Winds of Change

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It is hard to put into words, and I reason with myself…is it necessary to try to remember it so that I can document it?  Isn’t it enough that it was my reality and I had to hold on to the idea of light just to make it through?

I suspended life…I disconnected from my soul.  It was almost like I had to protect the most beautiful part of me from the ugliness and the sheer terror of the place I was thrust in to.  Was I wrong to try to protect myself by leaving?  Did I lose the life force because I voluntarily set it aside in the hope that I could step back into my skin and carry on business as usual?

It’s been days since the terror ended…and I am changed.  The fear that exists inside is the same one I have always had.  I am alone…at a time when I needed to be the full expression of the power of my soul, I sought to separate and go it alone.  I reverted to a life that had been ingrained in my DNA for eons…out of what…?  Habit?

And now I am left in the aftermath with broken pieces.  I lift them up from the ground and it sifts through my fingertips like the sand on the beach that I love.  I know they all belong to me, but I am having trouble putting them back where they belong.  And then I am frozen with fear as I wonder whether all the pieces are, in fact, there!  What if I lost something along the way…what if, in trying to protect my splintered world, I lost a piece – a most valuable piece of me – and I can never be the same?

For now I gather the grains and I hold them tight and I pat myself down to keep the parts that are there – intact.  I look out from eyes that are changed and the winds of time whisper the question, “Have you learned nothing at all?”

And a tear slides down my cheek and drops to the ground and the sound that reverberates is deafening.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/7/16

Hello my friends!  I have missed you all so much!  I was riding so high and then I was knocked off my horse and it is taking time for me to dust myself off…and get back on.

I could feel the winds of change blowing but I had no idea the extent to which they would blow.  I had a drama that brought up many old icky patterns and before I could sort that out I got the flu for the first time in over 20 years!  And it hurt!  The fever must have been terribly high as I was thrust into dreams/hallucinations that were both terrifying and frightening.  I used to wonder why they said the flu could kill the very young and the very old.  That was because my only other bout with it had been mild.  Now I understand and, though I don’t fit in either of those categories, I feel very fortunate that it didn’t kill me.

I have been so disconnected and I have not had the desire to do…ANYTHING!  I don’t feel like me and quite frankly, it is very scary.  It is a huge step for me to even post this.  But deep in my heart I know that it is the connection that I need.  Bless you dear souls…I am sorry I have missed what is going on in your worlds.  I will be over soon to catch up.

Lorrie ❤

Photo: Silk painting “The party” by Jan Janas

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My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

101 thoughts on “Winds of Change

  1. I was so excited to see your name on my post this morning Lorrie — and so sad to read that you have been hit so hard with life’s travails. yet, as so many have said, this is the clearing out, the pushing through, the tearing out those final ingrained patterns. In this place, the light shines most brightly, and your light will create the shift we all need as one humanity to create better in the world.

    Keep shining bright. It is in the darkness that the light is needed most. ❤

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    1. Thank you dear Louise! I so cherish your words as they go deep to my heart. It is truth…and truth is a wonderful thing. In all of life…the good and the not so good…it is all there to be experienced. The way we handle the times that are a struggle will determine many things. The most important thing is our outlook…which is a reflection of what is inside!! Much love to you dear wonderful soul ❤

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  2. Dear. sweet Lorrie, I have been reading some of your posts. It breaks my heart to read that you have been ill and have been going through a really rough time. Don’t worry about any puzzle pieces that may have been lost, if they were you no longer need them and the puzzle will come together just as it should. You will be stronger and doing much better when it all does. I have not been here to visit you but you have certainly been in my thoughts and you are in every prayer I pray for friends and family. You are so sweet and I am so happy to have met you via our blogs. You are precious and encouraging to me. Sending love and hugs to you ❤

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    1. Dear sweet Maggie…I just love what you said! I do think it was a “clearing out” of things I no longer needes. I am doing much better now and I am involved in a new adventure which is challenging…and satisfying. I think of you also and I always keep you in my prayers. I feel so grateful to have met you here!! Blessitude ♡♡

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      1. Sweet Lorrie I am so happy to hear that you are doing better and have begun a new adventure. Wishing you all the best dear friend. The feeling is mutual of us meeting here. Love, prayers and blessings coming your way with lots of hugs.

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  3. OK GIRL…I SEE YOU AGAIN HERE!!!, as the wings of your heart find there place, we remember the grace of “knowing” WE are exactly in the right place at the perfect time. When you post again , We will connect again and this time your wings will stay open. SEEING YOUR HEART MY FRIEND…. A NO VICTIM STANCE BECOMES A PRO HEART STANCE. ALL perfect
    LOVE YOU ALL WAYS ROBYN

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    1. Ah!! Dear Robyn…your words warm my heart and give me such a breath of love!! Yes…we shall connect…as you said in the absolute perfect time!! Much love and many blessings my friend! ♡♡

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  4. It’s interesting that you had the ‘flu so badly and felt wiped out (wiped clean?) afterwards, because I had the same experience when I got the ‘flu at the beginning of the year. I too underestimated how bad the ‘flu can be, it was so painful when I coughed or sneezed I was screaming in pain. And even now I still feel a bit discombobulated, like I’m really uncertain where I’m heading and what I want to do. So many sympathies, Lorrie, glad you’re back on-line, but take it easy – ‘flu really knocks you as you get older, very humbling!

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    1. Oh, Mo….I’m so sorry to hear that you had a similar experience. I send you many thoughts of healing…not only your body but your soul. I like that you said “wiped clean,” because I have come to believe that is what happened. The pieces I felt that were missing…must no longer have been needed. My life changed in many, many ways right after. I am still adjusting to the changes…many are good…but it is change none the less…and we are creatures of habit so the landscape is different and that is enough to cause some stress.
      I send you loving thoughts and I thank you for sharing! ♡♡

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    1. Hi Genie! Thanks for your kind words 🙂 I just read in “A Course of Love” this morning how important it is to “show” our true selves. It does feel a bit scary at times, that’s for sure. But beautiful people like you handle my truth with sincere kindness, and I feel love and support. Blessitude! ♡

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  5. Lorrie!
    So I think by this time you have caught up and come back as I see so many other posts after this one.
    Your blog is interesting and you seem to be very creative.
    Thanks for visiting my blog.
    Fond Regards,
    Shiva

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