Providence…and Hurricane Matthew

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I’ve felt this fear before.

It’s hard to tell if it is the fear of the people,

or the voice of my soul forewarning of impending disaster.

The force of the storm grows in intensity

and the level of fear rises right along with it.

Cars stacked along the highway waiting for pumps…

that no longer pump.

No fuel for those who waited,

no bottled water to be found for miles.

Hard to prepare when

everybody prepares at once.

I know better now how to handle my energy

so I stay calm and plan to weather the storm

holed up in my little condo,

knowing the sounds

and the windows breathing…

in and out…

will wear down my patience

to the point that I just can’t take

one minute longer!

But before that can happen

Matthew jogs west

and the order for

a mandatory evacuation

is issued.

But where can we go?

Fear rises in my throat

and I immediately question

my decision to stay calm for so long!

Did my newfound sense of peace and love

leave me stranded and completely

unprepared

in the face of

a Cat 4 Hurricane?

PROVIDENCE

Hello my friends.  It’s hard for me to write this as I watch the news and see how Haiti was obliterated by Hurricane Matthew.  He is moving up the coast and destroying all he comes in contact with.  I don’t know how these things are decided, a little jog to the east or west and some are spared…and some are not!

I have many feeling to deal with.  We waited so long to evacuate, it was almost too late.  You stay glued to the television watching a monster of a storm slowly get closer.  You look outside and it seems surreal because “The calm before the storm” doesn’t give you any indication of the fury that is about to be unleashed.

I am full of BLESSITUDE.  My family and friends all survived with minimal damage.  The storm took a little turn to the east which kept the eye wall from making landfall on us.  So many others were not as blessed and it makes me cry, huge tears from my heart.  It hurts so much I don’t know where to place these feelings.

Friday was a fog.  My body moved as I put my home back together.  When you evacuate and you look at what to pack you get a better sense of what is important to you.  The rest you leave behind and your mind works overtime as you try to secure them in ways that they might be protected, all the while trying to ignore the thought that a Cat 4 making a direct hit this close to the ocean I love, could mean there would be NOTHING LEFT!

I gently returned each belonging to its proper place as tears full of prayers dropped for those who did not have the same outcome.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

10/09/16

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I Can’t Believe I AM Five Years Old!

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Author unknown, Art (c) LorrieBowden.com

I have heard this poem for as long as I can remember. The Momma used to recite it, whenever someone or something turned 5 years old.  She memorized the poem from a birthday card that she received when she turned 5.  When I thought about this post, of course it jumped into my head!

I can’t believe I am five years old! It seems like yesterday that I started the weekend of my spiritual growth at Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E. (Association of Research and Enlightenment.)

That weekend saw my heart open and some pretty amazing energy that I will never forget.

I was part of a group dream experience that was incredible. Nine strangers made a vow to dream for one woman who had a problem.  When the group assembled (randomly) the next day our dreams told a story in perfect order, which could only have been Divine intervention!  I still get goosebumps when I think of it!

I sat in a restaurant as the ground underneath us undulated…up…down…up…down. My first thought was we were near a military base and they must have been doing bomb exercises in the ocean.  Then I found out that it was an earthquake!!  On the east coast??

Without fear, we drove through tunnels and over bridges to our next destination (immediately after the earthquake!) Little did I know that we drove to within 8 miles of the epicenter.  But it was my 50th birthday weekend and we were going to see Mary Chapin Carpenter in concert.  There was no way I would miss that!

Every morning we went to breakfast in the hotel lobby and all the other people were talking about the aftershocks they felt during the night. I slept like a baby and didn’t feel a thing.

The concert was outdoors and while we were lining up to enter the venue, the weather did not look promising. Suddenly it turned black and the organizers quickly ushered us into a building to protect us from a nearby tornado.  The lightning storm was incredible and the whole experience was quite surreal.

Most of the people left as soon as the weather broke a little. We stayed with maybe fifty others who held out just long enough to find out that she was going to honor us with a concert after all.  It was still raining.  We didn’t care as we traipsed through mud with our lawn chairs.  We wore large garbage bags for raincoats and shared one umbrella.  We placed our chairs in the front row and sang every song with her until she had to stop due to a local curfew.

