CONSEQUENCES ~ THANKSGIVING!

This is the last post in the series titled, “Consequences.”  The following list depicts the other postings with links in chronological order:

1). Consequences ~ The Fishing Expedition

2). Consequences ~ The Fallout

3). Consequences ~ The Bottom Line

4). Consequences ~ The Continuum of Light

5). Consequences ~ I Am Not Completely Unscathed

6). Consequences ~ Choices

7). Consequences ~ THANKSGIVING

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The shame and condemnation I feel is real

But at this time I NEED TO FEEL SOMETHING ELSE!

This is about healing

And there is no greater tonic

No natural herb

No laying on of hands

That can affect a greater change than

FORGIVENESS

AND

LOVE

FORGIVENESS AND LOVE

We are not perfect

And though my first reaction after the fallout

Was to act with reproach and disgust for myself

I know in my soul

That is not how to heal

We can look to the Universe

And say, “Why Me?”

(I did)

Or we can look and say,

“Thank you for this opportunity to learn…

Thank you for this reminder of WHO I AM

and therefore,

WHO I AM NOT!”

I have made decisions for a lifetime

Based on how I thought I would feel in the future

And the funny thing is

That those decisions have caused me such grief in the NOW

The truth is

That the future is not guaranteed

And I have no possible idea of how I may feel at that time

As I write this

I know that it will be posted on Thanksgiving morning

And I feel a shift in my heart for which I am so grateful

There’s no rule that says

You have to stay in a person’s life

Just because you share the same blood

I respect each individual’s right

To be who they are

Even if I can’t respect who that is

I understand life experiences and circumstances

Helped to shape that

But I don’t have to agree

With the way they conduct themselves

Or the way they treat people…myself included

I just don’t feel comfortable

Sharing space and breathing the same air

Yes, on this day I give thanks

For finally understanding

That I can’t change other people

And if being in their world is abusive to me

Then I have the choice to not put myself there.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

11/24/16

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Thank you all, beautiful people, for the love you show.  I am inspired by each and every single one of you!  Thanks for following “Consequences” and for the wonderful support you freely extend.  May we all realize the amazing things in our lives and have Thanksgiving…and Blessitude for it all!  ❤

POSTS IN THE SERIES

(Links will become active after each writing is posted)

1). Consequences ~ The Fishing Expedition

2). Consequences ~ The Fallout

3). Consequences ~ The Bottom Line

4). Consequences ~ The Continuum of Light

5). Consequences ~ I Am Not Completely Unscathed

6). Consequences ~ Choices

7). Consequences ~ THANKSGIVING

CONSEQUENCES ~ The Fishing Expedition

This past week has been a very trying time for Americans as we all must come to terms with the results of our Presidential Election.

The energy created by this event is volatile and has far-reaching tentacles, I suspect.  People come down hard on one side or the other and the chasm that is created is “HUGE.”

The following is the first post in a small series I have written called, “Consequences.”  It chronicles my thoughts, feelings, and revelations about the events that occurred, nationally as well as personally, this past week.

I don’t profess to understand how we could become a country that is so divided, but I pray for us all to unite in the energy of love…never has it been more imperative!

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CONSEQUENCES ~ The Fishing Expedition

The line was cast

I picked it up

The intent was obvious

I kept my integrity and tried to stay in the energy of love

My face was pushed into your line of crap and I politely lifted my head and wiped with my sleeve

They talk about a straw that breaks the camel’s back – in fact I remember the game well

You reached down as low as you could go and you threw it in my face

And then a giant can of whoop ass was opened and a foul mouth to boot

Knowing you hated it I did it more and I have to say there was a moment during which I heard the voice of reason and my response was, “**** the voice of reason!”

Your only reason for calling was so full of mal intent and I base this information on the fact that you NEVER call and you didn’t call one short month ago to see if we were impacted by the hurricane

Yes, the bait was loaded

The line was cast

And lines were crossed

When you saw what you “caught” you wanted to throw it back

But I wasn’t coming off the hook that easy for it would be letting you off the hook as well

No!  In that moment I crossed the lines it felt GREAT!

