Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ The List

picsart_01-29-08-09-36

There was a strong look of concern on his face

as I read the list I decided to write

because my brain fog doesn’t allow me

to remember everything

and when I speak

I sound like an idiot

as I grapple for words

that are buried

deep in my brain

and hardly ever

get uncovered.

Being able to speak to anyone

about anything

and to think on my feet

used to be

an

attribute.

Now

it’s just a distant

memory

but not the kind

I can’t remember ~

too bad.

Yes.

The List.

His eyebrows went up in surprise

as I read it…

I noticed.

The list…

it was long.

Hmmmm.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/12/17

One of the things that happens with this disease is that my senses are heightened, sometimes to the point of exhaustion!  Sudden noises frighten me as I literally jump from the assault.  I hear things, loud, that other people have to stop and concentrate hard to hear.

Visually, I see…EVERYTHING!! It makes driving difficult as I can be distracted by a tiny bunny hopping on the side of the highway (the same highway that has 5 lanes and if you don’t drive at least 75 mph you are in danger of being assaulted by those who want to go 95!)

Forget about smell.  This one is super annoying as I find myself saying most of the day, “Do you smell that?”  Again, other people generally don’t, or they have to work really hard to get it.  But then again, my friends probably just say, “Yes, I do,” because they know the drill.

Touch is very strange because right now I have numbness that comes and goes from my waist down.  But let one piece of hair get loose and touch my body!!  You would think an army of ants were marching head to toe.  Being that the treatment makes my hair shed more, I cut my hair off (really…off!) so that I could stop the creepy crawly sensations.  It has helped…a little. 

As far as taste goes, there is a constant taste in my mouth and it reminds me of an episode of the TV show ‘Alone.’  One person decided to boil her socks in water to clean them after wearing them for about a month.  Yeah, you get the idea.

Then there is other people’s energy.  Yes…that assaults me too. It is hard to be in large groups of people as I pick up on every thought…every emotion! 

So when my doctor raised his eyebrows…it was subtle and probably would have been unnoticed by most people…but to me he may as well have screamed, “Holy Crap!”

THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED.  ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

50 thoughts on “Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ The List

  1. It sounds like tough times at the moment, Lorrie. Before all this, were you also sensitive in same way? I mean, to be able to catch other soul’s mood, hear and see things, smelling and tasting? You sound like hyper sensitive to me. Take good care of yourself.

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    1. Thanks, Irene ♡ Yes…I have always had a higher degree of sensitivity, but nothing like what happens now…and it is hard to say if it is the disease or the treatment that heightens it so much. All I know is it can be exhausting…and too much sometimes.
      Much love to you, Irene ♡

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I thought so, when I read your post, Lorrie. Treatments of different kinds have lots of side marks, but sensitivity doesn’t use to be one of them. You need to protect yourself best possible, before you join other souls, which could be by visualization of white light to cover yourself totally. This works for me, when I feel too sensitive to go out among others. Otherwise I take all in and get totally exhausted for days. Love to you too ❤

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Thanks, Irene ♡ Yes…before I knew this about myself, which was many years, I did not understand it at all. I am better equipped now that I know about this. But during the disease being active…and being in treatment…it magnified so many times over!!!
          Thanks for your caring response …and have a great day ♡

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for helping me understand Lymes disease and your challenges Lorrie. I realize how little I’ve understood or even tried to understand the challenges other people face. I’ve been self-absorbed in my own challenges. The list sounds like a good way to deal with this. gentle hugs. 🙂

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    1. Ah, Brad! What an incredibly amazing shift that has taken place inside you! I think empathy is one of the best ways people can come together. Every single person has something that they are dealing with and so many times people don’t take the time to understand why someone may have reacted the way they did. I’ve heard so many stories of how bad a person felt after they found out what someone else had on their plate!
      Thank you so much for your incredible support and for walking this journey with me ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Lorrie.. What you are going through right now seems overwhelming.. And I can only imagine on the impact that eyebrow had..
    Being so sensitive anyway these heightened senses must be very difficult to cope with right now..
    I hope these sensations of heightened awareness soon pass. As I continue to send gentle energy to you my special friend.. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly, Sue, there are times when everything is so heightened…I just can’t stand it!! It would be easy to take drugs or alcohol to deaden it a bit, but I tried that in the past and it is not an answer. So I create…something…anything…and I pray. And I try to go out in nature to exercise, but I can get into real trouble with that. The ringing in my ears is so loud right now as I write this it is like a symphony playing from the inside. Then if I have to be responsible for anything (and I do) I have to plan it a million times in my head and make lists. Last night I could not sleep as I have a huge project coming up and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
      Overwhelming is a perfect word for the assault on my senses…the pain is one thing…but some days it is really hard living in here. 😉
      But please don’t worry, I am doing everything I know, and trying more to boot! And everything is exactly as it should be in this moment. And in this moment is right where I am!!
      Much love to you…thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Boy do I get what you are saying! What I got from Bells is much less than what you get from Lyme, but a lot of it is quite similar. People who speak too loud, hurt my ears and the ringing never stops. I miss lots of words because of the ringing. Others energy can drain completely and looking for words in a conversation vs writing keeps me mostly silent in groups. That’s why i started to blog. To challenge myself to find those words again. So much is heightened and the rest numb. Chronically exhausted which is why I spend as much time alone as possible. It’s necessary rest a great deal to heal. Be kind to yourself. Now, I’m going to take a nap. 🙂 Giant squishy hugs, Lorrie.

