IS PURPOSE

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Let me move through this, oh Lord

Let me walk through the darkness

with light in my steps

knowing that truth dwells within

Let me grow through this, oh Lord

Let me know that the lesson

was worth the pain

and through the struggle

I did gain

A love that brings me closer to you,

a knowing deep inside

that the beauty that is…

inspired through my heart center

is purpose.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

3/17/17

Winds of Change

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It is hard to put into words, and I reason with myself…is it necessary to try to remember it so that I can document it?  Isn’t it enough that it was my reality and I had to hold on to the idea of light just to make it through?

I suspended life…I disconnected from my soul.  It was almost like I had to protect the most beautiful part of me from the ugliness and the sheer terror of the place I was thrust in to.  Was I wrong to try to protect myself by leaving?  Did I lose the life force because I voluntarily set it aside in the hope that I could step back into my skin and carry on business as usual?

It’s been days since the terror ended…and I am changed.  The fear that exists inside is the same one I have always had.  I am alone…at a time when I needed to be the full expression of the power of my soul, I sought to separate and go it alone.  I reverted to a life that had been ingrained in my DNA for eons…out of what…?  Habit?

And now I am left in the aftermath with broken pieces.  I lift them up from the ground and it sifts through my fingertips like the sand on the beach that I love.  I know they all belong to me, but I am having trouble putting them back where they belong.  And then I am frozen with fear as I wonder whether all the pieces are, in fact, there!  What if I lost something along the way…what if, in trying to protect my splintered world, I lost a piece – a most valuable piece of me – and I can never be the same?

For now I gather the grains and I hold them tight and I pat myself down to keep the parts that are there – intact.  I look out from eyes that are changed and the winds of time whisper the question, “Have you learned nothing at all?”

And a tear slides down my cheek and drops to the ground and the sound that reverberates is deafening.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/7/16

Hello my friends!  I have missed you all so much!  I was riding so high and then I was knocked off my horse and it is taking time for me to dust myself off…and get back on.

I could feel the winds of change blowing but I had no idea the extent to which they would blow.  I had a drama that brought up many old icky patterns and before I could sort that out I got the flu for the first time in over 20 years!  And it hurt!  The fever must have been terribly high as I was thrust into dreams/hallucinations that were both terrifying and frightening.  I used to wonder why they said the flu could kill the very young and the very old.  That was because my only other bout with it had been mild.  Now I understand and, though I don’t fit in either of those categories, I feel very fortunate that it didn’t kill me.

I have been so disconnected and I have not had the desire to do…ANYTHING!  I don’t feel like me and quite frankly, it is very scary.  It is a huge step for me to even post this.  But deep in my heart I know that it is the connection that I need.  Bless you dear souls…I am sorry I have missed what is going on in your worlds.  I will be over soon to catch up.

Lorrie ❤

Photo: Silk painting “The party” by Jan Janas

Dance Into Eternity

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Life.

Death.

A thin line.

I’ve walked for years,

Straddling,

One leg firmly planted on the side of life.

The other in the air,

crossing the center,

balanced like a gymnast on the beam.

Life.

Death.

One is here,

where my foot is planted firmly,

and there are times that it feels darker,

than being closed in a casket lowered,

six feet under.

My ballerina toe gets closer

and almost touches that side,

and in one moment I have a thought

that there might be some life in there,

there might just be a rainbow.

But then I lean on my left leg.

The one that is sturdy and holds me up straight.

And I remember that there is a whole lot

more life left to be lived on this side.

So I walk on the wire,

one foot in front of the other,

and I make a promise

to continue to explore this side of the line

with as much gusto as I can.

My right leg obeys,

and my soul decides to continue its work,

and my mind is free,

because I know that death is not something to fear.

When the time is right,

I will lace up both ballerina shoes

and

Dance Into Eternity!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

11/29/15

Sorry for the morose feeling behind this post.  I had written it a while ago and did not post it when it was raw.  But I just found out that a couple I know were found dead in their condo, a suspected murder/suicide.

I am in shock!

I saw them just a few weeks ago.  They were the kind of people you just knew were meant to be together…soul mates.  I can’t begin to guess what enticed them to cross over that line, but I suppose I am not surprised that, as they were in life, they decided to be in death…together.

I will miss them.

