As I unpack and establish order, each item placed just so, I hold this in my soul and I realize I Don’t Have a Place For This.
It’s something I buried years ago, under the landscape of my soul, beneath the light of day and terrified night, hidden so well I could not recognize it.
And it bubbled to the surface, bobbing to and fro. I banished it to the unclaimed luggage area because it didn’t look like mine. But it wouldn’t go away.
And then the pain of my entire life time…the SOURCE of all things dark and separated that stacked atop one another building the wall of the well of my imprisoned soul, sat there and refused to go away until I picked it up and held it in my hands.
I turned it over…and over.
It didn’t feel right but there was a memory. Vague at first, but building to a crescendo of shattered thoughts flying around the corners of my psyche that told me, yes indeed, this does belong to me.
And now I have it. Uncovered in its black truth and ugly being and I struggle with the reality and as I continue to unpack and place things just so, I realize I Don’t Have a Place For This.
The stillness was so noticeable. There wasn’t a hint of breath, nor did a branch move.
My mind looked on in wonder as the thoughts darted in and out, moving effortlessly and raging to a screaming crescendo echoed by the piercing stream of internal sound accompanied by the one that was real.
It was noticeable. The dichotomy of the scene before me, the one I could see with my eyes but not quite reach with my soul, and the one that has been a constant companion, stitched to my side, unable to break free and handcuffed to my spirit.
It was noticeable. All I ever wanted was to feel the peace and tranquility, live in the place of trust and truth, and not let any other sound, real or manufactured, break the blessed reverie of the scene placed before my eyes, the scene I had seen before, the place I remembered, the place I loved, the place I felt safe, and the place I felt love.
Do you ever find that when you are “in the zone” spiritually, riding so high that you are connected to EVERYTHING and the love from your soul is shining, that you are suddenly attacked verbally for no good reason?
I know that my actions and reactions are the only thing I can control, but I have a really hard time controlling this.
This seems to contradict all I have learned about energy!
I am trying not to beat myself up for allowing my energy to go DOWN to match the attack, and trying not to be angry at the person who didn’t stop until I did.
I still have a lot to learn.
Hope that your energy is flying high and filled with LOVE!
I included the photograph of a man-o-war I found on the beach which I used to create the photo above. What strange little creatures they are!! The colors are so beautiful…we refer to them as ‘blue poppers’ because if you inadvertently step on one it makes a popping sound. But be aware, if you inadvertently step on one you also run the risk of being stung! Some days these fellas are everywhere!
Sweet blessings, my friends! I know I am not blogging as consistently as I would like, but I will be over to visit as I am able. You are all in my thoughts and I send light and love ❤
Is it any wonder I can handle this relapse as well as I am when you read this Pep Talk from an Angel? I honestly believe this, coupled with the help you have all given to me, is the reason that I am as grounded, and loving to myself through this very painful time. So a big whopping THANK YOU is in order!!!
I know prayer works. I also know that our prayers are not always answered the way we would like, or heck, for that matter they may not be answered at all…But that reminds me of a song by Garth Brooks…”Sometimes I Thank God, For Unanswered Prayers.”
We think we know best, but that’s just not always true. We think we can fight something and always be the victor. I am learning that life can, and will, throw us curveballs. The true lesson is that I have the power and the control, and perhaps it’s the ONLY control I do have, to the way I respond. And my new mantra is, “Respond thoughtfully, never react.”
Thank you all for sharing this journey with me. I am Blessitude ❤ And to all of you who are walking through your own dark nights, I send you beautiful while healing light tinged with the colors of the rainbow to put a smile on your face. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!
I had to include the ‘original’ photograph I used and manipulated for all the photos in the series (except this final one of the Angels over the ocean.) It was in a flower arrangement at Disney’s Yacht & Beach Club Resort. I have to say this ‘flower’ creeped me out!! I had just started the medicine and the bacteria were going crazy in my body, and when I looked at this creepy flower it reminded me of this icky disease. I never met a flower I didn’t like…I won’t say I don’t like this one but it’s hairy!! 🙂 I’m not positive, but I think it might be “Leucospermum.”
This is the final post in the series: A Relapse of Lyme Disease
The other posts in the series are in order and can be accessed by clicking on the title that is highlighted in red. Thank you so much for visiting ❤
