IT’S NOT CANCER

A fear unlike any other
Like raining backwards
Drops rising from my heart
Reaching to the sky
As winds of emotion
Started rotation
Time
In slow motion
Stretching days into eons
Until I heard the words
“It’s not cancer!”
And then a symphony of colors
Swirled around the room
And I couldn’t catch my breath
As the mask felt like it was sucked into my lungs
And my stomach traded places with my throat
And the room turned on its end
Like a carnival ride
As the shiny metal object
Caught the overhead light
And blinded my sight
As it shot a lightning bolt
To my soul

My skin type does not place me in a high risk category for cancer. I tan easily, have few moles, no family history…etc. But, I have spent a great deal of time in the sun all the years I played tennis.

I noticed a mole on my left leg, if I am honest more than a year ago, and it looked different enough for me to show it to a friend. I don’t remember the conversation but it obviously was not serious enough for me to decide to take action.

Fast forward a year and a very dear friend loses her sister to melanoma. She pleads with the people she cares about to go get checked by a dermatologist. So mid-summer I make an appointment for a body map at their earliest convenience and I was not worried.

It is not the most comfortable feeling in the world to be stark naked and have a stranger inspect your entire body with a magnifying glass. But it became even more uncomfortable when the doctor stopped suddenly at that long forgotten mole and said, “What do we have here?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot all about that mole. When I first noticed it I wondered if it was something – I even asked a friend to look at it.”

She raised her eyebrows and asked, “How long ago was that?”

My mind hit rewind as I tried to recall when it could have been. The only reference that made any sense was that it was before I moved into my new home…and that was more than a year ago!

I felt like an idiot as I told her. She tried her best to not add to my self-judgment and reproach as she said, “That will come off today and we need a biopsy.”

I know the “B” word is intimately associated with the “C” word, but the mind is a funny thing. I was able to ignore it. Therefore, I did not worry about it for the next 12 days. (Well…mostly.)

Then the doctor’s office called and the girl started to explain the results. I didn’t hear anything until she got to the part where she explained the levels of severity; mild, moderate, or severe. And then she said, “Your mole is classified as severe which means it is one step away from melanoma. You also have a marker that says it is progressing aggressively so you have to make an appointment for an excision as soon as possible. Do you have any questions?”

For the very first time in my life I heard myself say, “No.”

But who was I kidding? I had a million questions!

So what did I do? Of course, I went to my trusted buddy, “Google,” and proceeded to go down that rabbit hole until I was absolutely certain that I was the biggest idiot on the planet!

I felt so bad that I didn’t take action when I first noticed the mole that looked “different.” I tried really hard to forget about what had (or had not) been done because there was nothing I could do to change it. I was not very successful.

I lived in fear and regret, and beat myself up from Monday morning at 8:43am until Wednesday afternoon at 12:15pm when the doctor walked in the room and blurted, “IT’S NOT CANCER!”

Looking back I can’t understand why the first lady on the phone didn’t lead with that simple, yet powerful, sentence. And then I remembered that I always believe everything happens for a reason and also happens in perfect timing. I certainly learned a powerful lesson the way it went down.

I owe my dear friend a huge hug of gratitude! I can tell you that getting a body map was not on my radar…I only went because she was so insistent. This is where I would normally tell you all to make sure you make an appointment to get checked, but I hope that the story above already made you think that! πŸ˜‰

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❀

10/03/2021

Posted by

Once a broken soul who only reacted to what life handed me, I am now in charge of my life. Garden of Blessitude is a safe space to explore a past filled with pain and abuse. Read my words and let the healing energy touch you as I shine a light on the possibility of healing. Claim your power! You have the ability to overcome your past and finally live the life of your dreams. Go to the ASKβ—‡SEEKβ—‡KNOCK page (above) on the blog (LorrieBowden.com) if you would like to go deeper in your own journey with me. Move from 'It's all wrong' toward 'It's all right,' and you will HEAL AND FREE YOUR SOUL!

41 thoughts on “IT’S NOT CANCER

  1. I’m glad to hear it’s not cancer Lorrie. I imagine that would be hard to not know, allowing fear to fester. Thankfully, I haven’t had that challenge, but aging seems to bring many other challenges. Hugs…

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    1. Thanks, Brad!! I know!! I turned 60 and all kinds of things are happening πŸ˜‰ I appreciate your support…it was kind of rough. But I added to that by doing the whole Google thing. That internet…a blessing and a curse!!
      Hope you are well…and have a great week!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A frightening time you’ve had, Lorrie. Glad you are okay. God’s Blessings upon you always. Take care, Carol πŸ™‚πŸŒ»

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  3. So glad to hear you’re ok Lorrie. Going to the doctor has always been a scary thought to me. I can understand why you put it off. And I can also relate to beating yourself up. But thankfully, you can stop doing that now!

