I Have a Question…

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Do you ever find that when you are “in the zone” spiritually, riding so high that you are connected to EVERYTHING and the love from your soul is shining, that you are suddenly attacked verbally for no good reason?

I know that my actions and reactions are the only thing I can control, but I have a really hard time controlling this.

This seems to contradict all I have learned about energy!

I am trying not to beat myself up for allowing my energy to go DOWN to match the attack, and trying not to be angry at the person who didn’t stop until I did.

I still have a lot to learn.

 

Hope that your energy is flying high and filled with LOVE!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

5/21/17

 

A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ She Asked Me What it Feels Like

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Blood that hurts

and a mind

that floats off

into 71 directions at the same time

with an inability to find

even the simplest of words.

Watching from a distance

afraid to get too close for fear

of a backlash of anger

self driven

drug motivated

dead bacteria invading

every

cell

a mind that notices

but has no authority

to step in

and try

to calm the action

of

13,000,000

spiked pinballs

bouncing off of

bones

muscles

tendons

ligaments

organs

burrowing into matter

all that matters

AH!

The tears start to flow

well-meaning people

try to help

and I can’t stand to tell them

that there’s nothing they can do

so

I just say

THANK YOU!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/22/17

I thought about changing the end of this poem because it was written weeks ago…before I realized that there is A WHOLE LOT THAT OTHERS CAN DO!!!  Your prayers and well wishes have been an incredible source of love and strength for me.  Sometimes I am at a loss for how to properly convey how I have been touched by you.

From the deepest part of my soul, I thank you with love that connects each and every one of us!  I am Blessitude and I wish you all the beautiful light of LOVE ❤

THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED.  ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

Winds of Change

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It is hard to put into words, and I reason with myself…is it necessary to try to remember it so that I can document it?  Isn’t it enough that it was my reality and I had to hold on to the idea of light just to make it through?

I suspended life…I disconnected from my soul.  It was almost like I had to protect the most beautiful part of me from the ugliness and the sheer terror of the place I was thrust in to.  Was I wrong to try to protect myself by leaving?  Did I lose the life force because I voluntarily set it aside in the hope that I could step back into my skin and carry on business as usual?

It’s been days since the terror ended…and I am changed.  The fear that exists inside is the same one I have always had.  I am alone…at a time when I needed to be the full expression of the power of my soul, I sought to separate and go it alone.  I reverted to a life that had been ingrained in my DNA for eons…out of what…?  Habit?

And now I am left in the aftermath with broken pieces.  I lift them up from the ground and it sifts through my fingertips like the sand on the beach that I love.  I know they all belong to me, but I am having trouble putting them back where they belong.  And then I am frozen with fear as I wonder whether all the pieces are, in fact, there!  What if I lost something along the way…what if, in trying to protect my splintered world, I lost a piece – a most valuable piece of me – and I can never be the same?

For now I gather the grains and I hold them tight and I pat myself down to keep the parts that are there – intact.  I look out from eyes that are changed and the winds of time whisper the question, “Have you learned nothing at all?”

And a tear slides down my cheek and drops to the ground and the sound that reverberates is deafening.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/7/16

Hello my friends!  I have missed you all so much!  I was riding so high and then I was knocked off my horse and it is taking time for me to dust myself off…and get back on.

I could feel the winds of change blowing but I had no idea the extent to which they would blow.  I had a drama that brought up many old icky patterns and before I could sort that out I got the flu for the first time in over 20 years!  And it hurt!  The fever must have been terribly high as I was thrust into dreams/hallucinations that were both terrifying and frightening.  I used to wonder why they said the flu could kill the very young and the very old.  That was because my only other bout with it had been mild.  Now I understand and, though I don’t fit in either of those categories, I feel very fortunate that it didn’t kill me.

I have been so disconnected and I have not had the desire to do…ANYTHING!  I don’t feel like me and quite frankly, it is very scary.  It is a huge step for me to even post this.  But deep in my heart I know that it is the connection that I need.  Bless you dear souls…I am sorry I have missed what is going on in your worlds.  I will be over soon to catch up.

Lorrie ❤

Photo: Silk painting “The party” by Jan Janas

A Bag of Bones

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Her pain is so raw as she tries to hold on to the life she controlled with such precision.

For what is left when there is nothing left that she feels can be manipulated?

She lashes out and makes rude comments.

She tries to push me away as she wishes to show me the pain that is coursing through her veins.

She finds the one thing she controls, the one thing left in her existence that is under her rule, and she goes to town.

She is so proud.

Her plans are working just as she perceived them to and nobody has anything to do with it.

Ha Ha!  I’ll show them, she thinks in the mind that feels so all alone.

One by one they drop…

The pain is assuaged each time the number is read.

And she feels a brief moment of success, something she hasn’t felt for a long time.

One by one becomes a loss of about three pounds per week, and she smiles.

She feels so good about herself it is hard to take it away from her!

She brings it up willingly at every visit…because she is so proud.

And I am brought back to a time when I was proud.

When a glance in the mirror didn’t show the reflection of what I felt.

When my life was so out of my control that I, too, controlled the one thing that was left, and it scares me!

She won’t listen to reason.

I ask her, “What number do you have in mind?  What number will make you happy?”

With zero hesitation she blurts, “107!”

So my mind does the mental math and I think by Christmas she will be a bag of bones…

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

11/13/15

photo credit:  https://howtobeadad.com

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ On The Verge

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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This writing is very powerful

I am sitting alone at the pool

Crying

I feel that I am on the verge of a life changing event

I have fear

But I have love

I am certain that everything happens for a reason

I am certain I am supposed to be here alone

I am certain that God loves me

And that I have been protected my whole life

I know that my truth lies dormant in my soul

I know that there is great pain there

And I know that every step I take is preparing me for this truth

And in this truth I know that I will be safe

And I know that I will be healed

And I know that what will be revealed will be something

That not only helps me but will help many

I am so grateful

I understand that we are all on a journey

And that we all help one another

Even when it looks like it is not help

I know the antidote to fear is love

And I feel love like I have never felt before

It is not the clingy I’m afraid you will leave me kind of love

But love that comes from creation

Love that binds us each to the other

In happy times

And in times of great tragedy

Love that wants to help

Love that wants to do things

Love that wants to understand

That every soul is doing the best that they can

At any particular time in their life

Bless me with this knowledge

So that I may live in this place

Walk in this love

Believe with my whole being that it matters

It matters

It ALL matters

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/30/15

She Stands So Tall So Proud

Pure Strength!
Pure Strength!

She stands so tall so proud

branches swaying in the wind

She stands so tall so proud

never telling where she’s been

She stands so tall so proud

always doing never being

She stands so tall so proud

always running never seeing

She stands so tall so proud

no complaints never notices

She stands so tall so proud

tiny cracks giant crevices

She stands so tall so proud

always helping never ends

She stands so tall so proud

always loving best of friends

Gale force winds do blow

watch the tree begin to lean

It won’t impede her path

what is not known can not be seen

She stands so tall so proud

amazing strength from deep inside

She stands so tall so proud

once you bare it’s hard to hide

She stands so tall and weeps

I blink my eyes can it be true

So;

I stand so tall so proud

and I become a tree for you

 

Blessitude

Lorrie

Written October 2011