Winds of Change

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It is hard to put into words, and I reason with myself…is it necessary to try to remember it so that I can document it?  Isn’t it enough that it was my reality and I had to hold on to the idea of light just to make it through?

I suspended life…I disconnected from my soul.  It was almost like I had to protect the most beautiful part of me from the ugliness and the sheer terror of the place I was thrust in to.  Was I wrong to try to protect myself by leaving?  Did I lose the life force because I voluntarily set it aside in the hope that I could step back into my skin and carry on business as usual?

It’s been days since the terror ended…and I am changed.  The fear that exists inside is the same one I have always had.  I am alone…at a time when I needed to be the full expression of the power of my soul, I sought to separate and go it alone.  I reverted to a life that had been ingrained in my DNA for eons…out of what…?  Habit?

And now I am left in the aftermath with broken pieces.  I lift them up from the ground and it sifts through my fingertips like the sand on the beach that I love.  I know they all belong to me, but I am having trouble putting them back where they belong.  And then I am frozen with fear as I wonder whether all the pieces are, in fact, there!  What if I lost something along the way…what if, in trying to protect my splintered world, I lost a piece – a most valuable piece of me – and I can never be the same?

For now I gather the grains and I hold them tight and I pat myself down to keep the parts that are there – intact.  I look out from eyes that are changed and the winds of time whisper the question, “Have you learned nothing at all?”

And a tear slides down my cheek and drops to the ground and the sound that reverberates is deafening.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/7/16

Hello my friends!  I have missed you all so much!  I was riding so high and then I was knocked off my horse and it is taking time for me to dust myself off…and get back on.

I could feel the winds of change blowing but I had no idea the extent to which they would blow.  I had a drama that brought up many old icky patterns and before I could sort that out I got the flu for the first time in over 20 years!  And it hurt!  The fever must have been terribly high as I was thrust into dreams/hallucinations that were both terrifying and frightening.  I used to wonder why they said the flu could kill the very young and the very old.  That was because my only other bout with it had been mild.  Now I understand and, though I don’t fit in either of those categories, I feel very fortunate that it didn’t kill me.

I have been so disconnected and I have not had the desire to do…ANYTHING!  I don’t feel like me and quite frankly, it is very scary.  It is a huge step for me to even post this.  But deep in my heart I know that it is the connection that I need.  Bless you dear souls…I am sorry I have missed what is going on in your worlds.  I will be over soon to catch up.

Lorrie ❤

Photo: Silk painting “The party” by Jan Janas