The Haze

 

2015-02-28 09.54.27

The haze makes it hard to see

fog surrounds my brain

mist occludes my sight

the distance hurts my heart

I know you are there

but I am having trouble finding you

the darkness surrounds

the dreams that were meant to be

it permeates the air

and chokes the tired sobs

that lay at the base of my throat

the sobs that have been strangled

with bare hands

soft from lack of hard work

the mind plays tricks

and would have me believe

that I could find you any time I desired

but my reality subsists

in the recesses of the darkness

that comes to play in fields

fertile with doubt

planted with seeds

that sprout the ugliest parts of my personality

and I weep

and the tears make it even harder to see

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/10/15

 

40 thoughts on “The Haze

  1. It is always both tender and touching, Lorrie, to discover beautiful persons grappling with difficulty. From here it looks like a wondrous rose stunned into doubt and uncertainty by a cloudy day. But the rose is the rose. You could tell the rose the clouds will pass, but I don’t think the point is either the clouds or the rain. Clouds come and rains fall. I just want to tell you the rose is still the rose.

    Take heart–
    Michael

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    1. Dear Michael…Thank you!! I love your words…and I hear them with my heart 🙂 As soon as I read “the rose” I was reminded of Better Midler’s amazing acting in the movie of the same name. Tragic portrayal indeed! I will be fine…I know that the haze will clear and the sunshine will pervade my world! I’m so grateful for your support ❤

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    1. Hello dear Natalie…Thank you for your heartfelt support…I will be fine…or I should say “I AM” fine!! I hope that you are well into healing and that you are not in too much pain! Much love and many blessings to you ❤

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  2. Lorrie, I have felt this way many times. You do feel like you’re in a foggy misty haze grappling with unseen demons but thanks to a close friend who listens eventually the mist clears up and my vision restored. Sometimes we just need somebody we can confide in who won’t judge us.

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    1. Your lips to….yes…DeBorah! I hear you and it is so true…I think especially the part about no judging. I think we as humans have a very hard time with this concept…and in particular the worst judgment is the kind we do to ourselves! I’ve seen the haze and mist before and the beautiful thing is the way EVERYTHING is so CLEAR when it is removed 🙂 So here’s to clearing the haze. Thank you so much…I am very grateful for your love ❤

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    1. Hi Harlon…I’m so happy we have connected 🙂 Thank you…and yes our reality is what we make it! Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that I could actually concoct what is in my life. Yet the truth is that the only thing we truly have control over is our thoughts. I am a work in progress, and every time the haze clears I have more understanding. Many blessings ❤

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    1. Giant giant smile, dear Hariod! 🙂 Now you are speaking my language. Thank you for the pep talk and encouragement. I know this is temporary and will soon pass. Now I have to ask…does this mean you are a tennis player? If so, something tells me you would be a formidable opponent 😉

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      1. I played just at local club level about 35-40 years ago Lorrie, and had some coaching from a woman who’d played Wimbledon but who alas couldn’t do much with my plodding ‘hooves’ (as she called them) and weakness at the net. I remembered you saying that you played, so thought a cryptic tennis comment would be in order. H ❤

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        1. Oh, Hariod…even though your comment made me laugh so hard…I can’t imagine that you have plodding hooves…hehe! And ah!..net play…yes, this seems to be a skill that requires MUCH practice! As I am 5’2″ I learned early in my tennis career that I would need to develop an awesome overhead to discourage my opponents from lobbing 🙂 Tennis is a chess match if done well…If I discourage lobbing then I can get closer to the net…which makes volleying way easier! It’s funny Hariod, after almost 30 years of playing tennis I see so many parallels between the game and life! And just like there is haze in life, there are many days I have trouble finding the ball on the court! 🙂 ❤

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    1. Hello beautiful soul sister 🙂 I have been a little absent and will be playing catch up…so I will make sure I to listen to your beautiful meditation 🙂 Thank you so much for your love…uou are very special to me!! I don’t know when you will go “home” but I just mailed something to you there 🙂 Much love to you, Trini ❤

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  3. You bare your soul in your poetry and it is honest and beautiful. I am smiling, because I cried tonight for the first time in a long time…and then I read your poem :). Even in the haze- He is with you. Even though the tears cloud your vision, He is there. Much love to you, my friend!!!

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    1. Oh, Julie…Thank you so much…you just made me cry!! I know He is there…even when it seems that I can’t see anything…maybe even more so then!! You always touch my heart and I am so grateful for your love! I hope that everything is ok…I know it is good to cry sometimes. Much love to you Julie ❤

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      1. I don’t know if you do this, but once I get started crying- the floodgates open, lol!! That’s what happened to me this evening. I have let it all go and am ready to begin tomorrow fresh!! His mercies are new every day :). Much love to you, too!!!

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        1. Oh, Yes!! The kind with wracking trying to catch my breath crying…Yes…we are.not strangers!! 🙂 We weren’t allowed to cry as children which was ludicrous!! You can only imagine what happens when you are told NOT to cry! Because of that I tried for many years not to…and thought it was a sign of weakness. I know better now…and I love a good cry! ❤

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    1. Hi Brad! Thank you my friend…I am very grateful to have your support! I would bet that most people experience the haze at one time or another…I am so lucky to have such beautiful souls offer a hand that I can see and I hope that I can do the same for others. I love that you linked to Trini’s poem…she is a sweet Angel and I am certain that someone here will see it who needs it <3. Have a beautiful Wednesday, Brad!!

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    1. Oh Theresa…Wow! Your words are incredibly humbling to me…Thank you for your very kind thoughts! I’m sorry you know this hard place…but I think that must mean you know the opposite as well…and that makes me very happy 😉 Thank you so much for your beautiful support ❤

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  4. Tears water the garden of your soul. Let them flow freely, nourishing the seeds that sprout the most beautiful part of your being. Breathe deeply. Breathe in courage. Then rest with sweet dreams of better days ahead. Peace to you dear one.

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    1. Ah…such a beautiful poetic response…it’s speaks to my heart dear friend 🙂 I am learning to “feel” what is mine without panicking. To know that not only is everything that happens is okay…but everything I feel is okay as well! It is empowering to honor everything that is ME! Thank you my dear JoAnne…your heart and soul are so beautiful!! 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Neha!! Thank you so much for your support…for your beautiful words…and for always giving me something beautiful to read when I visit your home!!! I am in a place where there is great understanding. I can sit with what I am learning and hold it with love…not fear 🙂 Thank you dear heart…I hope all is super wonderful in your world!! ❤

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