I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Thread

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

1276

In the darkness there is a thread

I can see it hanging

And I have the urge to pull it

I know from past experience that even a little tug

Will unravel all that is securely in place

All that is neatly hemmed

Uniform

Clean

If I let it rip

That tiny thread will undo a lifetime of holding it in place

It will leave a crease

A stain

A mark

On an otherwise smooth surface of buried memories

Still

I wonder how terrible would it really be to

Unleash the chains that were self-imposed

Left to wander

But not too far

Just in case

Just in case

In the darkness my fingers toyed with the thread

As my mind toyed with my heart

Thumb and index finger rolled the thread around

Felt the texture

Felt the spun silk

It was alluring

It was seductive

I was almost convinced

So I pulled

A gentle tug

A stitch undone

It was exhilarating

It was exciting to be walking in the

Realm of the forbidden

To be insubordinate to the secrets

That have been in control

Another stitch….

An inch or so

But the fear of a mile made me drop it

Dead in my tracks

As I turned my back

And nursed the wounds of my psyche

The scars of my memories

The horrors of exile

I wrapped myself in the cocoon of safety

In the pristine hem that has held it all together

For all these years

Left with an exposed inch

I feel that it is possible to explore it

It is truth revealed for my curious mind

That at times would question the validity

It was enough

For now

I am safe and armed with this inch of knowledge

I feel another chain in the link of bondage on my soul has been removed

And I feel lighter

Freer

Happier

Safer

And above all else

I feel more capable to hold the little girl

And to love her unconditionally

And to cry

With her

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

4/1/15

49 thoughts on “I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Thread

    1. Hi Bernadette!! Oh…Thank you!! 🙂 It is a process isn’t it? We go at the pace that allows us to stay (almost) whole…at a pace that doesn’t shatter the psyche that surrounds the soul. The judgmental part of me said, “Geez…it took you long enough!” But the loving side said, “Take as much time as you need…you are safe…you are loved!” I hope your world is full of love and peace ♡♡

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  1. DON’T PULL Lorrie, some things are best left buried.
    Hard though it is, please know that out of your difficulties came the beautiful strong person that you are. I admire you!
    Although I don’t know you in person, I’m a pretty good judge of character and I know you’re lovely inner self shines through on your blog. Take heart hun ❤

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    1. Oh, Amanda, you are so loving and kind! Thank you so much for your heartfelt response ♡ I am okay, I want you to know that. I spent many years being so afraid to “pull” the thread…living only so far because the fear kept me paralyzed at times. When I wrote this poem I had only pulled it, as I referenced, about an inch. Just enough to allow me to digest it safely. As I leaned into truth I was able to digest more…and more. Thank you so much for your very kind words, and for caring!! I wish you many blessings ♡♡

      Liked by 2 people

      1. As long as you’re ok hun, not that im surprised – you are one very strong lady, and I’m proud to know you!

        I dont know if you’re aware, I work in mental health services, my passion is to help people through life traumas and attempt to see them through to the other side. It is ALWAYS a blessing to know that people can move through the tears.
        Thank you Lorrie for inspiring so many. ❤

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        1. And thank you for your beautiful spirit!! Your passion is very admirable, and I could tell you were worried about me. I’m really good. And I wasn’t sure how to word my disclaimer at the top of my posts because I was afraid that I could cause harm to someone….which is the LAST thing I would want.

          Thank you for your kind caring heart ♡♡

          Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you dear Louise!! I love how you wrote she is within me…because I feel that now. I used to feel separate from her…she scared me. I suppose because SHE held the secrets for all these years and I was happy to allow it (not really…but the mind can play tricks on us!) Healing is such a powerful experience…I am Blessitude! ! Much love my friend ♡♡

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  2. For me, I finally learned to put my trust in God…that anything that is good for my spiritual and emotional health, He will reveal to me. I stopped trying to “fix” and remember everything myself, and just submitted all of my pain to Him. Since that time, I have been healing…one gentle layer at a time, and I have been more at peace than ever before in my life:-)

    Love and blessings,
    Bernadette

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Bernadette! Wow…sitting here crying! And I bet you know that…I bet you can feel it! Yes, this healing would not have been possible without Him. My faith is so strong that I receive every thing I need…exactly when I need it. I also believe that the timing of this healing was no accident as events are unfolding as we speak that require great love and forgiveness!!

