The haze makes it hard to see
fog surrounds my brain
mist occludes my sight
the distance hurts my heart
I know you are there
but I am having trouble finding you
the darkness surrounds
the dreams that were meant to be
it permeates the air
and chokes the tired sobs
that lay at the base of my throat
the sobs that have been strangled
with bare hands
soft from lack of hard work
the mind plays tricks
and would have me believe
that I could find you any time I desired
but my reality subsists
in the recesses of the darkness
that comes to play in fields
fertile with doubt
planted with seeds
that sprout the ugliest parts of my personality
and I weep
and the tears make it even harder to see
Blessitude
Lorrie <3
3/10/15
This sounds like you are dealing with some heavy stuff. The poem was very moving. I understand haze and fog.
Ah! Thanks for your support. I will make it through the other side…to the clearing 🙂 I’m happy you stopped by 🙂
Beautiful Lorrie! Keep fighting.
🙂 you bet!! Thank you for being here! <3
It is always both tender and touching, Lorrie, to discover beautiful persons grappling with difficulty. From here it looks like a wondrous rose stunned into doubt and uncertainty by a cloudy day. But the rose is the rose. You could tell the rose the clouds will pass, but I don’t think the point is either the clouds or the rain. Clouds come and rains fall. I just want to tell you the rose is still the rose.
Take heart–
Michael
Dear Michael…Thank you!! I love your words…and I hear them with my heart 🙂 As soon as I read “the rose” I was reminded of Better Midler’s amazing acting in the movie of the same name. Tragic portrayal indeed! I will be fine…I know that the haze will clear and the sunshine will pervade my world! I’m so grateful for your support <3
Deep and sorrowful, Lorrie! I pray all is well and that this is a temporary difficulty. Love, N 🙂 <3
Hello dear Natalie…Thank you for your heartfelt support…I will be fine…or I should say “I AM” fine!! I hope that you are well into healing and that you are not in too much pain! Much love and many blessings to you <3
Lorrie, I have felt this way many times. You do feel like you’re in a foggy misty haze grappling with unseen demons but thanks to a close friend who listens eventually the mist clears up and my vision restored. Sometimes we just need somebody we can confide in who won’t judge us.
Your lips to….yes…DeBorah! I hear you and it is so true…I think especially the part about no judging. I think we as humans have a very hard time with this concept…and in particular the worst judgment is the kind we do to ourselves! I’ve seen the haze and mist before and the beautiful thing is the way EVERYTHING is so CLEAR when it is removed 🙂 So here’s to clearing the haze. Thank you so much…I am very grateful for your love <3
That is just beautiful! For me it was a great expression of how our minds do play tricks yet a reminder reality is always there for us, and it is what we make it. Your pal, Harlon
Hi Harlon…I’m so happy we have connected 🙂 Thank you…and yes our reality is what we make it! Sometimes it is hard for me to believe that I could actually concoct what is in my life. Yet the truth is that the only thing we truly have control over is our thoughts. I am a work in progress, and every time the haze clears I have more understanding. Many blessings <3
It’s a five setter this one Lorrie. You may be a break down in the fourth after losing a game to love, but you’re two sets to one up and will take the fifth for sure. Keep the faith. H <3
Giant giant smile, dear Hariod! 🙂 Now you are speaking my language. Thank you for the pep talk and encouragement. I know this is temporary and will soon pass. Now I have to ask…does this mean you are a tennis player? If so, something tells me you would be a formidable opponent 😉
I played just at local club level about 35-40 years ago Lorrie, and had some coaching from a woman who’d played Wimbledon but who alas couldn’t do much with my plodding ‘hooves’ (as she called them) and weakness at the net. I remembered you saying that you played, so thought a cryptic tennis comment would be in order. H <3
Oh, Hariod…even though your comment made me laugh so hard…I can’t imagine that you have plodding hooves…hehe! And ah!..net play…yes, this seems to be a skill that requires MUCH practice! As I am 5’2″ I learned early in my tennis career that I would need to develop an awesome overhead to discourage my opponents from lobbing 🙂 Tennis is a chess match if done well…If I discourage lobbing then I can get closer to the net…which makes volleying way easier! It’s funny Hariod, after almost 30 years of playing tennis I see so many parallels between the game and life! And just like there is haze in life, there are many days I have trouble finding the ball on the court! 🙂 <3
Dearest sister, did you see my meditation-poem ? (https://pathsofthespirit.wordpress.com/2015/03/10/loves-blissful-shores/ ) I was thinking if it might help to do that meditation? Your poem is so vulnerable and open and tender. It really feels as though you have carried your heart into the world <3 <3 <3 sending you lots and lots of Love you brave and strong soul! <3
Hello beautiful soul sister 🙂 I have been a little absent and will be playing catch up…so I will make sure I to listen to your beautiful meditation 🙂 Thank you so much for your love…uou are very special to me!! I don’t know when you will go “home” but I just mailed something to you there 🙂 Much love to you, Trini <3
🙂 Oh, thank you!! How lovely!! 🙂 I am planning a trip very soon 🙂 <3 You are very dear and special to me too! <3 <3
You bare your soul in your poetry and it is honest and beautiful. I am smiling, because I cried tonight for the first time in a long time…and then I read your poem :). Even in the haze- He is with you. Even though the tears cloud your vision, He is there. Much love to you, my friend!!!
