I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Shred

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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Is it really so important for everything to fit into a nice label

Into a category

Is it really possible to make myself feel better treating my life

Like an extreme filing system

Everything in its proper folder

Every folder filed away alphabetically

So as to be able to access it immediately when needed

Am I not the first person to say if everything has a place

And you always put it in its proper place

 It will never get lost

You will always be able to find it

That’s all well and good

If you know WHERE to file it

What happens with the things and events

That don’t fit into your filing system?

The things that don’t have an intuitive label

The things that are left

Unfiled

With no proper place to be

And I begin to wonder

 If they have no proper place to be filed

And that means they would not easily be found

Could it be true that they are things

That are not necessary?

That there’s no good reason to have to access them again

No good reason to remember them at all?

I wonder

Then I remember the paper shredder

Things that aren’t necessary to keep any longer

Go zip and no longer exist as what it was before

Unnecessary

Destroyed

Maybe I can add an internal shredder

And destroy the things that can’t be filed

Destroy the things that shouldn’t be filed

Shouldn’t be remembered

Shouldn’t be accessed

And maybe

Just maybe

I should rethink the whole filing system

And just let it be

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/31/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ On The Verge

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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This writing is very powerful

I am sitting alone at the pool

Crying

I feel that I am on the verge of a life changing event

I have fear

But I have love

I am certain that everything happens for a reason

I am certain I am supposed to be here alone

I am certain that God loves me

And that I have been protected my whole life

I know that my truth lies dormant in my soul

I know that there is great pain there

And I know that every step I take is preparing me for this truth

And in this truth I know that I will be safe

And I know that I will be healed

And I know that what will be revealed will be something

That not only helps me but will help many

I am so grateful

I understand that we are all on a journey

And that we all help one another

Even when it looks like it is not help

I know the antidote to fear is love

And I feel love like I have never felt before

It is not the clingy I’m afraid you will leave me kind of love

But love that comes from creation

Love that binds us each to the other

In happy times

And in times of great tragedy

Love that wants to help

Love that wants to do things

Love that wants to understand

That every soul is doing the best that they can

At any particular time in their life

Bless me with this knowledge

So that I may live in this place

Walk in this love

Believe with my whole being that it matters

It matters

It ALL matters

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/30/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Alone

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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Though we’re never truly alone

This is what I need right now

I feel a shift

I feel my soul trying to communicate with me

But there is so much noise competing for my attention

The silence I found in the canyon was truly astounding

And it made me realize that I have cluttered my life

With noise

White noise

Background noise

Ringing

Screaming

Blocking out the sounds that will tell me the secrets

Tell me truth!

My mind and body are altered

It’s true

It’s all part of healing they say

Must work through this

It is necessary

But I can’t help feel that at times I am losing my mind

And I can’t quite decide if that is a good thing…or not?

Is it not this mind that has tried to control every situation

Every person

Every hurt

Every fear?

Is it not this mind

That decided not remembering was the best road to take

It decided the pain would be too great

And I would be better off being kept in the dark

Yes…it is that mind

But I don’t like the dark

I want to be in the light

The light soothes my soul

And it caresses the broken parts of me

Should I not have the opportunity to fully heal

To banish fear

To remember what it is that I am so afraid of

So that I can see if I am actually afraid

Or should I continue to live in this limbo

In the darkness that entombs my mind

Shackles my heart

Exposes my fear

And leaves my body laying broken at the bottom of a well

Dear Angels, guides, God…hear my heart screams

Hold me safe in love’s arms

Feed me and nourish me

Use me for good

H E L P me…

I AM ready

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/29/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Safe

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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Safe from the sounds of the outside world

Locked away from the energy of others

I am calm

Protected from jealous whispers

And winds of change

I walk

I walk and I hear the voice of my soul

And I feel

I Feel the caress of great love

That erupts from the base of my understanding

From the beginning of time

This love washes me with gentle spring rain

And it cleanses my mind

It cleanses my thoughts

It flows with gravity

And leaves behind a blossom

A blossoming soul with soft petals

And thorns

Thorns that protect

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/28/15

 

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Broken Arrow

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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Broken arrow

Frozen dream

Inertia

Walking blindly

Lost my way

Not sure which way I am supposed to go

Once so clear

The arrow pointed

To a life that was full of promise

To a life that honored God

To a life that showcased the best parts of humanity as a whole

Perdition

Wasteland

Swirling in the dark abyss

No light

This is not the dream

This is not the life I imagined

This is not what I agreed to

My frozen dream

The hands of God rest on my spine

Lift me up to heavenly realms

Angel wings borrowed

Placed just so

I think I can fly

My heart is COLD but BEATING

My soul is LOST but MOVING

My dream is SEEN but FROZEN

My mind is WRONG but CHANGING

Feel the ether from a kiss

That is blown through the universe

It melts the ice

And explodes the myths

It propagates truth

Transcends the lighted brilliance

          BANG!!!

An arrow to the heart

Cupid’s playground

Walk amongst the flowers

Fragrance rises

Plays with the senses

Vision restored

Clear focus

Birds sing a song

It’s impossible not to dance to

Light pervades the landscape

And my heart sends out a signal

That connects to the sacred vessel of time

And my arrow is fixed

And my dream is displayed in glory

And my soul rejoices

Blessitude

Lorrie

3/27/15

 

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Long Sleepless Night

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer: Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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I ponder what is there in the dark

That prevents my beautiful soul from resting

I wonder what is in my mind that does not allow me to have peaceful sleep

It does not surface and perhaps the idea that there must be something

And my searching for what it is makes me stay awake longer!

So I say a little prayer

Dear Lord

As I lay my head down at the end of the day

May my heart feel free

And ready to express the love that lives inside

May my mind be clear

Because when I examine the day

I know that I hurt none

Helped many

And did the best I could

May I have compassion for all

And withhold judgment in all cases

May the fruits of my labor

Produce all that is good

May I lay my body down to rest

And to repair

And may healing restore my weary bones

Yes, Lord,

May you restore all that is good

All that you have given me

And may my sweet dreams of slumber

Bring a smile to my face.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/26/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ He Said I Have Anger

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless NightBroken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimersome of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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He said I have anger

But how could that be?

That was before

I took care of all that

I went to the depths

(ok…maybe not ALL of them!)

But I went very deep

And I looked them in the eyes

And I told them I was angry

And they didn’t apologize

NO

They laughed

They made my existence a joke

So I walked away

And I knew what had to be done

I had to forgive them!

FORGIVE THEM?  THEY JUST LAUGHED AT YOU!

Oh…how I despise being laughed at when I am not funny

There…I said it

I despise it!

My body tightens

My fists clench

My thoughts go bad

And I become rigid

And I get angry!

Yes..very angry!

Ah!

He was correct

I am angry

I didn’t fix it all

I didn’t go to the depths of my essence

To the bottom of my soul

There is more work

Yes

Much more work to be done

And I’ve a feeling that forgiveness is indeed involved

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

3/25/15