I’m not sure I’ll post this. I’m not sure why I am writing it.
My ex husband died today…the father of my only son.
I wondered if I should feel something more than what I do?
I suppose what I feel … is what I feel. And I hate the word “should!”
We were so young when we married and had a baby.
We were babies ourselves…what did we know of the world?
I knew very quickly that being with him was not the life I wanted for myself or for my son.
Someone had to protect him.
I find it one of the saddest things about my life…a recurring theme.
That a child should have to be protected from the people who are supposed to protect him!
It doesn’t make sense.
I ended it quickly, but not before real pain was delivered.
To both of us.
And some people get really good at delivering pain.
And some people get really good at receiving it.
He never touched me or my heart again.
I suppose that is why I am serene.
And even though in the long run it was the best thing for him, my son never had a relationship with him.
But that hurt him.
And I wish there was some way that I could take that hurt away from him.
And I’m not sure if that hurt is better than the hurt he would have had if he had been in his life.
How do we quantify which hurt is better.
And why am I sitting here wondering which hurt would have been better???
Those are the choices I used to live with.
Funny…I didn’t recognize it then.
But I do now.
And I also know I can’t banish the dark, I can only brighten the light.
So I will make sure my baby knows that I have enough love for him to make up for any parental lack.
And I will make sure I treat my own heart with tenderness.
And I will say a silent prayer that his soul be caressed with love.
For in the end isn’t that all that any of us want?
We all want to be loved.
I find it sad the majority of us don’t recognize that we don’t love ourselves the way God intended.
The lack of love is what creates the destructive forces that allow people to be so cruel.
Well, I feel what I feel.
And apparently, I feel a lot.
More than I thought I did.
Thanks for listening. 🙂
84 thoughts on “Which Hurt is Better?”
I don’t know whether to “like” this, but I do admire your courage and honesty. You did what you did to protect your son and self. Wonderful. Hugs and applauds to you! Keep loving, forgiving and moving on. I’ve wasted much time on shoulds and coulds. Maybe it’s our minds’ attempt to deal with the pain. Sending love and prayers to you and your family.
Many blessings to you Lorrie.
Hi Brad…thank you. The human mind sure has some strange defense mechanisms for sure. I am grateful for your kind, comforting words. I am okay…I just wish I could take the pain away from my son. But I know that is not how it works…we all have to live our lives and go through our own lessons. Love to you Brad…I appreciate the fact that you wrote to me. <3 <3
Luvz and hugz to you during these rocky times, Lorrie.
I believe in second chances, not Hell. We get enough of that here.
His journey has begun, and I wish him well, as I do your son. God bless you all. ✟
Thank you Uncle Tree!! I couldn’t agree more! I appreciate your words and feel like you came into my world when there was a lot of dark and heavy things going on. I think the posts I did on Sunday were because I knew his time was close to up in this earth plane. Death has a way of bringing up past hurts…and it’s too bad that many people turn their pain into anger. I used to…but that doesn’t work for me anymore. Hope I don’t “scare” you away!!! Somehow I don’t think you scare easily! Thanks again for the love <3
The comprehensible is never scary. And, I do
better understand you now. Time is space;
Time is distance, and the God of Time heals.
Hard to write through the tears streaming down my face…but thank you! Your words are beautiful…very meaningful…very powerful. I completely understand. <3 to you my new dear friend!
I pray for comfort and peace for you and your son. I’m so sorry.
Oh Julie….thank you. I’m so grateful for your compassion. <3
*Hugs* Lorrie! All of your feelings are completely understandable, but you did the right thing protecting your son. I went through the same thing wondering what hurt was better, but now years later, my kids have actually thanked me for taking them out of the hell we were all in. You are the light of love for your son, and all of us too ♥
Hi Serena, I thank you so much for your words of comfort. And…I’m sorry that you and your children had to go through a terrible time also. I’m so happy that you all have healed…praise you for getting your family to safety! I wish no child ever had to go through that kind of pain!! Love to you…and peace <3
may your heart be at ease.
actions never die
as your son will always
be yours and his
That is so beautiful. ..Thank you!! He is the light of my life and he has a very good heart. Thank you for this blessing <3
What a heartfelt message that causes us all to reflect on those we share our lives with – no matter how that sharing appears.
