is showing loved one’s pain

Not mine

Blessitude

Lorrie

8/5/14

Unleashed Fury

2014-07-13 09.33.46

And the fury of hell was unleashed by her

Nothing in her path was safe

Years of hurt welled up in her

The only place it could go was out

Out and through

Tearing buildings

And boards

And walls

And homes

The force was so great no man could have stopped her

No thought could have held her

No promise could have tamed her

She sought relief

She held it all back so long her own power within scared her too

She just let it go

And maybe she feels sorry for the devastation she caused

But she couldn’t help it

She couldn’t hold it

She couldn’t feel it

She just let go

Now she is beautiful again

She tries not think about it anymore

She is sorry that her own pain was more important than that of all others

She weeps a little

Her friends look different to her

Because they are

They could never

Will never

Be the same

She doesn’t make excuses

How could there possibly be one that could explain what happened

She owns it

Possibly puts back a little of what was taken

But knows deep down

That no one

No thing

Will ever be the same

 

Blessitude

Lorrie

Poem written 11/7/12

 

I chose to post these two poems together…this one – Unleashed Fury, and It’s Okay to Remember, because I recognized the connection between Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy and the storm that was brewing inside me. 

The poems were written several months apart during a very intense part of my emotional, and physical healing.  I know that I have had a major transformation in my healing for, although reading these poems evokes certain feelings, the distance is comforting.

I am so blessed and full of gratitude – BLESSITUDE!!!   I wish for you all to be able to weather the storms in your life.  It is a journey worth taking!!!

❤ Lorrie