I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Thread

This post is a part of a series of writings during a time of deep healing and transformation.  The following are links to the other writings in the series in chronological order:  Introduction & Haiku, The Funny Thing About Truth, The Journey To…, He Said I Have Anger, The Long Sleepless Night, Broken Arrow, Safe, Alone, On The Verge, Shred, The Thread, Vindication, Another Inch…Perhaps a Mile, Emancipation, Forgiveness

*Disclaimer:  Some of this subject matter is sensitive in nature.  Please read and explore in safety.

 

1276

In the darkness there is a thread

I can see it hanging

And I have the urge to pull it

I know from past experience that even a little tug

Will unravel all that is securely in place

All that is neatly hemmed

Uniform

Clean

If I let it rip

That tiny thread will undo a lifetime of holding it in place

It will leave a crease

A stain

A mark

On an otherwise smooth surface of buried memories

Still

I wonder how terrible would it really be to

Unleash the chains that were self-imposed

Left to wander

But not too far

Just in case

Just in case

In the darkness my fingers toyed with the thread

As my mind toyed with my heart

Thumb and index finger rolled the thread around

Felt the texture

Felt the spun silk

It was alluring

It was seductive

I was almost convinced

So I pulled

A gentle tug

A stitch undone

It was exhilarating

It was exciting to be walking in the

Realm of the forbidden

To be insubordinate to the secrets

That have been in control

Another stitch….

An inch or so

But the fear of a mile made me drop it

Dead in my tracks

As I turned my back

And nursed the wounds of my psyche

The scars of my memories

The horrors of exile

I wrapped myself in the cocoon of safety

In the pristine hem that has held it all together

For all these years

Left with an exposed inch

I feel that it is possible to explore it

It is truth revealed for my curious mind

That at times would question the validity

It was enough

For now

I am safe and armed with this inch of knowledge

I feel another chain in the link of bondage on my soul has been removed

And I feel lighter

Freer

Happier

Safer

And above all else

I feel more capable to hold the little girl

And to love her unconditionally

And to cry

With her

Blessitude

Lorrie ❤

4/1/15

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My healing journey on the continuum of "It's all wrong" to "It's all right!" I love art and the creative process, reading, writing, and playing tennis.

49 thoughts on “I Remember…An Odyssey ~ The Thread

  1. I really liked that part about becoming insubordinate to secrets. You are claiming your freedom, at your own pace, one inch at a time. Then when I read the ending: And above all else/I feel more capable to hold the little girl/And to love her unconditionally/And to cry/With her, my soul wanted to cry and shout, Yay! at the same time. This is truly beautiful and courageous work. In addition to your loving blogging community hear, I hope you have plenty of other support, in person, and of course, God is always available to hug you as you hug your sweet child. It helps to have a broad support network. Sending hugs 🙂

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    1. Yes, JoAnne…we all need a giant network of support don’t we? I am learning to allow myself to be supported…and to love and support myself as well. I am very lucky to have a few very good sources who are non judgmental and offer comfort while I do this at my own pace 🙂 And I have felt the presence of God and Angels throughout my life!! I would never have made it without love!! I’m so happy you are here and I appreciate your support so much!! I hope all is super in your world!! ❤ ❤

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  2. This was remarkable Lorrie in that I pulled a thread of my own recently… 😉 It takes courage to share and skill to portray your thoughts as have beautifully done here.. ❤ Love to you my friend Sue

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    1. Oh, Sue! I knew you were going through something. I send you beautiful white healing energy…and LOVE…because no matter what is going on, love is the answer. Thank you for your very kind words. I wish I could take credit for this work…but the writings just come…and I barely edit at all. When I realized how they mirrored my healing and spoke of what was happening at each stage it hit me to make it a series. I still have some fear putting it “out” there, but I believe I was guided to do it. Much love Sue. Take care of yourself…love yourself ♡

      Liked by 1 person

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