I’m in the “Happiest Place on Earth” and that fake smile is painted on my face. Yes…look at me… I am HAPPY.
Nobody wants to see a scowl at Disney World.
Just writing this, holding the pencil in my hand and pressing on the page causes such pain. But I won’t stop. I refuse to allow this +&#$*@% disease to take anything else away from me.
I tried to play tennis today…well not “play” but just hit…practice.
It was frightening.
I could not control my body.
I’ve played tennis for 30 years, so hitting a tennis ball is like walking or riding a bike…you just don’t forget how to do it…it is automatic.
Unless you have Lyme Disease.
Unless you are taking massive doses of antibiotics.
Unless you have a build up of dead bacteria clogging your system.
And if all of the above is true
You watch yourself as if looking at a stranger
And you see the struggle as she tries to put the motor sequences together
You swear you can see the wheels turning in her mind
Trying to recite each direction in the proper order
You watch as the rag doll of a body does whatever it wants to do
Arms and legs flailing
A complete discord between thought and action
A loss of all control
And when the mind realizes that its power has been usurped by a rogue body dancing to its own tune
It thinks about the 30 years of its reign
And it sighs
And it paints the smile in india ink
Because for some reason…those muscles respond!
This happened a few weeks ago, and it is really hard to explain what it feels like when your body becomes completely non-responsive to the brain that has controlled it for as long as you can remember.
The only thing I can say is there is TOTAL FEAR!
I know the only antidote to fear is LOVE, so I try with my whole soul to stay in the love energy. You would think it would be easy to stay there…because it definitely FEELS better. But old habits die hard…really hard.
THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED. ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
- And I Thought I Was Done With That!
- I Already Fought This War
- Like a Ton of Bricks
- I Was Positive It Would Never Return
- You Can’t Control Everything
- The List
- The Treatment
- I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
- She Asked Me What It Feels Like
- Game On!
- A Pep Talk From An Angel