Not so much now

As I realize you went low and I went right down there with you

Some habits die hard

And most times people show you who they are

And there is confirmation

Confirmation of who you are

And confirmation of who I don’t want to be

So I have to go now and work through my shame and get to a place of forgiveness…for MYSELF

As for you…I’ve already done that

And maybe it’s just best that we leave that at that and not make it possible for you to get into that kind of trouble again, because you just can’t help yourself.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

11/13/16

POSTS IN THE SERIES

(Links will become active after each writing is posted)

1). Consequences ~ The Fishing Expedition

2). Consequences ~ The Fallout

3). Consequences ~ The Bottom Line

4). Consequences ~ The Continuum of Light

5). Consequences ~ I Am Not Completely Unscathed

6). Consequences ~ Choices

7). Consequences ~ THANKSGIVING

Meditation Dream ~ 8/21/15

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Old habits die hard.  Or so I’ve been told.  I shrugged and tried to let it roll off my back…pain bubbles that can’t penetrate…

But it was more of the same. The same kind of hurt…the same kind of duck maneuver, and I thought of Albert Einstein and I knew it was insanity.

Time to move on.  Once and for all.  Octopus…invading my mind tells a story.  ‘Detach a limb at will to distract a predator,’  hmmmm….

A meditation bath…a limb removed and buried…cleansing…clearing…

And the resulting poem paints its own picture:

Pain.

It’s always the same

Hard as I try to change it

It remains

Excluded.

like before

doesn’t matter how I crave it

I’m still ignored

Time.

for a change

I can’t keep repeating the same things

I’ll go insane

Coffin.

lowered to the ground

bury the limb that holds it all

never to be found

Cry.

I can barely breathe

each shovel of dirt may as well

be placed on top of me

Sad.

to see them go

I bade farewell and bless them all

viewed as friend and foe

Thank.

them for their role

the molten lava poured on my heart

did not deter my soul

Rain.

begins to fall

sprinkles the softened earth with life

beginning to heed the call

Sun.

begins to shine

flowers bloom a songbird sings

step in to what is mine

Power.

In the form of knowing

takes me by the hand

it’s always showing

Love.

from deep within

send it out to everyone

it’s a beautiful place to begin

Trust.

that it will come back

as long as you give you will receive

and never experience lack

Peace.

from all your woes

feel it from the top of your head

to the very tip of your toes

Hope.

for all mankind

that you know the strength you’re made of

and that you’ll always find

You.

direct the show

I wish you love and kindness

and that you’ll always know

that its all

up to you

have presence of mind

and come from love

in everything you do!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

8/23/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience.  I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first.  So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post.  Each new post will also have links in order.

Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!

I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY

1).  Introduction & Haiku

2).  The Funny Thing About Truth

3).  The Journey to…

4).  He Said I Have Anger

5).  The Long Sleepless Night

6).  Broken Arrow

7).  Safe

8).  Alone

9).  On The Verge

10).  Shred

11).  The Thread

12).  Vindication

13).  Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile

14).  Emancipation

15).  Forgiveness

 

FORGIVENESS

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Emancipation

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

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When all the pieces are there and the dust has settled

I am able to separate

FACT from FICTION

DARK from LIGHT

TRUTH from FANTASY

LOVE from FEAR

Yes, I am able to extract the layer of lies

That were told to me

And came from me

And I see the woman who thought it was better to hide

Who felt shame and guilt for something that was not her fault

No…not her fault at all

She was caught up in someone else’s sickness

In a mind that spent many years

KNOWING but not REMEMBERING

LOVING but not fully COMMITTING

ACCEPTING but not fully FORGIVING

I feel that I have connected

I have connected

MEANING to EVENTS

FEELINGS to THOUGHTS

HEART and SOUL to MIND

Like a lightning bolt

It all connected

From the pull

Of a tiny

THREAD

Understanding

And the fear that kept me in the dark for so long has dissipated

Into thin air

The child who couldn’t handle the memories

Doesn’t have to

Because the adult she’s become

Loves her

And will take all of the memories from here

And while I couldn’t be there to protect her THEN

I am here NOW

And I AM strong

And truth dispels fear when surrounded by love

Blessitude

Lorrie

4/4/15

Powerful Understanding

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And sometimes

understanding comes in an instant

a flash of light upon the heart

that opens every cell

to the remembrance of love

I am in the middle of a very disturbing event in my life.  It has resurrected every insecurity I have ever felt.  I am being terrorized by a BULLY…someone I am related to.  He is a frightening personality and I am in a position where I have to stand up to him in order to protect someone I promised to take care of.