Yes Kimberly. ..that is so true. I was so young…but I also knew I had to get away quickly. It has taken a long time to know that it is okay to remove people who are bad for you from your life. Many blessings to you <3
So complex and hard. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you Michael. I wrote this directly into the post…I usually write with paper & pencil. I wasn’t sure that I would press send. But it’s real. And it’s what is on my plate right now. I am so grateful to you and all the other beautiful people here who see a fellow soul in pain and you reach out and touch them. I am Blessitude! ! <3
I am sorry, I wish you peace in your heart.
Thank you so much. Time will help this…we will work through this hard time and hurt <3
What impressive introspection. I am sorry for the pain but appreciate your journey.
Hi Cindy…Thank you so much for commenting. Yes…it has been a wild ride at times. I am so happy to be on the path of healing…and peace now. I really appreciate your support. <3
Such honesty in this writing, Lorrie
Hi John…Thank you! I really do thank you for reading and for commenting. <3
Reblogged this on mihran Kalaydjian and commented:
Which Hurt is Better?
Hi Mihran…How are you? Thank you for your support Mihran…you are always there for me and I appreciate it! <3
The hurt he would have felt if you had stayed with his father would have been worse. You have made the best choices for you and your son. Keep moving to the light and help him to do the same. I think you will find that the love and safety you have given him will help to fill the void left by his father. One day he will understand.
You are so kind to respond to me in this very tough time. Thank you for your encouragement, I appreciate it more than you could know. And yes, we will both move to the light…that is the best possible way!! <3
I think living without the hurt his father would have inflicted was the perfect choice – for what it’s worth.
Hi Patricia…thank you for your response. I know it is a sad thing when neither choice seems good…that is when we make the best bad choice. Thanks for your support <3
Its not easy to share this. Thank you. My love and prayers to you and yours dear one
Oh Ihsan…you are such a source of beauty I hate for you to see ugly in the world. Thank you for your support <3
I appreciate that angel. But ugly is only a shadow of this world 🙂 And I’ve seen my share – as we all have 🙂
Lots of love
Thank you Ihsan…here’s wishing you a beautiful weekend!! I appreciate that you are here 🙂
Reblogged this on idealisticrebel.
Hi Barbara. Thank you for your support…it means a lot to me <3
What a beautifully written bittersweet reality. I think there is so much truth in what you say about people not loving themselves the way God intended and how that manifests itself. It sounds like you made the best & right decisions for you & your son under the circumstances. God bless you, both!
You are so correct…it is a bittersweet reality! Because it was really terrible to go through life with him and yet because of that relationship I have learned so much. Thank you for your words and for your prayers <3
How courageous you are to share this! We cannot protect our children from being hurt, and it has been my experience that one hurt is no better or worse than the other. All require forgiveness, not only of the other parties, but also of ourselves. May the Lord bless you and provide comfort and healing, now and always. Love and blessings, Natalie
Oh Natalie…so beautifully said…so true. Thank you! Isn’t it sad that we can’t protect our children. I understand that forgiveness is the key to healing. I am on a healing journey…I say journey because I don’t know that there is actually a destination…well…maybe there is one…we’ll see. Thank you so much for your blessing…I find much comfort in this. <3
Im sorry for your and your sobs loss, it was a very similar situation with my husbabd when his dad died, his mother had left his dad because he beat her really badly, my husband was 4 at the time and only saw him twice after that. But when his dad died we had to arrange the funeral and everything there was no one else to do it, there were only 6 people at his funeral me, my husband, my husbands mom, 2 of our kids, and a brother he had that no one even knew existed, it was very sad. Im sure your son is gonna have some mixed emotions, but just be ready at any moment to squeeze and hug.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is so very sad as well. If only people could see past their own pain and recognize what they inflict on others. Maybe one day. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment here…I know we are not alone…unfortunately there are probably many, many more people than not….who have experienced something like this. And yes, my baby will have mixed emotions…but I think that is good…because it means he has the capacity to love…and to forgive. He didn’t only inherit the anger. Thanks <3 …and I'm more than ready for the squeezes and the hugs 😉
Lorrie, I’ve stood in your shoes and understand your feelings completely. I’m not sure that time truly heals the raw pain of abuse, but you’ve forgiven your ex which is a powerful thing and testament to your strength. Take care hun, you did everything you could for your son. *hugs*
Hi Amanda…it hurts my heart that you can understand this completely. That means you had to suffer terrible abuse at the hands of another human being 🙁 But you touch on forgiveness…which is huge. I had to forgive myself first I believe, because I had a very hard time understanding how I could be a victim. But yes, I did forgive him for me….but I’m not sure a mother can ever fully forgive the abuse to her child. Love and healing to you <3 Thank you.
