I Don’t Have a Place For This

PicsArt_06-18-11.18.20

As I unpack and establish order, each item placed just so, I hold this in my soul and I realize I Don’t Have a Place For This.

It’s something I buried years ago, under the landscape of my soul, beneath the light of day and terrified night, hidden so well I could not recognize it.

And it bubbled to the surface, bobbing to and fro. I banished it to the unclaimed luggage area because it didn’t look like mine.  But it wouldn’t go away.

And then the pain of my entire life time…the SOURCE of all things dark and separated that stacked atop one another building the wall of the well of my imprisoned soul, sat there and refused to go away until I picked it up and held it in my hands.

I turned it over…and over.

It didn’t feel right but there was a memory.  Vague at first, but building to a crescendo of shattered thoughts flying around the corners of my psyche that told me, yes indeed, this does belong to me.

And now I have it.  Uncovered in its black truth and ugly being and I struggle with the reality and as I continue to unpack and place things just so, I realize I Don’t Have a Place For This.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

6/19/17

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My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

51 thoughts on “I Don’t Have a Place For This

  1. Recently, I too had a ‘thing’ inside that didn’t feel right but wanted me to see it in all its darkness. When it burst into the light I was stunned by it presence and the realization — I didn’t have a place for it anymore within me. What a gift!

    Beautiful post Lorrie. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah! Louise, bless your heart, my friend! I did not look at it this way…I thought I was ‘unpacking’ and therefore everything had to have its place. But it did not occur to me that if I didn’t have a place for it…then I could just LET IT GO!! Just one more way I hold on to abusive practices. I will work today to see it as the beautiful gift you stated…that I don’t have a place inside so it is time to let it go! Thank you my beautiful friend. I hope you have a blessed week ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Insistence…yes, Michael! I could feel it coming, though I had no words to describe it. The other thing that amazes me is the way we can ‘protect’ ourselves by not being aware of these things…so I have to believe that when it is brought to the forefront of consciousness…we are ready to handle it (even though it didn’t feel like it! 😉
      Thank you for being ‘here.’ Many blessings to you.

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  2. I admire your courage Lorrie. I like Matt Kahn’s approach to love everything that comes up like a hurting 5-year-old just needing love. May you find love for yourself no matter what. You deserve it. Hugs and blessings…
    PS, I love the image at the top. Is this art you created?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah! Brad…funny how words have the power to hit you in the sweet spot! It is funny your choice of words, “like a hurting 5-year-old just needing love,” say so much.
      I am aware, Brad. Sometimes when things rock your world you can fall off the path and not even realize it. But I am back on the path and I realize that LOVE is the answer.
      And yes, I did create the image…thanks for the shout out about it.
      I hope that you have a wonderful week, my friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. When we uncover an old wound, sometimes there is no better place, but to let it go and set ourselves free. This is courageous work Lorrie! May you have support and love as you continue on your journey of renewal and love 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Val 💛 I am working through the process…some moments a little better than others…for sure. Love is the key…especially the kind I afford myself so that I can give I really appreciate your loving spirit and all of the support you so freely extend. Namaste _/\_

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh…Karen…thanks for your heartfelt message! And that is exactly what it felt like…i wanted to run and hide and it just didn’t feel right. I appreciate your contact and loving message. It is a great reminder 💜 Hope you are bathed in light!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah! JoAnna…yes! I would not be doing as well with this particular revelation without much prayer. But I think I will specifically ask God to hold it…and ask for my ability to decipher the full meaning and how I go on from here. That k you dear friend…I hope that all of your projects are going along smoothly with lots of fun and love!! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This was profound and thought provoking. When we come across a material possession for which we have no place we often sell it, give it away, or discard it. But when the thing we find isn’t material it is so much harder to deal with it, because we long to understand it…even when it is immeasurably beyond our understanding.

    I can really identify with this experience.

