When Grief Sneaks Up On You

Like a tidal wave
Crashes to the shore
Hit in the heart’s center
Tears fall like rocks to the ground
No thoughts
Just memories that live
Inside matter
Torn from a deep sleep
Smashed bones
A tissue floats
In the wind

I am clawing my way out of such an intense wave of grief; it was unexpected and uncontrolled. I can’t explain it. It was The Momma’s birthday, but this would be the third birthday since she passed. I know for certain that the other two were nothing like this. It was a little scary because it lasted so long. It was like the darkness that used to be so familiar found its way back to me…and I didn’t like it.

I am beginning to feel more like myself. I feel like I am moving back into the energy of love and gratitude…and I LIKE IT!

I realize that there are no hard rules to dealing with grief. I am a firm believer that we make our lives with the thoughts we think and the choices we make. Grief is a little tricky because we feel it in the very essence of our being and it can not always be willed away with our thoughts.

But one thing I know is The Momma would not want me to feel so bad; she would want me to be happy and to live a good life. And no matter how old we get we still want to please our parents…so I pull myself up by my bootstraps and I force myself to be a part of life!

This is one of my favorite photos of The Momma! She loved her ice cream so much I have to believe there is ice cream in Heaven!

This post is for everyone out there who has lost a loved one and has experienced this sudden, all encompassing grief. I am sending the biggest hug…the kind where I don’t let go until you have had enough and you let go. May you be able to feel peace and know that your loved one is always with you; always watching and guiding you.


1). We all experience it differently

2). It can change…and change quickly

3). It is not in your brain…it is in the nucleus of your soul

4). You wouldn’t feel it if you didn’t love greatly

5). It can come on unexpectedly and uncontrollably

6). It can last a very long time

7). The severity can lessen over time but it is never really gone

8). You can run…but you can’t hide

9). You can not WILL it away

10). It is best to sit with it because what you fight only gets stronger

11). You can’t explain it to someone who has never felt it

12). It can make the strongest person cry

13). It makes other people uncomfortable

14). It is okay to talk about it…in fact it can help

15). If you let your grief go it does not lessen the love you had for that person

16). You should not feel guilty for moving on

17). Your loved one would want you to move on

18). It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

19). If you can remember the good times…it will help

20). The bad times will be magnified

21). Eventually…you will be able to forgive yourself

22). It is okay to talk to your loved one like they are still here

23). If you really take notice you can feel them with you

24). And if you really really take notice you can see signs from your loved one

25). You are going to be okay


Lorrie ❤


National Hotline Number for Grief Support – GRIEFSHARE (800) 395-5755

If you could use some help you can reach out to me on my ASK SEEK KNOCK page ❤

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Once a broken soul who only reacted to what life handed me, I am now in charge of my life. Garden of Blessitude is a safe space to explore a past filled with pain and abuse. Read my words and let the healing energy touch you as I shine a light on the possibility of healing. Claim your power! You have the ability to overcome your past and finally live the life of your dreams. Go to the ASK◇SEEK◇KNOCK page (above) on the blog (LorrieBowden.com) if you would like to go deeper in your own journey with me. Move from 'It's all wrong' toward 'It's all right,' and you will HEAL AND FREE YOUR SOUL!


    1. Hi Tom. Happy that this reached you in the right moment…sad that you can relate…
      I am moving closer every day…Thank you!
      Here’s to celebrating what was and easing into what was lost ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hi Lorrie,
    Your post is so vulnerable, my friend. I feel you! Grief is like swimming in a sea and trying to find a new shore. I remember writing a poem about that named “My Tears Filled an Ocean.”
    I am sending you lots of healing hugs and prayers that you have released the darkness and are back in the light again.
    Much love, Judy

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Judy 💜 I know you understand completely. I am coming out of the dark side and can even smile and joke around knowing my mom loved when I was silly! It was a profound…deep seated pain! I was not ready for that…as I said “unexpected.” Maybe it will never happen like that again…or if it does it won’t be so surprising.
      Other than that…all is good here. I will write soon. Hope that all is super duper wonderful with you! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lorrie, I feel like I should send this post to my sister. We both lost our mum five years ago but I know that for her especially the pain and grief has never gone. In fact she said to me a few weeks ago that the Mothers Day that just passed was the hardest she’d ever experienced.
    I’m so sorry for your grief my friend and I’m sending you a big, warm hug. Cherish those special memories with your mum. That’s a blessing you’ll never lose and she would want you to know peace and be happy. Sending you much love xx ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, Miriam…I send your sister oodles of hugs and blessings. Now that I think of it…May does hold mother’s day…and my mom’s birthday. I think I glossed over mother’s day…maybe that is what happened. No matter…it was a tough place to be. I am grateful for your love and kind words. It definitely helps to have caring souls hold a space of love for you!
      I think we heal, minute by minute, and I am so grateful for my life. That is also what happened…I was in such a great place…and then I wasn’t. I’m working to pull myself up…thanks for being there and caring enough to send your energy!!
      Hope all is well with you, Miriam! ☺💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m always here if you want to reach out and chat Lorrie. I know what it’s like to be in that tough place but I can also sense your resilience and gratitude for life. I’m doing okay, we’re back in lockdown but I’m just riding it out and looking out for those blessings. What else can I do? Take care. xx 💜