❤ Lorrie

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer ~ I Miss You

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One lonely tear

magnifies the hole placed in my heart

when you left

We were so close to meeting

you and I

and the energy we would have created

would have been so full of miracles

But the time has passed

and so has your soul

and I am left here to wonder

why events occurred in the time that they did

and how we could have been so close

and yet so far

And I feel a void

a darkness

for what could have been

A light

a beautiful brilliance

that worked toward such good

has dimmed to a laser beam

straight into the night sky

And I believe

there may just be

a new star in the sky up there

and when I walk

out into the darkness

I will look skyward

and know deep in my soul

that you still shine

and there’s still a twinkle in your eye

and I will make a wish

upon your star

and my wish will be held

in the loving energy

that you bestowed

upon the world

Dear man,

beautiful soul,

gentle teacher,

I miss you ❤

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

9/4/15

I feel such a profound loss at the passing of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.  Beautiful soul, trusted mentor, his light will always shine from above but his essence will be sorely missed in this earth plane.  I had good reason to believe that I would meet him in person in two weeks and I had daydreamed many times of how that meeting would go.  I was so very excited.

Then my sister called and I knew before she even said the words that he had passed.

The pain almost seemed too great to comprehend in that moment as I selfishly realized that my dream of meeting him would always be just that, a dream.  But then I remembered the reasons I wanted to meet him in the first place and the warmest feeling of love caressed me from beyond.  Beyond the existence that my body occupied, and into the realm where I know he will always live with me. 

I am so grateful for all you taught me, Dr. Wayne, and I will always see your smiling face and those incredibly twinkling eyes.  I will honor your memory by being the best version, the most authentic version, of me.  And I will always expect a miracle!!

My heart goes out to Dr. Wayne’s family and close friends…I can not imagine the size of the hole in their hearts ❤

Namaste…Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience.  I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first.  So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post.  Each new post will also have links in order.

Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!

I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY

1).  Introduction & Haiku

2).  The Funny Thing About Truth

3).  The Journey to…

4).  He Said I Have Anger

5).  The Long Sleepless Night

6).  Broken Arrow

7).  Safe

8).  Alone

9).  On The Verge

10).  Shred

11).  The Thread

12).  Vindication

13).  Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile

14).  Emancipation

15).  Forgiveness

 

FORGIVENESS

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Vindication

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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It was there all along

Funny how the mind thinks that it can protect you by not allowing the pieces of a puzzle to be seen as a whole

Once connected it almost seems incredulous that one could not see it before

It was all there

For many years

It was not hidden from thought as one might suppose

No

It was hidden from meaning

Events seen separately for years

Each creating their own brand of misery

Were a smokescreen

A haze….fog in my brain

To disconnect truth

To prevent

The thinking mind

The feeling heart

The bleeding soul

From feeling the betrayal

The worst kind of betrayal

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

4/2/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Thread

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

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In the darkness there is a thread

I can see it hanging

And I have the urge to pull it

I know from past experience that even a little tug

Will unravel all that is securely in place

All that is neatly hemmed

Uniform

Clean

If I let it rip

That tiny thread will undo a lifetime of holding it in place

It will leave a crease

A stain

A mark

On an otherwise smooth surface of buried memories

Still

I wonder how terrible would it really be to

Unleash the chains that were self-imposed

Left to wander

But not too far

Just in case

Just in case

In the darkness my fingers toyed with the thread

As my mind toyed with my heart

Thumb and index finger rolled the thread around

Felt the texture

Felt the spun silk

It was alluring

It was seductive

I was almost convinced

So I pulled

A gentle tug

A stitch undone

It was exhilarating

It was exciting to be walking in the

Realm of the forbidden

To be insubordinate to the secrets

That have been in control

Another stitch….

An inch or so

But the fear of a mile made me drop it

Dead in my tracks

As I turned my back

And nursed the wounds of my psyche

The scars of my memories

The horrors of exile

I wrapped myself in the cocoon of safety

In the pristine hem that has held it all together

For all these years

Left with an exposed inch

I feel that it is possible to explore it

It is truth revealed for my curious mind

That at times would question the validity

It was enough

For now

I am safe and armed with this inch of knowledge

I feel another chain in the link of bondage on my soul has been removed

And I feel lighter

Freer

Happier

Safer

And above all else

I feel more capable to hold the little girl

And to love her unconditionally

And to cry

With her

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

4/1/15