Haiku 4/26/15 & Dragonfly

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Mister wonderful

Has a secret to tell me

In all his glory!

I saw you looking at me

Dancing in the air

Prancing

Showing off your iridescent beauty

So I followed you

You didn’t have a finger to beckon

But your heart was screaming

“Come here…come see me!”

“I have a message for you.”

I walked slowly because I didn’t want to scare you away

But you were never scared

You teased me and flew away

I gasped!  So sad!

But you came right back

You left…you reappeared

and you did it again!

I understood

You were trying to tell me to forget about fear

You were trying to tell me that I could make you stay

If I believed you would stay

So I believed

And you stayed

And you let me move my phone

So close to you to take your photo

That it wouldn’t focus

I swear I could see you wink at me

And nod your head in appreciation

And then I heard you

I heard you say that you had a secret message for me

And that it would be revealed over the next couple days!

And I believe you, Mr. Wonderful

And I am so grateful to have met you!!

I wait with bated breath, my friend

I wait with bated breath <3

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I adore this man!!  Mr. Wonderful was so very insistent that I dance with him.  I didn’t have my phone with me, but he danced with me while my friend went to get it.  He always left and came back and landed on the tip of the same leaf on this plant.  My eyes, ears, and heart are open wide.  And I am so grateful for my time with Him!!  I am Blessitude <3

Blessitude

Lorrie

4/26/15

Haiku ~ 4/20/15 & Confirmation

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Sun rises in morn

A brand new day to explore

All that is good here

Blessitude

Lorrie <3

4/20/15

As I wake to this new day, starting a new week, I ponder the choices I have to make.  It is clear that the first choice is always, “How am I thinking!”  The rest of the day is shaped, molded, by these beginning thoughts.

Ernest Holmes, in ‘Science of Mind’ said that doctors should never ask their patients, “How do you feel?”  They should always ask, “How are you thinking?”

This was a basic tenet for me the first time I was able to put my disease into remission.  Instead of waking and examining the physical body for pain, stiffness, or lack, I would wake and set my “thoughts” on good, beautiful, positive beliefs.

A few weeks ago I shared this with an 80 year old man who lives in my community.  The other day he almost tripped trying to get to me.  He told me that he really thought about what I said and that he realized that his thoughts are very negative.  He said he always expects bad things to happen.

For the past two weeks he has really been trying to be aware of his thoughts and to change them from negative to positive.  He said, “Lorrie, it is so amazing!!  Within 15 minutes I can completely feel a difference!”  His excitement was so wonderful to witness!

Imagine that!  An 80 year old man who never thought about how he thinks.  It speaks to my belief that most people have no idea how negative they are!

So this post is dedicated to being aware of HOW we think.  I believe that we can change our world and in the process change THE world!

Every day I wake and my first thought is, “How are you thinking?”

How are YOU thinking?

Lorrie <3

Fleeting Moments of Truth

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All that is here in this moment

Shapes my world into all that won’t be here tomorrow

It was never here, actually

It is only fleeting moments of truth

Bound to timeless Angel wings

Ether in the mist

Rise up from the valley of hope

Into the depths of the deepest ocean of compassion

I am here now

In this moment

And

I AM

Love

Blessitude

Lorrie <3

4/15/15

Photo credit:  My girlfriend M

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Forgiveness

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The colors dance upon my mind

A kaleidoscope of shapes

Changing colors melt

And turn into another

All smooth

All swift

Synergistic

Beautiful

Is this what forgiveness feels like?

Free wheeling

Running

Jumping

Weightless

Free

Smiles extend out

Better yet they come back

Gentle

Easy

Loving

Kind

Things that annoyed me before

Are simple

No worries

No rushing

We’ll get there

No hassle

It will all work out

Peace!

Yes, if I had to name this

I would name it peace

With joy!

Yes, add joy to peace

That is what this is

And freedom!

Don’t forget about freedom

Peace + Joy + Freedom

The sun shines brighter

The ocean smells better

And every flower I pass

Has more essence than it had before

Every person I see has more soul than ever before

Let the smile in my heart reach out

Through my lips

Let the laughter of my soul reach out

Through a song

And let the love of my being reach out

Through a hug

A hug for creation

A hug for the universe

If only I had known what forgiveness felt like

Sooner

I am so grateful to each and every one of you who walked on this healing journey with me.  The support you gave to me helped in ways that are real, that are palpable.

I am so happy that I scheduled this series in advance.  I knew that it would be hard for me to post on consecutive days for two weeks in a normal time span.  But the past week has been anything but normal.

I had to drive up north to see my Lyme doctor.  The plan was to drive two days, see my son on Sunday (SonDay :)), see my doctor on Monday and drive two days home.

Saturday night I was informed that my father most probably has lung cancer…they are awaiting the biopsy.  The doctor told him that due to his age (86) and current health, he would recommend that he not do any treatment. He told him to go home and live out his life.  My father said, “The hell with that…take the damn thing out!”  He plans to live to 103 and be shot by a jealous husband.

My heart told me that I should go to visit him Sunday.  My mind intervened and said, “Are you sure?”  I listened to my heart and with the comfort of my son by my side, I made a “surprise” visit…a very surprise visit.  I am so happy that I was able to listen to my heart.

I saw my doctor Monday morning and continued on the road from there.  I was in Virginia when the assisted living facility where The Momma lives called.  She was on her way to the hospital.

