BLESSITUDE ~ "So blessed and full of gratitude"
Blood that hurts and a mind that floats off into 71 directions at the same time with an inability to find even the simplest of words. Watching from a distance afraid to get too close for fear of a backlash of anger self driven drug motivated dead bacteria invading every cell a mind that notices […]
Read MoreI’m in the “Happiest Place on Earth” and that fake smile is painted on my face. Yes…look at me… I am HAPPY. Nobody wants to see a scowl at Disney World. Just writing this, holding the pencil in my hand and pressing on the page causes such pain. But I won’t stop. I refuse to […]
Read MoreTHE TREATMENT That empty space is me contemplating the treatment HOT TOPIC! The treatment can make the symptoms worse than the disease Plus the idea of the treatment… thinking about the effects of long-term ANTIBIOTIC USE can absolutely freak me out If I let even one brain cell contemplate it… SO I DON’T I refuse […]
Read MoreThere was a strong look of concern on his face as I read the list I decided to write because my brain fog doesn’t allow me to remember everything and when I speak I sound like an idiot as I grapple for words that are buried deep in my brain and hardly ever get uncovered. […]
Read MoreThe miles rack up. Plenty of time to think. To analyze. To try to lay blame. To punish myself. To promise to do better. Plenty of time to feel embarrassment and not want to tell anyone I have had a relapse And that I just wasn’t good enough to beat this disease. A failure. I […]
Read MoreYou can’t control everything… CAN YOU? I certainly tried through all these years. And what I eventually found was that I control NOTHING! Well, nothing but what I decide to think. So in essence, I can do exactly what I did last time… and we all know that insanity So I wouldn’t expect a different […]
Read MoreSurely, I must be wrong because I BEAT IT! I BEAT IT! I KNOW I DID!! It was gone. I was healed. I felt great… Until I didn’t. Sure… It was a tough year. Many things happened that broke my heart. But I got through them! I survived. I am so much better equipped to […]
Read MoreAnd the truth smacks me in the face… and the hip… and the elbow… and the foot… and the wrist… BUT THE HEART? Like a ton of bricks dropped on my chest all the pieces to the puzzle fell into place The AHA! moment… the Saturday morning that I said the words aloud, “I think […]
Read MoreI Can’t Admit It. I have red flags popping up everywhere I turn. And I just Can’t Admit It! No. I already fought this war AND I WON! I won, I tell you. Do you not hear my words? Can you not hear me cry in despair? I already fought this war. I already felt […]
Read MoreMy heart just couldn’t go there My mind dared to travel down the road Short distances…before it turned back Because it too Could not stand to face the scenery Just beyond awareness After all, I already traveled down that road I already met with all the possible experiences on that route I met them… I […]
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