What Now? ~ Happy New Year

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So it’s all up to me?

The things I think

The energy I impart to the world

It’s a choice

          To see love or fear

          Darkness or light 

Hope and joy or despair?

IT HARDLY SEEMS FAIR…

That I didn’t realize this sooner

That I spent the better part of half a century allowing things to be less than optimal

But who am I to question the timing of things

I have also spent the better part of the last three years KNOWING that everything happens the way it is supposed to…with perfect timing!

So as I write these words

I think ahead to the strike of Midnight in two days

And I think about 2015

And what I would like for my goals

And there is knowing…

That I want to be conscious as much as is humanly possible

Of every thought that crosses my mind

I want to be aware of which side my energy lives in…in as many moments of the day as possible

I want to make sure that I am connected to ME

I want to be aware of ME every day

I no longer wish to be on auto pilot going through the motions of life

I want to be a willing participant in the creation of my days

Yes, I want to be the director

Wait…I take that back…I know that I am the director of my life

What I want to do is to be aware of the things that I think…

The tiny fleeting moments that hardly register as conscious thoughts

And yet are so very integral to the landscape of my day

In anticipation of the clock’s strike at midnight (something that is highly unlikely I will hear) this is my wish…my goal…my New Year’s resolution!

 

 

I have read so much over the last three years about how our thoughts direct the creation of our lives.  I believed it almost immediately.  It was a little hard to agree to the really nasty, horrible things that happened.  Yet, if I am honest I can see how my thinking contributed to certain events.

Monday I drove the “lead car” on Interstate 95 in south Florida.  It is not a very friendly highway.  In fact, it is full of aggressive drivers who are willing to put your life at risk if you do anything at all that displeases them.

If you drive any slower than 80 MPH you are likely to be cut off and flipped the bird.  I had to drive between 50-55 MPH to lead a pick-up truck that was pulling a trailer that was carrying a dresser and huge mirror to my house.  Phew!

My first thought was, “Someone is going to kill me!”  And then I had to laugh when my passenger pointed out that I would be the first person to admonish someone else for driving that slow on the highway.  My next thought was, “Oh, no!  It looks like it is raining up ahead!”  I envisioned the beautiful wood being ruined by the pop up Florida downpour.  I won’t even go into the thoughts I had about the dresser not being tied down or the mirror riding on top of a pile of scrap metal in the back of the pick-up!

Then I stopped my thoughts dead in their tracks.  I couldn’t believe the negativity that was flowing from me.  I decided to do an about face and I thought that I was perfectly safe driving at that speed.  Then, even though I could see the rain pouring from the clouds in front of me, I thought the clouds would part and the sun would shine.  Then I pictured in my mind what the dresser with the beautiful mirror would look like in my bedroom…safe and sound…completely intact!

And guess what?  It happened exactly like I had planned…or thought.  And I couldn’t have been more grateful that I stopped myself from thinking about the other scenario!  Imagine it…someone cuts me off for driving so slow but not before the dresser and mirror fly off the truck and splinter into a million pieces…but not before the downpour completely soaked the wood.  Now WHY in the world would I want to create THAT???

I wish you all the most beautiful blessings in life.  I wish you all understanding and peace…yes…peace and grace.  There is something about that word that keeps coming up for me and I pray that you feel it in your life!  Happy New Year…welcome 2015!!

❤ Lorrie

 

Photo credit
The-beautiful-clock-color–ime-midnight-Favin.com193318

 

The Angels Swooped In & Haiku 12/28/14

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Drowning in chaos

And then the Angels swoop in

Order is restored

They say that drowning is a peaceful way to die

But I’m not sure that could be true

Because I’ve felt like I was drowning before

And I felt like it recently

And I couldn’t breathe

And the tears slid down my face

And I gasped for air

And I had no idea how I could possibly complete the task before me

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe

Because I did

I read recently to always let your faith be larger than your fear

And I have faith

And I have fear

And I believed that I could do it all

But then there was a deadline

And it required help from someone else

And it looked daunting

And it felt heavy

And I was suffocating

And I wondered if I was in over my head

And then the Angels swooped in

Yes

The Angels swooped in

And they took care of everything

And my load seemed lighter

Like thousands of pounds were lifted off my shoulders

And I could breathe

I wasn’t drowning

I was saved

And I was happy

And I felt loved and protected

And I couldn’t be more grateful

Sometimes…even though the fear starts to grow

Faith prevails…yes faith prevails

Thank you…beautiful swooping Angels!

Blessitude

Lorrie

12/28/14

 

My dear, dear friends!  I have missed you all so much!  Merry Christmas…I hope the holiday found you all in peaceful bliss and surrounded by love.  Life has been a bit hectic, and very emotional.  I am doing the best I can given the circumstances.  And I have truly been helped by Angels!!

