A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ You Can’t Control Everything

picsart_01-29-07-43-41

You can’t control everything…

CAN YOU?

I certainly tried through all these years.

And what I eventually found was that

I control NOTHING!

Well, nothing but what I decide to think.

So in essence, I can do

exactly what I did last time…

and we all know that insanity

So I wouldn’t expect a different outcome

or

I can decide to try something different.

But all I really want to do

is

cry.

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/10/17

It is almost mind boggling how I try to repeat things I know will not help.  It is mainly the feeling of helplessness because I just don’t know how to handle my life day to day.  You think that you could get a bead on just how much activity was ‘enough’ activity, versus it being ‘way too much’ acitivity and it renders you bed bound for days.

I like to KNOW things.  I would like to have the secret recipe for what would make me feel better…or at least not make me feel worse.

I am struggling to let that all go, but it is hard.  I know I need to use my body but there is no magic formula for not doing too much.  Maybe anything is too much…

THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED.  ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

52 thoughts on “A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ You Can’t Control Everything

  1. Sending love my dear friend.

    Amanda-Leigh Player Hall

    “..by small and simple things are great things brought to pass..” Alma 37:6

    >

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  2. im sorry you have a relapse Lorrie. my mom has it so i know how hard it can be. the only advice i can give, which i can’t give to my mom because she doesnt understand, is accept it as much as you can , while still looking for remedies. this path were are on, i am finding, that when the little ‘me’ resists, suffering increases. if i can just ‘allow’ as best i can, things are less impacting (if thats a word). i hope you feel better Lorrie!

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    1. Thank you so much for expressing this very important message…not just for me and what I am going through…but for everyone!! I love that you were able to make it make sense…I have tried to express myself (but Lyme impacts that) to the point that I am accepting it…or allowing it…not to say that I am not trying to heal…but I am not having (as much of) the internal fight…as you say ‘the little me’..interfering with the healing. I feel pretty focused…and in each moment.
      I’m sorry to hear your Mom has it 😦 and I understand how you want to say these things to her…and also get why you don’t! Maybe in teeny baby steps 😉
      Thank you so much!! Have a super weekend ♡

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am SO glad you get my drift, and understand the way you do, even about my mom too! And I understand the disease makes the application more difficult as well. I hope awareness consumes you and you are removed from the pain soon Lorrie!

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  3. Sometimes, the most healing gift we can give ourselves, is to allow ourselves to cry. the tears won’t last forever, but they do help to wash away the pain and fear and sorrow.

    Much love to you dearest Lorrie — your painting is beautiful.

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    1. Oh…thanks, Louise!! I’m a good Cryer (but an ugly one…hehe.) You can bet that I have shed a few (a lot!) It is a wonderful release technique…in fact, lately, it can just hit me so unexpectedly…like during a TV commercial, for instance!!
      I appreciate you and your wonderful comments. Much love for a fantastic weekend ♡

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  4. I can really relate to your pain and frustration with not liking what is happening and yet seemingly locked into the same old patterns. I feel your pain, and know that you will come out wiser and stronger, maybe through surrender. I trust you to find the best way forward. Many hugs and blessings to you Lorrie. ❤

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  5. I am breathing deep for you dear Lorrie.. and want to tell you of how I was helped with Master Chunyi Lin’s Spring Forest QiGong.. Please look him and his qigong practices up.. You can also do it sitting down.. 🙂
    Sending LOVE and HEALING my friend.. ❤ hugs, love and Blessings.. Sue xxx

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    1. Thank you, Sue ❤ I remember looking into Master Chunyi Lin's Spring Forest Qigong!!! It was quite a few years ago, Sue, so I will look into it again and I thank you so much for the beauty in your soul that wishes to help me!!
      It's been a tough week physically, but I am in beautiful spiritual energy and I am Blessitude ❤
      Have a super weekend!

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      1. I hope as the Full Moon has reached its cycle Lorrie you feel a new lightness within your aura.. I felt a positive shift today.. 🙂 Love and continued healing thoughts sent out to you my friend xx ❤

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        1. Thank you, Sue! The moon is spectacular and I am grateful for the peace I feel, even amid the chaos that bounces around inside me!!
          I am so happy you felt a shift towards the positive!!! YES!! Have a super beautiful Sunday, Sue!! Thank you so much for your tender care ❤

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    1. Thank you, Ka! Yes…I take Turmeric. I am so grateful to you for thinking of me and passing information along!
      And yes…I promise I am staying in love energy and for that I am so grateful. If I find myself weaving off the path I can catch it fairly quickly 🙂 I wish you beautiful energy and much love, dear friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I can understand and empathize with your trials and tribulations. As we grow older than “Thorn in the Flesh” gets more difficult to deal with. I too have had many health challenges over the years and just when I think I’ve beat them they come at me with renewed vigor. Some days it is like an ongoing battle and I wonder who is winning? Anyway I’m on your side with prayers and cyber hugs!! ❤

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    1. And I am on your side, as well, DeBorah!! Yes…it feels like a full blown war some days. A good friend told me during those times to come at it from a place of ‘noticing’…almost as a third party…just be a witness.
      Again, it makes me think of the story about the two wolves…the one we FEED is the one who wins.
      Hope you have a wonderful weekend…and that you are aware traveling in the city after that snow/ice!! Blessings ❤