Lorrie, I need to amend my comment, I have never experienced my children being hurt – other than as witnesses. I can’t begin to imagine how that must feel!
I’m a strong person and I can cope. Truth be told, my experiences have allowed me to understand & help others. Im a manager in mental health services now. I have the ability to feel the pain of others, which gives me scope to support them. I have to think It’s all for a reason…
I am what I am, and a long time ago I chose between forgiveness or self bitterness. My blog centers around positivity, love and light. I think I chose well.
Much love Lorrie, take care! <3
Thanks Amanda. I am happy your babies never had to feel physical abuse. And I am happy that you have been able to take what has happened to you and help others. That is a gift…and not everyone would be able to do that.
Yes your blog is centered on all the wonderfully positive and light things….all the things I have found help in healing. Thank you for being there…This is a blip on my blog…and life…but I will be back to the positive very very soon!!! Love to you!! <3
Your truthfulness is like a true beauty!!! you did a wonderful thing. Lots of love 🙂
Thank you!! You are so sweet…I can tell! We are all dealing with the fall out of heart aches this morning. Much love back to you…thank you for supporting me <3
🙂 i totally understand!!! M going thru so much confusions!!
Dearest Lorrie, my soulsister, thank you for opening and sharing your heart here 🙂 You are brave! 🙂 I do send my prayers for healing for your ex-husband. I have always felt that when we leave this world we will be opened up and feel all that we have made other people feel, I know this, to some may sound cruel, but I just think this is one of the things we have to go through in order to grow, and once we have felt all this, we will be forgiven and forgive ourselves and then we will be free to leave for the next stage. I somehow don’t believe that we carry our hurts with us into the next life. So I believe your ex husband has now seen your heart and he is crying for all the hurt he put you through, and he is so moved by your love and compassion for him. As for your son, I think that as children we love our parents so much that we will forgive them almost anything, and somehow even put up with meanness and hurt and pain from them because we love them so much. Now, just because kids have capacity for this kind of love, it does not mean that it should be taken advantage of. We all know that when it comes to parents kids will always choose to stay with them because of this love, but that does not always make it right. As adults we know that the wounds and the bruises inflicted upon the child by either emotional or physical abuse is something they will carry with them for the rest of their lives, and many never heal, the scars turn into depression, dissorders, suicidal thoughs, etc, and this is what we adults need to at least try to protect them from. And this is what you did for your son. Of course I do not know your son, but he sounds to me like a delightful young man who loves life, and he might not have been the same person if you had not done what you did for him. It sounds to me as though he is carrying both a sense of loss, but also love for his father, and that love might not have been there if you had not removed him for that harmful relationship. Your son probably knows that his father loved him, but that he did not know how to express that love because no one had taught him to. I think now, when your ex husband sees his life through God’s eyes, he is so happy that you removed yours and his son from him, and he is so proud looking down at the beautiful youg man his son has become, and he thanks you for that, with all his heart. These are just my thoughts Lorrie, but I though I’d share them with you 🙂 Lots and lots of Love to you and to your son! <3 <3 <3 I wish I could be there to give you both a big hug! <3
Wow, Trini. Thank you! When I get choked up I find it hard to get the words that lay on my heart to come out of my lips. It seems it is the same with my fingertips that pause on the keyboard while the tears fall to my chest. This is truly beautiful and I not only want to believe you, but I think you are 100 percent correct in your idea. What a beautiful idea…I don’t like the part where he had to “feel” everything he had done because I don’t like the idea of that kind of pain being carried on. But true compassion comes from being able to put yourself in someone else’s pain and to really “feel” it. Otherwise how do we know the impact of our actions on someone else’s heart?
