It is hard to manage the emotional aspects of this disease. I suspect most diseases are that way. It is back to basics for me. Forget the pity party, forget the pain and get on with not fighting this disease, because I remember so clearly that the things we fight, the things we try to […]
Blood that hurts and a mind that floats off into 71 directions at the same time with an inability to find even the simplest of words. Watching from a distance afraid to get too close for fear of a backlash of anger self driven drug motivated dead bacteria invading every cell a mind that notices […]
I’m in the “Happiest Place on Earth” and that fake smile is painted on my face. Yes…look at me… I am HAPPY. Nobody wants to see a scowl at Disney World. Just writing this, holding the pencil in my hand and pressing on the page causes such pain. But I won’t stop. I refuse to […]
THE TREATMENT That empty space is me contemplating the treatment HOT TOPIC! The treatment can make the symptoms worse than the disease Plus the idea of the treatment… thinking about the effects of long-term ANTIBIOTIC USE can absolutely freak me out If I let even one brain cell contemplate it… SO I DON’T I refuse […]
There was a strong look of concern on his face as I read the list I decided to write because my brain fog doesn’t allow me to remember everything and when I speak I sound like an idiot as I grapple for words that are buried deep in my brain and hardly ever get uncovered. […]
The miles rack up. Plenty of time to think. To analyze. To try to lay blame. To punish myself. To promise to do better. Plenty of time to feel embarrassment and not want to tell anyone I have had a relapse And that I just wasn’t good enough to beat this disease. A failure. I […]
You can’t control everything… CAN YOU? I certainly tried through all these years. And what I eventually found was that I control NOTHING! Well, nothing but what I decide to think. So in essence, I can do exactly what I did last time… and we all know that insanity So I wouldn’t expect a different […]