I was asked if this was a seminal moment. Asked if I was truly over it, once and for all. And I felt a tug at my heart. Am I really ready to be done with the hurt? Is my constant companion, my partner in pain, the legacy that I have built over all these years REALLY ready to be buried…?
For what will I be without this pain?
What would my life look like?
What would it feel like?
Has it become a security blanket, an excuse for not facing reality? For running in the lane of all that HAPPENS to me versus all that I have created? All that I have allowed to be?
There is a feeling of nakedness…of standing in the middle with nothing to hide behind…
Is my pain my cloak that has provided me a safe, albeit painful existence in this journey of a thousand miles?
What if I am truly able to bury the pain of feeling excluded in the family I was born into? What if I realize that I was born into that family to learn the lesson that there is no such thing as exclusion. It is made up by me and my mind. The pain I have created is what causes the distance and every step I take back keeps the pain further ensconced in my mind, in my heart, in my cells memory.
Am I truly done? Can I have a sweet burial of this illusion, of this pain? Can I see that standing naked in the middle, with no false protection not only allows the illusion of pain to melt and drip to puddles on the ground, but opens my heart, opens my soul to the wondrous beauty of the love from creation?
The light enters my heart and it expands out until my naked soul is exposed and my being is caressed by the most authentic love. A love so brilliant it heals all the wounds and it leaves a beautiful energy behind and changes the cells perception of pain into love.
Yes, dear Hariod, I AM!