The Momma is better.  She will be moving to “Assisted” living within her own community.  It has been a difficult decision, but after much evaluation I believe it to be the best thing for all of us.  But it is sad 😦

I am in the process of going through all of her belongings and downsizing.  There are many items, photographs, memories…some of them good…some of them not.

But this is the week of the New Year…2015…it seems impossible.  Y2K was just a bit ago…right?

A friend asked me last night if I had any New Year resolutions.  I have a few ideas floating around in my head.  Hopefully soon I will get around to the commitment phase 🙂  Who knows…maybe I will share them in a post here.  (That is if I truly pull off this move before the first!!)

Much love to you all.  Thank you for opening up a whole world of beauty to me here.  I value the friendships I have found and I pray that I will be back on a more consistent schedule in 2015!

❤ Lorrie

 

 

 

 

 

The Long Night & Haiku ~ 12/16/14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I stayed awake all night a few ago…No…I wasn’t reliving my teens pulling an all-nighter, partying, having fun.  I stayed awake all night, crying, and praying, and writing.

I am at a place in my life that intellectually I knew would arrive, but emotionally I never wanted to think about.

The Momma was very sick and hospitalized.  Then it seemed she lost her will to live.  It was so unlike her – she fought her whole life.  It was unbearable to me because if she could give up the fight for her life what would that mean for me?  Would it be possible that I would ever give up?

 

You look me in the eye

And you tell me you will try

But it’s all a bold faced lie

And I hang my head and cry

Because you soon will die

And I have to question why

Should I simply say goodbye?

 

I wrote the above words that night.  It was the beginning of a very personal writing that was interspersed with prayers to God and cries for help.  Not only help with the current situations I find myself in, but help with the emotional upheaval that the past three weeks resurrected in my soul’s heart.

The sun rose and suddenly there was clarity.  I understood that her failure to fight was because she was afraid.  She wanted to continue to live but she didn’t know how to do it.  And then God provided the answers which, if I had been paying attention, were right in front of my eyes the whole time.

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“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

 

Haiku ~ 12/15/14

Oh how I rejoice

When your favor is revealed

Love for me is shown

 

Things I did not see

Standing right in front of me

Vision is restored

 

Full of Thankfulness

For blessed understanding

You show me the way

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I wish for you all to stay strong in your faith, especially during hard times.  I have found that the harder I lean into it, the faster my “vision” becomes clear…the faster my mind hears the words that are placed in my heart.  The words that are sent, the people who are put in my path, the strength that I find right when I think I have no more to give…that is what I am talking about…that is what I am so blessed and full of gratitude for…Blessitude!!!  Thank You!

❤ Lorrie

12/16/14

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Top photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.or
“The Night Sky” Mount Hood National Forest

 

 

Stripped Bare

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Fear.  It possessed their souls.  Maybe it has always been there, but for sure it is magnified…wearing a gown…attached to wires…holes being poked in their arms…strangers walk in…modesty walks out…no idea who will touch them…who will hurt them…what are their rights?

Nothing happens until everything does…and then they move with lightening speed and you can barely keep up…and they don’t know what is happening…but they know they are on borrowed time…and they reflect on a life…and the sadness creeps through the cracks in their skin…and they fight!

They’re not done yet…but it is inappropriate…not the right time…not the right words…maybe they didn’t hear the directions…but suddenly everything they do is wrong…and they are labeled “forgetful!”

Water is wet…but thickened by regrets of a voiceless advocate…as buttons are pushed…calls go unheard…alarms ring in the distance…roommates make terroristic threats

and then there is silence…

you pray for silence

Blessitude

Lorrie

12/4/14

The past week and a half has been one of the most trying of my life.  It started with my brother-in-law who contracted MRSA in his leg and was in danger of having it amputated.  Then his father had a heart attack, on the same day my mother, “The Momma,” was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia.  My brother came to visit The Momma on Thanksgiving Day, and then had a heart attack two days later.

The outcome:  Brother-in-law is home and doing well with both legs intact.  His father had surgery and is recovering.  My brother checked himself out of the hospital after surgery, and I worry if he will follow the strict guidelines that were given to him.  And The Momma was moved to an inpatient rehabilitation center, and although down and out at the moment…I expect her to rally soon and work hard to recover.

And me?…I am hanging in there.  In times like this it can be so very hard to find the good…but I have an unending faith that everything happens the way it is supposed to.  And the only way I got through all of this so far is to look for the things that I am grateful for.  I am Blessitude!

I will not have the time to be as present here as I would love to be.  I thank you all, wonderful souls, for the support you show me 🙂  I will visit you all as soon as I can.  May you all walk in Love and Peace!

❤ Lorrie