Oh, Julie…Thank you so much…you just made me cry!! I know He is there…even when it seems that I can’t see anything…maybe even more so then!! You always touch my heart and I am so grateful for your love! I hope that everything is ok…I know it is good to cry sometimes. Much love to you Julie <3
I don’t know if you do this, but once I get started crying- the floodgates open, lol!! That’s what happened to me this evening. I have let it all go and am ready to begin tomorrow fresh!! His mercies are new every day :). Much love to you, too!!!
Oh, Yes!! The kind with wracking trying to catch my breath crying…Yes…we are.not strangers!! 🙂 We weren’t allowed to cry as children which was ludicrous!! You can only imagine what happens when you are told NOT to cry! Because of that I tried for many years not to…and thought it was a sign of weakness. I know better now…and I love a good cry! <3
I am touched by your honest sharing and challenges Lorrie. Too often I let the haze cloud my days and heart. I hope that you find your way back to the light and love. Michael, Trini, Julie and many others here spoke to your heart. I wish I had the faith of others like Trini’s poem expresses. https://pathsofthespirit.wordpress.com/2015/03/11/when-love-comes/.
May we find our way back to the light. Hugs my dear friend. <3
Hi Brad! Thank you my friend…I am very grateful to have your support! I would bet that most people experience the haze at one time or another…I am so lucky to have such beautiful souls offer a hand that I can see and I hope that I can do the same for others. I love that you linked to Trini’s poem…she is a sweet Angel and I am certain that someone here will see it who needs it <3. Have a beautiful Wednesday, Brad!!
Thanks Lorrie. Yes, I fall into the haze too often. I wish my trust was stronger. And like you, I’m grateful for the support of friends. Hugs! 🙂
Your words are so much like those of a psalmist. They describe a hard place that I frequent, too. I am praying for you.
Blessings,
Theresa
Oh Theresa…Wow! Your words are incredibly humbling to me…Thank you for your very kind thoughts! I’m sorry you know this hard place…but I think that must mean you know the opposite as well…and that makes me very happy 😉 Thank you so much for your beautiful support <3
Tears water the garden of your soul. Let them flow freely, nourishing the seeds that sprout the most beautiful part of your being. Breathe deeply. Breathe in courage. Then rest with sweet dreams of better days ahead. Peace to you dear one.
Ah…such a beautiful poetic response…it’s speaks to my heart dear friend 🙂 I am learning to “feel” what is mine without panicking. To know that not only is everything that happens is okay…but everything I feel is okay as well! It is empowering to honor everything that is ME! Thank you my dear JoAnne…your heart and soul are so beautiful!! 🙂 <3
Powerful words, Lorrie. Speaking to my soul with hope that life has brightened a bit by now. Blessings to you. 🙂
Thanks for your comfort, Kim. I am truly learning that even when it is a bit dark….it is magnificent!! Much love to you <3
Love right back. 🙂
so lovely and vulnerable …Keep strong my friend and much love always <3
Hi Neha!! Thank you so much for your support…for your beautiful words…and for always giving me something beautiful to read when I visit your home!!! I am in a place where there is great understanding. I can sit with what I am learning and hold it with love…not fear 🙂 Thank you dear heart…I hope all is super wonderful in your world!! <3
aww am always here for you my friend and am so glad you are in that place <3 <3 Hugs!
And hugs right back 🙂 Thank you so much Neha…it means a lot to me. Have a super wonderful week <3
Intensely tender dear Lorrie …you are a beautiful rose …love xxxmeg
Awww! Thank you so much Meg…a rose!!! 🙂 I love roses!! Blessings to you my friend <3