I was 15 hours away.  I can’t begin to tell you how frightened I was.  I called my best girlfriend, M, and told her.  She was in her car on the way to The Momma within 5 minutes!  She saved both our lives that day.

The emergency room doctor did an EKG and was going to send The Momma home…her heart was fine.  But, you see, my girlfriend had had a pulmonary embolism a year and a half ago.  She told the ER doctor that The Momma’s symptoms were identical to hers when she had one.  The doctor did not like being told what to look for.  But my girlfriend did not care!  She did not leave him alone until he consented to do a test.

He ordered a CT scan and then didn’t want to show his face when it turned out that The Momma did, indeed, have a pulmonary embolism!

We drove through the night to get to her.  I don’t think I could have slept anyway.  By the time I got to lie down and take a small nap I had been awake for 31 hours.

She is having treatment in the hospital and is in pretty good spirits.  As luck would have it, the hospital was so busy the only room they could give her was a private room.  She keeps exclaiming how nice the room is :)

I know how rare it is to have both parents aged 86 (The Momma will be 87 next month) still with me.  I also know that we all walk a different journey here on earth. I am so grateful for the healing that I so very recently received and worked through.  It wasn’t too late.  It was perfect, divine timing.

This post is titled “Forgiveness” because I finally understand what it means.  It does not mean that I condone the behavior or actions of someone who hurt me.  It means that I can be empathetic and I can look at what had happened in their life that made them the way they are.  It means I can say and more importantly believe that they did the best they could at that time with what they had to work with.

As I said above, we all walk our own journey.  We all make decisions.  From the bottom of my soul I thank you for deciding to walk a little while with me!

Blessitude!

Lorrie <3

4/5/15

OH!!!  AND HAPPY EASTER!!!♡♡♡

I will be taking some time off from posting here so I can catch up reading what you all have been up to! ;)

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Emancipation

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

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When all the pieces are there and the dust has settled

I am able to separate

FACT from FICTION

DARK from LIGHT

TRUTH from FANTASY

LOVE from FEAR

Yes, I am able to extract the layer of lies

That were told to me

And came from me

And I see the woman who thought it was better to hide

Who felt shame and guilt for something that was not her fault

No…not her fault at all

She was caught up in someone else’s sickness

In a mind that spent many years

KNOWING but not REMEMBERING

LOVING but not fully COMMITTING

ACCEPTING but not fully FORGIVING

I feel that I have connected

I have connected

MEANING to EVENTS

FEELINGS to THOUGHTS

HEART and SOUL to MIND

Like a lightning bolt

It all connected

From the pull

Of a tiny

THREAD

Understanding

And the fear that kept me in the dark for so long has dissipated

Into thin air

The child who couldn’t handle the memories

Doesn’t have to

Because the adult she’s become

Loves her

And will take all of the memories from here

And while I couldn’t be there to protect her THEN

I am here NOW

And I AM strong

And truth dispels fear when surrounded by love

Blessitude

Lorrie

4/4/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Another Inch…perhaps a mile

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

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I didn’t want to be seen

I didn’t want to be known

Stand against the wall

Become a flower

It is safer to hide

Safer to swallow the truth

Don’t leave any remnants

Hungry birds come to collect them

If I can’t see what happened to me

Then I certainly don’t want anyone else to see it

But they did see it

And they said nothing

They left me to fend for myself in a maze of vile putrefication

The only way to handle the gross violation was to pretend it wasn’t there

And the only way to pretend it wasn’t there was to pretend to sleep

And the only way to pretend to sleep was to try really really hard to sleep

If I could trick my mind into sleeping so soundly that a bomb couldn’t wake me

Then I could actually get up in the morning

And not shrink into the paneling

Or become a velvet flower of the wall paper

You tried to talk to me once

You were a new man

You needed to “come clean”

You needed to get it off your chest

You created such an explosion of fear

I couldn’t breath

No no no! My words stuck under the heavy carpet of truth

I couldn’t speak

I couldn’t hear it

I couldn’t face it

I couldn’t remember it

No!

No!

Not then

 

So I ran

I ran out of the trailer

And out of your life

But I ran out of my life too

And it wasn’t right

And it didn’t feel fair

And I was angry

And I was mean

And I was sick

And I did everything I could do to numb my mind

To stifle my soul

To protect my essence

But there was no protection

I was the one who decided

That I was worthless

And I was the one who decided

That I needed to be punished

I was born bad

Why else would this happen to me

I must have deserved it

I must have wanted it

He told me I asked for it

I must have made him do it

How terrible that I would ruin someone else’s life

By making them a part of my sickness

Blessitude

Lorrie <3

4/3/15

I Remember…An Odyssey ~ Vindication

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

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It was there all along

Funny how the mind thinks that it can protect you by not allowing the pieces of a puzzle to be seen as a whole

Once connected it almost seems incredulous that one could not see it before

It was all there

For many years

It was not hidden from thought as one might suppose

No

It was hidden from meaning

Events seen separately for years

Each creating their own brand of misery

Were a smokescreen

A haze….fog in my brain

To disconnect truth

To prevent

The thinking mind

The feeling heart

The bleeding soul

From feeling the betrayal

The worst kind of betrayal

Blessitude

Lorrie <3

4/2/15