    Blessings ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Exactly!! As I just finished cleaning out a cabinet (as I often do…clean a drawer/cabinet/closet when I feel the need to clean something on the inside of me) and found so many things that I no longer need and I did exactly what you said; made piles to discard or give away.
      What I find interesting is that I thought I had to find a ‘place’ to keep it and live with it…it did not occur to me to “let it go” as Louise stated in an earlier comment. Shows me there is so much more work to do!
      Thank you for your incredible support…I am Blessitude 💜💜

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope it’s okay that I am commenting again. The lyme disease from which you suffer seems to be like that. Your body has struggled to understand it, but I am praying that eventually it will be discarded.

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    1. Bless your dear soul 💜 There is no doubt that I believe all “dis”ease has an emotional/psychological component. I have done so much healing (physically and emotionally) and yet it was/is apparent that there is more to do. This “thing” that I don’t have a place for has been a very powerful revelation…even more so because it is something that was hidden in plain sight and it is amazing how we can NOT SEE something for so long.
      I’m grateful for your prayers…I really am because I know prayer works 😊
      I actually see my doctor tomorrow and I am certain he will find all of this very interesting.
      Many sweet blessings 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am pleased dear Lorrie, that you are unpacking those hidden items that have long lay buried deep in your sub-conscious-suite case.. Often we pack them away so deep, it takes several attempts at unpacking them before we can drag them to the surface..
    I am pleased you held this one, and looked deep at it, and turned it over and over seeing it at all angles, And I am even more happy you found No place for it, and So I hope it is now discarded and for ever remains lost property..

    Loved your twist on this Lorrie..
    Sending continued love and thoughts your way my friend..
    Sue ❤ xxx ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sue!! ❤ How are you my friend? Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. I have to tell you that this particular piece of luggage was so visible to almost everyone…except for me!! I have had a bit of a time trying to reconcile how my psyche could keep it buried…in plain sight!!! I know I am better because I have been kind and gentle in my questioning of this. I know that I will grow…not without a few "growing pains."
      I think life is so amazing. I feel grateful for ALL that comes to me and I know that what we are given to work on is necessary.
      Please say a prayer as my Dad is having MAJOR MAJOR heart surgery tomorrow. He is 88 and chose this drastic surgery because he can't climb on the roof to fix it and can't "work" remodeling homes, etc.
      Seems there is a lot of emotional things going on right now…sometimes more than I think I can handle…but I always handle it.
      Thank you for your love ❤ I hope that you are basking in light and will be over to visit! ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. O course dear Lorrie your Dad has my prayers.. Wow.. what an 88 yr old to still be wanting to climb on roofs lol.. hehe.. I pray his surgery goes well my friend..
        I am well, and happy you are understanding how deep some of this clearing goes.. Still I have things which well up from deep within.. But now at least I can see it for what it is and welcome its surfacing as I know its all part of me getting to the next phase as I let go of my human conditioning Good to hear from you Lorrie. Sending LOVE and I will add your Dad to my healing book of prayers.. Sending Huge HUGs… Love Sue xx

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  7. My experience when these things surface that we have forgotten and didn’t even know was there in the first place….God has a way of surfacing those often painful things so we can forgive and let go…often times it is forgiving ourselves…thanks for sharing…so poignant! Love the art!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah! Yes, K irt! I couldn’t agree more. I am in the process of so much stretching and bending. I also think that the reason these things are “buries” is because God knows we are not quite ready to handle the truth. So I also believe with all my heart that the fact that it is here now…looking like an ugly monster…means I am FULLY ABLE TO HANDLE IT!! (Even though the thoughts of the opposite appear from time to time 😉
      Thank you, my friend. I am grateful for your soul 🌺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just had something surface about myself that I had the same reaction to…I didn’t realize it was even a part of me, but after the initial distress I realized it was something I needed to let go of to be spiritually healthier and to grow…love your posts…thank you very much for sharing. Blessings!!

