Mission Accomplished

2015-01-04 00.50.07

The seemingly impossible task of clearing out the Momma’s home and getting her settled in her new space, all by the end of 2014…December 31, 2014 by the stroke of midnight…was accomplished!   At 10:00pm my SUV, jam-packed with the things I couldn’t fit into her new space but couldn’t possibly get rid of, pulled out of her driveway.

I actually saw the ball drop at Midnight because it is an hour drive home and then I had to unload the truck into a giant pile in my living room.  Yes, some things will leave and make the trip up north…the baby grandfather wall clock that was promised to my son…the flat screen TV that will replace an old tube TV.  The rest I’m not sure where it will all fit in my tiny condo that is already bursting at the seams.

This is creating a “forced purge” of my things to make room for her things.  And I stop to ponder things, and our attachment to them.  Do we keep them because we fear we will forget our life at that time?  After all, why do I need a frilly glass cake dish?  I don’t eat cake!  But when I came across it, I couldn’t put it in the “donate” pile.

I don’t know…it, along with many other things remind me of The Momma.  The young Momma…full of life.  Always working hard trying to make ends meet.  She didn’t have an easy life.  In fact, it was at most times very difficult.  But she never complained.  She just kept putting one foot in front of the other and she ALWAYS made sure we were taken care of.  She couldn’t always protect us, heck, she couldn’t protect herself.  But we always had a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs.

Now she is nearing the end stage of her life here on earth.  She is scared.  I want to help her, but the ways that she needs help now are very personal and between her and God.  One thing I can say for sure is she continues to put one foot in front of the other.  She may not like that she has basically lost all of her independence, but she has accepted that “this is her life now.”

I am so grateful that we were able to get everything done.  I was so busy I barely had time to think, let alone write.  Now comes the emotional part.  The time that the energy that lives in all the mementos I kept, release their hold on the psyche of my past.

Renewal.

Isn’t that what a New Year is for?

One thing I know for sure is that life does change.  And in the process, so do we.  This is when I need to take a page out of The Momma’s book and accept that “this is my life now.”

I wish you all Grace in the changes you face in your life…acceptance.

Blessitude

Lorrie

1/4/15

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My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

48 thoughts on “Mission Accomplished

  1. I’ve been where you are so I am sending hugs from my heart to yours. Give yourself a LOT of time to process and keep what you need for the moments. You’ll know when or if you are ready to let go. I kept specific things from mom and MIL. I might let them go before my children need to purge for my sake. I’m looking at it all now.

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    1. Oh…I so appreciate you taking the time to offer me comfort…and I understand what you are saying about the time. Yesterday I tried to “force” the process in my heart/mind, and it did not create peace! I know that my posts at this time could stir feelings for souls, like you, who have suffered this loss. I want you to know how grateful I am that you unselfishly take the time to support me, especially when I have made you think of your own pain…Thank You! I send you back much love and comfort ❤

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  2. I was just thinking, does your momma pray? My paternal grandmother found lot of comfort in praying after she lost her husband. She wasn’t into religion before that, but she became so sad after my grandfather died. Thank God praying completely changed her, she accepted her life as it was and started thinking what she could do to make it meaningful instead of focusing on what she couldn’t do or didn’t have. Praying is something we all can do, right? And sometimes it is like opening the door a little, to let God enter, and as we seek communion with him more and more often and with all our heart and soul I think soon he will start living in us all the time, and I think that is the greatest gift there is, and the best remedy against fear. Are there any spiritual books she could read? Does she like reading?

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    1. Hi beautiful Trini. Yes…the only thing that truly brought joy to The Momma was reading. She had a voracious appetite and would read 5 or 6 books at a time. Then, in 2000, she had a procedure for macular degeneration and was rendered blind immediately. It was so sad…still very hard for me to talk about. But she has learned to “listen” to books on tape (even though she has a very difficult time hearing…even w/hearing aids!) She has adapted to all of her struggles with amazing grace…yet her “faith” is kept personal. I have tried very hard to “help” in this area…but I have been more of a nuisance to her. I like to “fix” things, and this has been a true eye opener for me. Maybe what “I” think needs to be “fixed” in/for another….IS NOT UP TO ME!!