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    1. Oh, Marlene…thank you so for sharing this here and with me. You get it completely as many of the symptoms are the same, or similar. I have no problem laughing at myself, but when I am trying to converse and simple words won’t come to me…I’m not sure frustrating quite covers it. I’m very sorry to hear that you have these symptoms and it is so powerful to hear that this is why you decided to blog…I GET IT!!
      Giant squishy hugs right back from someone who KNOWS!! It means a lot to me that you felt you could share this ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Like Brad, I appreciate learning more about this strange disease. The heightened awareness almost sounds like unwanted superpowers gone terribly haywire. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I can imagine wanting to hide, yet, you, brave one, do what needs to be done. Thank you for sharing your journey. I wish good care, gentle dreams, and better days ahead.

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    1. I like it, JoAnna….maybe that is how I will ‘spin’ it….I have SUPERPOWERS!! Haha…when I have my big ol’ brace on people call me ‘Wonder Woman’… I’m just saying!! 😉
      Thank you for your giant caring heart ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t no what to say… I feel so sad. The only part that made me laugh a little was the brain thing. People used to depend on me for my recall. Now? I can shove furniture around better than I can move one thought closer to another. Oiy-veh. 😦

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    1. Oh…don’t feel sad! It’s more a cathartic thing for me to share what is truth…what is happening. I want you to rejoice for the giant weight that has been lifted from me by sharing 🙂 THAT would make me feel better 😉
      Blessitude ♡

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your good thoughts. It’s particularly hard right now as I have a few big, important, projects that require a lot of organization and work. I think that pressure adds to the overload.
      Hope all is super in your world! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, Lorrie. There just has to be a zillion and one reasons WHY you are going through this hell again. Some of what you described I experience on a daily basis and for this reason now I avoid crowds, yes even shopping. My senses seem to be on “super” all the time. Mother Nature helps tremendously and I highly recommend communing with Her to help calm your senses. I don’t know what else to say. I just feel so badly for you. (((HUGS))) Amy ❤

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  8. Hi Lorrie, I have the same issues as you daily. Heightened sensory perception though my memory is great and can remember finite details if needs be. One of the reason I chose to live where I am was it is so peaceful but then I can feel the undercurrents of the area population not good. You are not on your own with these senses. Noise, I abhor it and loud talking. Take care you are precious. I believe if you tune in more to your soul your memory will return as the soul contains every detail. Bless you.

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    1. Thank you SO MUCH!! What a beautiful idea because yes…I do believe the soul knows EVERYTHING! Someone had written that it is like superhero powers to which I replied maybe I should view it as a gift. But that is hard sometimes when I can’t cut through the attack on my senses. Quite a few people have written that they, too, experience this. It would be interesting to get a bunch of us together in the same place and see what happens!!
      Thank you for leaving your footprint here and for offering your loving support…I appreciate you ♡

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I think I only recently, in the last few years, realized there was a name for this (other than ‘crazy!’ 😉 ) I don’t know if people are born this way, but I had the kind of childhood where I HAD to be aware of every clue in my environment. So maybe it comes from that need as a child.
          It can be disconcerting at times…but it also saved my life a few times…that is for sure!
          It has kicked up about a hundred fold recently…and as it coincided with the relapse and the pharmaceuticals I thought it had something to do with that.
          Thanks so much…I really appreciate that you have taken the time to communicate about this!
          Love and light ♡

          Liked by 1 person

        1. Things make more sense to me now. I have been consciously trying to be in contact with my soul…and I know what you mean about it being more than intuition…though I think intuition may the first portal to it. So in my conscious effort I have caused the heightened senses…hmmmmm.
          Thank you so, so much! There is always peace in b understanding ♡

          Liked by 1 person

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