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        1. My first reaction was to say I’m sorry, Kirt, but then I realized what you said is so true, that this kind of growth…this huge understanding and release…allows us more room for Divine love to grow. And I am grateful…Blessitude!
          May you walk through this time with grace.

          Liked by 1 person

  8. Dear Lorrie – I agree that when something like this surfaces in our awareness, we are ready to ‘handle’ it…and ultimately to let it go. You have so much light in your soul that even dark ‘things’ will be illuminated with light and love. I hope your dad’s surgery went well and send you much love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Helen…thank you 💜 I can’t begin to tell you what your words mean at this time. I feel so vulnerable and I feel fear. I know who I am…i really do…but the past is bubbling up mixed with a huge truth that has rocked my world! So your words are so poignant and beautiful…and they help me to see that I really will be okay 💜💜
      And thank you for the well wishes for my Dad…he is amazing and recovering in ICU in stable condition 😁
      Thank you…i needed that!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I wish I had something brilliant to say, but reading your posts and hearing from you always make me feel connected – even if it is through difficult stuff and I am amazed how often you incite the feeling “of being on the same page”. Stuff is happening and stuff is surfacing and I can’t say I am enjoying it all that much, but what do I do with it. I think it’s hard to dismiss these feelings, thoughts and emotions, I guess maybe what I am learning (notice I said maybe) is that they are part of who I am today even though they feel foreign to me now.
    I love who you are now, I don’t think you need to make a place for all think, I think maybe it just melts into something else and that is part of our journey and part of our evolution. I don’t think I expressed myself that well, but I think you write about difficult things as they arise, as do I. I hope the feeling of “difficult” has evaporated or at least the puddle of it all is too small to linger in.
    Much love, Harlon

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks my dear friend. Just love how you can send comfort in the form of brilliant words strung together to create a balm to the soul! Yes…there is a puddle standing next to a raging river. I stomp my feet in the puddle, just like a little boy I saw the other day. The river rages on and I try to watch it pass with mild amusement…no attachment.
      I send you lots of love and light and pray that you can also…play in the water 💜

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi Lorrie,
    I haven’t told you this yet – but I love everything about this post. It also feels like a part of a larger discovery?
    What I really love about it, except everything, (((I’m really reaching for words here))) it’s truth: the power in the declaration: “I don’t have a place for this.” There is thought and consideration, and memory, and all the beautiful complexity that comes with this realization. It also feels like it fits into a novel.
    Much Love,
    Ka

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    1. Hi Ka! Thank you so much for feeling this one. And you are correct…it is a small part in a much larger story of healing! I was so happy to see you in my in box…I needed a dose of your beautiful soul, as I lift myself up by my bootstraps and insert myself back into my life.
      Your beautiful soul shines so bright and I am grateful for the love you share!
      I hope you have a most fantastic week filled with love and wonder 💜💜
      Thanks for being here☺

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Loved this.
    Going through the spring cleaning. But it’s kind of like cleaning out my refrigerator, I have to constantly windex the shelves and clean out the drawers and throw stuff away to keep it clean.
    Not a great analogy but it’s kind of where I’m at right now. Getting rid of the junk. Your words always find a way to my heart. ❤️

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    1. Oh…its a perfect analogy…how about when you come across something that slipped behind the drawer and there is no possibility of identifying what it was originally!!! 😉😉
      I’m so happy to see you and hope that you are able to clean all that you need to clean and that there is just beautiful left over!! 💜

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  12. Sometimes a memory comes back that we realize had been buried and it is jarring.. it sounds like this happened to you, Laurie. I am glad you are a strong woman who has ways to cope when this happens.. and I wish you all the best moving forward ❤

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    1. Aw…Christy…yes…this is exactly what happened to me. The mind is an incredibly power thing and it also is full of kindness. I was so upset at first but then I realized I did not have the tools to handle it any sooner than when I did, indeed, remember. Thanks for your gentle compassion!
      I hope the light surrounds you and love is abundant!! 💜

      Liked by 1 person

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