It was a very tough day for all involved, as death usually is. My baby was attacked by “that side” of the family for writing what he felt. It was truly terrible because everyone was in pain, and some could only turn it to anger because that is what they had been taught. I say a prayer for everyone involved to try to work their way through this pain with love. It is so sad to see the destructive force that I lived in more than 30 years ago probably did not change. But it is affirmation that I made the correct decision when I did, and even though my son had to go through the pain of abandonment….that was better in the long run because he really got to know what LOVE is.
Thank you dear Angel….soulsister. Your words are like a bandage to my heart. They brought me cathartic tears that have washed away some of this pain. Much love to you…many many thanks <3 <3
<3 <3 <3 You are so brave, loving, compassionate and couragous dear soulsister! 🙂 I admire your strenght 🙂 I know what you mean when you say that you don't like the idea of someone having to feel other's pain, we are sensitive so we don't want anyone to feel any pain. But I think that is one of those lessons in life that we need, in fact, I believe that life's purpose is love, deep divine unconditional love that includes all, and somehow we need to learn. Some people like to think that we take our wrongdoings with us into the next life and are made to learn the lesson in that life or the next, but somehow that does not sit right with me. And you know, when you feel that pain you will be with God and you will be safe, safer than you ever were in life. Just like your ex husband is now, safe, with God. It is sad when some people only start reflecting upon these things in very old age, that is why it is so important, in my opnion, to always be aware of one's mortality, it has precious lessons to teach us. I was 4 when I started thinking about this, not at all in a dark scary way, but I was scolded by the adults for even saying death, and if anything made it scary it was that mysterious silence. We need to live life, and help other people live life with awarness, with the knowledge that the death of your body is not the end. Oh, I am going on and on here Lorrie, sorry!! 🙂 It's just when I really care about something I get little carried away 🙂 I am sending you all my love and healing thoughts to you sweet Lorrie! I am with you, you know that:-) I am like your personal cheerleader cheering you on!! 🙂 🙂 Hihhihi 🙂 <3 <3 <3
You can go on and on and I will read every single word with a voracious appetite for more!!! I can’t tell you how much your beautiful spirit helps us move through this pain. You are a dear soul….an Angel for sure. I can’t think of a better cheerleader to have….I am so grateful for your presence in my life. Thank you Trini! Much love back to you. I am overwhelmed by the beautiful response and love and compassion that I am receiving here. I am so happy I did push the “publish” button. My son on the other hand, has had some very negative responses from other family members because he wrote about his truth. I am trying my best to maneuver these rocky waters….I so appreciate the love and support…I know that it helps!! Much love to you…I have not visited any of my favorite 😉 blogs yet today….but I will get there. <3 <3
I did hesitate before I clicked on “like”… quite impressive and deeply emotional, Lorrie… <3 admiration and respect for your courage and honesty… for your ex: RIP…
* * *
I'm thinkin' of your son becaus I'm a maman, too… like most kids whose parents split, he must have felt "guilty" of being there – unconsciously, of course… and the lack(absence) of his papa – as a role model in his life – must have been hard, impossible to bear and to assume, despite your constant maternal love… you've stated a universal truth:"The lack of love is what creates the destructive forces that allow people to be so cruel…" – yes, indeed: frustration, bitterness, anxiety, hatred, negative feelings, insecurity, hostile attitude/behaviour…
I've never been in a similar situation, so I'm not gonna give you random advice or suggestions… if your son does know the real reason(s) of your separation, as an adult he's able to understand, without judging or condemning his parents… as for you, Lorrie, don't feel "guilty" either… you've certainly done your best for your kid. Try to live now, in the present, as we can't change, modify or improve our past… gone forever! The Romans used to say:"memento mori, carpe diem et gaudeamus igitur!" = remember you'll die, live this very day(moment) and enjoy it, therefore!" Respectful regards and HH = heartfelt hugs… <3
Oh dear Me’lanie…your words are very comforting to me…Thank you so much for caring to comment. For never being in the situation you have incredible insight to the pain experienced by all. You hit on something that all adults have to deal with….we know that something was the “correct” thing to do and yet our inner child feels the hurt…the loss of love….abandonment….and the ever terrible guilt! But that is what we have to work through. And as they say there are no truths….only perceptions….each person works through it the best way they know how…..because each person views it with the emotional capacity they have at that time.
