I Can’t Believe I AM Five Years Old!

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Author unknown, Art (c) LorrieBowden.com

I have heard this poem for as long as I can remember. The Momma used to recite it, whenever someone or something turned 5 years old.  She memorized the poem from a birthday card that she received when she turned 5.  When I thought about this post, of course it jumped into my head!

I can’t believe I am five years old! It seems like yesterday that I started the weekend of my spiritual growth at Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E. (Association of Research and Enlightenment.)

That weekend saw my heart open and some pretty amazing energy that I will never forget.

I was part of a group dream experience that was incredible. Nine strangers made a vow to dream for one woman who had a problem.  When the group assembled (randomly) the next day our dreams told a story in perfect order, which could only have been Divine intervention!  I still get goosebumps when I think of it!

I sat in a restaurant as the ground underneath us undulated…up…down…up…down. My first thought was we were near a military base and they must have been doing bomb exercises in the ocean.  Then I found out that it was an earthquake!!  On the east coast??

Without fear, we drove through tunnels and over bridges to our next destination (immediately after the earthquake!) Little did I know that we drove to within 8 miles of the epicenter.  But it was my 50th birthday weekend and we were going to see Mary Chapin Carpenter in concert.  There was no way I would miss that!

Every morning we went to breakfast in the hotel lobby and all the other people were talking about the aftershocks they felt during the night. I slept like a baby and didn’t feel a thing.

The concert was outdoors and while we were lining up to enter the venue, the weather did not look promising. Suddenly it turned black and the organizers quickly ushered us into a building to protect us from a nearby tornado.  The lightning storm was incredible and the whole experience was quite surreal.

Most of the people left as soon as the weather broke a little. We stayed with maybe fifty others who held out just long enough to find out that she was going to honor us with a concert after all.  It was still raining.  We didn’t care as we traipsed through mud with our lawn chairs.  We wore large garbage bags for raincoats and shared one umbrella.  We placed our chairs in the front row and sang every song with her until she had to stop due to a local curfew.

The celebratory activities were over and it was time to drive from Virginia back to New Jersey. And we were racing the clock because Hurricane Irene was barreling up the east coast.

As you can see, I will never forget my 50th birthday weekend and the spiritual opening of my soul!  There was an earthquake, thunderstorm, tornado, and Hurricane Irene (she did not cause damage to our area) all in the same week!  (I often wondered if the energy unleashed by my years of living blind had something to do with the crazy weather events…hehe.)

I witnessed great fear everywhere I went. I wrote a poem called, “The Fear of the People,” because it was palpable, you could feel it in the air.  But the most amazing thing about that whole time is that I never personally felt the fear as my own.  My vibration of love was so strong that there was absolutely no possibility that fear could invade.

And it was beautiful. And it was liberating and I felt so free.  And I knew that the weekend was marked by these awe inspiring events so that there was no possibility that I wouldn’t notice just how amazing it all was. 

I wish I could tell you that I have been able to stay in that love energy and been able to banish all fear in the years that have ensued. I can’t.  But I can tell you that when I am able to do that, I remember.  And when I remember, I am able to do that!!

Now that’s the kind of cycle I don’t mind being a part of!!

Can I just say, “I am BLESSITUDE!” I am so blessed and full of gratitude for this journey I am on, and while it may not always seem easy, it is always amazing!  Thank you my friends for your love, your respect, and for teaching me every single day.  I am so happy to share this life with you ❤ ❤ ❤

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

8/20/16

I created two images for this post and decided I did not have to choose which one to use…I could use them both 😉

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Making Waves

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It was the flattest, calm ocean I remember seeing in a very long time.  It was crystal clear and I could see fish swimming in the shallow edge.  The day was hot and humid, the mercury rising into the low 90’s.

The stillness was reflected in our mood as we walked and talked.  The beach was full of people walking, dogs jumping into the still waters, a fisherman or two casting lines in hopes of catching something big.

My girlfriend suddenly changed the topic to a very emotionally charged subject.  Before I knew it, we were both raising our voices, the prior reverie was broken.  It happened in an instant.  At the same moment I realized our energy had changed, I also noticed there were waves lapping at our feet.

I told my girlfriend, “Look at these waves.  We changed our energy and we changed the ocean!”

She said, “Don’t be silly.  A boat had to have gone by and made these waves.”  We both stopped and looked.  There was not a boat within miles of where we were standing.  And there was no movement in the ocean in any place other than right in front of us!!

I know.  It sounds a little crazy to think that we have the ability to “make waves.”  But I saw it with my own two eyes. 

The beach had been so serene.  The ocean and the beachgoers all shared a beautiful peaceful energy.  We disrupted that delicate balance with our energy and waves appeared…only in front of us.  Maybe it was a coincidence.  Maybe it was not.

Either way, it makes me think about how our energy can affect our environment and the people around us.  And it makes me want to work really hard every day to be aware of the energy I release to the world!

In these times of earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and riots,  I send a healing prayer and beautiful white healing energy out to those souls who are in need.  I pray that we can band together and create peaceful waters.