      I have tried to change my ways and “I pray for her” but I no longer try to force my beliefs on her. Maybe I am growing up. 🙂

      But as I write this I can’t help but think of all the lessons I am learning about me through this process. ..and I am so thankful…and so grateful. Full of Blessitude! And that goes double for how I feel to have you in my life, dearest Trini!! I hope all is beautiful in your world…Thank you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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      1. It is good that she can listen to books a little 🙂 There are really good radio theatres as well 🙂 Of course we cannot force our beliefs or advice or anything really on others, we can only inspire and be a postive force in other people’s lives, the rest is up to them 🙂 ❤ ❤ You are brave and strong Lorrie, and your beautiful soul will carry you through this as well ❤ ❤ ❤ Lots of Love to you dearest sister ❤ ❤ ❤

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        1. Thank you sweet soul sister!! I can feel your love and support across the miles…for there is no distance when Angels connect us!!! Much love…and wishes for a beautiful week!! ❤ ❤

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  3. Wow, I’m so glad you got it all done by the deadline date and time. I know this is and will continue to be a difficult passage for both you and your momma. It always is. But be good to and gentle with yourself about EVERYTHING. You both must continue along the path that lies before you, Lorrie’s and she hers. Grieve when you have to and need to and then move on. Each of us has our own destiny and purpose to fulfill and though we are connected and support each other in numerous ways, the only one to has to answer to Jesus is each one of us individually. I’m proud of you and think you’ve done a great job in handling this. Just know, and I speak as one who is facing this, no one wants to lose their dignity or right to make their own choices. It sounds like this is what your momma wanted to do and the choice is hers to live with. And Scripture tells us we must honor our mother and father, and that means we must honor their choices and ways they choose to live. I pray the days ahead provide opportunities for you to get some much needed rest and peace. Hugs and love, N ❤

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    1. You are an amazing woman Natalie…and such a dear friend…Thank you!! I hear what you have said…and I get it. I get it all…so clear is my vision. I am so thankful. All of it…honoring your mother & father…does not have to mean we agree with all of their choices (I don’t mean this one…this I agree with) it just means to extend the respect that they are responsible for their lives and to honor that they are doing what is right for them…or at least what THEY think is right. And it might also tie into what you have said about losing their dignity or their right to make their own choices…yes…Thank you. This will be a most important time for me to honor her…her wishes…her dignity. And in writing this isn’t this what we should extend to EVERY FELLOW BEING???

      You see, I have tried to control so many things in my life because my childhood was so out of control. I don’t even realize I am doing it half the time. I thank you for nudging this realization for me…and I promise to try really hard to offer her this respect. Thank you my friend…much love ❤

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  4. This is a very powerful and very sobering piece Lorrie. I also am packing up for a big move and getting rid of stuff. It seems so hard to let go of some stuff at times, mostly because of sentimental value I think. Sometimes we think, “Oh but maybe some day…”
    You sound like you’ve really had your hands full. My life has turned into a whirlwind of events, which won’t slow down until mid-March. Lots of changes. Lots of adjustments. Hoping for smooth transitions and grace along the way.
    Lorrie, you have an amazing 2015, my friend. I wish you all the grace and strength needed for both you and your mom as you accept the new ‘normal’.
    Love and blessings
    Staci 🙂 ❤

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    1. Oh, My dear friend Staci!! I was just over by you and I was going to write…but I didn’t want to add to everything you have to do. I’m so happy to see you here!! I have missed you! And yes….it has been very busy…and emotional. But things are good. I will go spend the day with The Momma tomorrow. It is a new normal that’s for sure!

      I wish you the best of luck with all that you have to do. I can tell you your presence here will be missed. I know how hard it is to move…and I wish you smooth transitions for all that is about to happen in your life. Just remember to live in the moment. Don’t jump ahead in your mind of things that you “need” to do. Be present in the task at hand….and the rest will take care of itself in the time that it is supposed to!!