      I am very grateful for your loving presence ♡

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Isn’t it wonderful how He brings us into each other’s lives, and brings just what we need at just the right time?

        I am very grateful that we have met, and I love getting to know you more and more through your posts:-)

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I write and teach writing memoirs. I sit amazed at how you continue to share your heart, your past, your present in such beautiful words that convey who you are. The words flow from your heart and allow us to know who you are. I like that. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, sweet Lorrie this is amazing. How you put your feelings, experiences and thoughts into words that are so revealing is just over-the-top. I think your gift for word usage is so that no matter who reads your words they can relate to them and their own experiences and situations. Big, big hugs and blessings.

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    1. Oh Maggie…that is so sweet of you!! My heart is touched by your beautiful words. If what you say is true then I couldn’t be happier ♡ Much love to you, I hope things are starting to settle into a routine that is doable! ♡♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I truly believe what I said. It is getting easier for me most days. Every day is different though so some days there is not much of a routine. We move right along though. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Cry and let it all out. That’s what I say. Some people think that crying is a sign of weakness. Not me. It’s a sign of strength and health. Did you know that when you cry, you release harmful chemicals and toxins? Ahhhh, now that sounds like a good way to stay healthy to me. And to get healthy. I cry a lot too.
    🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Let those tears wash away all that is no longer helpful…no longer needed! I appreciate your support, Staci. And I agree…sometimes if I haven’t cried for a while when I finally do everything seems so much better! ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That was powerful. The way you described the conflict. It is intriguing, too The thought of something neatly hemmed that perhaps shouldn’t be…something that kept you in bondage. I like the terms you used. They make me think. I do that, too.

    Blessings,
    Theresa

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    1. Hi Theresa. Thanks for continuing on the journey! Yes…it was a meditation and I actually saw the thread. And it was like I knew that what was hemmed was really scary…what was neatly tucked inside for so long was trying to come out. But it was up to me to decide to pull the thread…or not. Thank you so much for being here ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you dear Lisa! It has been most empowering to face what I feared for most of my life!!! And in the process, to experience love taking the place of that fear has been incredible!!! I’m so happy you are a part of this ♡

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I really liked that part about becoming insubordinate to secrets. You are claiming your freedom, at your own pace, one inch at a time. Then when I read the ending: And above all else/I feel more capable to hold the little girl/And to love her unconditionally/And to cry/With her, my soul wanted to cry and shout, Yay! at the same time. This is truly beautiful and courageous work. In addition to your loving blogging community hear, I hope you have plenty of other support, in person, and of course, God is always available to hug you as you hug your sweet child. It helps to have a broad support network. Sending hugs 🙂

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    1. Yes, JoAnne…we all need a giant network of support don’t we? I am learning to allow myself to be supported…and to love and support myself as well. I am very lucky to have a few very good sources who are non judgmental and offer comfort while I do this at my own pace 🙂 And I have felt the presence of God and Angels throughout my life!! I would never have made it without love!! I’m so happy you are here and I appreciate your support so much!! I hope all is super in your world!! ❤ ❤

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  8. This was remarkable Lorrie in that I pulled a thread of my own recently… 😉 It takes courage to share and skill to portray your thoughts as have beautifully done here.. ❤ Love to you my friend Sue

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    1. Oh, Sue! I knew you were going through something. I send you beautiful white healing energy…and LOVE…because no matter what is going on, love is the answer. Thank you for your very kind words. I wish I could take credit for this work…but the writings just come…and I barely edit at all. When I realized how they mirrored my healing and spoke of what was happening at each stage it hit me to make it a series. I still have some fear putting it “out” there, but I believe I was guided to do it. Much love Sue. Take care of yourself…love yourself ♡

      Liked by 1 person

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