The celebratory activities were over and it was time to drive from Virginia back to New Jersey. And we were racing the clock because Hurricane Irene was barreling up the east coast.

As you can see, I will never forget my 50th birthday weekend and the spiritual opening of my soul!  There was an earthquake, thunderstorm, tornado, and Hurricane Irene (she did not cause damage to our area) all in the same week!  (I often wondered if the energy unleashed by my years of living blind had something to do with the crazy weather events…hehe.)

I witnessed great fear everywhere I went. I wrote a poem called, “The Fear of the People,” because it was palpable, you could feel it in the air.  But the most amazing thing about that whole time is that I never personally felt the fear as my own.  My vibration of love was so strong that there was absolutely no possibility that fear could invade.

And it was beautiful. And it was liberating and I felt so free.  And I knew that the weekend was marked by these awe inspiring events so that there was no possibility that I wouldn’t notice just how amazing it all was. 

I wish I could tell you that I have been able to stay in that love energy and been able to banish all fear in the years that have ensued. I can’t.  But I can tell you that when I am able to do that, I remember.  And when I remember, I am able to do that!!

Now that’s the kind of cycle I don’t mind being a part of!!

Can I just say, “I am BLESSITUDE!” I am so blessed and full of gratitude for this journey I am on, and while it may not always seem easy, it is always amazing!  Thank you my friends for your love, your respect, and for teaching me every single day.  I am so happy to share this life with you ❤ ❤ ❤

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

8/20/16

I created two images for this post and decided I did not have to choose which one to use…I could use them both 😉

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Who Am I?

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I have been many things,

held many jobs,

answered many questions,

and asked a million or two.

I have felt many feelings,

and tried not to feel,

made myself numb in ways I care to forget!

But through it all,

every step of the journey,

there has been a constant thread,

one discerning element that defines me…

I am an artist!

There…I said it…

and I mean it.

I am an artist!

I am a creator!!

As I contemplate the full power of this statement, I can feel a blossoming of beauty surge from the core of my being.  The years I spent wondering what I was supposed to be doing, I now realize I have been doing all along.

I have always been happiest when I am making things.  I scoffed at calling myself an artist, thinking that term was reserved for those who specialized in a medium.

I am attending a couple of glass art classes and they ask you introduce yourself in the beginning.  This introduction has been hard for me as my background has been a smorgasbord of artistic expression.

I don’t know if my reluctance to call myself an artist was a self-esteem issue or rather a lack of commitment on my part.  Possibly it was both.  Or maybe there were so many things I tried not to see, not to remember, that I lost my ability to see myself!

Either way, as I lift the veils that shroud my eyes I feel a certain power emanating, flowing, rising to the surface of my world.  I embrace it with open arms and welcome a lost lamb home.

Two very dear friends gave me the gift of their words recently.  One, an incredible artist, said, “You need to know your talent.”  And Dennis, from Merging Traffic, wrote, “Peace, graced artist/storyteller.”

And I said, “Ahhhhh!”  I took her advice and I slipped on his words like a new pair of shoes, dispelling any fear, and understanding there can be humility in the proclamation.  And I do feel “GRACED!’  And to be graced and not honor the gift would be a shame, indeed.

So many of you left me such heart warming comments on my last post where I displayed my first hand cut fused decorative glass plate.  I thank you all, for each and every comment washed over me and gave me understanding, and confidence to be able to say,

I am an Artist

I am a Creator

I am BLESSITUDE!

Lorrie ❤

2/10/16

I Feel the Need to Create!!!

 

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I feel the need to create!

A wave so strong

my every waking moment

recognizes and understands

the capabilities that lie within.

My hands and heart and mind and soul are connected.

Connected in Peace

to the one eternal flame

the very thing that we came from

the thing we all go back to

the thing that we ARE…

The Magnificence of Creation!

And I create…

It seems there are not enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do!!  I am full of Blessitude that I am alive in this energy, and that I am able to engage my creative spirit.

I have started working in glass as art.  It is exciting and a little scary at the same time.  I am very focused and I have a healthy respect for the dangers of the medium as I turn my fears over to the Love of Creation!

I am showing you my second decorative plate in various stages of completion.  The first plate I made, I used mostly pre-cut glass pieces.  However, “Sunflower Salutation,” is all hand cut by me.  When I say ‘hand cut’ I mean either cut with a hand tool, or the power wet cutting tile saw pictured below.

