Winds of Change

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It is hard to put into words, and I reason with myself…is it necessary to try to remember it so that I can document it?  Isn’t it enough that it was my reality and I had to hold on to the idea of light just to make it through?

I suspended life…I disconnected from my soul.  It was almost like I had to protect the most beautiful part of me from the ugliness and the sheer terror of the place I was thrust in to.  Was I wrong to try to protect myself by leaving?  Did I lose the life force because I voluntarily set it aside in the hope that I could step back into my skin and carry on business as usual?

It’s been days since the terror ended…and I am changed.  The fear that exists inside is the same one I have always had.  I am alone…at a time when I needed to be the full expression of the power of my soul, I sought to separate and go it alone.  I reverted to a life that had been ingrained in my DNA for eons…out of what…?  Habit?

And now I am left in the aftermath with broken pieces.  I lift them up from the ground and it sifts through my fingertips like the sand on the beach that I love.  I know they all belong to me, but I am having trouble putting them back where they belong.  And then I am frozen with fear as I wonder whether all the pieces are, in fact, there!  What if I lost something along the way…what if, in trying to protect my splintered world, I lost a piece – a most valuable piece of me – and I can never be the same?

For now I gather the grains and I hold them tight and I pat myself down to keep the parts that are there – intact.  I look out from eyes that are changed and the winds of time whisper the question, “Have you learned nothing at all?”

And a tear slides down my cheek and drops to the ground and the sound that reverberates is deafening.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/7/16

Hello my friends!  I have missed you all so much!  I was riding so high and then I was knocked off my horse and it is taking time for me to dust myself off…and get back on.

I could feel the winds of change blowing but I had no idea the extent to which they would blow.  I had a drama that brought up many old icky patterns and before I could sort that out I got the flu for the first time in over 20 years!  And it hurt!  The fever must have been terribly high as I was thrust into dreams/hallucinations that were both terrifying and frightening.  I used to wonder why they said the flu could kill the very young and the very old.  That was because my only other bout with it had been mild.  Now I understand and, though I don’t fit in either of those categories, I feel very fortunate that it didn’t kill me.

I have been so disconnected and I have not had the desire to do…ANYTHING!  I don’t feel like me and quite frankly, it is very scary.  It is a huge step for me to even post this.  But deep in my heart I know that it is the connection that I need.  Bless you dear souls…I am sorry I have missed what is going on in your worlds.  I will be over soon to catch up.

Lorrie ❤

Photo: Silk painting “The party” by Jan Janas

Be Not the Darkness

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Lonely Souls

I sit not in judgment

of the wounded heart that bled its pain

in the destruction of others

for many times

this is how humans behave

*

But there is another way

a way that serves humanity

in the light of which we were created

in the light of all true meaning

and that light is

LOVE ❤

*

Nothing is gained

when we retaliate

with our own pain and destruction

delivered by fear that we too,

are capable of such atrocities

All that is gained

is more of the same energy

and it proves that we are indeed capable

*

But we are capable of many things

and I beg you to replace your fear

before it is too late!

*

Be Not the Darkness

of the Wounded Soul

rather

Rise up to the

Brilliant Light that

Created Us All

The Brilliant Light

that Shines a Path

Rise Up

to

LOVE!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

11/15/15

I feel such sadness in my soul in light of the recent terror attacks in Paris.  It doesn’t make sense to me that people think these kinds of acts are holy.  But I will try not to judge their pain and add more negativity to the world.

Instead, I will think more clearly the next time I have a perceived hurt by someone.  I will try to work it out WITH them, and if that is not possible, then I will just send them love.  Nothing is gained when we add negativity…EVERYTHING IS GAINED WHEN WE ADD LOVE!  ❤

Haiku 9/18/15 ~ Judgment

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The big thing I learned

If it exists inside me

I see it elsewhere ~

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

9/18/15

 

I have been going through a very accelerated growth of late.  I am sure it has a lot to do with the passing of Dr. Wayne Dyer.  I was supposed to meet him tonight.  Instead, Hay House will have a celebration of his life which they will air on their website.  My first thought was to not go.  And then it was almost as if I could hear his voice, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

And in that instant my heart changed and I knew that I was so blessed to be able to attend this gathering where every single person would be filled with love and honor.  It will be an environment that fosters miracles and I will be ready because I expect one!!  I am BLESSITUDE ~ so blessed and full of gratitude!  Thank you, Wayne 😉  I’ve a feeling your teaching has really just begun!

❤ Lorrie

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience.  I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first.  So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post.  Each new post will also have links in order.

Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!

I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY

1).  Introduction & Haiku

2).  The Funny Thing About Truth

3).  The Journey to…

4).  He Said I Have Anger

5).  The Long Sleepless Night

6).  Broken Arrow

7).  Safe

8).  Alone

9).  On The Verge

10).  Shred

11).  The Thread

12).  Vindication

13).  Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile

14).  Emancipation

15).  Forgiveness

 

FORGIVENESS

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Safe

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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Safe from the sounds of the outside world

Locked away from the energy of others

I am calm

Protected from jealous whispers

And winds of change

I walk

I walk and I hear the voice of my soul

And I feel

I Feel the caress of great love

That erupts from the base of my understanding

From the beginning of time

This love washes me with gentle spring rain

And it cleanses my mind

It cleanses my thoughts

It flows with gravity

And leaves behind a blossom

A blossoming soul with soft petals

And thorns

Thorns that protect

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/28/15

 

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Funny Thing About Truth

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to …, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer…Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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What is at the base of the fear?

Why would it be so terrible to know what kept me locked

in a prison of denial at best

oblivion at worst

I pride myself with knowing truth

Honoring it

So why would I be content to set a portion of it aside

To delegate one truth as more important than another

To send one truth so far away from my wounded psyche

It may as well have belonged to someone else

The funny thing about truth is

I think it only belongs to the person who is willing to

Look at it

Dissect it

Question it

Live it

Honor it

And most important

Accept it!!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/23/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Introduction & Haiku

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to …, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread,  Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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The poems/writings you are about to read all took place within the last month.  You will see that it was a time of great emotion and transformation.  I could feel it happening and though at times I was wrought with fear, I prayed, and I had hope and faith that I would not only SURVIVE the memories…but I would THRIVE with the memories.

I AM a 53 year old woman.  I AM brave…I can face this.  I AM strong…I can handle it.  I AM safe…no one can hurt me.  I AM ready…to see the truth, to tell my story, and to get on with the business of living my life.

 

A journey to truth

It has taken many years

And I remember

 

I have titled this series, “I Remember…An Odyssey.”  I will post every day until all of the writings have been shown.  The posts will be titled “I Remember…An Odyssey ~ ” with the title of each writing to follow.  I will include links to all prior writings in the series to make it easy to access them chronologically.

I have never done anything like this before, and to be honest it feels a little daunting.  To be able to post every day and not allow life to interfere, as it so often does, I will schedule the whole series in advance.  I usually post what intuitively feels “right” on any given day, so this is the biggest departure from normal and creates the most stress for me

In the spirit of staying true to the truth of this experience, I will only post this series until it is finished.  I will schedule them for the same time each day, and I will try to be available at that time for comments.

I hear all these “what ifs” in my mind and I hear doubt, but I will listen to my soul which directs me to post this.  I thank you all, my friends, for you give me the courage to be able to do this project.  I am so grateful for each and every one of you.  Every time you post YOUR truth you strengthen my heart.  Every time you are vulnerable you strengthen our bond.  And every time we connect we strengthen humanity!  I am so blessed and full of gratitude…Blessitude!!

Lorrie ❤

3/22/15