A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ Failure

picsart_01-22-06-05-33

The miles rack up.

Plenty of time to think.

To analyze.

To try to lay blame.

To punish myself.

To promise to do better.

Plenty of time

to feel embarrassment

and not want to tell anyone

I have had a relapse

And that I just wasn’t good enough

to beat this disease.

A failure.

I feel like a complete failure.

What did I do to allow this

opportunistic infection to

invade my body again?

To take over my body again?

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/12/17

I won’t lie.  My first thought was that I would not tell anyone because I was so embarrassed.  I am so grateful that I did not follow that route because I am no longer ashamed and realize there should be no blame.  And I should not beat myself up. 😉  And we are much better off when we are in a place where we can ask for help.  Thank you my friends, for helping ❤

THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED.  ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

46 thoughts on “A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ Failure

  1. I’m sorry you feel ashamed and that you failed Lorrie. I’ve felt similar with some of my circumstances, but am starting to soften and believe that we don’t control as much of our lives as new age empowerment (create your own reality) would have us believe. I like Matt Kahn’s perspective that each new feeling or circumstance is simply an opportunity to accept what is and love ourselves. When we feel mad, sad, ashamed, hurt, etc.- we need more love, not less. You are worthy of much love my friend. Sending love and hugs, Brad

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    1. Thank you, Brad! Just super wonderful advice…I don’t know anything that ‘more love’ won’t heal!! I am beyond the self-recrimination (at least at the moment…it is a full-time job 😉 ) I hope to always dwell in LOVE energy, Brad. We have to keep reminding each other ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There is no blame. What a tough journey and life lesson this is turning out to be for you Lorrie! Thank you for finding the courage to share and face the reality of such a challenging and disabilitating disease to the mind, body and spirit. 🙏
    Gentle hugs your way 💕

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    1. Thank you, Val 🙂 It is a lesson, there is no doubt. I think a very valuable one at that. I am grateful to be received with such beautiful energy from you and from the others here. And I wish that my words and talking about it some how helps someone who is going through something of their own. I grew up in a family that was very secretive about what was happening in the home…you were not allowed to tell anyone ANYTHING! (for good reason, unfortunately.) It created a lot of shame and the thought that I had to hide what was going on. I am happy to say that it feels really good to share here…and I am so grateful!!
      Have a blessed day, Val…hope it’s not too cold up there! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m glad you’ve reached the conclusion to be “real.” My husband’s scary breathing issue is reoccurring as well. We stay intentionally “real” and humble as well. When we know what to do, we do it. When we don’t, we remain teachable.

    Sharing how you are suffering, and being so candid about your fragility, affirms our shared humanity. I think that’s awesome.

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    1. I think it’s awesome too! And I have learned a great deal through sharing this…wow…what a wonderful gift!
      Thank you for being here and I send you comfort for the hard times you both are going through! Here’s to keeping it real ♡

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Lorrie, I hope for you that this writing process is therapeutic, I know it can be a great way to push things out that are sometimes hard to let go. I feel blessed that I can share a slice of your experience, in it I find something relateable and something truly elegantly authentic. With you, as I can be, every step of the way, Harlon

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    1. Thank you my dear friend, Harlon 🙂 I have found that sharing here has been incredibly uplifting! I am grateful for the connection and the true compassion that I feel. I know you have gone through so much of your own…I believe that we all prosper when we share our difficulties, as well as our triumphs! Sending you lots of good thoughts and feelings ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Lorrie your not a failure and nothing to be ashamed of either for having a relapse. This was due to something which was missed in the last healing. You are more connected than you were last time. Some of your heightened sensory experiences now are what I call normal feeling, seeing, hearing what others cannot it is my soul expand and increasing my perception. I would not have included it as part of an illness but doctors would because they do not understand this part of life. Blessing as always to you.

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    1. Wow!!! You know that is exactly the message I felt from my doctor …that something was missed…and his wheels were turning I could see them! And I think I need to embrace this heightened sensory experience…as you stated. I have the feeling it is important in the times to come!!! Thank you, friend…beautiful blessings to you ♡

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Wow…I didn’t think of it that way. It is difficult sometimes to ‘live’ with. I have been very ‘aware’ in my sleep as well…and I used to sleep like a rock…a bomb could go off and I would have stayed sleeping.
          You seem to understand this…is there anything I should do with this…or anyway to chill sometimes??

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