I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Emancipation

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

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When all the pieces are there and the dust has settled

I am able to separate

FACT from FICTION

DARK from LIGHT

TRUTH from FANTASY

LOVE from FEAR

Yes, I am able to extract the layer of lies

That were told to me

And came from me

And I see the woman who thought it was better to hide

Who felt shame and guilt for something that was not her fault

No…not her fault at all

She was caught up in someone else’s sickness

In a mind that spent many years

KNOWING but not REMEMBERING

LOVING but not fully COMMITTING

ACCEPTING but not fully FORGIVING

I feel that I have connected

I have connected

MEANING to EVENTS

FEELINGS to THOUGHTS

HEART and SOUL to MIND

Like a lightning bolt

It all connected

From the pull

Of a tiny

THREAD

Understanding

And the fear that kept me in the dark for so long has dissipated

Into thin air

The child who couldn’t handle the memories

Doesn’t have to

Because the adult she’s become

Loves her

And will take all of the memories from here

And while I couldn’t be there to protect her THEN

I am here NOW

And I AM strong

And truth dispels fear when surrounded by love

Blessitude

Lorrie

4/4/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Funny Thing About Truth

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to …, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer…Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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What is at the base of the fear?

Why would it be so terrible to know what kept me locked

in a prison of denial at best

oblivion at worst

I pride myself with knowing truth

Honoring it

So why would I be content to set a portion of it aside

To delegate one truth as more important than another

To send one truth so far away from my wounded psyche

It may as well have belonged to someone else

The funny thing about truth is

I think it only belongs to the person who is willing to

Look at it

Dissect it

Question it

Live it

Honor it

And most important

Accept it!!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/23/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Introduction & Haiku

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to …, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread,  Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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The poems/writings you are about to read all took place within the last month.  You will see that it was a time of great emotion and transformation.  I could feel it happening and though at times I was wrought with fear, I prayed, and I had hope and faith that I would not only SURVIVE the memories…but I would THRIVE with the memories.

I AM a 53 year old woman.  I AM brave…I can face this.  I AM strong…I can handle it.  I AM safe…no one can hurt me.  I AM ready…to see the truth, to tell my story, and to get on with the business of living my life.

 

A journey to truth

It has taken many years

And I remember

 

I have titled this series, “I Remember…An Odyssey.”  I will post every day until all of the writings have been shown.  The posts will be titled “I Remember…An Odyssey ~ ” with the title of each writing to follow.  I will include links to all prior writings in the series to make it easy to access them chronologically.

I have never done anything like this before, and to be honest it feels a little daunting.  To be able to post every day and not allow life to interfere, as it so often does, I will schedule the whole series in advance.  I usually post what intuitively feels “right” on any given day, so this is the biggest departure from normal and creates the most stress for me

In the spirit of staying true to the truth of this experience, I will only post this series until it is finished.  I will schedule them for the same time each day, and I will try to be available at that time for comments.

I hear all these “what ifs” in my mind and I hear doubt, but I will listen to my soul which directs me to post this.  I thank you all, my friends, for you give me the courage to be able to do this project.  I am so grateful for each and every one of you.  Every time you post YOUR truth you strengthen my heart.  Every time you are vulnerable you strengthen our bond.  And every time we connect we strengthen humanity!  I am so blessed and full of gratitude…Blessitude!!

Lorrie ❤

3/22/15

 

I Have Scars

 

 

 

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I have scars that can’t be seen

Perhaps I met them in a dream

If you can’t see them

Then they’re not real

How I wish this was truth

*

I have scars they cut me deep

They separated muscle from bone

And feeling from life

They cut ties to my human side

And made me live in the dark recesses

Where knife cut matter

And what lives inside cries

*

Yes, I have scars

But I don’t wear them well

Only time will tell

Flying clocks with wings

Erase the messages of time

The ceaseless nagging of pain

At the bottom of my psyche

Washes the light of life

A tinged hint of gray

Darkens the day

Just a little

*

My scars don’t define me

Only bind me

Intertwine me

In the place that can’t exist

If my reaching soul climbs out of the carnage

Blossoms like a flower

A tiny bud releasing it’s beautiful fragrance into the world

*

Light of the Creator

Designs a crater

A chasm to be filled with love and joy

Radiates light

Of all that might

Gracefully walk in peace

To the gates that unlock the freedom of your soul.

Blessitude

Lorrie

1/26/15

 

Haiku ~ 1/16/15 (and photobomb!)

 

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The winter ocean

Sprays her mist with hungry zeal

Much to bird’s delight

Blessitude

Lorrie

1/16/15

I had cabin fever, once the fever from the flu broke!  So I forced myself to walk up to the beach and, of course, I brought my phone in case I saw something I needed to take a photo of.  I decided I had to visit the beach because my friend Brad, from Writing to Freedom, stated in a comment that he missed the beach so much and it made me realize that I did too.

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I’m so happy I decided to go!  The ocean was not the prettiest I have ever seen, but there is always beauty if you look for it.  I was surprised how good I felt and was able to walk south much longer than I thought I would be able to.  Then we turned around and I was completely shocked to feel a steady 20 mph wind in my face!! 

And it reminded me of life.  And it reminded me of how I have been walking in my life lately.  When we walk with the wind we move effortlessly with ease.  When we turn around and walk into the wind there is always struggle.  In that moment it was so clear to me that God intended the wind to help us move through life.  Just like a sailboat uses the wind no matter what direction it is heading we need to change our internal direction and use the wind of faith.

Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any better, a surprise visitor photobombed me!

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May you always find a way to walk with the wind!

❤ Lorrie

If Only…I Would

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If only I could reach through the clouds and touch you

I would wrap my arms around you

And tell you I love you

I would tell you that you are going to be okay

I would tell you that your heart will heal and that you will learn so much more about yourself.  I would tell you that you stretched your heart and that has given it the capacity to grow.  I know it hurts but it will enable you to go just as far in the other direction.  I would tell you that your little reindeer nose is cute, but that it doesn’t suit you. 🙂

If only I could reach across the miles and touch you

I would wrap my arms around you

And tell you I love you

I would tell you that you are going to be okay

I would tell you that God has chosen you – you worker of light – you wonder of love.  And through your struggles you will become stronger.  You will reach new heights and fly through the galaxies of newborn truth and understanding.  I know you are hurting now but you are so strong.

If only I could reach across your mind and touch you

I would wrap my arms around you

And tell you I love you

I would tell you that you are going to be okay

I would tell you that your need to be loved and noticed is already fulfilled from those on the outside and from our heavenly Father.  The only person missing from this list is the one who peers out from behind your eyes.   When that heart softens it’s judgment, the truth will be seen and you can relax and get back to doing good deeds.

If only I could drive 50 miles and touch you

I would wrap my arms around you

And tell you I love you

I would tell you that you are going to be okay

I would offer the meaning of a life that was wracked with struggle and I would soften the heart that feels persecuted.  I would hold your hand and gently walk into the truth…walk towards the light…and watch as your soul reached full understanding and accepted the love it was missing for eons.

Yes, if only I could reach you all

If only I could take away all the pain and put a smile on your faces

If only…

I would

Blessitude

Lorrie

11/17/14