There Lives Inside

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There lives inside

A space created by pain

Cultivated by love

Sustained by perseverance

There lives inside

A will so strong

That nothing can stop it

Nothing can make it weak

There lives inside

A voice that has waited to speak

To let me know the things

I’ve been craving my whole life

And I hear it

And I hold it

And I honor it

And

I offer it the love

That lives inside

From one

Becomes

The integrated space

Where Faith

Meets Grace

And spreads

There lives inside

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Blessitude

Lorrie

1/13/15

Which Hurt is Better?

1696

I’m not sure I’ll post this.  I’m not sure why I am writing it.

My ex husband died today…the father of my only son.

I wondered if I should feel something more than what I do?

I suppose what I feel … is what I feel.  And I hate the word “should!”

We were so young when we married and had a baby.

We were babies ourselves…what did we know of the world?

I knew very quickly that being with him was not the life I wanted for myself or for my son.

Someone had to protect him.

I find it one of the saddest things about my life…a recurring theme.

That a child should have to be protected from the people who are supposed to protect him!

It doesn’t make sense.

I ended it quickly, but not before real pain was delivered.

To both of us.

And some people get really good at delivering pain.

And some people get really good at receiving it.

He never touched me or my heart again.

I suppose that is why I am serene.

And even though in the long run it was the best thing for him, my son never had a relationship with him.

But that hurt him.

And I wish there was some way that I could take that hurt away from him.

And I’m not sure if that hurt is better than the hurt he would have had if he had been in his life.

How do we quantify which hurt is better.

And why am I sitting here wondering which hurt would have been better???

Those are the choices I used to live with.

Funny…I didn’t recognize it then.

But I do now.

And I also know I can’t banish the dark, I can only brighten the light.

So I will make sure my baby knows that I have enough love for him to make up for any parental lack.

And I will make sure I treat my own heart with tenderness.

And I will say a silent prayer that his soul be caressed with love.

For in the end isn’t that all that any of us want?

We all want to be loved.

I find it sad the majority of us don’t recognize that we don’t love ourselves the way God intended.

The lack of love is what creates the destructive forces that allow people to be so cruel.

Well, I feel what I feel.

And apparently, I feel a lot.

More than I thought I did.

Thanks for listening. 🙂

Blessitude

Lorrie

7/15/14

 

 

 

 

She Stands So Tall So Proud

Pure Strength!
Pure Strength!

She stands so tall so proud

branches swaying in the wind

She stands so tall so proud

never telling where she’s been

She stands so tall so proud

always doing never being

She stands so tall so proud

always running never seeing

She stands so tall so proud

no complaints never notices

She stands so tall so proud

tiny cracks giant crevices

She stands so tall so proud

always helping never ends

She stands so tall so proud

always loving best of friends

Gale force winds do blow

watch the tree begin to lean

It won’t impede her path

what is not known can not be seen

She stands so tall so proud

amazing strength from deep inside

She stands so tall so proud

once you bare it’s hard to hide

She stands so tall and weeps

I blink my eyes can it be true

So;

I stand so tall so proud

and I become a tree for you

 

Blessitude

Lorrie

Written October 2011