That is where emotional growth comes in. And you are either up for it and do the hard work…or you ignore it…bury it…and let it eat your body and soul so that the vessel called your body is used up and withers away many, many years before the estimated life expectancy.
Thank you so so much for your beautiful words <3
Lorrie dearest… as adults, we are all “the result” of the harmonious and balanced relationship we’ve had or have not with our parents… I do trust you and I’m sure you’ll make it, your son, as well… as everything is relative, temporary… it’s true that we are not equal before life, but we all are before nothingness… the most painful tears aren’t those falling from your eyes, but those from your heart that will cover your soul and will heal it… my very best, courage, strength and inner peace… <3
You are so dear Me’lanie…thank you again for your very beautiful words. They warm my heart! <3
Thanx, LL = Lady Lorrie! <3 oh, I've been really glad this post made you smile: 🙂
* * *
heartfelt feelings and serene, positive optimistic vibes from me to you… take care, please and always remember: after any "salty rain", a lovlier rainbow shows up with its warm colors… <3 🙂
I so appreciate your support Me’lanie. Your words are lovely and I believe what you say. I am working through this, and my son is amazing….he handled himself so beautifully…I am a very proud Momma!! Much love to you…many blessings. Enjoy this beautiful day 🙂
Lorrie I’m deeply moved by the sincerity of this post. I’m sorry for your loss, I mean, I understand very well that your ex husband “never touched your heart again”, but the way you tell your story expresses pain and loss. Especially for your son. And the question you ask “How do we quantify which hurt is better.” is shattering. And you write too: “The lack of love is what creates the destructive forces that allow people to be so cruel.” It is so true. I think you did what you had to do. I believe in destiny – I mean, I don’t think everything in our life is written… our choices are crucial. But some souls have to share their whole existence together, and others have to separate. As your post is a bout death and destiny, it reminds me of something, but I’m going to send an email to you about… Thank you so much for having written this profound and sincere text. You say you are “serene”, we can feel that through your words. And I think your serenity is a huge present you offer to your ex husband. Because, from where he is now, I think it’s very important to him to receive such a gift. No anger in your heart. Yes, a great gift Lorrie! Thank you for this deep lesson of love and forgiveness, and much love to you and to your son. Be blessed and protected – I’m sure your are, we are, all of us… your friend, Frédéric.
Oh Fre’de’ric …my dearest! You touch my heart!! Yes, you can see me through my words. Although serene, I have much conflict and I know that there are issues that still need to be worked out. I will do it, and I will help my son in any way that I possibly can because even though he is a man, he will always be my baby. And anything that hurts him has the capacity to destroy my heart. You know, Fre’de’ric, it is so complicated. It doesn’t seem possible that one could offer forgiveness and love to someone who caused such damage…but I do. I am learning how this is possible….and I am happy about that…even if it seems a paradox at times to the thinking mind. But I am not perfect….as hard as I tried to control every aspect of my life to make it seem so. I am caught in a pendulum that swings from my mind….thinking and remembering pain….and my heart…offering love and forgiveness to even the worst offences.
