I Don’t Have a Place For This

PicsArt_06-18-11.18.20

As I unpack and establish order, each item placed just so, I hold this in my soul and I realize I Don’t Have a Place For This.

It’s something I buried years ago, under the landscape of my soul, beneath the light of day and terrified night, hidden so well I could not recognize it.

And it bubbled to the surface, bobbing to and fro. I banished it to the unclaimed luggage area because it didn’t look like mine.  But it wouldn’t go away.

And then the pain of my entire life time…the SOURCE of all things dark and separated that stacked atop one another building the wall of the well of my imprisoned soul, sat there and refused to go away until I picked it up and held it in my hands.

I turned it over…and over.

It didn’t feel right but there was a memory.  Vague at first, but building to a crescendo of shattered thoughts flying around the corners of my psyche that told me, yes indeed, this does belong to me.

And now I have it.  Uncovered in its black truth and ugly being and I struggle with the reality and as I continue to unpack and place things just so, I realize I Don’t Have a Place For This.

Blessitude!

Lorrie ❤

6/19/17

26 thoughts on “I Don’t Have a Place For This

  1. Recently, I too had a ‘thing’ inside that didn’t feel right but wanted me to see it in all its darkness. When it burst into the light I was stunned by it presence and the realization — I didn’t have a place for it anymore within me. What a gift!

    Beautiful post Lorrie. ❤

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    1. Ah! Louise, bless your heart, my friend! I did not look at it this way…I thought I was ‘unpacking’ and therefore everything had to have its place. But it did not occur to me that if I didn’t have a place for it…then I could just LET IT GO!! Just one more way I hold on to abusive practices. I will work today to see it as the beautiful gift you stated…that I don’t have a place inside so it is time to let it go! Thank you my beautiful friend. I hope you have a blessed week ❤

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    1. Insistence…yes, Michael! I could feel it coming, though I had no words to describe it. The other thing that amazes me is the way we can ‘protect’ ourselves by not being aware of these things…so I have to believe that when it is brought to the forefront of consciousness…we are ready to handle it (even though it didn’t feel like it! 😉
      Thank you for being ‘here.’ Many blessings to you.

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  2. This was beautifully expressed Lorrie. I think we all must examine what we have a place for in our lives. I know I am going through something similar and your words help encourage me to not give up.

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  3. I admire your courage Lorrie. I like Matt Kahn’s approach to love everything that comes up like a hurting 5-year-old just needing love. May you find love for yourself no matter what. You deserve it. Hugs and blessings…
    PS, I love the image at the top. Is this art you created?

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    1. Ah! Brad…funny how words have the power to hit you in the sweet spot! It is funny your choice of words, “like a hurting 5-year-old just needing love,” say so much.
      I am aware, Brad. Sometimes when things rock your world you can fall off the path and not even realize it. But I am back on the path and I realize that LOVE is the answer.
      And yes, I did create the image…thanks for the shout out about it.
      I hope that you have a wonderful week, my friend ❤

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  4. When we uncover an old wound, sometimes there is no better place, but to let it go and set ourselves free. This is courageous work Lorrie! May you have support and love as you continue on your journey of renewal and love 💕

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    1. Thank you, Val 💛 I am working through the process…some moments a little better than others…for sure. Love is the key…especially the kind I afford myself so that I can give I really appreciate your loving spirit and all of the support you so freely extend. Namaste _/\_

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    1. Oh…Karen…thanks for your heartfelt message! And that is exactly what it felt like…i wanted to run and hide and it just didn’t feel right. I appreciate your contact and loving message. It is a great reminder 💜 Hope you are bathed in light!

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    1. Ah! JoAnna…yes! I would not be doing as well with this particular revelation without much prayer. But I think I will specifically ask God to hold it…and ask for my ability to decipher the full meaning and how I go on from here. That k you dear friend…I hope that all of your projects are going along smoothly with lots of fun and love!! 💜

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  5. This was profound and thought provoking. When we come across a material possession for which we have no place we often sell it, give it away, or discard it. But when the thing we find isn’t material it is so much harder to deal with it, because we long to understand it…even when it is immeasurably beyond our understanding.

    I can really identify with this experience.

    Blessings ❤

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    1. Yes! Exactly!! As I just finished cleaning out a cabinet (as I often do…clean a drawer/cabinet/closet when I feel the need to clean something on the inside of me) and found so many things that I no longer need and I did exactly what you said; made piles to discard or give away.
      What I find interesting is that I thought I had to find a ‘place’ to keep it and live with it…it did not occur to me to “let it go” as Louise stated in an earlier comment. Shows me there is so much more work to do!
      Thank you for your incredible support…I am Blessitude 💜💜

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  6. I hope it’s okay that I am commenting again. The lyme disease from which you suffer seems to be like that. Your body has struggled to understand it, but I am praying that eventually it will be discarded.

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    1. Bless your dear soul 💜 There is no doubt that I believe all “dis”ease has an emotional/psychological component. I have done so much healing (physically and emotionally) and yet it was/is apparent that there is more to do. This “thing” that I don’t have a place for has been a very powerful revelation…even more so because it is something that was hidden in plain sight and it is amazing how we can NOT SEE something for so long.
      I’m grateful for your prayers…I really am because I know prayer works 😊
      I actually see my doctor tomorrow and I am certain he will find all of this very interesting.
      Many sweet blessings 💜

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