This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation. The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order: Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey to…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness
*Disclaimer…some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature. Please read and explore in safety.
He said I have anger
But how could that be?
That was before
I took care of all that
I went to the depths
(ok…maybe not ALL of them!)
But I went very deep
And I looked them in the eyes
And I told them I was angry
And they didn’t apologize
They made my existence a joke
So I walked away
And I knew what had to be done
I had to forgive them!
FORGIVE THEM? THEY JUST LAUGHED AT YOU!
Oh…how I despise being laughed at when I am not funny
There…I said it
I despise it!
My body tightens
My fists clench
My thoughts go bad
And I become rigid
And I get angry!
He was correct
I am angry
I didn’t fix it all
I didn’t go to the depths of my essence
To the bottom of my soul
There is more work
Much more work to be done
And I’ve a feeling that forgiveness is indeed involved
29 thoughts on “I Remember…An Odyssey ~ He Said I Have Anger”
You are a wondrous light.
I love you, Louise! Thank you for our connection <3 <3
Wonderful Lorrie. Dig in and embrace it all!
With open arms, Val!! Thank you <3 <3
I thought of you as I wrote a pst for today on meeting life as it is. <3
🙂 Thank you, Val!! <3
I admire your courage and honesty Lorrie. I believe there is always more to face and explore.
I think that is why we are here, Brad! It’s just a guess 😉 Love to you!! <3
Agreed. hugs and love my friend. 🙂
Much discovery. The art of forgiveness and its amazing power is so often overlooked at the times we would most benefit from unleashing its healing influence. I’m cradling your spirit in my thoughts during your sharing of this journey, and beyond. May you feel the dichotomy of energizing peace.
Oh, John, your words make me feel wrapped in love…how beautiful!! Forgiveness is an amazingly powerful tool to have in our “box.” And you are correct…so many could benefit from its healing power…and they just don’t know it!! Oh…and I love “the dichotomy of energizing peace.” Many blessings to you …Thank you <3
It does run deep, doesn’t it? You think you’ve reached the bottom and there is still further to go. Like putting a band aid on an amputation wound. I so get it. Wish I didn’t.
I wish you didn’t either…but maybe we should look at it differently…maybe we should embrace the fact that we are where we are and that we SEE and work through what we need to. The alternative, I think, would be to take many steps backwards. It takes strength, but I know we get stronger every time we have more understanding!! Much love always <3
I am learning that forgiveness is not something I can do in my own strength…only by His grace and through His love…you have a tender beautiful heart <3 Much love to you!
Julie <3. Thank you! Your are so spot on…we could never accomplish that kind of love and forgiveness alone!! I so appreciate you adding this perspective!! <3 <3
I really identified with this; the way that laughter made you feel. That is just how I would feel; it actually IS how I feel…(at least initially) on occasions like that. Then there is the need to forgive them and the journey. I am so glad you are sharing this. I just know it will help others like me.
Your lips to God’s ears!! I don’t think I could have shared this if I didn’t believe it could help someone!! And honestly, the support I have received here is so amazing…so heartfelt…that my sharing is helping me too. I wish you peace and much love on your journey and I am always here if you need me!! <3 <3
Lorrie, what an honest and forthright expression – and I get it. How deep do we need to go? Whatever the recipe is for peace of mind, I think a heaping tablespoon of forgiveness is part of it. Stay well & wondrous! xo Harlon
I’m so happy we connected, Harlon!! I love the way your mind thinks…and I think you have a most important ingredient for sure!! All I know is that once I started on this healing journey I have not ever been at a loss as to what to work on next!! I am grateful because every step on the journey is one step closer…to WHAT I am not sure…but I think it is a place we all want to go!! <3
As you peel away each layer of this deep pain, with wisdom, courage, and love, you come closer to the center of deep peace, deep joy. I have to say it again. I’m so proud of you, Lorrie! Big hug! <3
Aww…Thank you my friend. You just touched my heart and made my eyes well up <3 it really is like peeling layers back…one at a time. I appreciate your being here …cheering me on 🙂 <3
being angry is a courageous and a positive reaction, too…
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@”Oh… how I despise being laughed at when I am not funny…” – you’re not alone, so welcome to the club, LLL = lovely lady Lorrie! <3 🙂
Love your thoughts on this!! Thanks dear Me’lanie 🙂 May your Thursday be filled with love and peace!! <3
It’s amazing, but people can always see straight through us. The only one we can sometimes manage to hide from is our self! Unbelievable. Forgiveness can feel like a drudgery sometimes, like we’re digging into all this muck. I think when we turn the corner and remember forgiveness isn’t cataloging the muck, but releasing it forever– trading it in for the pristine version of what is– it becomes a joy. But reaching that point… it requires so much honesty with oneself… so much navigation through the self-conscious areas we hoped we could compensate for with other strategies… 🙂
Much Love, Lorrie!
You have said a lot here, Michael! It is kind of like peeling back the layers and exposing more and more of ourselves…to ourselves. The truth, at least for me, is that I knew myself all along. For whatever reason I chose to ignore it…ego probably…I have always deep down known my essence. The lies that were told, the lies I accepted, only stalled the process in the long run. For all the reasons I thought I needed to be punished I found, perhaps, THE most hurtful way there is! I won’t say that I am completely healed, for I know there is more work to be done. But I feel huge changes that deepen my awareness and offer me choices 🙂
Thank you for traveling with me. I’m really excited about life and the possibilities that are opening up. Many blessings to you dear friend! <3
It can be so good to go inside and marinate in all that is you. And knowing through it all that you are perfect just as you are. Always.
“Marinate in all that is you!”….I really like it 🙂
I’m going backwards in your series and well it’s just funny how God works. He leads us to each other to learn and you are a great teacher! Thank you for this. And for sharing. I haven’t stopped to read a lot because I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to keep up with just the daily stuff and I need to make time for me. Glad I did today. You are so worth the pause! 😊
Aww…you brought a tear to my eyes, Di!! Thank you so much for being here…I will play catch up as well and I pray take some time for myself!!! Much love to you! ♡♡