P.S.  My Father’s biopsy was last week.  Much to the confusion of his doctors, and the delight of our family, the mass in his lung is NOT cancer!!  🙂 

The Momma is doing so well 🙂  She told me yesterday she had to hang up because she had to go to yoga!!!  God Bless her!! ❤

I am scheduled for knee surgery in two weeks 😦  I put off going to the doctor because I thought it was Lyme’s raising its ugly head, but it turns out I have a torn meniscus.  This is another bad effect of this disease…when something is wrong you automatically assume it is caused by the Lyme’s.  You are conditioned this way because of all the times you went to a doctor and were told they don’t know what is wrong with you 😦

No worries…I am working hard on my swimming strokes (instead of my tennis strokes) and I am working hard on my energy and positive thoughts…”I’ll be fine!”

❤ Lorrie 

Blessitude

5/7/15

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I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

This is a series of poems that follow a very deep healing experience.  I put a disclaimer here to say that it deals with child sexual abuse and while I hope it affords healing, I beg you to proceed only if you are in a place of safety and can handle it.

Unfortunately, I cannot figure out how to get the series to scroll in order…here at WP…the last post shows first.  So I am going to list the poems in order right here…each poem’s name will be linked to the post.  Each new post will also have links in order.

Thanks for visiting and leaving your footprint here!

I REMEMBER…AN ODYSSEY

1).  Introduction & Haiku

2).  The Funny Thing About Truth

3).  The Journey to…

4).  He Said I Have Anger

5).  The Long Sleepless Night

6).  Broken Arrow

7).  Safe

8).  Alone

9).  On The Verge

10).  Shred

11).  The Thread

12).  Vindication

13).  Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile

14).  Emancipation

15).  Forgiveness

 

FORGIVENESS

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is 🙂

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! 😉

Mission Accomplished

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The seemingly impossible task of clearing out the Momma’s home and getting her settled in her new space, all by the end of 2014…December 31, 2014 by the stroke of midnight…was accomplished!   At 10:00pm my SUV, jam-packed with the things I couldn’t fit into her new space but couldn’t possibly get rid of, pulled out of her driveway.

I actually saw the ball drop at Midnight because it is an hour drive home and then I had to unload the truck into a giant pile in my living room.  Yes, some things will leave and make the trip up north…the baby grandfather wall clock that was promised to my son…the flat screen TV that will replace an old tube TV.  The rest I’m not sure where it will all fit in my tiny condo that is already bursting at the seams.

This is creating a “forced purge” of my things to make room for her things.  And I stop to ponder things, and our attachment to them.  Do we keep them because we fear we will forget our life at that time?  After all, why do I need a frilly glass cake dish?  I don’t eat cake!  But when I came across it, I couldn’t put it in the “donate” pile.

I don’t know…it, along with many other things remind me of The Momma.  The young Momma…full of life.  Always working hard trying to make ends meet.  She didn’t have an easy life.  In fact, it was at most times very difficult.  But she never complained.  She just kept putting one foot in front of the other and she ALWAYS made sure we were taken care of.  She couldn’t always protect us, heck, she couldn’t protect herself.  But we always had a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs.

Now she is nearing the end stage of her life here on earth.  She is scared.  I want to help her, but the ways that she needs help now are very personal and between her and God.  One thing I can say for sure is she continues to put one foot in front of the other.  She may not like that she has basically lost all of her independence, but she has accepted that “this is her life now.”

I am so grateful that we were able to get everything done.  I was so busy I barely had time to think, let alone write.  Now comes the emotional part.  The time that the energy that lives in all the mementos I kept, release their hold on the psyche of my past.

Renewal.

Isn’t that what a New Year is for?

One thing I know for sure is that life does change.  And in the process, so do we.  This is when I need to take a page out of The Momma’s book and accept that “this is my life now.”

I wish you all Grace in the changes you face in your life…acceptance.

Blessitude

Lorrie

1/4/15

The Angels Swooped In & Haiku 12/28/14

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Drowning in chaos

And then the Angels swoop in

Order is restored

They say that drowning is a peaceful way to die

But I’m not sure that could be true

Because I’ve felt like I was drowning before

And I felt like it recently

And I couldn’t breathe

And the tears slid down my face

And I gasped for air

And I had no idea how I could possibly complete the task before me

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe

Because I did

I read recently to always let your faith be larger than your fear

And I have faith

And I have fear

And I believed that I could do it all

But then there was a deadline

And it required help from someone else

And it looked daunting

And it felt heavy

And I was suffocating

And I wondered if I was in over my head

And then the Angels swooped in

Yes

The Angels swooped in

And they took care of everything

And my load seemed lighter

Like thousands of pounds were lifted off my shoulders

And I could breathe

I wasn’t drowning

I was saved

And I was happy

And I felt loved and protected

And I couldn’t be more grateful

Sometimes…even though the fear starts to grow

Faith prevails…yes faith prevails

Thank you…beautiful swooping Angels!