I know I will be fine….and I know my son will also! Because I believe it!! And because we will help each other….as people who love one another do. Much, much love and many thanks for your beautiful friendship <3 <3 <3
Yes Lorrie, “it’s so complicated” as you say. “I am caught in a pendulum that swings from my mind….thinking and remembering pain….and my heart…offering love and forgiveness to even the worst offences”. I think this “pendulum” is necessary. Offering love and forgiveness does not mean you forget everything, and especially painful memories. Another proof of your beautiful soul. You know, I’m sure that for your ex-husband, where he is now, your thoughts are extremely important. Much love to you! ♥♥♥
Lorrie – Sadly life isn’t perfect and people hurt us. At least you had the courage to move your son to a better, safer place. That’s the actions of a loving heart, so I hope the time comes when your son understands this and finds some peace of heart himself. Take care, huge cyber-hugs floating your way, Darl xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss…your son’s loss…the loss of what should have been, could have been.
Oh…Mama Ames….now you have added the dimension that has gone unsaid….yes and probably the crux of all they hurt…the hurt of many many people. What “should” have “could” have been. So sad 🙁
Thank you for your words and for your support. <3
Hi Mo…thank you so much for your support….I know this subject matter is hard and I so appreciate the comfort of your hugs!!! I know the only answer was to remove him from the situation and I don’t regret that…there was no other option…that was very clear. And I know my son realizes this, but there is an underlying pain that I pray he is able to deal with. He will…I know it…he is strong and he has a huge heart that wants to love. That is a beautiful thing! Thanks Mo <3 <3
I’m really not sure what to say, except thank you for sharing! You’re a great mom and your son is in a better place with your choice and I know you know that deep in your heart!! Prayers for you and your son!!
Hi Kirt…thank you! Yes, I know I made the only decision I could possibly make at that time…I do know that in my heart. And honestly, I was happy that he didn’t influence my son by being in his life….but there was also a cost…and influence for him not being there. The paradox of “which hurt is better?” I am grateful for so many things…and I am grateful for you …I know your prayers will help. Love to you <3
I visited briefly and liked your blog, then hurried off. Returning after noting your “footprints” and follow I returned to read at a more leisurely pace.
Although not as young I also “married in haste” the first time around and learnt from my mistake. I never dwell on the what if I had chosen differently, as from the perspective of age I’ve seen all things always do work for the good it seems. The two daughters I had from that marriage are now excellent mothers, successful business women and most importantly wonderful human beings with warm hearts. They both married fatherly types (perhaps as a response to never really knowing their own dad) but this seems to have founded strong relationships in both cases and their needs are filled. We all have to make hard choices sometimes but through them we develop depths we would other wise not grow (our children too). I shall follow also and enjoy reading about your victories. Thank you for being brave enough to share your heart I’m sure it will help many others.
Hi Claire! Thank you for this beautiful comment. I just got off the phone with my Mom. Our conversation almost exactly mirrored the beautiful sentiments you just wrote about. Of course, it brought tears to my eyes…because sometimes things need to be said/heard twice to realize the full impact of them. I am so grateful that you decided to come back here…in this moment…and fill me with understanding. I lived a life where I hid…even from myself. It feels much better to truly BE me, and to honor that truth…so thank you. I pray that anyone who needs to read this….will…and I pray that it does help them. So happy to meet you!!
You have a heart of gold…your strength is profound and clear dear Lorrie
It certainly isn’t easy to share this…but your words just have a sense of healing…
With much love to you
Hi dear Zara! You are so uplifting to me…Thank you!!! I am happy that what shines through is the healing. It was a little worrisome, but the bottom line is it is my truth and I did go through some very dark times…and now I am on this beautiful healing journey. Thank you for your live and support. ..it means a great deal to me! <3 <3
Thank you for sharing from your heart Lorrie. It is such a gift to listen to what comes from an open heart.
<3 Your son is very lucky to have such a loving role model as you.