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I started with a design and then systematically cut each piece of glass and placed them, like a puzzle, on the two 12 inch round base pieces I cut. The bottom round is white, the top one is clear with blue streaks.

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 (I just realized I fibbed a little…I did not cut the little Millefiori glass I used for the center of the flower 😉  )

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Being new to the art form, the project was not without a few problems.  The most obvious is I did not know that the lighter of the yellow glass I used for the petals was a ‘stryker’ glass…that means that the color of the glass changes when fired in the kiln and the resulting color can be very different.  It almost took my breath away when I saw it turned orange!

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This is the plate after fusing in the kiln.  A bubble appeared and I am not sure why.  I should have the answer to that question this week.  Apparently, I have also found of late, sometimes there are no answers as to ‘why’ something happens.

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And that is the plate after ‘slumping’ it into a mold.  I love this process…I love this art form…bubbles and all 😉

Thanks for looking.  Wish you all a week filled with eyes that see beauty!!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

2/7/16

Haiku 9/18/15 ~ Judgment

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The big thing I learned

If it exists inside me

I see it elsewhere ~

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

9/18/15

 

I have been going through a very accelerated growth of late.  I am sure it has a lot to do with the passing of Dr. Wayne Dyer.  I was supposed to meet him tonight.  Instead, Hay House will have a celebration of his life which they will air on their website.  My first thought was to not go.  And then it was almost as if I could hear his voice, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

And in that instant my heart changed and I knew that I was so blessed to be able to attend this gathering where every single person would be filled with love and honor.  It will be an environment that fosters miracles and I will be ready because I expect one!!  I am BLESSITUDE ~ so blessed and full of gratitude!  Thank you, Wayne 😉  I’ve a feeling your teaching has really just begun!

❤ Lorrie

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience.  I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first.  So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post.  Each new post will also have links in order.

Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!

I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY

1).  Introduction & Haiku

2).  The Funny Thing About Truth

3).  The Journey to…

4).  He Said I Have Anger

5).  The Long Sleepless Night

6).  Broken Arrow

7).  Safe

8).  Alone

9).  On The Verge

10).  Shred

11).  The Thread

12).  Vindication

13).  Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile

14).  Emancipation

15).  Forgiveness

 

FORGIVENESS

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉

The Long Night & Haiku ~ 12/16/14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I stayed awake all night a few ago…No…I wasn’t reliving my teens pulling an all-nighter, partying, having fun.  I stayed awake all night, crying, and praying, and writing.

I am at a place in my life that intellectually I knew would arrive, but emotionally I never wanted to think about.

The Momma was very sick and hospitalized.  Then it seemed she lost her will to live.  It was so unlike her – she fought her whole life.  It was unbearable to me because if she could give up the fight for her life what would that mean for me?  Would it be possible that I would ever give up?

 

You look me in the eye

And you tell me you will try

But it’s all a bold faced lie

And I hang my head and cry

Because you soon will die

And I have to question why

Should I simply say goodbye?

 

I wrote the above words that night.  It was the beginning of a very personal writing that was interspersed with prayers to God and cries for help.  Not only help with the current situations I find myself in, but help with the emotional upheaval that the past three weeks resurrected in my soul’s heart.

The sun rose and suddenly there was clarity.  I understood that her failure to fight was because she was afraid.  She wanted to continue to live but she didn’t know how to do it.  And then God provided the answers which, if I had been paying attention, were right in front of my eyes the whole time.

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“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

 

Haiku ~ 12/15/14

Oh how I rejoice

When your favor is revealed

Love for me is shown

 

Things I did not see

Standing right in front of me

Vision is restored

 

Full of Thankfulness

For blessed understanding

You show me the way

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I wish for you all to stay strong in your faith, especially during hard times.  I have found that the harder I lean into it, the faster my “vision” becomes clear…the faster my mind hears the words that are placed in my heart.  The words that are sent, the people who are put in my path, the strength that I find right when I think I have no more to give…that is what I am talking about…that is what I am so blessed and full of gratitude for…Blessitude!!!  Thank You!

❤ Lorrie

12/16/14

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Top photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.or
“The Night Sky” Mount Hood National Forest