        1. Thank you Miriam 😊 I really appreciate your offer. I can’t believe you are back in lockdown!! I’m sorry to hear that…but you are right…what else can you do? I know you will use your creativity to help you through this time. Sending lots of love and hugs…and awesome energy. Just like my little setback…this too shall pass 💜

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Sending a big hug and lotsa love your way Lorrie. I know how it is to have unexpected grief. I can so relate. Thanks for sharing this, I think it helps all of us who have had loss and reminds us that we’re not alone in our grief.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m so grateful for your words, Linda! And I agree that it somehow helps to share and know that we are not alone. This bout was so unlike any other it was disconcerting! Thanks for your caring heart…I hope things are good with you 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I know how you feel, Lorrie, and my heart goes out to you. It’s good to know you are rising up again. Love, Light and Laughter wished for you, my dear friend. 💙💜💚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Isabella💜 I can feel your empathy and can tell you know exactly what I mean. Grief is a very unpredictable emotion I am finding.
      I hope that you are well and that life is full of good things!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Ka! How are you my friend? I hope things are going well for you and your beautiful family 💜 Thanks for the love…it really helps so much! I am doing much better…though it was quite scary because I couldn’t pull myself out of it for a while.
      Here’s to all good things!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, Lorrie, we are well right now. You know there are always the daily struggles and there are also so many bright spots filled with joy. Grief is hard and it does come upon us suddenly. Being held helps me. I hope you know how much you are loved. I know you really loved your mama. And I know she is with you and you feel her, too 💖


        1. Tears, Ka…but good tears. Thanks my friend. Sometimes it truly feels as though there is a piece of me missing. Thanks for sending your love across the miles…I can feel that too💜
          And yes…I know the struggles…and the joy. They are both there it’s just a matter of how we choose to deal with them. Always sending love!!

          Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss, Lorrie! And I agree that grief can hit at any time, it doesn’t matter if it’s three days or three years after a loved one dies, it can still hit you like a ton of bricks. It hurts, but is the price we pay for loving someone so much, and it’s worth it.
    And thank you for talking about it so openly. Far too many people think they aren’t allowed to grieve after a certain time, which means that they still grieve, they just do it in private and don’t get the benefit of talking about it to others or having it validated, or even just allowing themselves to feel it and so they can come out the other side. I honestly believe we were put on this earth to help each other, and it’s important to let others help us in our grief. You’ve taken it a step further, and used your grief to help others in the same boat…..that’s a gift!
    I hope you are feeling better now, but I will keep you in my prayers just the same.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ann, I am so touched by your heartfelt response that is so full of insight…Thank you! You brought tears to my eyes. You captured everything I feel and expressed these sentiments spot on. And I am grateful for your kind words and recognition that by exploring my own grief I could possibly help others…Wow!
      I just love that you believe we were put on earth to help others because I, too, share that same belief. The place where I needed to learn though, was that I needed to help myself too…and many times we have to help ourselves BEFORE we can help others. It is an amazing journey that I feel so blessed to be taking and when I can share it with beautiful souls such as yourself it hits me right in my heart center and I KNOW that this is what God wants for us. Thanks so much for sharing who you are and walking with me 💜


  6. Dear Lorrie,
    I am sorry for the loss of your Mom. What you have written about grief is true. It has been almost ten years since my Mom died. I still miss her and grieve for her at times. This is only natural when you have experienced a great love. Thanks for sharing your experience. Sending you a big
    Many Blessings
    Lisa .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Lisa. Thanks for the comfort of your words. I am sorry for your loss as I know your pain is every bit as real almost ten years later. You hit on a huge point…that huge grief stems from great love!
      I hope things are going well for you…and that you are enjoying summer 😊 Have a great week!

      Liked by 2 people

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