CONSEQUENCES ~ THANKSGIVING!

This is the last post in the series titled, “Consequences.”  The following list depicts the other postings with links in chronological order:

1). Consequences ~ The Fishing Expedition

2). Consequences ~ The Fallout

3). Consequences ~ The Bottom Line

4). Consequences ~ The Continuum of Light

5). Consequences ~ I Am Not Completely Unscathed

6). Consequences ~ Choices

7). Consequences ~ THANKSGIVING

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The shame and condemnation I feel is real

But at this time I NEED TO FEEL SOMETHING ELSE!

This is about healing

And there is no greater tonic

No natural herb

No laying on of hands

That can affect a greater change than

FORGIVENESS

AND

LOVE

FORGIVENESS AND LOVE

We are not perfect

And though my first reaction after the fallout

Was to act with reproach and disgust for myself

I know in my soul

That is not how to heal

We can look to the Universe

And say, “Why Me?”

(I did)

Or we can look and say,

“Thank you for this opportunity to learn…

Thank you for this reminder of WHO I AM

and therefore,

WHO I AM NOT!”

I have made decisions for a lifetime

Based on how I thought I would feel in the future

And the funny thing is

That those decisions have caused me such grief in the NOW

The truth is

That the future is not guaranteed

And I have no possible idea of how I may feel at that time

As I write this

I know that it will be posted on Thanksgiving morning

And I feel a shift in my heart for which I am so grateful

There’s no rule that says

You have to stay in a person’s life

Just because you share the same blood

I respect each individual’s right

To be who they are

Even if I can’t respect who that is

I understand life experiences and circumstances

Helped to shape that

But I don’t have to agree

With the way they conduct themselves

Or the way they treat people…myself included

I just don’t feel comfortable

Sharing space and breathing the same air

Yes, on this day I give thanks

For finally understanding

That I can’t change other people

And if being in their world is abusive to me

Then I have the choice to not put myself there.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

11/24/16

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Thank you all, beautiful people, for the love you show.  I am inspired by each and every single one of you!  Thanks for following “Consequences” and for the wonderful support you freely extend.  May we all realize the amazing things in our lives and have Thanksgiving…and Blessitude for it all!  ❤

POSTS IN THE SERIES

(Links will become active after each writing is posted)

1). Consequences ~ The Fishing Expedition

2). Consequences ~ The Fallout

3). Consequences ~ The Bottom Line

4). Consequences ~ The Continuum of Light

5). Consequences ~ I Am Not Completely Unscathed

6). Consequences ~ Choices

7). Consequences ~ THANKSGIVING

EXQUISITE ~ Word Challenge from Brad

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The time you spend in my heart

Sends shivers down my spine

Your exquisite beauty

Sends love through my pores

And I am grateful for this

The connection of love

And I wish to become a

A worker of light

A worker of beauty

To continue to send this energy out to the world

My mind becomes clear

My heart beats stronger

I walk through life on sturdy legs

Connected to the beauty of love

The most exquisite love

The most exquisite feeling

I am honored to pay this forward

I shall not disappoint

 

95 words

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

7/3/15

 

My very dear friend, Brad, from writing to freedom invited me to play along in this word challenge.  Somehow, it took me over a week to see his post!!  His word gave me inspiration and I set my timer for 5 minutes.  My word was ‘exquisite’ and the above is what came out, unedited, uncut.  Thanks Brad!  Nothing moves me more than words flying from my pen 🙂

I am supposed to invite (it doesn’t say how many) others to join in the fun.  This is the part of challenges and awards that I find I don’t like very much.  So I am going to be a rule breaker…I send this word challenge out to every single person who reads this post…Yes…YOU!  If it speaks to your heart…TAG, YOU’RE IT!!! ❤

 

Here are the rules:

1) Open an MS word document (or any other editor).
2) Set a timer for 5-10 minutes.
3) Your word is at the bottom of this post.  DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH A TIMER.
4) Fill the word document with as many words as you want, once you start writing, don’t stop.
5) DO NOT go back and correcting spellings and grammar with spell check (this is only meant for you to reflect on your control over sensible thought flow).
6) You may or may not pay attention to punctuation and capitals.
7) At the end of your post write down the number of words.
8) Do not forget to copy and paste the entire passage to your blog post with a new word for your invitees.

 

YOUR WORD IS:

RELEASE

 

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience.  I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first.  So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post.  Each new post will also have links in order.

Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!

