A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ A Pep Talk From an Angel

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The light of healing surrounds my aching body

An Angel whispers to me on soft breezes

as the touch of love caresses my face

“There is no pain in God’s World.

Remember who you are and where you came from.

Live from the center of your soul

and listen as your body tells you secrets.

You are safe and you are loved.

You are part of the Divine Whole

and your essence here serves a great purpose.

Learn.

Learn all you can.

Keep your heart wide open

and accept all the gifts,

even when they don’t appear to be

the gifts you would like.

Do not make judgments.

Know that every single event in your life,

from what you consider the mundane

to the truly tragic,

is orchestrated with your highest good in mind.

Walk through the darkness,

and ease the pain with your mind.

Believe in the power that lives inside.

Know that you have the ability to do,

to create,

to become,

whatever you truly set your mind to.

You have created everything.

Once you understand this,

you will stand in your power,

and your creations will no longer reflect

a broken, separated, being,

but will reflect

the true light

of God’s Love.”

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/26/17

Ya gotta love Angels!!

Is it any wonder I can handle this relapse as well as I am when you read this Pep Talk from an Angel?  I honestly believe this, coupled with the help you have all given to me, is the reason that I am as grounded, and loving to myself through this very painful time.  So a big whopping THANK YOU is in order!!! 

I know prayer works.  I also know that our prayers are not always answered the way we would like, or heck, for that matter they may not be answered at all…But that reminds me of a song by Garth Brooks…”Sometimes I Thank God, For Unanswered Prayers.”

We think we know best, but that’s just not always true.  We think we can fight something and always be the victor.  I am learning that life can, and will, throw us curveballs.  The true lesson is that I have the power and the control, and perhaps it’s the ONLY control I do have, to the way I respond.  And my new mantra is, “Respond thoughtfully, never react.”

Thank you all for sharing this journey with me.  I am Blessitude ❤  And to all of you who are walking through your own dark nights, I send you beautiful while healing light tinged with the colors of the rainbow to put a smile on your face.  YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!!!

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I had to include the ‘original’ photograph I used and manipulated for all the photos in the series (except this final one of the Angels over the ocean.)  It was in a flower arrangement at Disney’s Yacht & Beach Club Resort.  I have to say this ‘flower’ creeped me out!!  I had just started the medicine and the bacteria were going crazy in my body, and when I looked at this creepy flower it reminded me of this icky disease.  I never met a flower I didn’t like…I won’t say I don’t like this one but it’s hairy!! 🙂  I’m not positive, but I think it might be “Leucospermum.”

This is the final post in the series:  A Relapse of Lyme Disease

The other posts in the series are in order and can be accessed by clicking on the title that is highlighted in red.  Thank you so much for visiting ❤

  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

 

A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ Game On!!!

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It is hard to manage the emotional aspects of this disease.  I suspect most diseases are that way.

It is back to basics for me.

Forget the pity party, forget the pain and get on with not fighting this disease, because I remember so clearly that the things we fight, the things we try to keep away from us, are the things that we draw to us.

So I will take medicine that kills the bacteria it can find (speaking to the smart ones that hide in a cocoon) as I work on all the other aspects of healing, not the least of which is turning around my negative, self-punishing attitude that this relapse has resurrected.

Apparently, there is more for me to learn.  So I wipe my hands, and pick up my heart, and hold the intention that I AM WELLI AM WORTHYI AM LOVE…and I say…

GAME ON!!!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/24/17

Oh, I’m in the game!  Full – on – in the game!!  I have never been more sure I CAN DO THIS!!  Oh, yeah…I CAN DO THIS!!!

Thank you my friends!  I am 100% certain that this resolve I feel is in part due to the love you have shared with me here.  I want you all to know that I am strong and I am certain that I am in full on healing mode!!!

Bless you all ❤

THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED.  ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

CONSEQUENCES ~ THANKSGIVING!

This is the last post in the series titled, “Consequences.”  The following list depicts the other postings with links in chronological order:

1). Consequences ~ The Fishing Expedition

2). Consequences ~ The Fallout

3). Consequences ~ The Bottom Line

4). Consequences ~ The Continuum of Light

5). Consequences ~ I Am Not Completely Unscathed

6). Consequences ~ Choices

7). Consequences ~ THANKSGIVING

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The shame and condemnation I feel is real

But at this time I NEED TO FEEL SOMETHING ELSE!

This is about healing

And there is no greater tonic

No natural herb

No laying on of hands

That can affect a greater change than

FORGIVENESS

AND

LOVE

FORGIVENESS AND LOVE

We are not perfect

And though my first reaction after the fallout

Was to act with reproach and disgust for myself

I know in my soul

That is not how to heal

We can look to the Universe

And say, “Why Me?”

(I did)

Or we can look and say,

“Thank you for this opportunity to learn…

Thank you for this reminder of WHO I AM

and therefore,

WHO I AM NOT!”