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    1. I can tell you really get it, Linda! All of it…the ignoring something that gave me pause and then bashing myself when it looked like I made a huge mistake. Can’t say I understand WHY a lot of people do this other than fear. But isn’t it better to meet it head on early when you’ve got a chance…? Hmmm…
      I hope you are wellπŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

    1. They were music to my ears, Kristen! πŸ™‚ I am so full of Blessitude. I never really thought so intently on my mortality before…it was sobering.
      Hope things are going well for you and your family, Kristen ❀ Thanks for your support and care!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Good heavens, I was genuinely worried when I saw this title. Please stay well, because I need you in my life – and if you need me, I would hop down their without a moment’s notice, to take care of you to help. That is an unconditional offer that will always stand. I love you so much! Harlon

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    1. Tears are falling, Harlon ❀ Thank you so much. It feels amazing to receive such love. I love you too, and I am so grateful for our connection. Your offer is pretty amazing, my friend! I think about you often and you are always in my prayers…we may need to think about a collaboration soon!
      I was scared…and I was angry with myself…mainly because my biggest change in life was when I decided to REALLY listen to my intuition, and I have been pretty successful at that. That is until I completely ignored a mole THAT I KNEW looked suspicious!! Can't explain it…but I am Blessitude that it was caught in time.
      Sending you lots of love and a giant hug ❀ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I could feel your fear, Lorrie! Just think, you’ve already made a difference because your post is a reminder about the importance of getting routine cancer screenings!
    I celebrate with you – you are okay!! You have so much to offer the world and I’m grateful you are healthy and healing!

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    1. Thanks for your beautiful words and support, Judy πŸ’œ You will never know how much your contact helped me. I wasn’t going to post about it, but then I heard your words that it would help people!
      I hope all is well with you dear friend! Make it a great week! πŸ˜ŠπŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

        1. And right back to you, Judy! Thanks for suggesting it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but when I read your words I really thought that I should. And like always…if it touches only one person…it is totally worth it!!
          Sending love and light to you dear friend ❀

          Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so very glad it’s not cancer! But please don’t beat yourself up…to this day, I can’t tell the difference between a normal mole or sunspot and a cancerous one. That’s where the dermatologists come in, but during the past year it was actually rather difficult to get an appointment with one. And it’s hard to get everything that’s a bit “off” about our bodies checked right away.
    As for Google, looking up illnesses and procedures on it always turns up the very worst case scenario! I stopped doing that because it caused far too much unnecessary panic. Take care, and enjoy your good news!

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    1. Thanks, Ann πŸ˜‰ It did take me a while to get the appointment!! It seems all industry is a bit out of whack since this pandemic.
      Thanks for your support and good advice. I’m doing well and really feel gratitude more than anything else.
      Hope things are going well by you πŸ˜ŠπŸ’œ

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    1. Thanks, Val πŸ™ I was quite worried for those 2 days…that’s for sure. Now I’m humming with gratitude. And I was not going to share this story but a dear friend said it was important…so I hope that it helps someone.
      Hope you are well! πŸ˜ŠπŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m so glad you finally went in. I’ve had some skin stuff over the years and have been doing frequent check ups with dermatologists since my 30’s!! Can we say long ago!! πŸ™‚ I have been fortunate that I’ve only had basil cell cancer and actually just had one surgically removed from my nose (long line of stitches from bottom of my nose to top). I’m so glad that it turned out well for you!! I know the unknown and wondering is the most painful!! Blessings!! Have a great week!

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    1. Oh…healing energy to you Kirt! And I’m happy that you know the importance of check ups…and have for a FEW years πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰ Waiting felt like an eternity. I do have to wait again, but I am hopeful they got clear margins and this episode is done. Thanks for the good wishes…sending it all back with interest!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Wonderful news, Lorrie, and as we move forward in life there are so many things we need to begin paying attention and taking care of ~ and this post is an inspiration to be proactive πŸ™‚ Wishing you well and continue to take care!

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    1. Hi Randall πŸ™‚ Thanks for your kind words and for adding your thoughts here. I don’t know where time goes, but I do know it seems to be going much faster. And yes, I presume that there will be many changes in which to pay attention.
      Hope you are well and that you stay aware!

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  9. Dear Lorrie, I’m so glad to hear that it wasn’t cancer. And I can imagine the angst and worry you must have felt while waiting. We’re our worst enemies aren’t we, the way we beat ourselves up, then worry ourselves incessantly and then using Dr Google, not good! I’d have been the same. But I’m so very pleased everything turned out well. How is life there? Are you opened up or are there still heavy restrictions? Thinking of you and sending you much love from down under. xx

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    1. Hi Miriam πŸ™‚ I don’t know how I missed this comment…so sorry I responded so late! Thanks so much for adding your thoughts here. I find it amazing how I was so ready to go “there!” I was scared…huge fear…unlike any I ever felt before. I am so happy to be healing and really feel so much gratitude.
      Things here are amazingly open…and to be honest they have been throughout most of this pandemic! I think Florida decided not to “lock down” and I also think we have had some of the highest hospitalizations and deaths! There is such division on these issues and it is unfortunate that it has become a political issue.
      I hope that you are well…and I will be over to continue following your trip! Are you home yet? I can only imagine how this trip has changed you…it had to have changed you a bit…yes?
      Sending all good things your way…lots of love and light ❀

      Like

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