I tried to ignore him at first…but the fear of what he was up to was more than I could handle so I spoke to him.  The visceral reaction from his threats and ranting and raving rocks the very foundation of my soul!

My Lyme’s disease is an opportunistic invader…I can feel the spirochetes jumping for joy that my defenses are down.  They are having a party inside with swords and knives.

And in a moment I realized that staying away from my beautiful friends and their incredible support was exactly what the bully wanted…needed in fact!

I felt all the old patterns of abuse…the soul and the body remember.  I realized that allowing him to beat me down with his verbal insults and the sheer terror of his antics pushed me further away from the power of love and left me in the bowels of fear.

And, mistakenly, I thought I couldn’t bring that energy here to my blog.  No, I reacted the same way I always did growing up in my family.  Pretend.  Pretend everything is fine.  And, if I can’t pretend (because that is very hard for me) then withdraw.  Don’t let anyone see the pain.

Is it embarrassment?  I don’t know.  Is it I think I deserve to be abused? I don’t know.  Maybe the child who cowered in fear learned that…but the woman who has worked so hard to climb out of the dungeons does not!  No…I believe in the power of love and I know where there is love there can not be fear.

So here I am my friends.  Yes…a bully is trying to steal my power.  I pray for him (I always have.)  And I pray for myself to stay in love surrounded by my friends who offer such incredible support…Thank you all!!!  I am Blessitude!!

Lorrie ❤

2/1/15

Freak Accident ~ Broken

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I didn”t mean to hurt you…

Oh, but you did.

In fact, I didn’t know that I did.

I wondered about that as I cried through my pain.

I heard something but I didn’t think it was my place to reach out to you.  I don’t know you.

I knew you heard me cry…and I ask you…do you need to know someone to comfort them?

Well, it would have been uncomfortable.

I’m terribly sorry that offering a fellow being comfort would cause you discomfort…I am truly sorry about that.

And I am sorry that I hurt you.

Thank you.

I had a very freak accident yesterday.  I was in a public restroom and as I was closing my door with my hand around the edge of it, a woman pushed her door open harder than you could ever imagine.  The two doors were traveling towards each other…with my hand right smack in the middle of the explosive crash!

I think I made it worse because I yanked my hand back at the impact.  I know I screamed…and then I cried.  And the woman went about her business washing and drying her hands and promptly left.  She never said a word.

My hand immediately swelled and the restaurant staff got me ice.  They wanted me to see the lifeguards and make an incident report.  The lifeguards strongly suggested I get an x-ray.

I took the ice off after 20 minutes, and my hand was so grotesquely swollen I couldn’t look at it!  I did go to get an x-ray and I could not be more grateful that nothing was broken 🙂

It is very painful and very swollen.  I can’t use it so the reality of what our dominant hand does for us is very real to me.  I have thought a lot about the things I do with my hands and I am so blessed.  First I thought about the tennis match this morning that I would not be able to play for our team…then I thought about my latest art project that I was so excited to finish…then, in horror, I thought I couldn’t write!!!

It made me realize how much I take my body for granted.  It made me realize that life has the possibility of changing drastically in a millisecond.   It made me wonder how many times people hurt other people and have no idea that they did.  Worse than that, it made me wonder how many people know that they have hurt someone and are able to just walk away.

My words above were an imaginary conversation I had with the woman who must have “kicked” her stall door open.  I will always wonder who she was, what she thought, and what she might have been going through in her life.  It made me feel a little better to write about it.

I wrote the above yesterday.  Today my hand feels much better…in fact I am using it to type …not without pain…but at least it moves and the swelling has gone done some.  The photograph was taken at the beach restaurant a few months ago…I didn’t know what photo to include.  I thought about posting a photo of my hand…but it was so icky!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

1/21/15