A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ I’m in the Happiest Place on Earth

picsart_02-19-08-10-22

I’m in the “Happiest Place on Earth” and that fake smile is painted on my face.  Yes…look at me… I am HAPPY.

Nobody wants to see a scowl at Disney World.

Just writing this, holding the pencil in my hand and pressing on the page causes such pain.  But I won’t stop.  I refuse to allow this +&#$*@% disease to take anything else away from me.

I tried to play tennis today…well not “play” but just hit…practice.

It was frightening.

I could not control my body.

I’ve played tennis for 30 years, so hitting a tennis ball is like walking or riding a bike…you just don’t forget how to do it…it is automatic.

Unless you have Lyme Disease.

Unless you are taking massive doses of antibiotics.

Unless you have a build up of dead bacteria clogging your system.

And if all of the above is true

You watch yourself as if looking at a stranger

And you see the struggle as she tries to put the motor sequences together

You swear you can see the wheels turning in her mind

Trying to recite each direction in the proper order

And then

You watch as the rag doll of a body does whatever it wants to do

Arms and legs flailing

A complete discord between thought and action

A loss of all control

And when the mind realizes that its power has been usurped by a rogue body dancing to its own tune

It thinks about the 30 years of its reign

And it sighs

And it paints the smile in india ink

Because for some reason…those muscles respond!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/20/17

This happened a few weeks ago, and it is really hard to explain what it feels like when your body becomes completely non-responsive to the brain that has controlled it for as long as you can remember.

The only thing I can say is there is TOTAL FEAR! 

I know the only antidote to fear is LOVE, so I try with my whole soul to stay in the love energy.  You would think it would be easy to stay there…because it definitely FEELS better.  But old habits die hard…really hard.

LOVE!

LOVE!!

LOVE!!!

THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED.  ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

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My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

63 thoughts on “A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ I’m in the Happiest Place on Earth

  1. Dear Lorrie, it is a sad and frightening thought to think of bacteria clogging your system, and the last thing you probably need to hear as I expect you know it well already is that this too shall pass. Struggling is difficult, but by opening your heart you are inspiring, you are healing, both yourself and others. Much love, Harlon

    Like

    1. Oh, Harlon!! That is NOT the last thing I need to hear…it’s probably THE FIRST!!! 🙂 🙂 All things have their time…yes? I know that I am healing…I can feel it. And I also know that it is because of the incredible support that I have felt here…people are so amazing! I really do believe that most people want to help others…I was just always afraid to ask. I was brought up to believe that you had to take care of yourself…you had to be strong!! But I will tell you that the real strength is realizing that we are all connected and that by asking for help you actually help other people…because they want to help! and because you help them to be able to ask for help! (am I making any sense? cuz some days that’s iffy 😉
      You are such a good friend to me…I appreciate our connection so much!! I hope that things are going well for you…and Spring is on its way!!! Much love ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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