I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY

1).  Introduction & Haiku

2).  The Funny Thing About Truth

3).  The Journey to…

4).  He Said I Have Anger

5).  The Long Sleepless Night

6).  Broken Arrow

7).  Safe

8).  Alone

9).  On The Verge

10).  Shred

11).  The Thread

12).  Vindication

13).  Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile

14).  Emancipation

15).  Forgiveness

 

FORGIVENESS

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Emancipation

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

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When all the pieces are there and the dust has settled

I am able to separate

FACT from FICTION

DARK from LIGHT

TRUTH from FANTASY

LOVE from FEAR

Yes, I am able to extract the layer of lies

That were told to me

And came from me

And I see the woman who thought it was better to hide

Who felt shame and guilt for something that was not her fault

No…not her fault at all

She was caught up in someone else’s sickness

In a mind that spent many years

KNOWING but not REMEMBERING

LOVING but not fully COMMITTING

ACCEPTING but not fully FORGIVING

I feel that I have connected

I have connected

MEANING to EVENTS

FEELINGS to THOUGHTS

HEART and SOUL to MIND

Like a lightning bolt

It all connected

From the pull

Of a tiny

THREAD

Understanding

And the fear that kept me in the dark for so long has dissipated

Into thin air

The child who couldn’t handle the memories

Doesn’t have to

Because the adult she’s become

Loves her

And will take all of the memories from here

And while I couldn’t be there to protect her THEN

I am here NOW

And I AM strong

And truth dispels fear when surrounded by love

Blessitude

Lorrie

4/4/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ On The Verge

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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This writing is very powerful

I am sitting alone at the pool

Crying

I feel that I am on the verge of a life changing event

I have fear

But I have love

I am certain that everything happens for a reason

I am certain I am supposed to be here alone

I am certain that God loves me

And that I have been protected my whole life

I know that my truth lies dormant in my soul

I know that there is great pain there

And I know that every step I take is preparing me for this truth

And in this truth I know that I will be safe

And I know that I will be healed

And I know that what will be revealed will be something

That not only helps me but will help many

I am so grateful

I understand that we are all on a journey

And that we all help one another

Even when it looks like it is not help

I know the antidote to fear is love

And I feel love like I have never felt before

It is not the clingy I’m afraid you will leave me kind of love

But love that comes from creation

Love that binds us each to the other

In happy times

And in times of great tragedy

Love that wants to help

Love that wants to do things

Love that wants to understand

That every soul is doing the best that they can

At any particular time in their life

Bless me with this knowledge

So that I may live in this place

Walk in this love

Believe with my whole being that it matters

It matters

It ALL matters

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/30/15

Mission Accomplished

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The seemingly impossible task of clearing out the Momma’s home and getting her settled in her new space, all by the end of 2014…December 31, 2014 by the stroke of midnight…was accomplished!   At 10:00pm my SUV, jam-packed with the things I couldn’t fit into her new space but couldn’t possibly get rid of, pulled out of her driveway.

I actually saw the ball drop at Midnight because it is an hour drive home and then I had to unload the truck into a giant pile in my living room.  Yes, some things will leave and make the trip up north…the baby grandfather wall clock that was promised to my son…the flat screen TV that will replace an old tube TV.  The rest I’m not sure where it will all fit in my tiny condo that is already bursting at the seams.

This is creating a “forced purge” of my things to make room for her things.  And I stop to ponder things, and our attachment to them.  Do we keep them because we fear we will forget our life at that time?  After all, why do I need a frilly glass cake dish?  I don’t eat cake!  But when I came across it, I couldn’t put it in the “donate” pile.

I don’t know…it, along with many other things remind me of The Momma.  The young Momma…full of life.  Always working hard trying to make ends meet.  She didn’t have an easy life.  In fact, it was at most times very difficult.  But she never complained.  She just kept putting one foot in front of the other and she ALWAYS made sure we were taken care of.  She couldn’t always protect us, heck, she couldn’t protect herself.  But we always had a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs.

Now she is nearing the end stage of her life here on earth.  She is scared.  I want to help her, but the ways that she needs help now are very personal and between her and God.  One thing I can say for sure is she continues to put one foot in front of the other.  She may not like that she has basically lost all of her independence, but she has accepted that “this is her life now.”

I am so grateful that we were able to get everything done.  I was so busy I barely had time to think, let alone write.  Now comes the emotional part.  The time that the energy that lives in all the mementos I kept, release their hold on the psyche of my past.

Renewal.

Isn’t that what a New Year is for?

One thing I know for sure is that life does change.  And in the process, so do we.  This is when I need to take a page out of The Momma’s book and accept that “this is my life now.”

I wish you all Grace in the changes you face in your life…acceptance.

Blessitude

Lorrie

1/4/15