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  7. Heavy sigh. Once again Lorrie, I’m so sorry to hear of your ailment and lack of energy. I don’t really know what Lyme’s Disease is, nor how it affects the body. I am, however, sure that it can’t be fun. I have heard of it before, but didn’t really know much about it. Plus, I didn’t know that you can’t get rid of it. How does one treat it?
    Please do be kind to yourself and have a relaxing weekend.
    🙂 ❤

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    1. Thanks, Staci! Lyme is a bacteria that is spread through the bite of a tick (ick!) The tick can also carry other infections (one of which I also had…it was very similar to Malaria) Long term/heavy dose antibiotic use is the treatment…(along with other supplements to help with the effects of that.)
      I am in a very good place with myself, dear Staci. I have been walking on the road of self love for some time and while I may not be ‘perfect’ in my abilities…I am in my desire to be kind to all!
      Much love to you ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Geez, that sounds really rough. I had no idea that Lyme Disease was up there with Malaria. I didn’t know that it stayed in the system.
        Well, the good news is that you have a great attitude Lorrie. Keep up the kindness, my friend. The world could use a whole bunch more of it.
        Love and blessings. 🙂 ❤

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        1. Thank you dear sweet Staci!! Actually, the co-infection that is like malaria is called babesiosis. 😉
          And the key is kindness, I think. There are so many who just don’t seem to know what it is :/
          Hope you are getting settled back home. Can’t wait to see what your travels have inspired ♡♡

          Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah! Bela 🙂 Thank you! The art is of a crazy ‘flower’ that I saw in an arrangement at Disney World! It struck me as beautiful and creepy at the same time! (The creepy part reminded me of ‘the monsters within!’) I have no idea what it is…I should look into it. But I did have fun manipulating the photo…I just love how many different feelings can be evoked from the same exact shot!! One day I wish to actually hand paint some of these…but honestly…with all the things on my ‘to do’ list…I just don’t see when! I am grateful to have so many creative projects…I NEED to make things!! Much love to you Bela…have a super wonderful weekend ❤

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  8. I’m wondering if you still have a full time employment you have to deal with through all of this. I understand how hard it is to function through chronic pain, vicariously of course. My daughter has Fibromyalgia. Still nothing like what you are going through. I’m praying it goes into remission again. I don’t think it ever goes away completely. There are so many illness like this around these days and still no cure. Frustrating.

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    1. I know that there are so, so many people who suffer much worse than I do, Marlene. That was one of the things I used as a strategy to cope when I started to feel sorry for myself. When the symptoms are neurological (like they are now) I am so grateful that I retired from my career years ago. When it is like this it is difficult to get through the activities of daily living let alone be responsible for anything. The work I do now is very flexible, but in the near future I will have a great responsibility in the role of caretaker for an ageing parent. And I look at this as my most important work (well…right up there with BEING a parent.) Send prayers that I will be ready for this!!
      Thank you so much for your support!! I can’t express how much it helps!! Have a blessed Sunday ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Always so hard to find that balance between doing enough and doing too much and overdoing it. Such a fine line!

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    1. Yes, Mary! I think my problem stems mainly from living in my head and trying to do what I think ‘I SHOULD’ be able to do…as opposed to letting my body actually dictate what is possible on any given day. So when I have a day that I don’t do much physically, the next challenge is to not JUDGE myself harshly and be happy that I listened to my body. Ugh…yes…I can act as if I have a handle on this…but I am STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS!! 😉
      I hope you are well an that this Sunday delivers a huge bouquet of LOVE!! ❤

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  10. Hi Lorrie,

    Oh how we want the silver bullet! And it is so hard when it seems out of our power to deliver it. I really liked what beliefpatrol wrote and was thinking a very similar thing before reading it. From what I know of you, you’re quite a brave person and the challenges in your life reflect this. We are given strange things sometimes. But we are working out the greatest imaginable–the return to our home in Love. I think the way is challenging for all of us, but there is love all around to help us through…

    Peace and Love
    Michael

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    1. Ok…now I’m crying, Michael! Your words plucked that space in my soul that recognizes truth and then radiates outward into every cell with the beautiful love of the Creator!! Yes! It is true, we all face our challenges…and it is up to us the way we decide to walk through them. Challenges don’t differentiate us, but the way we respond to them…may. I’m not sure, yet.
      I don’t know if I am ‘brave,’ unless tossing aside all the non-essential clothing to expose the illumination from the core of being is brave. I think maybe it is more like opening your heart to an awareness, to remembering something that was always there and just got buried beneath life. If this deep pain and disease is the catalyst to my remembering, then I am grateful.
      Much love to you…I miss you. And I truly hope that you and your family are in a very good place ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi Lorrie, I seem to be going through a similar phase in my life though I do not have the relapse you are experiencing. Having a situation which trying to resolve taking different standpoints and doing prayers to hopefully bring things to a quick conclusion results in nothing. I keep clearing things out of my physical and spiritual life. Preparing for the next phase. The issue no matter how I push or desire to make things move nothing happens. Letting go and let God seems to be the only thing and keeping faith about the messages being given as to what will happen and what to do now. It is a waiting time. People say have patience it takes time, this is not what I want to hear. So with you on this one Lorrie praying for you too. Blessings as always.

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    1. Oh…and I send back to you the words that perhaps have helped me most…and that is that all is exactly as it should be. Once this series is finished being posted I will share the writings that have been coming since I had written this. It is all about trusting that everything is happening for a reason. I’ve always thought this…but never have I been more peacefully seated with EVERYTHING that is happening. I stand with you…and I send you beautiful energy to caress your soul during this time of ‘waiting.’ (Patience has never really been my virtue 😉
      Much love ♡

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