I stayed awake all night a few ago…No…I wasn’t reliving my teens pulling an all-nighter, partying, having fun. I stayed awake all night, crying, and praying, and writing.
I am at a place in my life that intellectually I knew would arrive, but emotionally I never wanted to think about.
The Momma was very sick and hospitalized. Then it seemed she lost her will to live. It was so unlike her – she fought her whole life. It was unbearable to me because if she could give up the fight for her life what would that mean for me? Would it be possible that I would ever give up?
You look me in the eye
And you tell me you will try
But it’s all a bold faced lie
And I hang my head and cry
Because you soon will die
And I have to question why
Should I simply say goodbye?
I wrote the above words that night. It was the beginning of a very personal writing that was interspersed with prayers to God and cries for help. Not only help with the current situations I find myself in, but help with the emotional upheaval that the past three weeks resurrected in my soul’s heart.
The sun rose and suddenly there was clarity. I understood that her failure to fight was because she was afraid. She wanted to continue to live but she didn’t know how to do it. And then God provided the answers which, if I had been paying attention, were right in front of my eyes the whole time.
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5
Haiku ~ 12/15/14
Oh how I rejoice
When your favor is revealed
Love for me is shown
Things I did not see
Standing right in front of me
Vision is restored
Full of Thankfulness
For blessed understanding
You show me the way
I wish for you all to stay strong in your faith, especially during hard times. I have found that the harder I lean into it, the faster my “vision” becomes clear…the faster my mind hears the words that are placed in my heart. The words that are sent, the people who are put in my path, the strength that I find right when I think I have no more to give…that is what I am talking about…that is what I am so blessed and full of gratitude for…Blessitude!!! Thank You!
Top photo courtesy of en.wikipedia.or
“The Night Sky” Mount Hood National Forest