Blessitude

Lorrie

12/28/14

 

My dear, dear friends!  I have missed you all so much!  Merry Christmas…I hope the holiday found you all in peaceful bliss and surrounded by love.  Life has been a bit hectic, and very emotional.  I am doing the best I can given the circumstances.  And I have truly been helped by Angels!!

The Momma is better.  She will be moving to “Assisted” living within her own community.  It has been a difficult decision, but after much evaluation I believe it to be the best thing for all of us.  But it is sad 😦

I am in the process of going through all of her belongings and downsizing.  There are many items, photographs, memories…some of them good…some of them not.

But this is the week of the New Year…2015…it seems impossible.  Y2K was just a bit ago…right?

A friend asked me last night if I had any New Year resolutions.  I have a few ideas floating around in my head.  Hopefully soon I will get around to the commitment phase 🙂  Who knows…maybe I will share them in a post here.  (That is if I truly pull off this move before the first!!)

Much love to you all.  Thank you for opening up a whole world of beauty to me here.  I value the friendships I have found and I pray that I will be back on a more consistent schedule in 2015!

❤ Lorrie

 

 

 

 

 

The Long Night & Haiku ~ 12/16/14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I stayed awake all night a few ago…No…I wasn’t reliving my teens pulling an all-nighter, partying, having fun.  I stayed awake all night, crying, and praying, and writing.

I am at a place in my life that intellectually I knew would arrive, but emotionally I never wanted to think about.

The Momma was very sick and hospitalized.  Then it seemed she lost her will to live.  It was so unlike her – she fought her whole life.  It was unbearable to me because if she could give up the fight for her life what would that mean for me?  Would it be possible that I would ever give up?

 

You look me in the eye

And you tell me you will try

But it’s all a bold faced lie

And I hang my head and cry

Because you soon will die

And I have to question why

Should I simply say goodbye?

 

I wrote the above words that night.  It was the beginning of a very personal writing that was interspersed with prayers to God and cries for help.  Not only help with the current situations I find myself in, but help with the emotional upheaval that the past three weeks resurrected in my soul’s heart.

The sun rose and suddenly there was clarity.  I understood that her failure to fight was because she was afraid.  She wanted to continue to live but she didn’t know how to do it.  And then God provided the answers which, if I had been paying attention, were right in front of my eyes the whole time.

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“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5

 

Haiku ~ 12/15/14

Oh how I rejoice

When your favor is revealed

Love for me is shown

 

Things I did not see

Standing right in front of me

Vision is restored

 

Full of Thankfulness

For blessed understanding

You show me the way

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I wish for you all to stay strong in your faith, especially during hard times.  I have found that the harder I lean into it, the faster my “vision” becomes clear…the faster my mind hears the words that are placed in my heart.  The words that are sent, the people who are put in my path, the strength that I find right when I think I have no more to give…that is what I am talking about…that is what I am so blessed and full of gratitude for…Blessitude!!!  Thank You!

❤ Lorrie

12/16/14

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Top photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.or
“The Night Sky” Mount Hood National Forest

 

 

Stripped Bare

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Fear.  It possessed their souls.  Maybe it has always been there, but for sure it is magnified…wearing a gown…attached to wires…holes being poked in their arms…strangers walk in…modesty walks out…no idea who will touch them…who will hurt them…what are their rights?

Nothing happens until everything does…and then they move with lightening speed and you can barely keep up…and they don’t know what is happening…but they know they are on borrowed time…and they reflect on a life…and the sadness creeps through the cracks in their skin…and they fight!

They’re not done yet…but it is inappropriate…not the right time…not the right words…maybe they didn’t hear the directions…but suddenly everything they do is wrong…and they are labeled “forgetful!”

Water is wet…but thickened by regrets of a voiceless advocate…as buttons are pushed…calls go unheard…alarms ring in the distance…roommates make terroristic threats

and then there is silence…

you pray for silence

Blessitude

Lorrie

12/4/14

The past week and a half has been one of the most trying of my life.  It started with my brother-in-law who contracted MRSA in his leg and was in danger of having it amputated.  Then his father had a heart attack, on the same day my mother, “The Momma,” was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia.  My brother came to visit The Momma on Thanksgiving Day, and then had a heart attack two days later.

The outcome:  Brother-in-law is home and doing well with both legs intact.  His father had surgery and is recovering.  My brother checked himself out of the hospital after surgery, and I worry if he will follow the strict guidelines that were given to him.  And The Momma was moved to an inpatient rehabilitation center, and although down and out at the moment…I expect her to rally soon and work hard to recover.

And me?…I am hanging in there.  In times like this it can be so very hard to find the good…but I have an unending faith that everything happens the way it is supposed to.  And the only way I got through all of this so far is to look for the things that I am grateful for.  I am Blessitude!

I will not have the time to be as present here as I would love to be.  I thank you all, wonderful souls, for the support you show me 🙂  I will visit you all as soon as I can.  May you all walk in Love and Peace!

❤ Lorrie