What is it?
This dark, ugly place that lives in the outer reaches of the center
The place that is familiar and yet loathed
The place where I can turn my back on everything that is good
Everything I’ve built
Every gift I’ve been given
Never to be seen by the light of day
Or the darkness of night
The dark shadow that consumes my being
And snuffs the light with one swift move
And leaves me dangling from the rim
Slipping, clenching, grinding, fighting
To stay alive
What is this darkness that claws at my throat
And whispers mean somethings
I don’t want to believe
And yet it is real
Because I feel it in my soul
And my soul doesn’t lie
And I’ve tried so hard
I’ve worked so hard
I KNOW the truth is love
Something that lives inside me
Is drastically opposed to it
I am torn
I feel the rip down the center of my being
My heart bleeds backwards
And my mind thinks forward
And I know that the answer lies in this moment
And I’m good with that
When the answer
In this moment.
I’ve been fighting a long time. I’ve been fighting my entire life. I’m tired. I don’t want to fight anymore.
I think my biggest fear in life is to FEEL the emotional pain that has built up in layers, one on top of the other, until it became like cold, hard earth, cemented inside my being.
I have allowed this fear to have a life of its own, so much so, that I don’t even know what it is I should avoid feeling and I am just afraid of fear itself!
I have allowed the fear to live in my cells and it has to manifest somewhere. What I could not feel emotionally has impacted me physically, and to be honest, I am SICK AND TIRED of that!
I have decided to explore this fear. I have decided to face the things that I think I can not, and I have given myself permission to write from my soul and share it here.
Please know that while the title of this post is, “Drastically Opposed to Love,” my life philosophy couldn’t be any further from that!
I intend to face the place inside that was so hurt it believes it is not worthy of love, and I will hold it in my arms and protect it, empower it, and LOVE it!
For further reading:
BE NOT THE DARKNESS of the wounded soul…we are responsible for the energy we release to the world…READ HERE.
And as always, if you have an issue in which you could use a little help, access the ASK page HERE.