A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ She Asked Me What it Feels Like

picsart_01-29-04-28-37

Blood that hurts

and a mind

that floats off

into 71 directions at the same time

with an inability to find

even the simplest of words.

Watching from a distance

afraid to get too close for fear

of a backlash of anger

self driven

drug motivated

dead bacteria invading

every

cell

a mind that notices

but has no authority

to step in

and try

to calm the action

of

13,000,000

spiked pinballs

bouncing off of

bones

muscles

tendons

ligaments

organs

burrowing into matter

all that matters

AH!

The tears start to flow

well-meaning people

try to help

and I can’t stand to tell them

that there’s nothing they can do

so

I just say

THANK YOU!

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

2/22/17

I thought about changing the end of this poem because it was written weeks ago…before I realized that there is A WHOLE LOT THAT OTHERS CAN DO!!!  Your prayers and well wishes have been an incredible source of love and strength for me.  Sometimes I am at a loss for how to properly convey how I have been touched by you.

From the deepest part of my soul, I thank you with love that connects each and every one of us!  I am Blessitude and I wish you all the beautiful light of LOVE ❤

THE LINKS WILL BE ACTIVE AFTER EACH POST IS PUBLISHED.  ACTIVE LINKS WILL APPEAR IN RED.
  1. And I Thought I Was Done With That!
  2. I Already Fought This War
  3. Like a Ton of Bricks
  4. I Was Positive It Would Never Return
  5. You Can’t Control Everything
  6. Failure
  7. The List
  8. The Treatment
  9. I’m in The Happiest Place on Earth
  10. She Asked Me What It Feels Like
  11. Game On!
  12. A Pep Talk From An Angel

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My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

41 thoughts on “A Relapse of Lyme Disease ~ She Asked Me What it Feels Like

  1. The word I use a lot in describing what Bells Palsy did to me is also “Debilitating”. You look normal and well enough but everything you do costs you in energy. I am fortunate that I don’t have the kind of pain that comes with Lyme. Chronic pain is EXHAUSTING! You can’t find words because you brain is trying to deal with the pain. I get it. You have to speak out about it. People need to know that just because you do not appear hurt doesn’t mean you are well enough to do so much. You have my support and my ear. I hear you. Giant squishy hugs. M

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    1. Aw, Marlene, thank you. I think that is also a strange part of chronic illness… that others can’t “SEE” it. I can’t tell you how many times people say, “but you look fine…you don’t look sick.” And believe me it is not that I want to ‘Look’ sick, but it almost comes across as a judgment that you must not be that sick then. So, I think that was part of my crazy mixed up mind when I thought I had to pretend that I was ‘fine’ and do as much as I could do. In the long run it only made EVERYTHING worse.
      I get your words…and that it is EXHAUSTING! Some days (yesterday) I can’t get off the couch (and probably slept about 16 hours!)
      I hear you too! And I am here for you ALWAYS! I don’t know why I didn’t know sooner in my life…but it helps so much to share and it helps so much to know other people who are going through similar struggles. I wish you weren’t…but I am so happy to have your support and love and I am so grateful to be able to return that to you as well!!
      Much love my friend. I hope that you are maneuvering through the troubled (painful) times! ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s why I started writing my blog, Lorrie. When I got sick, I was isolated and alone. My friends disappeared, uncomfortable with my illness. Most were snow birds and were not around anyway. My husband had no plans to care for me. It was my JOB to care for him. So I quit my job and trusted the Universe, (God) to survive. The blogging community has carried me through the last 5 years on this adventure. You are my new community and my friends and I will try to lift you when you can’t. I look quite well too. 🙂

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        1. You look MAHVELOUS DAHLING (but I can see your pain)! Thank you for sharing your heart here and for telling your story. People do tend to get uncomfortable when they don’t understand an illness. I’m sorry that you lost some of those friends, I have to believe it isn’t mean-spirited but rather they don’t know what to do so they do NOTHING. But how simply wonderful, and amazing that blogging has been so special for you. I would never have thought, in a million years, that I would have liked blogging! I came to it, kicking and screaming, because of a writer’s conference I had attended. They said you had to have a ‘tribe.’ I just knew I would hate it!! Haha. That’s me laughing so hard because I can’t imagine my life without it now!!!
          Thank you, beautiful soul. I hope that the journey you are traveling is offering much in the way of enlightenment! Many blessings…and how cool is to trust the Universe (God!)?
          ❤ ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  2. The intricate detail really does show what you’re going through on a cellular level. I’ve read some healing imagery by Belleruth Naparstek where she imagines the antibodies as soldiers fighting off the invading bacteria or virus. I don’t recall the science, but you get the idea. I know you’re good at imagery, and you’re already healing. Glad you are listening to your body by resting as you heal. Hope and prayers continue for your wellness.

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    1. Thank you so much, JoAnna! Yes, imagery is important to me, as much of my processing is done by sight. I can visualize my internal body…the first time I ever noticed it was during a massage. Lying on the table, I could visualize every fiber of muscle that was being massaged…I could see the bones…ligaments…organs…etc…from the inside.
      I do meditate and visualize, although I went away from the term ‘fighting’ because it then felt like a ‘fight.’ I now try to visualize the meds as something that helps my body with its normal processes…aids it in producing optimal health.
      I wrote (and recorded) a guided healing mediation (it is a page on my blog)…but you just made me think of it and I think I will visit the recorded version…It couldn’t hurt!
      Thanks for your kind caring heart. I hope that all is super in your world! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Oops…sorry! It is a transcript of the healing…I did not put a “recording” of the healing on the website…it is quite long…and like you, I had trouble the one time I tried to put a recording on my blog. Sorry!

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