I have made decisions for a lifetime

Based on how I thought I would feel in the future

And the funny thing is

That those decisions have caused me such grief in the NOW

The truth is

That the future is not guaranteed

And I have no possible idea of how I may feel at that time

As I write this

I know that it will be posted on Thanksgiving morning

And I feel a shift in my heart for which I am so grateful

There’s no rule that says

You have to stay in a person’s life

Just because you share the same blood

I respect each individual’s right

To be who they are

Even if I can’t respect who that is

I understand life experiences and circumstances

Helped to shape that

But I don’t have to agree

With the way they conduct themselves

Or the way they treat people…myself included

I just don’t feel comfortable

Sharing space and breathing the same air

Yes, on this day I give thanks

For finally understanding

That I can’t change other people

And if being in their world is abusive to me

Then I have the choice to not put myself there.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

11/24/16

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Thank you all, beautiful people, for the love you show.  I am inspired by each and every single one of you!  Thanks for following “Consequences” and for the wonderful support you freely extend.  May we all realize the amazing things in our lives and have Thanksgiving…and Blessitude for it all!  ❤

POSTS IN THE SERIES

(Links will become active after each writing is posted)

1). Consequences ~ The Fishing Expedition

2). Consequences ~ The Fallout

3). Consequences ~ The Bottom Line

4). Consequences ~ The Continuum of Light

5). Consequences ~ I Am Not Completely Unscathed

6). Consequences ~ Choices

7). Consequences ~ THANKSGIVING

A Stroll on the Beach

This post is a long time coming!  I promised my dear friend, Staci, from a God Colored Girl in a Grey World, a post with my beloved Atlantic Ocean as the star….well, I can’t even admit how long ago!

If you don’t know Staci I highly recommend you stop by and visit.  Her beautiful soul shines through her words and her incredible new creations of mixed media art!

So Staci, this one’s for you (and I am sure she won’t mind if ya’ll take a peek!  🙂

When I walk up the hill

to sneak my first peek

I’m reminded of Forrest Gump

‘Cuz I never know what I’m gonna get’

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A cloudy day could make you say, “Eh, maybe it won’t be so pretty.”

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But then you remember…

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It’s ALWAYS pretty!

And there’s always someone

taking advantage

of the beauty

and serenity

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Maybe

A couple of

somebodies

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I breathe in nature

and feel the earth

beneath my feet

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And look to the sky

and wink

at the

Angel cloud…

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And say a silent prayer

of thanks

for all the beauty

in my life

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

8/5/15

 

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience.  I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first.  So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post.  Each new post will also have links in order.

Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!

I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY

1).  Introduction & Haiku

2).  The Funny Thing About Truth

3).  The Journey to…

4).  He Said I Have Anger

5).  The Long Sleepless Night

6).  Broken Arrow

7).  Safe

8).  Alone

9).  On The Verge

10).  Shred

11).  The Thread

12).  Vindication

13).  Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile

14).  Emancipation

15).  Forgiveness

 

FORGIVENESS

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Introduction & Haiku

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to …, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread,  Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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The poems/writings you are about to read all took place within the last month.  You will see that it was a time of great emotion and transformation.  I could feel it happening and though at times I was wrought with fear, I prayed, and I had hope and faith that I would not only SURVIVE the memories…but I would THRIVE with the memories.

I AM a 53 year old woman.  I AM brave…I can face this.  I AM strong…I can handle it.  I AM safe…no one can hurt me.  I AM ready…to see the truth, to tell my story, and to get on with the business of living my life.

 

A journey to truth

It has taken many years

And I remember

 

I have titled this series, “I Remember…An Odyssey.”  I will post every day until all of the writings have been shown.  The posts will be titled “I Remember…An Odyssey ~ ” with the title of each writing to follow.  I will include links to all prior writings in the series to make it easy to access them chronologically.

I have never done anything like this before, and to be honest it feels a little daunting.  To be able to post every day and not allow life to interfere, as it so often does, I will schedule the whole series in advance.  I usually post what intuitively feels “right” on any given day, so this is the biggest departure from normal and creates the most stress for me

In the spirit of staying true to the truth of this experience, I will only post this series until it is finished.  I will schedule them for the same time each day, and I will try to be available at that time for comments.

I hear all these “what ifs” in my mind and I hear doubt, but I will listen to my soul which directs me to post this.  I thank you all, my friends, for you give me the courage to be able to do this project.  I am so grateful for each and every one of you.  Every time you post YOUR truth you strengthen my heart.  Every time you are vulnerable you strengthen our bond.  And every time we connect we strengthen humanity!  I am so blessed and full of gratitude…Blessitude!!

Lorrie ❤

3/22/15

 

Powerful Understanding

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And sometimes

understanding comes in an instant

a flash of light upon the heart

that opens every cell

to the remembrance of love

I am in the middle of a very disturbing event in my life.  It has resurrected every insecurity I have ever felt.  I am being terrorized by a BULLY…someone I am related to.  He is a frightening personality and I am in a position where I have to stand up to him in order to protect someone I promised to take care of.

I tried to ignore him at first…but the fear of what he was up to was more than I could handle so I spoke to him.  The visceral reaction from his threats and ranting and raving rocks the very foundation of my soul!

My Lyme’s disease is an opportunistic invader…I can feel the spirochetes jumping for joy that my defenses are down.  They are having a party inside with swords and knives.

And in a moment I realized that staying away from my beautiful friends and their incredible support was exactly what the bully wanted…needed in fact!

I felt all the old patterns of abuse…the soul and the body remember.  I realized that allowing him to beat me down with his verbal insults and the sheer terror of his antics pushed me further away from the power of love and left me in the bowels of fear.

And, mistakenly, I thought I couldn’t bring that energy here to my blog.  No, I reacted the same way I always did growing up in my family.  Pretend.  Pretend everything is fine.  And, if I can’t pretend (because that is very hard for me) then withdraw.  Don’t let anyone see the pain.

Is it embarrassment?  I don’t know.  Is it I think I deserve to be abused? I don’t know.  Maybe the child who cowered in fear learned that…but the woman who has worked so hard to climb out of the dungeons does not!  No…I believe in the power of love and I know where there is love there can not be fear.

So here I am my friends.  Yes…a bully is trying to steal my power.  I pray for him (I always have.)  And I pray for myself to stay in love surrounded by my friends who offer such incredible support…Thank you all!!!  I am Blessitude!!

Lorrie ❤

2/1/15