Thank you so much Val! I spent a lifetime hiding from many things…at this point I am who I am (very powerful words…I know) and I embrace it! 🙂 Thank you so much for reading and commenting <3
That is real. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Ryan. Yes, that was a hard one. Glad to see you here 🙂
Lorrie, we have 2 kids(adults!), a daughter and a son… and I’ve just recalled the poem I translated here:
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P.S. the guy you’ll see here is our son… we’re an international family(his gf is Taiwanese!) and genuine citizens of the world… 🙂
🙂 Beautiful family indeed!!
thank you, young lady! <3 you know that our life is a question of choices and decisions we make – every day… and we have to assume them! 🙂
Perfect advice for me right now! <3
How do we quantify which hurt is better.
And why am I sitting here wondering which hurt would have been better???
Those are the choices I used to live with.
What a great question.
Lorrie I am positive that you and I have lived the exact same life…at least almost. 😉
As I read this post, it was as if I was reliving my own past. I married my first husband 2 weeks after high school graduation, and had my oldest son with a father that hurt him deeply.
We too, have severed all ties with him and I have often asked myself the very same questions you posed on this post.
Life can be so cinfusing and crazy, while at the same time filed with such glory and beauty.
Again, I just have to say…thank God my path crossed yours. You are a beautiful woman.
Oh Melanie…I am torn between feeling sad that you and your son were hurt, and feeling like I wasn’t alone because you traveled a very similar path. But I think the important thing is that we are still on very similar paths….this one is full of love and kindness and awareness and joy!!! I am very grateful to have you in my life….and I truly wish that we stay on the correct path…the one that our spirit guides us on…the one with faith and salvation!! Much love to you, and thank you so much for your kind words! <3 <3
We really do have a lot in common. I was 20 when I met my first husband he was 24. We married 5 months later. I wasn’t pregnant. We were just wildly in love. lol. How silly. Or at least we were when we decided to get married. I saw major red flags in-between then and the wedding but hind sight is 20/20 now isn’t it? I think of the post of yours I just read where you said that if your dad had reacted less angrily, all you wanted was for him to save you but too bad we can’t have the wisdom of our older selves kick in when we are younger!
Anyway I ended up staying married for 14 years, most of the last year was being separated. I left to save my kids too. From having to watch their dad lose himself in crack. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I see that one coming. He had a good job etc… He died too early too. Mainly because of the way he treated his poor lovely body that was part of the reason I fell in love with him. He was beautiful! At least I thought he was. But by the end of his life. (Lung Cancer) he looked like a 90 year old man. He was only in his fifties.He was the father of my children. I’ve always said that my daughter was the best going away present he ever gave me.
I too, found it hard to cry when he died. I’d cried all of my tears when we divorced. It was the hardest thing I ever did. And we were both believers At least he was at one time. And in his time of leaving this earth, I think that he found his way back again. There were a lot of apologies etc… but in the end my heart had hardened. As I write my book, I realize that we didn’t really know what love was at all. It is sad. I loved that you shared this! I think that it touched a lot of people. I agree with the comment. “I didn’t know whether to LIKE this” I LIKED it in support of your wonderful writing talents but not because of your pain. And I soooo GET that!
Oh Wow! Di! It is amazing how similar our lives have been!! How sad for you…crack!! Well…there were drugs involved on my end too and I knew I had to get away or I would be the one to die! So my ex….also ruined his body with drugs/alcohol/cigarettes and got lung cancer too! I did not see him when he wasted away…in fact I have not seen him for more than 15 years….but I heard he looked 90 also…. but was only 55 when he died…so terrible.
So let’s change this energy now…because it feels so sad!!! I couldn’t be happier for you that you are almost done with your book!!! It is a huge undertaking and you should be so proud of yourself for accomplishing this awesome feat!! I love that I had you in my mind today and then there you were….so let’s think of that kind of energy and go through this week with love and peace in our hearts!!! Good luck Di! <3 <3
I think there are important things that we learn only through pain and suffering which fortunately can be transcended by the Spirit, the power of Love and grace. Thanks for sharing your soul. Peace.
Thank you Dennis. Yes, I do believe what you say is true. And beautiful, or painful, I honor all that is given to me. I am very thankful for our connection <3