      Many wishes of love and peace and fulfillment in this new year!! ❤ ❤

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      1. Awww, you’re so considerate Lorrie. I have to confess, my days have been crazy. Buuttttt, I love hearing from you and other bloggers as well. It’s become a part of me, these interactions and relationships established here on WordPress. I think you’d agree, right?
        I’m glad to read that things are good, and I hope both you and ‘The Momma’ settle into this new ‘normal’ with ease and tranquility.
        Thank you for the kind wishes, my friend, and for the encouragement.
        Love and hugs.
        🙂 ❤

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  5. I am going through the same thing. The difference is that my Mother died suddenly so my Dad had to move and I had to clear out their home of 50 years. It’s a big, emotional process..as you well know! I too am trying to ‘let go’ and praying for the grace to handle and learn and grow from all this. Blessings to you<3

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    1. Oh, Cynthia…I am so sorry. I wish I had words to make you feel better. I still have my Mom, although she is not the same…it is a kind of death. But I know how fortunate I am. My heart goes out to you…I am sending a huge hug…and I wish for you to find the peace. I think the first hurdle is acceptance of what is…and I’m a bit stuck there. But I know this is the circle of life…and it is teaching me and I know it is teaching you as well. If there is anything I can do to help you feel better…I am there! ❤

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      1. Hugs and peace to you too Lorrie!! I’m a little…okay a lot stuck in the acceptance place too. It is a process and part of life, I’m trusting in knowing that what I need to handle all this and what is coming will be there! Funny, I was drawn to your comment on Natalie’s blog and turns out we’re in similar places…<3

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        1. Yes…funny… when things seem like a coincidence I have learned to trust that there are no coincidences!! 😉

          We have to keep our faith in times like this…we have to trust that we will be provided everything we need to get through it. Therefore, I see you as the comfort I needed today…and future days I hope!! Thank you, Cynthia ❤

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  6. Dearest Laurie, just coming back to my home in Maui, Wanting to send you love and light. May your challenges and changes become the opportunities of tomorrow, and the connection you have to your mother in the non physical becomes the light that brings you together forever. When my mother passed 9 years ago I was attached to her physical presence, and I grieved for days, after my inner work and stillness inside, I realized she was always with me, and that peace and balance was always there, regardless of her physical presence, I was able to find my connection to “me” which in turn connected me to her. It is our illusions of separation that cause us pain, until one day we wake up from the “dream”, knowing we are one, connecting in the heart where eternal life lives. Much love to you Laurie ” heart to heart Robyn

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    1. You are an amazing soul and I am so grateful to have connected with you here!! Thank you for the incredible advice. We are in the process of settling into the new normal. Things have changed…that is for sure. The harder I fought it the worse I felt. I know that the answer is to embrace it….and your words have helped me to realize the work I still need to do. Thank you my friend! Many blessings to you as this new year starts…and always!! ❤

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  7. Wow…I had a couple of these moments as we were clearing out my mom’s belongings. When you said…
    “I am so grateful that we were able to get everything done. I was so busy I barely had time to think, let alone write. Now comes the emotional part. The time that the energy that lives in all the mementos I kept, release their hold on the psyche of my past.” I could really relate to that.

    You must have been full of mixed emotions as you were doing all this on New Years Eve…a time for new beginnings. Glad “Da Momma” is all taken care of.

    Steve

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    1. Yes…things change and sometimes we have to adapt quickly or we can be swept away, so to speak. I never realized how strongly an inanimate object could vibrate energy from years of life around it! Have a wonderful weekend 🙂

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      1. Funny how things happen with us. We see a stranger who looks like someone we know and it triggers memories.

        Or some scents or smells which make us think of something. Memories dance all round us, unseen until they are called forward by some event in life…

        You enjoy your weekend too, Lorrie!

        Steve 🙂

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